deathbybadger

The Barbenheimer Manifesto

im losing my mind

[June 2023] Oh No, I'm A Beetle

So I was knee deep in a Kafka bibliography the other day, which a bizarre experience because the entire thing was in German so I had to get a translator to stand behind me and yell out the words so I could track down a very specific copy of a very specific book. It was a nightmare because Kafka really didn't sell as well as you would think durin...

Crime Skeleton [May 2023]

This month's game is Crime Skeleton, where you are a skeleton who does crimes. You might, quite reasonably, ask "Oliver, what does this have to do with anything? Can you not find something more relevant to write about? What of world affairs? What of the CLIMATE oliver" and to that I would say, 'Crime Skeleton' because it has consumed my thoughts...

Steampunk Spider Scientist

A few years back I was reading in a book somewhere about how Victorian scientists tried to farm spiders for their silk, but it went horribly wrong because a) they couldn't make the spiders produce silk on command, schedule or location, and b) the spiders would rather eat each other than perform unpaid labour. Anyway, apropos of our spider role m...

Orpheus and Eerie Dice

This month has been a delight, with Twitter circling the drain at increasing speed. What will I do with all the free time when it finally vanishes? I don't know. There'll be so much of it. I'll need to find a new way to waste time, and who even has time for that? Anyway, here's March's RPG. Don't fuck it up. Unless you love a tragedy, then by al...

Pedro Pascal, on the run with a Magical Child

I don't think this needs an explanation. It's an ancient storytelling tradition, passed down through the mists of time, that of Pedro Pascal and that one weird kid he happens to be babysitting at any given moment. 

BE GAY, DO CRIME [Dec 2022]

The world is never tired of homoeroticism or detectives — doubly so if they're in the same story. Maybe it's too much Benoit Blanc, or Disco Elysium, or shipping arguments about Holmes and Watson, but I have gay detectives on the brain. Anyway, here's Be Gay, Do Crime, where you're detective consumed by homosexuality. You're probably bad at yo...

GAME TEMPLATE

I am caving to popular demand. Here is a semi-blank version of the Darkshirian One Page RPG game format for making your own games in the style I use. 

RULES FOR USE

This game template is released for free, and I'd like it to stay that way. Feel free to share it, use it, post your own games online or use it in ed...

Last Days of Rome

Do you ever feel like you're watching it all burn to the ground? Some days I do, and then I do nothing about it. This game is about some madman torching the world around you while you don't really do much. Unless you do choose to assassinate him, which is probably for the best. 

I Do Not Want A Mastodon

Twitter is burning, which is a bit like watching a hated flatmate burn to death. Sure, it's amusing at first, until your realize that you share a space and you're all going down together. Anyway, people keep telling me that I should acquire a Mastodon and I don't really know what to do with that information. I don't think I'd be any good at look...

D-List Superhero

Do we like Superhero movies? I used to think I did. I'm pretty sure I did. I remember even watching that terrible Fantastic Four movie with stars in my eyes. These days I think I watch them because I'm worried I'll miss out, that I'll be absent for some kind of heavily manufactured culture defining moment. I don't think it's likely, but I also d...

DOOMED AUTHOR

This is a one page RPG about being a Doomed Author.

Anyone who ever spent any time trying to complete a writing project longer than 10 words knows that as soon as you settle down to put pen to paper (or boot up Microsoft Word) everything else in the world decides to descend upon you for attention. Relatives hammer at the windows. The washi...

Left Wing Office Cat

A freebie bonus game to thank everyone who signed up this month. It's about being a left wing office cat, and trying not to be buttered by your colleagues. 

Space Junk Cyberpunk

I often think of those little robots they send to Mars which have to spend their entire lives scooping up dust before they eventually break down. And it makes me sad. So here is a sad game. 

PDF version attached for printing (I'm going to try and do this from now on, fingers crossed). 

Potato

A game about being left alone with your potatoes. 

We Had to Kill Beatrix Potter

She left us no choice. 

I Am Afraid of Virginia Woolf

You should be. 

Gay for the Pirate King

I lost the original file for this one. Thankfully the internet provides. 

Old Man vs The Sea

The battle everyone has been waiting for. 

Homoerotic Space Wizards

Don't try it. I have the high ground.

Exit Stage Left, Chased By A Bear

It's not Shakespeare unless there's a bear. Or so they tell me. 

A Vampire Stole My Himbo

(and you want them back)

Trapped In Your House Due To Hans Christian Andersen

He's on your lawn, and he's in love. 

Battle of the Brontes

You will prove you are the most talented sister, or perish in the attempt. 

You Are Secretly In Love With Oscar Wilde (but you need to arrest him)

That's right, you're in quite the pickle. 

GAME ARCHIVE

A list of all the one page games I could find in the dungeons of my computer. As new games emerge, I'll list them here.

If you're looking for a Blank Game Template, you can find one 2022-09-12 17:45:56 +0000 UTC View Post

Trapped In A Cabin With Lord Byron

You're trapped in a cabin with Lord Byron, and if you don't kill him, then your reputation probably won't survive the summer (unless you finish a literary masterpiece).