This Quest is Bullshit - Chapter 158

Chapter 158 - Where There’s a Willow

The crystal willow towered over the wetlands, a glimmering beacon guiding Eve towards her destination. She couldn’t even fathom attempting to gauge its full size, its vastness playing tricks on her eyes at such a distance. She could already tell that before she got close, it would more than fill her vision. As Eve ran, she absolutely believed one could fit a city beneath it.

She and Lumy shot across the marsh like from a cannon, the sunken ruins of a forgotten civilization flying past on either side. Come to think of it, there did seem to be a surplus of ancient, dead civilizations around, but that was beside the point. At such speeds, nothing short of a two feet of granite could stop Eve from continuing in a straight line as she blasted through underbrush, trampled cattails, and ran across the surface of the various bogs between her and the tree ahead.

The dangling branches of the willow hung like a crystal curtain around the city, the pale blue gems it grew in place of leaves forming a veritable wall of razor sharp edges. Eve pitied any poor creature that fell into its bladed arms. It wasn’t a wall per se, given the flexible nature of the hanging branches, but forcing one’s way through without an opening did not seem like a fun time.

It reminded Eve of a barbed wire fence, only significantly sharper, prettier, way more dense, and much less likely to give you tetanus. She circled the bank of the vast lake that surrounded the tree, only to find her entrance on the northern side. No bridge allowed easy passage across the water, but there the branches of the willow had been tied back like the opening of a curtain.

Eve took the more Mana efficient route of launching herself across the lake with a great Jet, making an impressively dramatic entrance to the strange city as she landed with poise and intensity just outside. Or at least, that’s what would’ve happened if she’d calculated the Mana cost correctly and actually managed to land where she’d wanted.

On the bright side, she did make a splash, just a tad more literally than she’d intended.

By the time she climbed out of the water, the four Zandiths on guard already had their spears pointed at her.

They had three spiny fins running along their green-scaled scalps from brow to back, but the rest of their faces held little in the way of features. They each had a set of horizontally-moving membranes over their eyes, two small slits in lieu of a nose, and flat, lipless mouths filled with long, sharp teeth. Sky blue, crystalline armor covered their humanoid bodies, made of a material Eve had a pretty good idea where they’d gotten.

One of them growled at her. “No humans.”

Eve blinked, making a show of twisting her head left and right to look all around her. “I don’t see any humans.”

“No quests,” the guard said.

A crowd of about two dozen plainclothes Zandiths had gathered around to get a glimpse of the new arrival, behavior Eve felt was odd for a hive mind but didn’t have the time question at the moment.

She addressed the guard, holding up both hands in a deflationary gesture. “I come in peace. I’d just like to—”

“Your majesty?” a voice from the crowd interrupted.

Eve blinked. “Um… yes?”

A figure emerged, a Zandith in plain brown clothes. “I knew it was you!”

Before Eve could wonder how this Zandith knew she was royalty when she wasn’t wearing her crown, he stepped up to the head guard and placed a hand on his shoulder.

“She’s a friend of Alvin’s.”

Right, Eve realized. I saw them at the wedding, of course they saw me too.

As if by magic the guards relaxed, lowering their spears and bowing their heads deferentially. “Your majesty. Any friend of Alvin’s is welcome beneath the crystal willow.”

Eve smiled and nodded back.

The simply-dressed Zandith who’d recognized her gestured her forward. “Please, come with me.”

As she walked through the crowd, she caught one of the onlookers whispering to another, “Do you think she brought some of his pancakes?”

“If she could travel this far with Alvin’s pancakes on her person and not devour them all, she is truly a being worthy of a crown.”

The brief exchange raised more questions than it answered in Eve’s mind, but the mention of pancakes did explain how the Zandith knew Alvin. His Interdungeonal House of Pancakes must’ve popped up nearby. Still, the conversation seemed out of place for a hive mind.

Her guide spoke as they walked. “I’ve informed the others of your arrival and your status as royalty and a friend of Alvin’s.”

Much as Eve loved that of those two titles, the latter held more weight, the sentence gave her the opportunity to ask the main question on her mind. “Others?”

“Ah, yes.” The Zandith nodded. “There are ninety seven individual gestalt consciousnesses residing within the crystal willow.”

That explains the need for a bank, Lumy sent. The Zandith aren’t one hive mind; they’re a city of hive minds.

“And um,” Eve said, “who am I talking to now?”

“I’m Dave.”

Eve blinked. “Dave. Okay. And uh… are you…”

“Allow me to clarify,” the Zandith said. “My name is Dave. I am speaking to you through drone number seven-seven-eight-one.”

“Ah,” Eve replied. “And you were at the wedding?”

“Not this particular drone, but, yes, I was,” Dave answered. “As were Liam and our current prime, Emry.”

Before she could even ask, he went on to explain how every decade the ninety seven hive minds came together to vote on who would lead them for the next decade, with the caveat that a given mind could only be the prime once per century. As a result, any gestalt that put a bit of effort into campaigning got to be the prime at some point.

