Untitled Space Xianxia - Chapter 11

Chapter 11: Something to Come Back For

“For the last time, I’m okay.”

I paced circles around my dorm room as I spoke to the empty air, my holopad transmitting my voice with a half-second delay through Fyrion’s comms network and into orbit.

“Cal, sweetie, you had a panic attack,” Lucy’s voice echoed clearly throughout the small room. “It’s been less than a month since RF-31. Maybe you need more time.”

“I need to get stronger,” I countered. “I had a panic attack because I got in a fistfight with a cultivator above my level. I had a panic attack because for the second time my strongest punch barely moved him. I don’t need more time. I need a stronger punch.”

“Okay,” Lucy said, the worry still apparent in her voice. “It’s your decision, and I support you. Just… please let me know if it happens again, and if you ever need someone to talk to…”

I smiled. “You’ll be the first one I call.”

“Good. It’s good they helped you, but I don’t trust anyone down there to have your best interests in mind.”

“I’m working on that. I’m already making friends with one of those boastful-types you mentioned, and I’m in the process of convincing someone a bit smarter that my interests align with hers.”

“Oh? Tell me about them.”

I went on to explain in depth my encounters with Xavier and Charlotte, the former’s earnest eagerness for a sparring partner and the latter’s self-serving interest in my focus room hours. Lucy agreed with my decision to trade the hours away, though she warned me it’d draw unwelcome attention if word got out.

Charlotte, at least, wouldn’t let that happen. If I got kicked out of the sect, she’d lose her chance at more bonus hours. I’d just have to be careful to whom else I traded focus room time.

Lucy listened attentively as I ran through the day’s events, from the rough but helpful meditation instructors to Chrissy’s genuine care to Senior Cadet Long replying to my verbal swing with a physical one. She sighed at that last.

“You can’t disrespect people like that,” she chided me. “Right now, your low rank and my protection keep you relatively safe, but you have to climb eventually, and the longer I stay off-planet the less they’ll remember my presence.”

“He disrespected me first! I just responded in kind.”

“He insulted you. He didn’t disrespect you. There’s a difference. ‘Humble’ could be considered a compliment or just a neutral observation. ‘Awful’ is always an insult.”

“You didn’t see his face.”

“If his face was relevant, cultivators would be killing each other for the wrong look. We’ve been over this, Cal. The rules matter.”

“The rules are bullshit.”

“Language!”

“Sorry,” I muttered. “I’ll play nice.”

“I didn’t say anything about nice. You’ll play respectfully.”

“Respectfully…” I ceased my pacing and rubbed at the scruff on my unshaven chin. “I think I can do that.”

From there I braced myself for the lecture to come and explained how I’d spent my afternoon. Remarkably, Lucy seemed oddly okay with it.

“Xavier’s right,” she said. “You should get some of that shampoo.”

“Already ordered some. Should be here tomorrow.” I opened my mouth to move the conversation along, but my curiosity got the better of me. “You’re… just fine with the fact I opened a meridian alone in the shower?”

Lucy sighed. “I’ve realized there’s not much I can say to stop you. The focus rooms are too valuable a resource to waste, and even if they weren’t the elders would see how quickly you’re advancing. At least you had some proper instruction this time. Next time, I hope you’ll find someone you can trust to watch you. I won’t be waiting outside with a medical cart.”

I blinked. “When were you outside with a medical cart? My lungs?”

She didn’t answer.

“Of fu—of course you were. You knew what I was doing and you knew the risks.” I exhaled. “Thank you.”

“I just want you to be safe,” Lucy said. “Or at least as safe as you can be.”

“I appreciate it. I really do. You’ve been absolutely amazing to me.”

Her voice turned dark. “I’ve also been awful.”

I sat and lay back on my bed, my legs dangling off until my knees bent and my feet touched the floor. “Tell me about him.”

Lucy went silent.

“Your last passenger, I want to know.”

“I…” Lucy’s voice wavered. “I’m not ready to talk about that.”

“Okay.” I let the word hang in the air for a moment. “Can I know his name?”

“Cedric. Cedric Stiathan.”

“Cedric,” I repeated the name, letting its syllables linger on my tongue. “I’m sorry.”

A tightness clutched Lucy’s tone as she spoke once more. “I’ll let you get some rest. Call me tomorrow if you have a chance, alright?”

“I will,” I promised. “Goodnight, Lucy.”

“Goodnight, Cal. Sleep well.”

The comms went quiet.

I lay unmoving for some time, mind caught worrying about Lucy and wondering about Cedric. I felt some kinship to the stranger, this mysterious cultivator whose inability to touch the very ocean of qi from which I drank had driven him mad. I pictured him alone in roofie’s reactor room, a starving man surrounded by a feast he couldn’t touch. I wondered if he’d sensed the void in those final moments, if it’d been the infinite sea that’d stolen away his sanity.

