This Quest is Bullshit - Chapter 169

Chapter 169 - Okay, Maybe One More Side Quest

As Eve cautiously swung the door open to the Maple St. Bakery, she braced herself for anything. Preston stayed close, ready to blast her with healing should the need arise. Alex stood guard out on the street, her shield raised and ready to repel the forces of the third hell itself should they come to stop them.

Lumy floated above it all, glowing an amused pink.

The bakery’s one patron—a well-dressed man sitting at a table with a muffin and a mug of tea—glanced curiously up at the strangely tense adventurers before returning to his book. Eve stepped past him up to the counter.

She kept one hand at her side and one on the hilt of her club, glancing suspiciously left and right for any signs of incoming foul play. Nobody jumped out at her. The building didn’t spontaneously combust. The Baker didn’t mysteriously vanish. He simply spoke. “Hi, what can I get you?”

Eve’s jaw tensed. Her grip tightened. Her heart sped as adrenaline coursed through her. There could be no telling what was about to happen. Prepared to do anything from Jetting out of the place at mach two to Defying an eldritch ritual, Eve spoke the most dangerous words to ever escape her mouth.

“I’d like a loaf of bread, please.”

The man hissed. “Rotten luck, that. I take it you don’t know, then?”

Eve blinked. “Know what?”

“The flour shortage,” the Baker explained. “You can’t get your hands on the stuff.”

Eve scowled, glancing down at the display case full of pastries before her. “What about all this stuff? Pastry dough has flour in it.”

“Not these, they don’t,” the man said. “There’re some flour substitutes the alchemist’s guild has come up with, but they don’t hold their shape the same. Only works for flat pastries and frying, and even then the taste’s not the same. Rotten for business,” he nodded over to the singular customer in the large bakery.

As Eve glanced back at the man, a thought struck. “What about the muffins?” She nodded her head towards the basket of fresh muffins atop the counter. “Those don’t look flat or fried, and clearly someone’s enjoying them.”

The Baker cast a furtive glance to his customer before leaning in and beckoning Eve to do the same. “I didn’t bake ‘em,” he whispered. “I know a guy who sells ‘em, and I’ve been reselling them at cost to try and keep my customer base alive until this shortage ends.”

Having decided that the moment’s danger had passed, Preston stepped around Eve to join her at the counter. “What’s causing this shortage?”

The man shrugged. “Your guess is as good as mine. You just can’t get the stuff.”

“What about the muffin seller?” Eve asked. “Whoever’s making the muffins clearly has access to flour.”

“I suppose he does,” the Baker said. “The guy I know sells ‘em out of a stall a few blocks down. Business has been booming for him since this flour shortage started. Only trouble is, what with me and others like me buying up his inventory before the city wakes up, he usually sells out before dawn. You go looking now, you won’t find him.”

“Alright,” Preston said. “Thanks for the help.” As he turned to go, Eve lingered at the counter.

“Let me get one of those muffins.” She pulled a gold piece from her pocket. “No poppyseeds. And keep the change.” She winked at the man. “To carry you over until this shortage ends. One way or another.”

Eve took a great bite of the blueberry treat as she, Preston, and Lumy rejoined Alex out on the street. Once they relayed the story the Baker had told them, Alex spoke.

“So are we going to keep looking or wait until he opens up shop tomorrow morning?”

“May as well keep looking,” Preston said. “If this muffin guy’s got flour, it’s possible one of the other bakeries does.”

And if none of them do, whoever’s making these muffins gets a lot more interesting, Lumy sent.

“Basically,” Preston agreed. “Either way, it’s worth asking around. Which way’s the next closest bakery?”

As the party turned to go, Alex glanced over to Eve. “How’s the muffin?”

Eve shrugged. “Nothing special. No enchantments, no abnormal ingredients—at least nothing my body doesn’t consider food—and it tastes spectacularly mediocre.”

“So… it’s just a muffin.”

Eve smiled at her. “Yep.” She finished the treat, tossing the wrapper in a nearby bin. She gestured down the road ahead. “Shall we?”

The gang hit up four bakeries on the east side of Pyrindel, hearing the same story over and over again. Each and every one had been completely unable to procure flour for the past could weeks, and each only limped by reselling muffins they picked up from a street vendor that closed up shop before the sun even reached the horizon. It seemed, as far as Eve could tell, that these four Bakers all purchased from the same seller. She’d have to visit a different part of town to learn more.

In the Westwind Heights, where street vendors faced much stricter regulation, the Bakers reported taking daily deliveries from a Courier. Each thought they were the only one receiving such a deal, but the more Eve and her companions asked around, the clearer it became that in all the vast capital city of Pyrindel, the only baked goods anyone could get their hands on were these exact muffins.

Conspiracy was afoot.

“Tell me about this Courier,” Eve said to the eighth Baker she’d spoken to that day. “Is it the same one every day? Does he come alone? In a cart? Where can I find him?”

The woman across the counter shrugged. “Just him and his cart every day. I don’t know where you’d find him right now, but if you wanted to come back tomorrow, say, an hour before sunrise, you could find him here.”

Eve sighed. “We’d rather solve this today if we can. Got lots of um… other things to worry about. What about this cart? What’s it look like? If this Courier is making deliveries to every Baker in the district, it’s gotta be big enough to hold a lot of muffins, right?”