Eve took the opportunity to survey the city as they walked, her gaze lingering upon its many oddities. At the surface, it appeared almost identical to any other bustling hub. Sure, the buildings were made of marsh clay rather than stone or wood like the human cities she knew, but the layouts felt familiar.

Market squares and narrow alleys and brought thoroughfares abounded, each cluttered with Zandiths going about their daily business of buying and selling their various wares. It wasn’t until Eve managed to get close enough to catch a bit of conversation between one such buyer and a woman behind a cobbler’s stall that she noted the major difference.

The exchange between the two seemed to jump back and forth between a dozen different topics, only some of which were tangentially related to the actual purchase of shoes. Eve realized those two particular hive minds were probably in contact with each other in several places throughout the city, and she’d overheard a small fraction of the many ongoing conversations they held simultaneously.

It was weird.

Every Zandith she passed bowed his or her head, all in exactly the same manner for exactly the same duration. Dave hadn’t lied when he’d said he’d already told the others about her. Funnily enough, the fish people paid Lumy absolutely no heed, completely ignoring the phantasmal remnant as if she weren’t there. Eve wondered if they could perceive her at all, or just thought the three glowing lights were some spell of Eve’s.

The air in the city was stifling. The crystal leaves of the willow above and all around formed a greenhouse around the place, trapping heat and moisture alike. The oppressive heat and high humidity reminded Eve of the overheated mountaintop outside Dragonwrought Hold, but without the constant breeze providing fresh air. At times it felt like if she tried hard enough, she could swim through all the water in the air.

At least she didn’t get all gross and sweaty. Being an entity of Mana and not truly alive had its perks.

Eve noted, as she walked, the distinct lack of the taverns or brothels that normally populated cities this size, which made sense once she thought about it. Such establishments sold individualistic pleasures, things in which a hive mind couldn’t necessarily partake. Could a gestalt consciousness even get drunk? What would that look like?

Eve wanted to find out.

In contrast, a number of restaurants, patisseries, and tea shops littered the streets, demonstrating the apparent affinity the hive minds had for flavor if not for the more human vices. She supposed it made sense given their idolization of Alvin’s pancakes.

Dave led her to a clay structure with a dangling red curtain in place of a door. Warm red Mana lights illuminated the open space, which housed nine beds, a bathroom, and little else. The complete lack of privacy the room’s nine residents must’ve lived with almost disturbed Eve until she remembered that if they all shared a mind, it wasn’t really nine residents so much as one resident with nine bodies. This hive mind thing would take some getting used to.

As Eve stepped inside, a group of Zandiths worked to clear out some of the extra furniture.

“I’m emptying this domicile for your use during your stay,” Dave explained.

Eve looked at the workers. “Where will they stay?”

“Arnold has agreed to help out. He and I are shuffling our sleeping arrangements a bit, but there’s space for everybody.”

Eve nodded, refraining from further questions. “Thank you. I really appreciate it.” Truth be told, she’d expected to find lodging in an inn somewhere, only then realizing that hive minds didn’t need inns.

Dave, or rather, the drone Dave had chosen to guide her around, nodded. “I’ll leave you to wash up and rest from your journey in privacy. You’re welcome to stop an any of the various restaurants, though I’ll warn you our tastes may be different than yours. First through, might I enquire as to the purpose of your visit?”

Eve was ready for that one. “I’ve come into possession of a certain valuable that necessitates a place to keep safe. I was hoping you could help me with that.”

Dave smiled. “You’ll want to speak with Annie, then. She runs the bank. One moment.” A few seconds passed as the drone stood silent, his eyes blinking sideways. “She’s agreed to give you a tour of her facility, but requests the night to clean and prepare.”

Well that was easy. “Yeah, that’s great,” Eve said. “In the morning then?”

“Excellent,” Dave said. “I’ll leave you your privacy. If you need anything, simply step outside and speak to any passing drone. Whichever mind they belong to will know to direct you to me.”

“Thank you,” Eve replied. “Really. I never could’ve hoped for such great hospitality.”

“Of course, your majesty,” the Zandith said. “Any friend of Alvin’s is a friend of mine. Welcome to the crystal willow.” With that he turned, swiping the curtain out of the way to step back into the busy street.

Eve looked around the barren living area. The Dave-drones had left two of the original nine beds, pushing them together to give Eve that much more space. It and the washbasin made up almost the entirety of the room’s furnishings.

She took the time to wash away the various bits of dirt, lake water, dead leaves, and other debris from all the plants she’d trampled and or run clean through on her journey there, before re-donning her armor and turning to face the glowing lights in the corner of the room. The orange glow of the setting sun shined in from outside.

“Looks like we’ve got some time to kill,” Eve said.

We should take a look around, Lumy sent. The more info we have before stepping foot in that bank, the better. For all we know, this vault of yours isn’t even under the bank.

“True,” Eve said, flashing an eye towards her half empty Mana pool. “But there’s some other info I want to gather first.”

Lumy flashed pastel green. And that would be?

“Only the most important piece of intel.” A mischievous grin crossed Eve’s face. “I wanna know what Zandith food tastes like.”

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