OLD EMPIRE Release Notes

Hey, how's it going!

My editorial work on Verse 3's Amazon release nears completion.

I wrapped up rewrites last week and am currently 50% through one last machine-assisted proofreading round, after which the full book is ready to be submitted. It is scheduled to go to sale between the second and third week of August, depending on the length of the submission queue. Sucks to be unable to give a precise date, but that's unfortunately out of my hands.

Anyway, I hope you'll enjoy this new version of the familiar tale and look forward to meeting Carmelia and Waramoti—and also Yubilea!—for the first time again.

If you can't afford to buy the books, don't want to, or simply are unable to because of import restrictions, or other such circumstances, then don't feel too bummed out about it. I'll probably end up sharing the remastered versions here on Patreon eventually.

As a small token of my appreciation, I already mailed a copy of the first two parts to a select few patrons, who have been here since the beginning and have supported my work with quite generous total sums thus far. I hope those messages found their recipients and didn't end up dismissed as spam!

Earlier, I said a lot has changed compared to the web novel, so what is different, precisely?

If you're curious, I've once again compiled a list of major changes to give you an idea of the extent of the work done, along with the reasons why these parts were changed. They weren't all careless mistakes that strictly had to be corrected, but there were more complicated issues too.

I assume you've already read the web novel and therefore listed plot-related items too. If the story is still in your backlog and you don't want any spoilers, then refrain from reading any further!

Also, if you'd prefer to discover all the differences on your own, then feel free to skip the rest of the post! You can come back later and see if you caught everything.

As I wrote in the previous updates, I thought this was going to be quick work, but the notes exceed the ones I made for Verse 1 & 2 put together...It's a very eventful story and when a lot happens, there is a lot to think about too.

Maybe reading this will make you see the story—and the effort of writing books in general—in a whole new light!

OLD EMPIRE 2.0 Release Notes

• Fully revised and corrected text.
  Grammar fixes, passive language converted to more direct expressions, prose streamlined, unnecessary words and phrases cut, less exposition, etc, etc.

• Altered chapter division with overall shorter chapters.
  Chapter count increased: 12→ 25

• Word count increased.
  128,000 → 134,000

• Rearranged scenes: The first half of Chapter 1 became the new prelude to replace the original *record scratch – freeze frame* opening, for reasons.

• Added a new White Room scene: [The Problem of Evil]

• Design changes:
  
  - I originally wanted to make Carmelia’s eyes red, so she wouldn’t look too similar to the character of Semiramis from Fate/Apocrypha, a hit LN series from back then. For some reason, the ancient queen of Sumer in the story has elf ears and golden eyes and my original vision for the character was almost the same. But somehow, distracted by other things, I forgot which color the eyes were supposed to be and they’re described as “amber” on an occasion in the text and I drew them golden for the original character profile too...Damn it! I did exactly what I tried to avoid! Well, now all cirelo have red eyes, all of them, it’s a racial trait! And I don’t want to make notes about this again.

• Corrections:
  
  - In her introduction, Carmelia claims there are seven court wizards. But all other times the number is mentioned, it’s five...There are only five official court wizards in Tratovia! I should probably fix that in the web novel too, if only I could be arsed to.

• Altered scenes:
  
  - Carmelia’s introduction was partially rewritten. I didn’t yet have a clear image of the character when I began the original draft, which resulted in some oddities. For instance, anyone who knows Carmelia now would find her acting “with glee” in any situation very, very unnatural!
  
  - Izumi’s nightmare influenced by silen devehra was largely rewritten.
  The original passage was kind of lazy and not as intense as it should be.
  
  - The scene where ‘Benjamin’ and Izumi talk about daemons is extended. It seemed to me some readers of the web novel were unsure even after 6 books what sort of creatures daemons are, or what they can do, so I wanted to establish the key facts here in full clarity.
  The story kind of relies on you knowing the basics after this point and it's not explained again.
  
  - Verse 3 was where the web novel readers really began to whine about Yuliana. True enough, many of her scenes go into excess depth about how powerless and inadequate she feels next to people older and more experienced. I wanted to get readers into her headspace and empathize with her situation and in retrospect, I didn’t really succeed at that. Instead, many got fed up with her segments and declared her role in the book completely pointless! That’s really not the intention. Old Empire is, above all, a mental test for Yuliana. Could she hold true to her convictions, or would she sell her pride and dignity for power and results? She held on without cracking and was given the throne of Tratovia for her efforts, having demonstrated to Carmelia that she embodied the best of humanity and was therefore fit to lead them.
  
  Her side of the story, of how she wins over the real Benjamin Watts’s sympathies and, in a sense, saves his soul from the nihilism and despair he had succumbed to, forms the "emotional core" of the book, without which none of it would really work. As in the previous parts, I cut a lot of repetitive internal ruminations and rewrote lines to convey the message more effectively. I believe the overall experience is now clearer and more engaging.
  
