The hardest video I've ever made.
Added 2022-10-07 19:31:49 +0000 UTCFriends, this one was a bit of a doozy for me. Making it put me in a pretty bleak place, and to be honest I'm pretty happy it's in the rear-view mirror at this point.
If you can relate to struggling with body image as I do in the video, I hope it brings you some measure of comfort. These things make us feel alone, but we're not.
Be kind to yourselves.
Comments
fat gal here - I did a charity run in school once, got some sponsors - walked most of the way; I got a fair amount of social support for that. Also a small trophy. One of the very few instances of non-fat-shaming I remember from childhood. i'm eating better now, at 51, than at any time of my life. I gave up weight loss years ago, and found small changes easier to make without that expectation. NOW tho, I'm losing weight, and it's a struggle to avoid slipping into restriction mind-set. Anyway, your process reminds me a LOT of my own process. Acceptance is the first step, even accepting me for the times when I CAN'T accept myself. Eventually the acceptance becomes consistent, and the relationship with myself improves, I trust myself more. Things get much easier after that. Thank you for this. I hope that people will listen.
Jane Heyer
2024-08-27 16:49:05 +0000 UTCYeah...this hits pretty close. I won't go into detail, if only to keep this comment a comment, but I can confirm that voice on my shoulder and on my loved ones as well. It takes a lot to resist, even with each other arguing against it, but still it needs resisting.
papersamurai00
2023-02-17 21:46:12 +0000 UTCAgreed, I had a very similar conversation about that voice. I was asked "would you tolerate it saying the same things about your favourite people?" and of course not. "So tell it." and it changed my life.
Hobbit_disaster
2022-10-17 18:33:00 +0000 UTCHi, Long time watcher, long time patreon subscriber who just upgraded their tier so I could comment on this. I simply wanted to thank you for this video. I can see how personal it was to make, and I wanted to add to the list of people who can tell you that it's personal for them too. For me. For that stupid voice that needs to be told to just. shut. up. I don't want to trauma-dump on you so I will keep this brief. This particular video has helped me make a pretty significant realization about myself. I watched it at just the right time for it, too. So thank you for that. Thank you for taking the time to make this video, no matter how difficult I can imagine that has been for you. I cried, I laughed, and then I finished watching and suddenly wanted to held myself higher, like "yes I will fight back yes I am more than what the voice tells me". I already knew that, but hadn't reminded myself in a long time. I also wanted to say, more generally, that your work has been, and continues to be, very important to me over the last few years. You continue to bring things into light that we often keep hidden (out of the sewer and into the public consciousness, so to speak). Your work (and you, though obviously I only know the public persona which is the way it should be) is significant, in more ways than one. So thank you. I shall now return to lurking as a patron and sometimes in your hangout videos.
Hobbit_disaster
2022-10-17 18:30:47 +0000 UTCHey uhh thanks for this. There are bits from this I could have wrote, myself. Of being considered by others as an otherwise kind, empathic person but having this absolutely visceral voice in my head breaking me down, the warped courage that comes from nobody being able to say anything worse about me that I haven't already told myself. I told a therapist about "the voice", the absolute asshole who saw no worth in me, broke me down at every opportunity, and it was so funny, the guy said "why don't you talk back to it and stand up for yourself, like you would do if it was somebody else getting talked down to", and the idea had literally never crossed my mind. Such a simple thing, but I needed to hear it from someone else to really click. Anyhow, just want to say thank you. Despite being online, I convince myself all my problems are handcrafted unique little treasures made just for me and nobody will ever know what I'm talking about or relate in any way, but no, we're all in this together and sometimes it pays to rip the band-aid off. To see this raw vulnerability, shit I had to PAY to tell ONE person and you're out here posting videos of, it's some of the greatest shows of strength I've seen in a long time and I commend you for it. It certainly meant a lot to me.
Adam
2022-10-15 14:17:31 +0000 UTCThis one was also hard to watch. I admit you had me in tears too. You said something to the effect of the body being beautiful because it allow the person inside to exist. I’m almost 60 and the struggle has not stopped. Went from too tall and weird as a young person to too fat and still weird now. In my job I have seen thousands of naked people and less than 1% would be considered “hot”. Our idea of beauty is distorted by all the hot people we see in media. I’m still struggling with feeling my body is mine. I think you were right about the body dysmorphia. It’s really hard to buy clothes when you don’t know what looks good. I joined Patreon to be able to write this. I’m very glad to have found your strange channel and look forward to seeing more. You’re thoughtful and interesting. Your kindness is what I see in your eyes. I’m pleased to join your Patreon. Excellent work. Trish x
Duckduckcherry
2022-10-15 14:02:10 +0000 UTCVery excellent video; well done, truly
Ed Byrne
2022-10-09 13:56:51 +0000 UTCThank you, Mildred, for this video! That video went so fucking hard and I really appreciate how much work you put in to speak truth into something that feels so immovable. Body positivity is such a hard thing for me and your "demon on the shoulder" bit was incredibly relatable. We love you! Even if it is in that weird, parasocial way. Your work is so important!
Joshua Sylvia Joyce
2022-10-09 08:53:10 +0000 UTCThank you for this
Daniel Case
2022-10-09 05:12:34 +0000 UTCThis was a tremendous video but BOY OH BOY I shouldn't have watched it. I was not ready. Thank you for making this but I am not ready to confront my own body issues.
Slazenger Kincaid
2022-10-09 01:52:13 +0000 UTCQuite possibly the best video you have put out, thank you for being raw.
lobsterknifefight
2022-10-09 00:28:12 +0000 UTCOh, gosh. I'm only 16 minutes in and I'm relating way too hard. I just wanna give you a big parasocial hug, Mildred (and vicariously, through parasocially hugging you, I will be hugging myself as well).
Alex Strickland
2022-10-08 07:29:57 +0000 UTCTHANK YOU
dm
2022-10-08 04:59:11 +0000 UTCSo funny story. I'm a nonbinary transfemme person who grew up extremely thin without needing to watch what I ate. Of course, as an autistic person this might have had something to do with the fact that I was always walking in circles or bouncing on the trampoline while I told myself stories about pokemon, and I also considered eating to be a waste of valuable time that I could be spending jumping on the trampoline or pacing in circles while swinging around whatever stim toy was in vogue with me at that period. Anyway, I've been struggling with my weight ever since college, and I also find that when I experiment with clothes the aesthetic that I enjoy is one that sort of works best with a slimmer body than I currently have. And it turns out that how good I am at dieting and exercising depends on the circumstances I find myself in. When I was living with my abusive mom it was easy for me to exercise frequently because the gym was one of the few places I could just stay at for hours and hours until she was likely to be in bed. And in my current apartment, how much exercise I get depends almost entirely on whether or not I have a working bike (I currently have one, but it needs repairs) and how comfortable the weather outside is. I also donate platelets and plasma every other week, and because I can pull up the data from the little check ups they do every time I go in, I can basically track my weight and cholesterol over the past several years and explain how they go up and down in terms of my life circumstances.
Willow Davison
2022-10-08 04:40:46 +0000 UTCThis video goes so fucking hard, and I love it. Is it bad that I laughed when the angel said "no one can control their intrusive thoughts" and the demon said "I know! Isn't it great?" ?
Willow Davison
2022-10-08 04:23:05 +0000 UTCThank you for making this, I know it was difficult, but it really touched me to hear someone going through the same thing I am, and having to deal with that voice all the time. Feels less lonely.
Jae Krehbiel
2022-10-08 02:47:22 +0000 UTCvideo won’t play on patreon app :(
Sinn Sage
2022-10-07 21:25:30 +0000 UTC
