Chapter 3: NEW BESTO FRIENDO!?

Mia ‘Mamafucking’ Grand was not amused. One could even say she was ticked off. That person would not be incorrect—just unaware of the severity of her displeasure.

The Level 6 Owner of Hostess of Fertility, and former Captain of the Freya Familia, was fucking pissed.

Her reason? The puffy-eyed, pajama-clad, Boaz slumped beyond the bar counter, scarfing down gallons—literal gallons—of gelato, with his plushy propped on the seat beside him.

The sight should have warmed her big, beefy Fantasy-Italian heart. After all, what tavern owner worth their olive oil doesn’t love a customer with a pit for a stomach?

They do not—and I repeat they do fucking not—when that said pit comes bulldozing through her doors like he was about to usher in the second coming of the Dark Age.

The tavern had been barren since morning, no one daring to sit in the same room as a disgruntled Ottar. 

She side-eyed a certain grey haired waitress who was trying—and failing—not to look guilty.

That stupid goddess better watch out, ‘cause Mama was about to dish out some punishment. 

          Arc 1: The Cursed Hero 

    Chapter 3: New Besto Friendo!?

Jin POV

“BLACK FLASH!” I roared, as loud as the horrendous pain tearing through me, trying to drown out the recoil tearing through my minimally Cursed Energy-coated body. I’d put just enough CE in the Flash to considerably damage him, but not to use so much that I could not fight afterwards—hence the rest of my body paid the price. 

Still, it was so worth it to see Lego go sprawling across the ground with a silent scream of pain.

Hopefully, it won’t be the only Flash of the day, because I’m gonna need to go full Yuji to win here. After all, I haven't won yet—I’ve only just started.

If I wasn’t too busy falling into the pit of ecstasy after landing safely on the ground, I’d have gone to check on my new besto friendo. I feel like I’ve entered into a new world for a second time (third, if you count Megumi’s memories). In this world, moulding cursed energy felt like shaping playdough houses with my hands, whereas before it felt like trying to carve a castle out of a mountain with a pickaxe. 

Oh, Todo, you magnificent hulking schizophrenic—you were right. Those who have achieved Black Flash and those who have not are from different worlds, mayhaps even different species. I now realize that all my life, I only ever knew of earthly Jujutsu—the shallow realm of Second-Grade Sorcerers and below. 

But now…I can glimpse the Heavens where dwell the Divine and the Enlightened Ones.

Fuuuuck, it feels so fucking good! I feel like I've unlocked the 100% version of myself I always strived to be—or 120%, if we're being accurate. No wonder Gojo-Sensei was tweaking against Papa Toji, if a Black Flash felt this good then I can't even imagine what a reversed cursed energy high must feel like.

What could my Shikigami accomplish after being powered by RCT? Divine Dogs: Reversal could simultaneously wipe out cursed spirits with a single bite while healing allies with snuggies. Piercing Ox: Reversal could grow more durable the longer it holds its ground. Escape Rabbits: Reversal could clone others—just imagining the possibilities are just making me feel all tingly!

While I was basking in the haze of new discovery, Lego had stood back up. That in itself wasn’t strange—I knew a single Black Flash wouldn’t be enough to put him down. What was strange, however, was how beaten up he looked. Because I knew my punch hadn’t that much damage, which meant Nue somehow had hurt him more than I thought possible.

In the short time Nue had charged, it was enough to stun Lego—certainly—but not nearly enough to damage him that badly. I kept my distance while he got back up, knowing he’d drag me down and make short work of me if I got too close. The crazy, tree-hugging bastard hadn't let go of his weapons, even when he looked like he was halfway through a stroke. 

His eyes looked bloodshot, and he kept sniffing at the air, tilting his head side to side, and swallowing over and over like something foul lingered in his mouth. The bruise on his jaw was definitely larger than it should’ve been, too. 

His strange mannerisms meant he’dd been disoriented by Nue badly enough that he hadn’t reinforced his face as much as I’d expected when I punched him. But how the hell did Nue, of all people, possibly damage an elite like Lego?

The only possible explanation I could think of was that my Shikigami had gone behind my back to make a Binding Vow—where the closer it came to death’s door, the greater its attack would be boosted. But how is that even possible? Were soul-merging shenanigans somehow affecting my Shikigami, making them more intelligent? 

