Rhiyen's Deal - Part I & II
Added 2015-04-27 23:05:19 +0000 UTCHere's the next part. I made a few tweaks based on feedback I received, so I included the revised part I as well. Let me know what you think!
Comments
No worries, this actually prompted me to get off my tail and set up a new section on the forums for this stuff. Cheers!
Matthew Schocke
2015-04-30 11:45:22 +0000 UTCNo worries! I figured as much as far as the time period, but I had to wager the opinion. No, Harry's age wasn't confusing at all but for my own personal experience with parent ages causing bias; I just don't have a lot of experience with older parents like that so I had to figure it out in my head. Likewise, the Ender's Game reference was perfectly suitable, and I liked it. I just had no idea how ubiquitous the story was and forgot the movie. I did like the story very much! I hope none of my comments came off as slighting or insulting in the least, and I am really sorry if it did! Also, I will try to leave further comments on the forum, as it is definitely a better forum for discussion, I just don't have much of a presence there and didn't even think about it at the time. Anyways, thanks and sorry again for any trouble!
ergoemos
2015-04-29 22:16:51 +0000 UTCSome of the time period is based on "write what you know"... but you are right, ubiquitous smart phones are not something this needs. Yes, Harry is in his mid-fifties in this story. I just re-checked, did I put something in that contradicted that? I'm hoping that, between the movie, the book being required reading in some classes, and the context, people will mostly get what he meant about Ender's Game. Namely, strategic use of a curbstomp to avoid future conflict. You will see more of Karen in social interactions in the next chapter. I thought starting off with her diary entries was a way to "show" more than "tell" about her isolation. (As opposed to telling it in a flashback or something...) Honestly, she's an adolescent in a stressful situation, I'd be surprised if she wrote much about anything besides her problems... Thank you for the feedback. I think we may need a better forum for this though...
Matthew Schocke
2015-04-29 18:30:11 +0000 UTC
