beachcops

Ep. 164 VIDEO is liiiiiiive (w/ Brian Holtzman)

Beach Cops 162: A Good Old Fashioned Freak Out

Reminiscent of the good ole days of Boner City USA, Andrew and O'Neill are at each other's throats as Andy derails entire segments to talk about weight loss, buttholes and the usual stuff that enrages O'Neill. Danish finally gets credit for his luxurious hair. Black Mirror Style questions abound! Danish has a real treat in store as he pulls up t...

VIDEO for ep. 163 is LIVE!

Beach Cops 161: Doll Taser Cockroach

On this action packed episode of Beach  Cops, O’Neill threatens DeWitt with an actual real life taser to prevent tickling then Danish pulls up pictures of Prince King Charles’s hot dog fingers. Danish and O’Neill grill DeWitt about how his entire family hangs out with him while he’s on the toilet, then they put on their business hat...

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Beach Cops 160: Nigerian Donkey Dingus

We open with a John Little update. Then Andy is accused of some donkey business. After that he tries out his new presidential impressions. Then he opens our eyes to the ultra secretive world of Restaurant supplies. After that it's a hilarious tale of almost divorce. Then O'Neill goes over some boner dos and don't and he retells the harrowing tel...

VIDEO for ep. 161 is LIVE!!!!

VIDEO for ep 160 is LIVE!!!!!

Don’t Spit The Water Vulvatronix and Zam Zam the Baby From The Future pics (episode 159 reference)

All photos by Elizabeth McQuern.

This show my adult diapers ripped and I had to use a pair of fat guy pajama shorts I found backstage. I think it depleted my character by about 50%.

The guy in green is Noah Ginex and his character  was crazy.

Beach Cops 159: Tubers from the Future

Jeff takes over summertime attire doody after Andrew starts slacking. Then it's tuber talk. After that Andrew pops a wheelie with catastrophic results. Then it's puppet time. After that we discuss the 21 and over whipped cream law in New York which turns into another genius O'Neill business idea. Then Andrew crosses the line. After that it's hik...

Beach Cops 158: The Undie-taker

New studio! We enter the next phase of Beach Cops with our first ep at the new studio. Andrew and Aaron start off on the right foot. Then O'Neill has a hiking fiasco. After that Andy sucks his cargo shorts dry in front of the whole neighborhood. Then we get a follow up call on the hotline. After that it's the Pizza Hut reading challenge and Andr...

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VIDEO 158 is LIVE (from ATC!)!!!!!

Beach Cops 157: Tree Chili

We open with a new cover of Glory Hole which is sure to kick up some heat. Then we talk the logistics of penile popcorn. After that it's a classic "eating chili in the tree" defense. Then it's panda assassination attempts and mustard gas history class. Get ready for a good ol' fashion brain boiler. 

VIDEO 157 is LIVE!!!!!

Beach Cops 156: TENS Bro

We start off by preparing Andrew for our move to a new recording studio. Then we talk penis pumps pros and cons. After that we talk 50 shots of tequila. Then we hit the voice mails and find a couple of doozies that really set DeWitt off. After that it's a heartfelt call where O'Neill receives some devastating news. Then Pazuzu's back and he's ca...

VIDEO for ep. 156 is LIVE

Going live tomorrow around 10:30 am pacific time!

Get your mid morning insanity!

Beach Cops 155: Freak Nasty Country

We open with Okefenokee Swamp talk. Then it's dirty shirt slogans. After that we go through all the words that we think might be offensive. Then we talk chimps. After that we start a whole new genre of offensive but catchy country music songs. Strap your brain down for this one cause it's gonna leave a mark. 

VIDEO ep. 155 is LIVE!!!!!!!!!!

Going Live Tomorrow (Wednesday Aug 10th) Episode Release Will Follow

Hey guys!

DeWitt again. Normally we release a new episode around 10 am Pacific Time but we’re having to record that episode this Wednesday at noon so the audio drop will be later than usual. If you’re a $10 member you can tune in at noon pacific for a live feed tomorrow and see if I have to lay on the floor otherwise the epi...

Finding Content Easier

Hey guys, DeWitt here!

Navigating Patreon can be a pain in the ass sometimes so I thought I’d help with some handy links and explanations. The main page: 

https://www.patreon.com/beachcops

Should have a search feature for finding posts. Typing in â...

Beach Cops 154: The Conception of Sloth

We open with an update from last weeks dating dilemma. Then the shenanigans begin as a Polton voicemail that turns into a 20 minute side tangent. After that it's more DeWitt back problems. Then DeWitt physically attacks O'Neill. After that we get an update from a question that was asked over a year ago. Then we brainstorm a new Goonies prequel a...

VIDEO for ep. 154 is LIVE

VIDEO will be LIVE this Tuesday at 9:30 AM PST

Deputies, hop on the live feed and join us for some hot Beach Cops action! Will Andrew be laying on the floor again? Can the Floor Demon make an appearance even if Andrew is sitting up? Answers to all that and more this Tuesday at 9:30 AM PST!!!!

Special Announcement

Wanted to get everyone's thoughts on this before we pull the trigger. Thanks!

Beach Cops 153: California Booty Raisins

We open the show by trying to get DeWitt to join the Teal Swan cult. Then we talk about Andy's disability. After that it's another sex tape roast! Then we give some advice to a listener that's trying to take a 20 year friendship to the next level. After that we roast two bears humping in someone's front yard. Then Andrew's back magically cures i...

VIDEO 153 is LIVE

Beach Cops 152: 38% Limp

We open the show by immediately diving into a listener porno and we stay with it for the next hour. It's a wild ride through the video with questions pondered and weiners squandered. Then we jump into a new tiktok trend. And we close the show with a new mad lib. Good times and plenty of rhymes!  

VIDEO 152 is LIVE!