Maybe that explained the twin furry middle fingers from my dogs—which up to this point had never happened before.

With the two souls in one body, It would make sense that the doubled cursed energy would boost not only the Shikigami’s power but its mind as well. But honestly, I must have the craziest fucking bird in the world—Who nearly kills itself over a spar? 

I tried not to chuckle when Nue preening at my assessment of its mentality. Hey, what can I say? My bird knows what it is, and it’s damn proud of it.

I was currently weaponless, having thrown everything I had at Lego just to get away from his incredible speed and swordsmanship. With a sharp whistle, I called for my hounds. Kuro trotted up first, carrying a red three-section staff he took from the weapon rack, that looked uncannily like Playful Cloud. Shiro, on the other hand, brought no weapons—regarldess, he still demanded head pats, much to his twin’s chagrin.

The Elf Knight had reimagined his bearing, but his gaze lingered on my snake, his expression twisting like a man caught in a dilemma.

Lego opened his mouth to speak, closed it again, and then finally blurted, “I did not kill your avian companion, did I?”.

So that’s what was shitting in his morning bowl of milk and Count Chocula. I snorted at the thought that his first concern was someone else’s health, despite his own throughly fucked-up state. 

Also—sweet, salacious Freya—he sounded like a veteran who had smoked a pack of Gold Leaf cigarettes multiple times a day, every day, for years during the war.

I should assuage his guilt. “Nah, I pulled it back when it only had a second or so left.” Lego looked half relieved and half guilty. “Hey, don't beat yourself up. Nue was only supposed to thunderbolt your beautiful mug from a distance. It’s not your fault the crazy bird went for full kamikaze. Judge Jin rules so”. 

Since we were on the topic, I made a mental note to have Nue kept away from any island with “Pearl” in its name. I wanted many things to be done to my ass, but the feeling of good old-star spangled freedom shoved up there was not one of them.

Lego gave a grim, slightly pained smile “The heralding of my innocence and of your companion’s good health is a balm for the soul, your Honour." 

Heh. The elf made a funny.

“You could’ve taken me out in the beginning if you hadn’t dilly-dallied so much. Long fights with buildup and witty dialogue are good in stories but bad in real life. You strike me as the type of person who has more experience with honourable duels and dungeon dives than back-alley fights with Curse users,” I tell him in a matter-of-fact tone. 

Megumi’s experience with the illegal side of the Jujutsu was limited—unlike his dear old dad—but still Gojo made sure his “cutest student" had experience in the cursed underworld. Taking out a cannibal curse-user stealing the hearts of prostitutes is what got Megumi his promotion to Grade Two in the first place. 

That asshole, known online as the “Heart Thief of Minato Ward”, might not have had a cursed technique but he was as tough in the body as he was sick in the head.

Lego gave a helpless shrug, “You would be right— my experience fighting fellow mortals is limited. When I spar against my fellow Einherjars during the Baptism, I only do so with the…more friendly ones.” The elf was hissed at for his comment by what I assume are “less friendly ones”. 

"We like to warm ourselves up before trading blows with conviction. In the Dungeon, where I spend most of my time, I have been lucky as well, for I have not encountered any of the more vulgar breeds of adventurers, thanks to my uniform denoting my position.”

The knight grimaced in sheer disgust “I would not have dismissed your lack of physical strength in regards to my own Level 3 capabilities, had I known how painful your magic would be.” He actually shivered at the memory. “I have dealt with curses before—coincidentally, a lightning curse at that, from a duel with a Sobek Familia member. But never in my life have I encountered curses as vile as yours, or your soaring companion’s.” 

He paused for a moment, his expression haunted, before continuing “I felt like I was battling against a monster for a moment.” 

That was a fairly reasonable explanation—up until he mentioned how it felt getting hit with my cursed energy. After that, I just felt bad. I never wanted to intentionally mentally scar my friend. As for intestinal scarring…well, I’m not legally viable for that in a city like Orario, am I?

I mean, come on—I’m not Eren Yaegar in his Man-Bun Era!

Looking back, I was being kinda douchey in this fight. Lego clearly didn’t want to harm my Shikigami too much, since he rightly feared I would not be able to revive them. Meanwhile I had nearly deep-fried his face without a shred of remorse.