It’d very nearly driven me to despondency, and I could cultivate it.

The thought spun circles in my mind as I finally rose to cleanse my teeth and undress for bed. I fought to banish the specter, this unhealthy fascination with the madman who’d killed my brother, but even as my head hit the pillow, Cedric’s twitching face sat lodged in my mind.

Sleep took over soon enough. I’d had, by all counts, a truly exhausting day. As in most things, Lucy had been right.

I needed to get some rest.

——

“If I wanted…” I inhaled sharply as I tugged back on the rowing machine. “…to find a particular technique…” I yanked back once more. “…where would I look?”

“The local net,” Charlotte answered through a grunt as she finished a bench press. “Most of the sect’s beginner techniques are there.”

“Already looked. Where else?”

She scowled at me. “What are you… nevermind. You’re not going to tell me. You should ask your sponsor.”

I’d originally intended to spend the morning workout running, but after she’d hidden away in her room during breakfast, I needed the opportunity to speak with Charlotte. I took a quick break from my rowing. “My sponsor isn’t a sect member.”

“Your benefactor isn’t,” she said, “but you can’t be a member without someone in the sect sponsoring you. The info should be on your holopad.”

I scowled and scrolled through the holographic screen, bringing up my profile on the sect’s local network. I sighed. “Shit. Elder Lopez.”

“What’s wrong with Elder Lopez?”

“She’s doesn’t like me.”

“Of course she doesn’t like you.” Charlotte racked her weight and sat up. “You’re an upstart mortal and a foreigner. You’re taking up valuable resources just because some old ship asked for them. There probably isn’t a single elder on all of Fyrion that does like you.”

“I guess I’ll just have to win her over with my rakish charm.”

Charlotte laughed.

“See, it’s already working on you!”

“You won me over with bribery,” Charlotte said, pushing herself to her feet. She pulled the weights from her bar and returned them to their rack. “I’d say you should try that with Elder Lopez, but you can’t give away all your hours.” She turned away, leaving me behind to take off on a run around the massive track, but not before adding, “What use is a technique without the qi to use it?”

I watched her go, her pace far beyond what I could ever hope to match. “My thoughts exactly.” With a spark of an idea and a grin on my face, I got back to my workout. By the time I’d finished rowing, I knew exactly how I’d spend the rest of the day.

Meditation class went about as boringly as one might expect from the words ‘meditation class.’ Senior Cadets Park and Stevens showed me some mercy compared to my first day, something my sore back deeply appreciated as I tried and failed to maintain my focus though their continued distractions.

I felt like I was making progress, but it was hard to quantify, and I had no way of knowing if I’d made it up or if it was only because the instructors weren’t hitting me quite as hard. Either way, I let out a sigh of relief when the session finally ended and the instructors left the room.

The kids gave me the cold shoulder as I devoured the egg salad sandwich and potato chips I’d pilfered from the cafeteria that morning. They sat in clusters on the opposite side of the room, apparently no longer interested in strange adult that had joined their class. Even Vihaan, the kind boy who’d offered me half of his lunch just yesterday, kept his distance.

I tried not to let it bother me, but truthfully the treatment stung. All it’d taken was a few words from Instructor Long to turn them against me. I figured I’d win them back eventually—Long wasn’t exactly steep competition in the friendliness category—but for the time being I’d let them keep to themselves. For the time being, I had more pressing matters to worry about than the opinions of a bunch of ten-year-olds.

Chrissy arrived five minutes early again, and was kind enough to spend that time giving me a brief rundown of the most basic cycling techniques she taught. I couldn’t ask for specific instruction for my newly-opened bone meridian without giving away too much information, but I could readily play the part of a new student desperate to catch up.

Once I knew everything the kiddos knew, I could just follow along with them. Thanks to my practicably undetectable qi, she wouldn’t know I was working the same exercises as the others until I’d been there long enough to reveal my open meridians without raising too many questions.

I spent the three hour session mastering the basic cycling method and messing around with my newly opened meridian. Similar to my kidney, I couldn’t easily feel the difference cycling qi through my bones made, but I figured reinforced bones would prove critical in a fight.

I made the furthest strides in combat class, by which I mean I took a literal stride. Apparently my training aboard Lucy let me skip an entire week’s worth of learning how to stand and I could move on to learning how to take a step. The instructors still looked on me with resentment, but I could handle a few dirty looks. As long as they kept teaching me, I’d be fine. Hell, at this rate I’d place out their class in a couple months and be done with them entirely. I held tight to that thought.

As the last dredges of afternoon valiantly held against the encroaching evening, I shared a crowded transport pod to Elder Lopez’s office. I’m sure my fellow passengers resented how much exercise I’d had since my last shower, but my sore and exhausted self couldn’t do much about that. I muttered an apology as I finally arrived.

