Reports from Life Off Twitter: Day 6

I was considering going off Twitter for Lent, I’ve done it before and it felt amazing, but the good people of Twitter talked me out of it. That was until last Wednesday after I got out of a noon Ash Wednesday Mass. 

Easter really brings out the Catholic school girl in me—it was also my grandmother’s favorite holiday and so last Wednesday, I decided to go get ashes and connect to her. During the intercessions, the Priest said something about the victims of shootings and violence and I felt chilled to my bones when he said it. 

The news of Parkland was breaking as I pulled out of the church parking lot. I cried in my car the entire way home. After an hour of listening to “ashes to ashes, dust to dust” talk and a beautiful sermon about being attentive to the moments in our life because we have no way of knowing what moment will be our last, I felt filled with grief and compassion for the kids and families. My heart was raw and I posted something to the effect of before you start lashing out online let’s not forget people aren’t ever going to hug their kids again. Immediately people jumped on me, “This is exactly the time to rage.” Feeling vulnerable and raw and open, I said, “Fuck this—I’m out” and decided it was best to take a break.

Post mass shooting Twitter is the worst and brings out the worst in people. It happens the same way every single time: the news of (yet another) mass shooting breaks and almost immediately two camps emerge and start duking it out in the social media thunder dome. 

#GunControlNow starts trending. Pro-gun rights activists start chiming in and adding fuel to the fire, add to that the Russian troll bots that rush to the scene pushing the pro-gun agenda, further infuriating the gun control activists. 

Virtue signaling up the chain, feeding chum to their base, both sides devolve into shaming each other. Someone accused me of shaming people for getting angry, which in no way is what I meant by my tweet. Everyone is going to react to this in their own way and anger is absolutely appropriate—but giving yourself a minute to let the grief wash over you isn’t a terrible thing to do and allowing yourself to feel empathy for all the people who are directly suffering in the wake of an atrocity is important. I wasn't trying to control how anyone grieves, merely suggesting before you tweet about gun control or your 2nd amendment rights, take a minute to honor your feelings, the dead, their loved ones and our precious, fleeting, fragile humanity.

But who the fuck am I kidding? This is Twitter, not church.

So I signed off for Lent. 

It’s amazing what you become attuned to when you go offline. Social media is the opposite of feeding the soul; it's primary function is constantly fueling the ego. I barely use Facebook and hate Instagram, so Twitter is my only real social media vice, but the addiction runs deep and sucks hours of time from my life. That time is instantly filled with opportunities to be of service in my community and get in touch with the other, more important parts of my human experience, like love and friendship and prayer. 

Since I’ve been offline, I have spoken at a rehab. I went to see a friend in assisted living. I found out another friend has pancreatic cancer and am able to bring her to the hospital when she needs to go. I did a new moon breath work class and cried through the entire thing. Last night I went to see the High Priestess of Bali do a water blessing and heart opening meditation and as hippie and dumb as it sounds, it was fucking amazing. (There were definitely quintessential LA wu wu yoga scene things that occurred that were hilarious, but more on that later or stay tuned for a stand up routine about it.) I’ve been more present with my dog, my friends, my family and my life. 

I’m not saying this to list my good deeds, I’m saying this because it’s been awhile since I took a social media break and my ego has clearly run amok. Self-will run riot—the first thing that becomes abundantly clear is that I’ve lost a connection to my faith and my heart.  I’ve forgotten how to let go, how to surrender control, how to humble myself before the vastness of the universe. I’ve forgotten I’m just a collection of atoms, vibrating in a giant, ever-expanding void that’s popping in and out of existence and think my dumb opinions on a little site actually matter. 

They don't. 

Twitter is tiny and petty and it keeps me trapped in my head. I've forgotten to stop and smell the roses. I’ve forgotten about miracles and beauty and body and expansiveness and most importantly that I need to seek up—not down.

I’ll write more on all of this later but I gotta run a friend to the doctor and I feel honored that I get to be the one to do it. 

Love you all. Don't forget to take some time to have compassion for your humanity and your fellows today. We are all just doing the best we fucking can.