“How about I take a page from your book and get a little chivalric too? My next Shikigami will be a package deal of sorts—so you can kill them with relish.” Lego looked confused as I whistled for Shiro to come to my side while I formed the signs and chanted to summon Gama. 

I had planned to keep Shiro and Kuro as my hum-no doggy shields if Lego nearly cut me into ribbons, with Gama’s tongue as my getaway vehicle. But it seemed that wouldn't be necessary.

My poor brunette opponent looked done. He met my gaze wearily and asked, “How many of these beasts do you have under your command, Jin?”

“Hint: My technique is called the Ten Shadows, so you can probably guess.” I made the sign for the Divine Dog with my right hand and the sign for Gama with my left. Then I combined them and chanted “Well’s Unknown Abyss: Divine Dog: Shiro + Gama = Croaking Hound and—” I quickly switched the sign for Gama with Orochi and continued, “-Divine Dog: Kuro + Orochi = Barking Serpent.” 

My Shikigami retreated into my shadows and, after a moment, reemerged as entirely new beings. On my left stood Croaking Hound, which I could only describe as a more primal looking, green skinned and black furred hybrid offspring of Grenjinja and Lucario. 

Seriously, I cannot emphasize how scary looking a fanged, clawed giant frog with a kiddy-napping tongue long enough to impress Kuroi is…the joke is the maid got napped', like she was Mokuba or something.

On my right stood Howling Serpent, which looked like a carnivorous Brachiosaurus with Orochi's white-scaled body, Shiro’s four furry legs and a face that was a mix of the two—complete with two poisoned saber fangs. 

This one looks far dignified, with its eastern dragon-like facial structure, compared to its fellow quadrupedal abomination against nature.

The Well’s Unknown Abyss was a subpar technique in terms of raw strength compared to the Totality versions of these beasts. However, it was not lacking overall, as it completed its objective: giving me relatively strong Shikigami that I could sacrifice without any issues.

I looked at my opponent with a smug smile, waiting for the obviously incoming, “Sugoi desu ne, Jin-Sama!”. My thoughts must have been written all over my face, since Lego actually rolled his eyes at my amazing technique and muttered something about unfairness under his breath. 

No need to be so salty about my busted Zenin genes. 

Then the petty bitch copied my whole flow, word for word, bar for bar when he did the “come-hitter motion” at me with a mocking grin on his face. It looked like our fight was going to end in a manner not too dissimilar to the knights of old:

One charge from both sides, with the stronger emerging victorious.

I held his gaze for a second before we both burst into motion. I made a feint, pretending to go for his more damaged right side—just for my foot to be wrapped with Croaking Hound’s rough tongue and, then I was summarily chucked towards Howling Serpent. 

Hound, the poor vile being, was bisected by Lego in my place.

Also a small detail I forgot to mention: the way I was thrown was directly in Serpent’s mouth. I’ll spare you the grim parts of my foray into my Shikigami's insides—just know that I stopped halfway down its throat and let loose a frankly wasteful cursed energy attack below. 

My trick worked flawlessly, as Howling Serpent was beheaded in the place where Lego thought I was. Just like before, I had Lego mid air right where I wanted him. 

I leapt out of the disintegrating Shikigami’s severed head and tried to deliver a second attack to his head. Unfortunately for me, Lego had learned from our last bout and met the edge of my Not-Playful Cloud with his sword. His shield, on the other hand, delivered a brutal retaliatory strike to my head.

I made another gamble instead of reinforcing my head to the appropriate degree. I tried to recreate my earlier success, praying for divine help from ROB. From the sensation I felt, I knew I had caught lightning in the bottle twice—before white-hot pain erupted in my head and red and black bolts filled my vision.

“Black Flash!” I yelled from the very core of my being, the incredible burst of power allowing me to drive his blade back towards his chest with such force that it cleaved through his chest plate and sank into his flesh beneath. Just as the two of us fell on the ground in a very rough fashion, I heard the blade rattle against his ribs.

In the ensuing rolling and scuffling, I made a move that, in any other context, would have led to my defeat. 

Instead of attacking my physically stronger foe, I used the opposite ends of my staff to push off the shield pressing into my skull and simultaneously keep forcing down his sword hand by applying force to his wrists. Then I prepared my shadow, and the little surprise I had hidden even before fighting Svar stirred in the darkness.