I waited on the hard metal bench outside Elder Lopez’s office for thirty minutes before her secretary ushered me in. I saluted the moment I stepped in the door.

“Cadet Rex.” She looked me up and down, disdain in her eyes. “Are you ready to share your qi masking technique with the Dragon’s Right Eye?”

“No ma’am,” I answered, maintaining my salute and rigid frame as best I could.

“Very well. You may go.”

I blinked. “Um, ma’am? I’m here for instruction.”

“Really? Because I have two different senior cadets sending me complaints that you’re taking up too much attention in the nine hours of instruction you already receive.”

I gulped. Which two instructors? Long seemed obvious. Was the second one of his lackeys or from a different class? I dismissed the thoughts. “I need a technique. Something to anchor my spirit to my body.”

The elder tilted her head. “Now that is curious. A part of your Way, I take it?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“I know of three such techniques.” She kept her voice curt. “You already know what information I want in return.”

“I’m sorry, I—uh—ma’am.” I very charmingly corrected myself. “I’m sorry, ma’am. I can’t tell you that.”

“Then you may go,” she repeated. She waved at me dismissively and looked down at whatever report she was reading.

“I’ll give you a focus room hour,” I blurted out.

That got her attention. She raised a manicured eyebrow at me. “So you’re desperate, then. Desperate or stupid. Very well.” She sat back. “I accept.”

At her nod I pulled out of my salute to bring up my holopad. I had to go through four different confirmation windows to transfer my focus room hour, but the moment it went through Elder Lopez leaned in with a predatory smile.

“I know three techniques for anchoring a spirit to its body. None of them work below the bronze stage.”

I blinked. “E…excuse me?”

“I said I’d share what I knew, not that it’d be useful. If you’re so set on projecting your spirit, progress to bronze core. Otherwise, I recommend you leave your spirit where it is.”

“But we had a deal!”

She scowled. “We had a deal, ma’am. You’ve already broken attention without my permission, and now you dare question me?”

“But I couldn’t send you the hour without breaking—” I forced myself to take a deep breath. “I’m sorry, ma’am.”

“That’s better,” she sneered. “You mortals need to learn your place. Then again, I imagine you’re not so happy with it. Spirits don’t get lost when they have something to come back to. You may go.” She spat the dismissal at me.

I spun on my heel and stormed out of the office, completely failing to hide the anger from my face. That bitch. I’d given her some of the sect’s most valuable resource and that was how she treated me?

I exhaled. So my sponsor was awful. What did that mean? It meant I couldn’t depend on her for instruction. For the time being that didn’t matter; I had classes. Once I finished the kiddie classes and became a fully fledged sect member it’d be an issue, but I could cross that bridge when I came to it.

More immediately, I needed a way to safely drink from the infinite sea. I couldn’t cultivate without qi, but the one and only time I’d drawn from that well it’d nearly washed me away.

My mind ran circles as I waited for the transport pod to take me back to housing D. Just because Elder Lopez had been useless didn’t mean the other elders would be. Maybe I could wait until next week and offer an hour to one of them. Was that allowed? Lopez was my sponsor. I’d have to ask Charlotte about the politics involved.

I replayed the encounter in my mind over the ride back. It made sense that nobody had designed such a technique for beginners—most beginners weren’t losing track of their souls. I wondered if Elder Lopez had given me access to the database entries for the bronze core techniques. Maybe I could adapt one of them.

The realization didn’t hit me until I was already halfway up the stairs to the third floor.

Spirits didn’t get lost when they had something to come back to.

She’d said it as a slight, but maybe the elder’s parting words had been exactly the instruction I’d sought. The last time I’d touched the void, I’d just lost my brother. I’d lost my life. I’d been alone on an unfamiliar ship with a soul I didn’t know.

I wasn’t alone any more. I had Xavier and Charlotte to a certain extent, but above all I had Lucy. Nihilist crisis or otherwise, could I ever bring myself to abandon her like that? What about Brady or the others on roofie? I still owed it to them to make their lives matter.

I didn’t head for the showers. I didn’t change out of my dirty clothes or cleanse the lingering stench from my hair with the newly-delivered specialty shampoo. The moment I returned to my room I sat crosslegged on floor next to the window and sunk into my center.

I reached out to the world around me. I looked past the deafening onslaught of the planet’s qi, past the metal walls and glass window, into the vacuum beyond.

An endless ocean stretched out before me, calm to a mirror sheen that reflected no light for here was the realm of darkness. The realm of stillness. The realm of naught.

My spirit knelt at the water’s edge, at the brink of cold infinity, and lowered its head.

I drank long and deep from the infinite sea, my center swelling with qi until it spilled into my meridians. No wave came crashing down. No riptide bore me away.

I drifted not upon the currents of nothingness. I strayed not from the island of existence on which I sat. This time, I stayed put.

This time, I had something to come back for.

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