Patreon, R&P Q&A #200: Week 1

December 23: I went out to a smoke shop in the area to buy a little smell proof vial so I can store joints that I don’t finish smoking. While I there I also noticed a nice wooden rolling tray on display and asked the girl behind the counter about it. We had a short conversation about rolling trays and while she is ringing me up the conversation becomes about the holidays and when she will be getting off of work. I sense there is some chemistry, but I initially chicken out, wish her a happy holiday, and start to leave. I get to the door and decide fuck it, what’s the worst that could happen, turn around and go back to the counter. No one else is in the store thank god cause I’m sure I looked goofy as fuck, but I say, “one more thing, could you put your number on the receipt?” She smiles and says sure and asks my name. We exchange names and then I leave. About an hour and a half later I text the number with the “Hey, this is Steel” text. At first I ask if she wants to grab a drink and she says that she doesn’t really drink and then asks if there is anything else I want to do. I then suggest that I could provide some weed to smoke if she has a place to smoke it and a movie to watch. She says she doesn’t really smoke with people she doesn’t know and that she doesn’t have he own place anyway (just like all the other girls in this damn town). She then says that she is down to go out to the bar with me, but she won’t drink, and I say sure. Once at the bar I totally blow it before hand by taking a couple of hits off of a joint I have thinking that it would calm me down in case I get nerves. Instead I just get high and can’t put a coherent thought together for the hour that we sit there talking. At the end I pay for my beer and she pays for her mozz sticks and I ask if she wants to drive around for a bit. She asks to drive where, and I just shrug cause that’s all my high mind can do. She starts telling me then about how tired she is, and I remember what Rian said about how girls make up excuses when they want to say no and accept that I’m not going to get any farther on this one. We walk together to our cars, I wish her a happy holiday (feeling like a chump the whole time), and then I head home, because at that point my high brain wouldn’t have been able to practice game very well. I did not send a follow up text after the date since I didn’t see a point. I went back to my college the day after Christmas and I wouldn’t go back to my hometown at least until May. When I got home I was beating myself up over the whole thing like I usually do. Looking back this has been a problem for me since I started liking girls, where I would take every rejection as a rejection of my entire being. The next morning though when I woke up I started to think about the whole thing differently. I started to think about it like boxing, which is something I have been doing now at the college club level for a year and a half. Last night I had a bad sparing session against a more experienced boxer but that doesn’t make me less of a person. I have film to go over, guys here to point things out that I maybe didn’t see, and I will be back in the gym after Christmas. This isn’t that serious, its just a skill like any other. After Xmas: The week between Xmas and New Years I was on a trip with my college marching band as our football team went to one of the New Years Six bowl games this year. While on the trip I practiced my old man game on a bunch of people in the band that I would run into on the trip, with the goal of just being more charming (There is almost 400 of us so you are always meeting new people). I found that I was getting better towards the end of the trip, especially on the bus ride home when I ended up having a long conversation with a couple of girls in the piccolo section. I didn’t go for any numbers since it was group setting during the day but there was one girl I’d have liked to have gotten the number from. She was cute and there was some good eye contact/hair touching on her end, but I guess hindsight is 20/20. Now that I am back on campus I am getting back into the swing of things. The Mexican girl I have been seeing for a while is still going strong and I have been able to get back to lifting now that football season is over, and I have sent out all of my grad applications. As of writing this my numbers for strong lifts are: Squat: 135 lbs. Bench: 115 lbs. Rows: 115 lbs. I have not done Deadlifts or shoulder press yet since I started back up so those numbers will come in next week.

*chef's kiss*

Owning My Shit

This was the last Christmas that my family will spend under the same roof. I thought it might be rough. It was the least stressful and most relaxing Christmas I have had in, I can’t remember how long. I did what I thought best for myself and the kids. I made it easy to cooperate but I did only what I thought was appropriate. The children knew this was last one as a 2 parent 3 kid household. They all had a great time and relaxed too. One thing about this journey is, you think you’ve realise how much you’ve been setting yourself on fire to keep others warm. Then you realise there are many more behaviours and thought process to let go of. Workwise, I have to act like an owner from now on. Because I am one. Managing up to the senior partner and staying in contact even over the special days of the holidays was a first. But is all Kayfabe. There was no need to do it but they wanted it because they are the money men and need to ‘feel’ that you care so much. It’s ‘Feelz over Realz”. You think that’s for the Whamen. But everyone’s a Whamen now. I thought there might be some reprieve with the Ultra High Net Worth Guys. There’s not, it’s the same. Speaking about women. I haven’t been too interested in my plates lately. There’s 4 new 1st dates pending from OLD. But I have other interests. What these interests? I can clearly see the projects I would be happy to spend the balance of my life on. I know how I want my home and physical state. The lifestyle I want is my own design and I could live quite frugally to do that. It may not impress anyone but I DGAF. I am not going to leave the new company. I have committed to 3 more years. That’s to myself. But if I got the boot, I’d lick my wounds and I’d have plenty to get on with the next day I have observed in my endeavours in the past that 10 years is a key turning point for me. In three years, that will be the completion of the 10 year cycle of my last career change. I want to see it through I could set me up for a windfall. Who knows. Either way it doesn’t matter. I could live out my days, if this divorce shuffle works out way I am planning, doing only the things what I want. A big shift is for the first time, the kids are behind me in the queue. I used to put them a head of me. That tendency is dissolving now. They are no less important to me. I just have to put myself first. This is the transition from putting the oxygen mask on yourself first (to help others)- to - putting it on yourself first because you are first. My children told me that their mother is planning to move them, with shared custody to a property her family owns. She has not discussed this with me. For me, this looks like an awful move for her. Not the environment, that will be lovely but the needless extra work she will heap upon herself and stress for the children. For me, it couldn’t be playing out better. I can see all the fires I used to run around DEERing about and putting out. That’s why this Christmas was so great. Plenty of time out partying with the guys, drinking a great bottle of Irish Whiskey, Powers 12 year old John’s Lane, loads of reading, lots of family time, doing only what I thought was the right thing to do. I think this is part of why I have less enthusiasm with the plates. I am happy with myself and my life. I have tonnes to give. And pussy if fun, but if they want to keep me coming back they’ll need to do some work. This is a massive shift for me. That it’s a natural response now. But in RP terms this is just Basic B*tch Management. P.S. I ‘ll be getting the paperback of Frame this week. P.P.S I enjoyed the Graphic Design Geek Out on Red Morning and the your breakdown of the Tate, Thurnberg Funnel situation was stellar. P.P.P.S You going on SimpCast is gonna be a masterclass for us. Happy New Year Rian. It’s gonna be big.

So Woke da Wookie