With cursed energy I didn’t know I had, I pushed his arms back just enough and made him drop his weapons, then I did the unthinkable. I used my last weapon—and only fucking chance to win—to quickly tie his wrists together in a shoddy knot. 

I met Lego eyes for a brief second as we finally stopped rolling on the ground, and all I saw was sheer bewilderment. 

Why had I done that? Why had I absolutely wasted my only chance at victory? So what if I’d gotten rid of his weapons? I had just wrapped him a new one around his wrists—a weapon he could now use to beat my ass into the ground. 

Lego and I both knew even weaponless, I would not yield. He must have understood me well enough by now to know that.

In a fair world, he would have won. I knew that he knew I had nothing else in the chamber—his warrior instincts were that sharp, at least. 

In a fair world, my greatest feat for the time being would be being able to go toe to toe with a Level 3 without a Falna of my own. 

In a fair world, Lego would pummelled me until I passed out, since I would never yield. He would have been my rival, my summit to cross for the foreseeable future. 

Unfortunately for Lego, I did not play fair.

Just then, the curved sword I had placed in my shadow since before my fight with Svar burst forth. Because of our awkward entanglement, I barely managed to protect my pelvic region as the sword slashed across my shirt and into my chest, flying straight toward my hand. 

On one hand, I got the power boost from the classic JJK technique of upper-body nudity. On the less optimistic hand, it hurt like a bitch, and I was probably gonna need stitches—or a very good potion.

But that was neither here nor there, as Lego broke free of his restraints and snapped the free hand I had placed on the knot to keep it steady. I bit back what was possibly my fifteenth scream of unimaginable pain today and powered through, switching the blade in an underhand position and pressed it against Lego’s neck. 

Our eyes met as the razor-sharp edge drew a single thin stream of blood.

I was on top of him, a blade pressed to his throat, yet he remained deadly. His hands, having broken free from their restraints, were poised to destroy my ribs from both sides and rupture my organs. However, if he dared, he would be down a perfectly healthy throat—and he knew it. He was also more likely to bleed out externally than I would be bleeding out internally. 

That meant, regardless of how this fight ended, I was coming out on top.

The only question was whether Lego was willing to lose if it meant saving his throat and my insides. We stared at each other resolutely, our eyes betraying none of our mutual fear. There was a slim chance he could dislodge me without moving the legs I was straddling or his chest—a gamble that risked his throat being cut for no gain.

Would he take it?

I knew I needed to crush the fire in his eyes, so I pumped every sliver of extra cursed energy I could scrounge into my hands—the hands that now burned with sickly green cursed energy, while my eyes conveyed the message in my heart. I was willing to lose all sensation in my body from the neck down for victory. 

Was he?

Was he willing to hope that he wouldn’t bleed out just long enough for me to be hauled off and for him to be declared the victor? I was. 

Was he willing to relive every unfamiliar horror his body had endured today, again and again, if it meant never losing again. I was. 

Was he willing to spend his days in what was most accurately a cult that already hated him, only to probably die depressed in the dungeon. 

You bet your sweet ass Fushiguro Dosojin would!

I would never lose again. I will never again feel the humiliation of dying on a street curb, like I was some sort of diseased dog and not a person with wants and desire. I will never again be made the instrument of someone else’s amusement. 

It doesn't matter if it's to a deceptively aged dwarf, a chain loving perv-azon or a pretty Tolkien rip off—and definitely never again to a mother fucking SEMI TRUCK!

Lego stared at my face, and for some reason it felt like it was about to split in half. When did I start doing Megumi’s crazy grin? I don't know—and frankly, I just don't care anymore. I want to win, then go eat a Happy meal and play with my toy while I fall asleep on my mom’s lap. 

Just like when I was a kid. When the world still made sense and wasn’t filled with crazy goddesses stalking albino teenagers. Back when all was good and groovy, and regular crazy women stalked regular teenagers. 

It was still bad, sure—but one must consider there are less rampaging giant gorillas and armed minotaurs around.

Lego smiled wryly, looking like he wanted to shake his in exasperation but couldn’t because of the steel unsheathed on his neck “It seems I was not the only one who was ready to embrace death today.”

“I yield. You have bested me, my friend,” said Lego, a gummy smile spreading over his face.

