Lots of interviews. Like why was 3 interviews necessary? Looks like I'm going to be offered phlebotomy (blood draw) position and a banking position. Assuming I get both I'll take the banking. It pays better, is more in line with my interests/skills, banks have really cheese benefits, and I think it will help me buy property in the future. I'm planning on asking for more money when they make me a offer but if they make a reasonable offer and won't budge I'll take it. Any advice on a salary counter offer?
I've been reading practical female psychology. It occurred to me that I almost exclusively have dated lse (low self esteem) women. The book seems to recommend avoiding those type but I wonder if due to my interest in rough/kinky sex that has something to do with that tendency. Most of the women I've dated also seem to think their ex was abusive in some manner or another. Idk if that's just because "all ex's" are abusive or if they actually were. The stories I hear would make me believe they actually were. I'm not abusive but I tend to need more rough or kinky sex to get off. Especially in the beginning of the relationship. (Condoms with new relationships are also a major contributor) As I get more comfortable with somone I'm more capable of a quickie but I have had women complain sex with me tends to be a longer event. Ungrateful bastards... Note this is not during just that I make us late to things or we didn't get xyz done because I started a session.
I used to enjoy the really kinky sex because I didn't like women, felt I had zero control over my life growing up, and frankly it gives me an outlet for some of my more sadistic predatory urges. I've noticed it's mellowed a bit as the anger has faded and I don't have the heman woman hating club stamped on my forhead but I think it's just part of how I'm wired now.
Divorcee is a lse good girl who wants to put her family back together. She was definitely hung up on the fact that I said I wouldn't marry her when we were dating. It's off the table in my mind cause she's a single mother now as the main reason but not the only reason. But she also has talked about feeling trapped when guys offer her exactly that so I'm starting to think she likes the idea/imagine of a happy family but it she really wanted a plow horse she'd have one. I know she's got several offers. I think I cause problems with the lse women when I do things like help fix her car, do repairs around the house and so on while I'm there because she doesn't think she deserves it. We talked about how she feels if you accept help from a man it's actually a debt of intimacy owed while to me its just a minor problem to fix and part of how I add value. She hates feeling like she owes someone something apparently even if it's something she was going to give me anyway. I probably shouldn't do things unless specifically asked for help. This will mostly mean the problem goes unfixed. On the farm growing up I was expected to just fix problems I found so when I'm idle I tend to start fixing things or trying to help whatever the project is. I try to help fix problems for most everyone. My intuition is telling me this is a mistake now but I don't fully understand why. Probably a nmmng thing. I don't do it in exchange for sex. They're fucking me anyway and I help friends fix stuff when I'm around as well.
I caught myself Deering. Tried to explain why I did something divorcee had complained about. Is weird to start noticing things you guys have talked about that I didn't have any idea I was doing. Am I just supposed to fog or whats the alternative to deering?
Also the deload and foam rolling has made a big difference on the hip flexor front. Thanks!
2022-12-22 19:21:09 +0000 UTC
“Thinking if I don't make her rest she'll do shit and be even more annoying.”
That’s a covert contract. Not sure if it’s the same one you say you identified.
If she asks if you want sex, just say yes. Or have fun with it. Don’t be ashamed of wanting sex.
Don’t plan sex. Like I get it seems to be working for you sometimes, but my experience is that it’s just setting yourself up for failure. If she’s feeling horny, she feels it right now. It has no bearing on how she’ll feel in an hour, two hours, the next day, etc.
My wife likes to talk sometimes when I’m trying to escalate. Sometimes I just walk away. No time for that. Sometimes I give her a little comfort and then stop being responsive after 5-10 minutes. I’m not going to let me talk my ear off, but if she’s earned some comfort, I’ll give it to her.
2022-12-22 19:09:38 +0000 UTC
Married, 43yo. Was having sex 1once a week or less, more recently every 2-3 days.Sex is getting back on track, bitchy behavior is worse than ever.Working out regularly, single digit body fat(6-pack), high income. getting hobbies, muscular but not lifting due to injuries(sticking to body weight excercise now), am thinking of lifting again. I get carried away with it and fuck myself up(lifting too heavy).
Trying to figure out how when to reward good behavior.
Was generally on point for a week. Wife still bitchy, I'm fogging, or stfu, etc. At least she's fucking me regularly.The line of "It's not about you and I'm not doing it to punish you" works great. She responds "doesn't feel like it". I STFU, but going to try fog next time see the difference.
Then, wife was hobbled with back pain. Did some "nice shit", drove her to chiropractor took care of things and told her to rest until she gets better. Thinking if I don't make her rest she'll do shit and be even more annoying. Later that day she started a fight over some nonsense. I was tired, slightly resentful because of covert contract I identified later(you need me to be nice to you today, at least give me an easier day). skills went out the window a bit. I DEER'ed a little bit, then got tired of her shit, told her, "I'm tired of your impossible demands" later told her "I don't want to be with someone who yells at me as much as you do". After that last one she flared up and then calmed down, was nice the rest of the evening. After she became nice I payed her some(more) attention. I could have handled all of this better.
Next day, another "fight" got started. Again I wasn't on point. Eventually, just stopped it. "I don't want to do this right now, I've got work". Mostly, ignored her for the rest of the day.Mid afternnoon I asked for sex. She said her back still hurt(I'm not really buying it, I'm sure it hurts, just not that it's still a good excuse), and we should do it tomorrow. I was like whatever and went back to doing whatever I was doing. Later went for a walk.In the evening, she came to me, was nice and vulnerable, told me she loved me and wanted a hug. I liked this and we hugged and kissed. Later she became annoying, grumbling about some nonsense under her breath. I noticed it, but ignored it.
Not sure what the best way to initiate is. Kissing her, touching her and trying to initiate physically, works when she is particularly receptive, but most of the time gets a cold "you want sex?". It's kind of a mood killer response. though sometimes we have sexanyway. other times, I'll say I want sex, I'll ask for sex("you want to have sex tonight?, can we have sex tonight? etc..), or something like let's go have sex. seems like making plans is the best. I'll stop working at such and such a time, we can go have sex after that and then dinner. Sometimes she likes to "talk" before sex. I've tried this approach sometimes, she will either talk way tooo much, or not say anything at all and act bitchy. I'll try to initiate conversation by talking about whatever I want to talk about, she gave me feedback that maybe I should ask about her. Maybe I should, not really always all that interested if all she is going to do is bitch about something. I've told her, I'm not that interested in Astrological signs or crystals. She said that means I'm not interested in her. Will likely have sex tonight, not sure if I should make her come or not. I figure it's something along the lines of do what you want.
Also I hate ironing, need to either iron my clothes, or figure out a schedule for laundry service that is workable, or figure out how to get wife to do it.
I regularly go to coffee shops. I'll catch girls checking me out(at work occasionally too, especially the single executives). Live next to college campus, so young girls too, not sure what age I would want. I haven't approached(yet?). Not sure why, I'm sure there's approach anxiety, not knowing what to do, afraid of outcome(talking to girls isn't cheating, but I don't want to cheat, divorce instead, not sure where that is coming from). Re-reading NNMNG right now. Perhaps Fuccfiles or day bang next work on my game.