“I noticed something, actually,” the woman said. “For a Courier delivering muffins, his cart seemed rather nice. Like it was brand new. Two wheels, pulled by a donkey, but the wood was clean enough I would’ve bet it’d never been outside the city.”

That’s a clue, Lumy sent. Either they’re making the muffins somewhere in the city, or they’re shipping them in on a larger scale than these smaller delivery carts.

“I’d bet on the former,” Eve said, “but that’s something we can check.” She turned back to the Baker. “Thanks for the help. If we come up short today, I’ll definitely stop by tomorrow morning. If I don’t show up, assume—”

“Something happened to you?” the woman interrupted. “Are… are you worried the muffin organization is going to try something?”

Eve blinked. “What? No. That would be ridiculous. If I don’t show up tomorrow, assume it’s because I already figured out what’s happening.”

“Oh. Right.” The Baker nodded. “I appreciate that someone’s looking into this.”

With a smile, Eve bought her eighth muffin of the day, confirming with a quick taste that it was at least made by the same recipe as the others. She waited until she’d made it back out onto the street to address her friends. “Okay, it looks like we have two leads. We should check with the guards at the city gate to see if any flour is making it into the city. If it is, our muffin bakery is somewhere in Pyrindel. Maybe we can trace the flour to it.”

Alex raised an eyebrow. “And the other lead?”

“The cart,” Preston explained. “There’re only so many places you can stable donkey-pulled carts like that in the city. Since we know the carts don’t leave town, they’ve gotta be somewhere.”

Alex glanced back and forth between Eve and Preston. “You want to split up, don’t you?”

“The sooner we get this done, the sooner we can help Reginald with the evacuation,” Preston put plainly. “Not to mention the sooner she gets there, the more time Eve will have to practice with whatever new abilities she unlocks at level a hundred.”

“I’ll go to the gate,” Eve said, materializing the Burendian crown atop her head. She pointed to it. “Thanks to this, I should have an easier time with the guards.”

Alex nodded. “I’ll search the stables then. Best to make sure each time has a fighter on it.”

“We’re investigating muffin crime,” Preston said. “I don’t think we’re going to need violence.”

No, no, she’s got a point, Lumy sent. Knowing you lot, there’s probably a level two hundred muffin elemental behind this, and we’re going to need all the firepower we’ve got.

Eve smiled. “Lumy can come with me since she can’t communicate with Alex.”

“Which means I’m with you,” Preston followed up, looking towards the Defender.

“Perfect,” Alex said. “We’ve got a tank-healer combo and a…” She waved a hand wildly at Eve and Lumy. “Whatever the hells you are combo.”

“Sounds good to me,” Eve said.

“Meet back at the palace in two hours?” Alex offered.

“I have a better idea,” Eve countered. “First team to solve the mystery wins?”

Preston snorted. Alex rolled her eyes.

I see we’re back to not taking things seriously, Lumy sent.

“What?” Eve asked. “I’m great at taking serious things seriously. I just resolutely refuse to take anything having to do with muffin crime seriously.”

Fair point.

Alex smirked. “Guess I’ll see you at the muffin bakery, then.”

“No you won’t,” Eve replied, already turning to walk towards the northern gate. “I’ll be long finished there by the time you arrive.”

Eve walked at a casual pace down the cobblestone street, waiting until she’d turned the corner and thus stepped out of view before Charging down the street. She kept her speed under tight control to keep from disrupting too many people with the burst of wind in her wake, but paid little mind to the concept of speed limits.

Theoretically, the crown atop her head put her well outside the jurisdiction of any local enforcers. In practice, three different sets of city guards tried to stop her short with their stasis enchantments, only to find the tools mysteriously failed to work against the queen of Burendia.

When she arrived at the guard station and spoke with the woman in charge, Eve didn’t need to ask twice. Lumy looked through the ledger for her.

A shipment of flour did come in this morning, the harvester sent. A whole wagon full, actually. Ledger was signed by one Arnold Truskalian, with an official destination listed as someplace in Drury.

Eve blinked, turning to the guard captain. “Is that a real place?”

“Not in Pyrindel it isn’t,” the guard replied. She pointed at another line in the ledger. “But that street name is real. Riverwest Avenue runs just south of here. Mostly warehouses for loading and unloading goods from the riverboats.”

It’s a start, Lumy sent, floating away from the ledger.

Eve closed the large book. “Thanks for the help. I think we’ve got what we’re looking for.”

“Of course, your majesty,” the woman bowed as Eve stepped away from the guard post.

“You noted the street number, right?” Eve asked of Lumy as they followed the road south towards Riverwest Avenue.

Seven seven oh nine, Lumy rattled off. Someone has to actually pay attention.

“I’m paying attention!” Eve insisted. “And hey, we’ve got the lead we’re looking for, right? You’re free to complain I’m not taking this seriously if we lose to Alex and Preston and not a moment before, alright?”

I still think this contest is silly, but fine. As long as it doesn’t get in the way, you can take this as seriously as you want.

Eve grinned. “Good,” she said, cracking her knuckles. “Now let’s have a talk with Mr. Arnold whatever-his-name-is.”

Truskalian.

“Yeah, that,” Eve said. “I’m sure Mr. Tuskalio has quite the story to tell.”

Lumy only flashed red, sent an aggravated sigh, and followed Eve down the winding road to Riverwest Avenue. They had a muffin crime to solve.

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