“The winner of the third round is the Unblessed Fushiguro Jin.” Ottar’s voice signaled the end of our certified bro moment. I would just this once forgive the boaz for this insolence since he rocked that sleeve-less and shoulder-less top so well.

I detangled myself from Lego and my brain made sure I felt the consequences of the strain I put my body through during the fight. Every single cell of the meat sack that I call my body was roaring with agony. The loudest being the ones in my right hand which I had used to spam my first and second ever Black Flashes. 

As my adrenaline came down the pain turned all the more white hot and I found it harder to stand on my two feet. A particularly muscular Worshipper of Freya came up behind me and put me in a Princess carry. I did not bother to make a fuss as we moved in the direction of what I assume was the infirmary.

Why would I even try? More than likely they were going to take me where I could be healed, cleaned and dressed for my next fight and there will definitely be a next fight. Why? A fairly smart cookie like yourself may ask. 

What would be the point of fighting an enemy that is many times stronger than Lego who I barely won against?

To answer that my dear and degenerate Isekai slope enjoyer, you need only look at Goddess “I regularly engage in murder attempts on my crushes but for only their own good, I promise” Freya. It was just not in her personality to refrain from striking while the iron was hot. 

She wanted to see my soul shine and knew the only way to do that is in the throes of combat regardless of if I win or not. The point was to make me push beyond my current limits and gaze upon my new ones. But not with contentment, never with contentment, but with a new found drive to surpass them as well.

That is not to say I disagree with our resident yandere’s line of thought. Especially since both Jujutsu and the Falna are power systems founded on the principle of selfishness. Those who don’t take risks and are content to rely on the strength of their fellows shall never walk the same path as the truly strong. 

One need only look at Megu-no, my sensei, Gojo Satoru, and my soon-to-be Captain, Ottar. 

The reason why these two became the strongest was because they were by the will of Heaven destined to be a pair of one man armies. As compared to their weaker counterparts—Geto Suguru and Finn Deimne—who were a pair of men with armies. 

On paper the abilities of the two seem uneven only due to the Six Eyes and a Level difference. But the truth was deeper than that. 

Let’s say that in an alternate world, the Geto Clan instead of the Gojo Clan rose to prominence. Armed with their signature combo of the Six Eyes, but crimson since this is a bizarro world, and Cursed Spirit Manipulation they secured their position as one of the Big Three.

Geto Suguru is not born to a pair of civilians with no understanding of the Jujutsu world. But is expected to be its next great sorcerer from the day of his birth. 

He has all the resources to facilitate his growth just like Gojo-sensei was. This included but was not limited to an unlimited purse, skilled trainers, expert dieticians, pampering servants and most importantly centuries of records of previous users of his technique and their wisdom in using it. 

Even after all that, can this alternate Geto surpass the heir of Sugawara no Michizane? Hell no! 

It would have the same outcome with Ottar and Finn. Let's say the current Finn—who has achieved Level 7 in the light novels—is given a temporary level boost by Haruhime. Then twenty minutes every day Finn ascends to Level 8 and trains until in the Pallum could acclimate the enhancement into his fighting style. 

The Ottar up on the balcony is a just step behind Level 8, while the boosted and trained Finn is a step ahead of a newly minted Lv 8. This puts Finn on status sheet parchment in a higher adventuring bracket than the King.

The Braver is then blessed once again with Haruhime’s Uchide no Kozuchi and is teleported back in time to this very garden for a no-holds-bar Captain vs Captain showdown. It is in my opinion the far more likely outcome for Ottar – and his magnificent pecks to stand – to stand victorious over Finn even before the 20 minute long boost runs its course.

The reason for the defeats of the genocidal Ash Ketchum and midget Commander Erwin is simple: They are both generals not duelists. Their main talent lies in commanding armies in pitched battles, not running a gauntlet.

Both of them had an eye for finding, motivating and training talented individuals to reach greater heights. So that they supplement their leader’s deficiencies.

You know what’s hilarious about this? In the real world these individuals would be far more prized than your Gojos and Ottars. Geto and Finn shared similar characteristics with great men and women like Joan of Arc and Napoleon. 

Unfortunately for these poor suckers, they are not from the real world. They were from an anime world and the vast majority of the time that meant warriors were superior to generals.

