AN EXPLANATION... OR EXCUSE... OR APOLOGY...

Hey, you...

I wanted to let you know what’s been happening in my head that has stopped me posting here as much as you deserve... don’t be worried about me though - that first part made it sound serious, but it’s really not.

So I suppose it’s like a crisis of confidence... all I do all day (apart from playing quite a lot of Pokémon Go, of course) is make these dumb art things you see on here... but without any context to know if they’re any good. With the world shut down by the pandemic (don’t worry, I’m not making the pandemic all about me - millions of people have died, so my mild discomfort is nothing in comparison, I do understand that) it’s like there’s no world around me against which to judge the work I’m doing. Usually I’d sit in a coffee shop, or a park, or see friends, overhear just random conversations in the world, and feel my place in it... but now it feels like I am a little island surrounded by endless ocean, and no matter how much I shout at the ocean, it is never going to talk back. Does that make any sense to you? Probably not!

So I just sit here in my room and do these drawings of guys with bulging pecs etc, and I’m happy enough with them, I suppose, but I can’t shake the feeling that they’re not good enough for you... every one of my supporters on Patreon is so important to me that I want to give you something really special, but lately I’ve struggled to see much that is special in what I do. I get so many lovely comments from you all here and on Instagram too, when I do post, but very rarely any criticism I can use to try to improve, and improving is really all I want to do (in life in general, as well as in my art!). I genuinely love that you enjoy my stuff, but still, it’s hard to know what I should do next when the only feedback i get is like “nice work, keep it up!”... it’s like aimlessly endlessly walking without an endpoint in mind.

I guess I’ve been reluctant to post things that I feel are maybe not worthy of your love and money, so I’ve ended up posting nothing at all... which is the dumbest thing of all, because obviously posting SOMETHING would be better value to you than posting nothing!

All I can say is I’m going to try to do better, get back in the habit (a bit like Whoopi Goldberg did that one time) of posting regularly, especially getting back on a regular rotation with the Gladiator comic, because it’s actually something I’m super proud of, believe it or not. I think I’ll also try to post some more varied things, to break up the repetition I guess... I thought maybe I’d post some actual physical drawings I’ve done from Zoom life drawing sessions recently - would you like that at all? Some of them have been erotic life drawing sessions, if that helps to swing your opinion at all!

I do have a lot of stuff I can share with you that I’ve been doing, but just have not had the confidence to share... I just have to have a serious talk with myself and force myself to show you!

If you have any thoughts on any kinds of posts you’d like me to be doing, you know I’d truly love to hear them.

I’m going to get right back on it, I promise, starting from today!

Thank you for being so patient, I really do appreciate you so much.

X Byron