  - We have a slightly enhanced backstory for Lanhglid, the cursed crulean spear. Why would the cruleans have forged spears, when it’s not their weapon of choice, their hands being rather too bulky for handling thin bars? Well, we have an answer to that now.
  
  - Miragrave’s fight with Shivgried and his minions was shortened. I had to keep the page count in control and there was a lot of not so necessary fluff in this chapter. Instead of spending paragraph after paragraph explaining tactics that aren’t then even used, I favored straightforward action. You may notice how the enemy mage is also gone now. I mean, obviously you’d want to bring a mage with you against an opponent you know knows magic, it may make more sense, but I ultimately had to ask myself, “Is it worth it from a storytelling perspective to include a character just to have him die without doing anything?” I could only either expand his role or cut him altogether and took the path of least suffering.
  
  - Carmelia’s explanation of Secula Sonatea was slightly modified. The rather vital factoid that the Arc of Alignment is PERMANENT AND CANNOT BE REMOVED OR REPLACED, isn’t mentioned in the web novel until Carmelia is already etching the arc onto Izumi’s soul. It should probably be discussed beforehand, and now it is.
  
  I also thought it worthwhile to elaborate a bit on how the emiri actually used the arc, or why some of them didn’t. Otherwise, readers are probably no less clueless than the protagonist on what we’re getting into.
  
  -Extended scene: enchanting weapons.
  In Verse 7, Carmelia enchants the Prince’s saber, showing she has some smithing skill. Since runes sail close to this subject, I found it necessary to address why enchanting Izumi’s weapon couldn’t be done. Surely Izumi wouldn’t miss the chance to ask for it, since it was one of her big goals in part one.
  
  - In the restaurant Halio, Yuliana orders tea instead of water. Considering the state of civilization, asking for unboiled water in a large city isn’t very healthy…So the natives would favor tea. A tiny but significant piece of world-building!
  
  - Added dialogue to show Yubilea’s reluctance to abandon the fight with Izumi, to better foreshadow her lingering grudge and reappearance in Verse 4.
  
  - Rewrote the parts about Bramms's shield, to make it a bit clearer how it works. Also rephrased some of the champion's lines to help readers understand better why the Emperor wanted him eliminated.
  
  - Added a couple of more subtle clues to set up the “twist” in the end. I thought I made it too obvious the first time, but some felt it came out of nowhere. One commenter pointed out how Benjamin talks out of character a couple of times like it was my mistake, but didn’t consider it might’ve been on purpose…
  
  - Yuliana doesn’t know who Carmelia is in their first meeting. When and under what circumstances would Miragrave have told her about the Court Wizard? It’s a bit too convenient to find a trustworthy ally so suddenly. Also, Carmelia going out of her way to inform Yuliana that Izumi is safe is more assuring the reader rather than the character.
  
  - Elaborated a bit on the division between emiri and cirelo and Carmelia’s role in the rebellion, to better set up the circumstances of her return to Alderia in Verse 4.
  
  - Extended scene: Carmelia talks about her father and the meaning of her name before sending Izumi to the final mission. It feels more personal and effective than broad words about national spirit.

• Deleted scenes:
  
  - The scene where Izumi finds herself de-aged with a shrunken cup size after being administered the Red Serum was cut. It just wasn’t as funny as I thought it was back then. And turning Izumi any younger goes against her whole brand! She’s already described as looking younger than her age, so what does it matter?
  
  - The pointless warning of Sifl using up Izumi’s lifetime was cut. Instead, reader’s attention is drawn earlier to the possible side effects of overusing magic, which better sets up the plot points in Verse 6 and 7 and makes the Arc seem less overpowered.

• Spelling changes adopted from later volumes:
  
  Osil → Ocil.
  
  Gehir → Gefir.
  
  Rune of Observation → Rune of Perception.
  
  Rune of Dispelling → Rune of Annulment.
  
  Rune of Strength → Rune of Power.
  
  Ludgwert → Ludegwert.
  The province is also introduced as a Duchy. But it’s Baronity, gosh.
  
  Gias → Geas.
  
  As in Verse 1 & 2, the name “Trophaeum” has been replaced with “Heaven’s Pillar” in all cases.
  
  In most instances where it’s used, the English word “arcanist” is favored over Old Tongue’s “arcaenarian”, to avoid unnecessarily confusing readers. The elvish use is italicized.
  
  It seems I slipped to using the French spelling of Marquis (or Marquise) in the web novel. I’ve replaced it with the English equivalent “Marquess”.

• Alternative ending: [The Void Contract].
  Years after writing the web novel, I had a dream about the ending, where things unfolded in a bit different way. When I woke up, I realized I'd had it all wrong! Now that I had the chance, I included this alternative ending in the Amazon release. I think the finale is more satisfying now and a lot of things make more sense!

• And tons and tons more that you can discover for yourself!

That's all for now!

Thank you for reading!

Next time, something completely different!