Gojo’s allies and the Ottar’s Freya Familia were superior to both Geto’s Cult along with his Cursed Spirit collection and Finn’s Loki Familia. Their leaders in terms of raw shounen power levels certainly were. Their groups also coalesced around them due to their raw strength and less so their leadership capability.  

Now you can also argue that their lack of leadership ability is a minus, and I’d agree. However, that does not change the fact that in these worlds, quality always triumphs over quantity.

After learning RCT, Gojo began his solitary existence as a living god, while Geto had to rely on the talent of his allies and cursed spirits to even be in the conversation. Even ideologically, Gojo’s allies outshine Geto's genocidal lot. 

My so-called "filthy monkey” cousin Maki alone would brutalize Geto’s precious daughters, Nanako and Mimiko. 

Ottar alone, without a doubt in my mind, equals Finn, Riveria and Gareth combined. If an all-out war occurs, then it would take the ultimate sacrifice of the senior three executives of the Loki Familia to take the King down. 

The Level 5 Gulliver Brothers, working together, could definitely challenge a Lv 6 Bete or one of the Amazon Twins. Whoever the midgets pick, that leaves Ais and two other Level 6 Adventures for Loki. They’d get bodied by the Monster Trio of Allen, Hedin and Hogni.

Say what you will about Freya, but her skill in finding the diamonds from the rank and file stones and polishing them to perfection is the main reason for her Familia’s position.

I think I have argued my case more than enough. The bottom line is: I chose Freya over Loki despite the numerous complications that would arise from that decision for one reason. The Principle of Selfishness was the central ideology of the Freya Familia. 

Each and every mortal with the symbol of Valyrie on their back gladly risked their life for Freya’s love, and the road paved to their intended destination could only be crossed with strength.

And anyone with a functional pair of eyes to see the generous dividends the Goddess of Beauty has been paid for her efforts. 

So despite my immense desire to hit the hay harder than a 19th century indentured Indian, I knew I had to march on. 

However I was not so blind to acknowledge that Freya had by way of this very principle turned her children into their very own worst enemy. The Familia were quarrelsome to the point of toxicity, beating each other to near death with glee for a chance to prove themselves. 

Frankly speaking they reminded far too much of the Zenin Clan to be comfortable.

Though it was too late for second thoughts and besides it was like I said before there was only one thing to do: March on. That was basically Ottar’s motto and look how good it went for Mr. Only Level 7 in the City. This reminds me of a Napoleon quote about marching “I have destr-”-

-I felt the back of someone’s hand strike me! As my face snapped to the side I registered pain blooming across my left cheek. After years of Asian tiger parenting the words that came out of my mouth were almost instinctive – ingrained upon me by the fearsome slipper on a biological level.

“Dad!?” I looked up to gaze at my attacker. For a few fleeting seconds, I hoped with all my heart for it to be Papa Toji, the wrong-gender-naming bastard. But no- there was only Lego, staring down on me with the Disgusted Tanjiro face. 

After a moment of us just staring at each awkwardly, I loudly cleared my throat “So…how has your day been since I threatened to cut open your throat?”. 

Truly my deflection skills were beyond the humans, demi-humans and divine that surround me.

“Jin…I pray to Lady Freya that that reaction meant you were severely beaten as a child. It would be most vulgar for a married man such as myself to indulge in your masochistic tendencies." I felt my eye twitch at the unnecessary accusation at the end.

“I don't have any goddamn maso- Wait, you're married?!” I jumped to my feet and nearly headbutted Lego’s chin had he not stumbled back. I placed my hands on his shoulders to keep him in place, there was no chance I was gonna let him go without getting the scoop.

I knew this elf was based but to know he was joined in holy matrimony despite his environment was truly awe inspiring. Ottar had better watch out since it looked like Lego was gunning for the exalted position of Jin’s Favourite Freya Familia Member. 

Lego looked put out by my reaction "While I fail to understand your surprise, I will answer your question nonetheless. Yes, I am married—to a noble and beautiful sailor of the Njord Familia, I might add. We alternate every other week between Melen and Orario so that neither of us is required to leave our beloved profession."

My mouth hung open awkwardly by the end. Then my jaw clicked shut when a thought struck my frontal lobe. While it seemed ridiculous, I had to hear it from Lego to know for sure. After all, who would have thought there was a happily married man in the Freya Familia of all places?

