NoLifeNeeded

I Am Sorry

I am not feeling very eloquent right now so I will be blunt instead. I am dying.

This week I've learned that I do not have long and that there's really nothing I can do about it. I wish I would have started this story earlier... Showed more of it to the world...

Regardless, thank you for being an amazing audience. I've released all t...

Chapter 71: Talk About The Dragon In The Room

It is, in fact, a house, and luckily my head isn’t mounted like a trophy through its wall. Instead, I find myself half buried in a garden, covered in splatters of tomato juice, bell peppers, eggplants, and that’s ignoring the condiments and other plants that turned me into a well seasoned sack of meat ready to be put on the grill. Goi...

Chapter 70: Naked Lady In The Woods 2

There is one less tree in the forest, not that it does me much good, but I needed to vent my frustrations. I take one nap and suddenly find myself who knows where, separated from the group that lives only because one baron’s kid decided to commit a crime just because I happened to save his siblings, and I am starting to really believe t...

Interlude 11: Aftermath Of A Bad Hunt

Autumn set in full by the time Fredrik reached his home. He was tired, a different kind of tired than one would expect from the long trek, but tired nonetheless. Sadly for him, his father called him in and there was no chance for him to refuse. He handed what was left of his luggage and equipment over to some servants, then he took a rather swif...

Chapter 69: Tired Of It All

Edith has a good head on her shoulders and despite always seeming to think that she’s out of her depth, she makes the best of the worst situations just by being quick witted. Thanks to that, I find her rather quickly as I look down at the ground, probably appearing like a distortion in the sky with my altered shroud. She reached our cam...

Chapter 68: No Second Chances.

“Identify yourself!” It was Roland that spoke first, pointing a sword my way. I turned to look at him, feeling my body tremble with anger.

They dared to come back. I gave them so many chances and they dared to come back. I feel disappointed in myself for sparing them, even if it was the safest thing to do at that time. I take a deep br...

Chapter 67: A Shocking Betrayal

//As I wrote on RR, I had to be away for the past week, that coupled with my decision to ultimately rewrite the previous two chapters lead to this delay. The next monday chapter will be posted normally, no need to worry about that and I thank you for being patient with me.

//You will see that the previous two chapters contain parts of the ...

Chapter 66: A Party Of Beginnings, A Party Of Endings (Rewrite)

We reached the town at sunrise, yet people seemed to already be preparing for party. The large field behind a mansion was covered in tables and decorations, with people working on setting it all up. Sadly we had to stop well out of town and clear any marks of anyone other than Edith living here. Verah is impossible to hide, her height and...

Chapter 65: Life Of The Nomad (Rewrite)

“Do you think… Do you think that their lives are better? Do you think they are now alright?” I am stretched as long as I can possibly go, almost stretching from one side of the wagon to the other thanks to my longer neck and tails. I am not quite there, but I do have my head peeking out, since we’re far enough from everything to n...

Interlude 10: A Benevolent Evil Witch.

Thankfully for Roland, his senior sorcerers were right in their deduction. The witch went north, deeper into the kingdom rather than trying to run away from it and go back to the Empire. It took a while to find her trail, but once they did it became clear that she was not exactly subtle. The carriage, the outfit, her name, her tale, she didn’t...

Chapter 64: Thanks, Karma!

The man whose name I chose to not learn spilled everything the second I tapped my venomous claw against his neck. The base out in the woods, the other brothel, even names for every noble that bought from him. He told me everything about their origin in the empire and how they used the various wars, be they between vassals or between the empire a...

Chapter 63: They Never Listen.

See, I know the gods hate me, but this is a bit much. I try my best to keep my composure as I look at the veritable monster of a woman. Having a tree way standoff between their groups and me is already horrifying enough, but seeing her mana properly? This is bad. She’s about as strong as Jan, which means she’s likely to end up stronge...

Chapter 62: Is Lying To Criminals Wrong?

Edith walks out the door, seeming annoyed. She snaps her fingers in the direction of the only guard keeping watch on this whole floor, who seems startled at suddenly being acknowledged.

“I know you got these for cheap but I paid a whole gold and the damn thing breaks this quickly? At least go clean up that bloody mess.” She play...

Chapter 61: Where’s Chris When You Need Him?

I ignore the nightlife this time around. I shouldn’t be too surprised about this, really. Slavery in itself is legal around here, so trafficking people is really just a frowned upon business. I bet the only reason the guards are getting pretty tight with security is that they’re not getting their share. Well, now it’s my problem and...

Chapter 60: Shopping Spree

The morning comes pleasantly for once. While I came here to make sure Edith is not in danger, I did not think about the fact that I am basically unable to do anything but read in here during the day. I can’t even test out my magic, unless I spend my mental bandwidth keeping up both the shadow blob and a silence spell that encompasses my entire...

Chapter 59: Going For A Moonlit Walk

Well that was a massive waste of time. I did not find anything even after I spent so much time going through every single corner of the library, checking under every shelf. The only anomalies I stumbled across are windows that popped up in places where the damage was a bit too big for my patchwork fix to hold up properly, some even appeared on t...

Chapter 58: Hiding in plain sight

A week is not a long time, but since I am no longer forced to sleep most of the day away I ended up being rather productive. To my relief, Edith is a quick learner and her memory is pretty good, so despite having only a few hours to learn she memorized the Vernian alphabet and rough rules, which I memorized in turn and used to read through the b...

Interlude 9: Bad Start To A Hunt

///I realized that I forgot to mention in the heist chapter how Heart got to the vault without raising alarms. Since this chapter revisits that, I decided to edit the chapter and add it in. Just so you don’t have to go back and search:
Edith coming here first was very helpful since I didn’t need to search like a madman. I was able to pin...

Chapter 57: Now what?

I yawn as I walk through the woods, finally seeing the road. It took me most of the night to catch up, but I did nonetheless. I poke my head into the back of the wagon and I see Edith, startled, looking at me with tired but alert eyes. The pile of gold that’s under her raised bed catches my eye more than her exhaustion, but that�...

Chapter 56: Give Me Your All

Edith found the quietness of her mind to be stressful. She had expected Heart to take some time, especially when handling something that would be a death sentence for her, but the fact that it took a day and a half to hear anything from him was quite scary. Of course, he told her that he was actually back before morning and ended up sleeping to ...

Chapter 55: You Are What You Eat

///Don't ask. It just happened.

I wake up, feeling refreshed. At least I do for the first five seconds. Afterwards I collapse and roll around as I feel my body burning, but the sensation doesn’t go away. I roar out in pain and the room lights up a bright bioluminescent blue. My body is rotting. The wounds those anglers i...

Chapter 54: From A Feeding Frenzy To Pest Control

//I deeeed it. On an unrelated note, I realized recently that I messed up at some point and started writing Michal as Mihal. So, yeah, fixed that up in my notes and now I have to fix it here too. Also, a thing for the patrons that likely don't follow the RR version anymore, do note that formatting is lost because of how Patreon does things, so t...

Chapter 53: Mine’s Bigger

Edith is enjoying a relaxing breakfast at the inn. She was socializing, laughing, enjoying the fact that she wasn’t stuck in the woods with only me as company, and now that she didn’t even need to keep up appearances too hard, she was back in the working dress. She has basically all our silver and copper on her, I am carrying only go...