I took my hands off his shoulders and then placed an elbow on his left one and tried to do my best used car salesman impression “Hey, old buddy, old pal, I meant no offense. It's just that I didn't think it possible for anyone in this Familia to have the maturity to be in a happy relationship. Just look at my previous opponents, your executives and your overworked healer and just try to say it ain’t so.”

Lego looked truly offended for a second and opened his mouth to refute me but no words would come out. After all, it was kinda hard to argue on behalf of someone like Allen’s emotional maturity. He closed his jaw with a snap and gave me a dirty look that conveyed both his defeat and annoyance. 

"Now, now, let's forget about all those unpleasant thoughts about no one in particular—cough Allen–cough the midgets. Ahem… Why don't you regale this weary traveller with the tale of your romance? I mean I’m your new best friend and I don't even know your wife’s name.”

My friend's chagrined expression suddenly melted into fond remembrance, “Well…Her name is Lilibet Swann, or as I and her family call her, Betty, though the gods have bestowed the title of Calypso upon her. For her ferocity and beauty resembles the very sea which she has claimed so boldly as her domain aboard infamous the Black Pearl.” 

I fucking knew it. I so fucking knew it that in fact if I was in Vegas I would have betted my left nut on it. A Legolas EXPY with a sailor wife? Someone employed might have considered that to be a coincidence but to a connoisseur of procrastination such as myself would understand the correlation between them. Namely, Legolas's actor had another equally iconic role, Will Turner.

Lego continued in a wistful tone unaware of my thoughts “It was previously the ship of her uncle and former Familia Captain, Jack the Sparrow who martyred himself to give the Silence the window of opportunity to slay the Leviathan. She came into its position by both right of inheritance and later by popular vote as the ship was bequeathed to her upon her uncle’s will.” 

Holy shit on a catholic ass-cheek sandwich! Where was this all juicy lore in the main story? I mean could you the Captain Jack Sparrow in your story and not even mention-

Lego suddenly pivoted, nearly sending me stumbling face first on the ground. The offending elf spread his arms wide and looked upwards like he was about to preach gospel—instead of what he should be doing, apologising for not being still elbow rest for me.

“However! My love declared her uncle’s First Mate, Hector the Redbeard, as Captain of the Pearl and requested to serve under her uncle’s crew. She began as a mere deckhand until she was worthy of captaining a ship of such renown. What a hardworking and honourable soul she was from the mere age of five! After a decade of my beloved’s hard service upon those decks she earned her final promotion and achieved her life’s quest to become the third captain of the Black Pearl!”

The now-screaming loon started to skip in a circle like he was Sanji. “It was a year after that fortuitous event that I, at the time just a newly minted Lv 2 on a quest to Melen, would gaze upon the woman that would become the reason for my heart to beat! She was of age with me, sixteen and with all the maturity of an adult alongside the beauty of youth, standing at 170 cm, with dark blonde hair, baby-blue eyes and a bra size of- Mmff!” my hand clamped over his mouth to shut him up.

…I only understood half of what he said because I boosted my hearing with Cursed Energy. Christ on a Roman Cross, Lego, how was a regular person’s brain supposed to keep up when you spewed a whole chapter of information in a second?

This must be the power of the legendary lovestruck man. Fables from my childhood said they could go days extolling the virtues of their significant other without sustenance.

I looked the still struggling elf in the eye and tried to slip into my best Liam Neeson voice. "Lego of the Reach, I know you love your wife. I know you love your wife enough to keep going on for hours. I neither have the time nor the lack of jealousy to hear a man wax poetic about his bonnie la- Wait a goddamn minute!” 

I freeze mid-speech and look at the white and lilac cloth covering the arm that was connected to the hand on Lego’s face hole. I looked over my body and it was covered in so-called Glorious Familia Cloth.

“When the fuck did I put on the Freya Familia uniform!”. I know my body was on autopilot while I was internally monologuing but was I seriously that unaware as to not remember being stripped down to my frog undies (Tsumiki’s last gift to me) and re-dressed!

Lego pried my hand off his mouth, “Firstly” he sniffed with a pout “you were the one that demanded to know and I selflessly indulged your request. Secondly, I am flabbergasted that you were so deep in thought that being literally healed did not rouse you. Jin—by my Lady’s name—you even thanked Heith-san by name!"

“Yeah, well, um…Why are you not wearing the uniform!? Hell why did I not see anyone, not even the Andhrínmir in uniform!?” Once again my impeccable deflecting skills have come to my rescue with those around me none the wiser.

Oi, why is Lego looking at me like an older brother who found out his little brother was harder to be a wingman for than the Colonel? Get it? Cause’ KFC would chop off the wings and sell them by the bucket load to further shareholder profits and the obesity epidemic simultaneously.

“If you must know.” Lego began in a lecturing tone “After the expulsion of the Hera Familia from the city, the fifth day of the week was declared to be Freya’s Day or Friday. The previous name of Hera’s Day was no longer appropriate for a city in which our Lady reigns supreme.” 

“Then, after the end of the Dark Age, Lady Freya rewarded us by declaring every Friday to be a “Colour Day”. Once every week, the Einhejar are required to wear our best article of clothing to celebrate ourselves and our predecessors for the glory brought to our Familia and our Lady.”

I looked at the Lego bowing his head in reverence to his goddess with a deadpan expression. I was 102% sure of the possibility that Freya only wanted to watch her children get dressed up for her amusement, with a 2% margin of error.

“Pardon the intrusion, sirs.” came the surprisingly soft voice of the muscular worshipper who had carried me earlier. “Hedin-sama has requested Fushiguro-sama’s presence in the garden. I was told your next opponent has been decided by Lady Freya herself.”

I nodded my thanks to the man who had taken my Princess Carry virginity. The worshipper gave a bow and quietly withdrew from the secluded corner of the infirmary Lego and I were healed. I stood, stretched and prepared myself for the beatdown I was about to receive.

I brushed my finger across my forehead and felt it to be blemishless, all traces of damage having been healed. Overall I felt as good as I did before I entered Folkvangr. The Freya Familia’s exceptional healing skills made it clear why their members could mutilate each other on a daily basis without any long-term consequences . 

Though my recovery process probably had a larger emphasis on the potions. The sole reason I could still move—let alone be ready for my next fight—was because they had no doubt pumped me full of those rare curse-magic boosting potions while I was lost in my own head.

The crash I’d feel later would surely be as great as the high I am riding now.

Before going, I had to address the elephant in the room. That phrase may not make sense considering the aforementioned elephant was unseen to all but one occupant of this infirmary, namely me. But I was too lazy to switch to a more appropriate one. 

I turned to my new elven besto friendo, who had laid back down on his hospital bed and said “Hey Lego, I wanted you to know something.”

“What is now, Jin?” he asks with an indulgent smile on his face.

God, were those teeth blinding. They’re making me question things about myself—like, does Gojo-sensei spend enough money on my dental plan?

…What did you think I was talking about?

I looked the elf dead in the eyes and said “Lego… you are basically the Elven version of my father, Zenin Toji the Sorcerer Killer.”

Alright gang, buckle up—it’s lore dump o’clock.

-Page Cut

I wanted to get your thoughts on something. I’m planning to keep Lego as a long-term character. Maybe it’s because I used Loras Tyrell as the template for him, or maybe it’s because, as a Level 3, he could actually keep up with Jin in the long run. But honestly, it’s mostly because I just really enjoy writing him as the straight man to Jin’s chapter-by-chapter descent into chaotic madness.

I’ve got some things planned for the S-Squad—Svar and Sati—and let’s just say…I’m going to honor Gege’s ways. Make of that what you will. Nothing’s set in stone yet, so if you actually have some deep love for Svar and Sati, now’s the time to speak up and maybe save a life or two. Truth be told, I don’t enjoy writing them all that much, and my original plan was just to use them as the gateway for introducing the big bad of the fic.”

I’m not setting up a poll for something this minor, so let’s see if the supposed stans of the Scary Spice Amazon and the Voice-Cracking Dwarf can turn this Kaiser’s thumbs-down into a thumbs-up.

P.S. Character sheets for my OCs are dropping very soon. I’ll be creating a separate sheet for OC groups and squads that the MC will form with members from his own Familia and others in the future. For example, right now Squad Jin and the Tonics—or Jin Squad for short—only has Jin and Lego.