Chapter 85

I must admit that in the last few years, I’ve been an operative; I’ve hardly ever been to this floor. The few times I’ve been here have always been purely to have some psychologists test my mental well-being. These have typically been handled in offices close to the lifts. The same lifts that Gregson and I now exit as we walk onto the floor. Looking around, I see that it’s not changed much in terms of the décor, but in terms of the number of people present is far busier than I have experienced in the past.

We head over to the nurse’s station and Gregson quickly engages one of the female nurses in conversation. I stand a little back from them and notice that she is used to seeing him by how they converse.

“Here you go, Evelyn.” Gregson hands over his keys and several other personal items. “John here doesn’t have anything on him.”

“Okay, then you can go through.” She hands him two clip-on passes marked visitor in big red letters. The attached one to the front of his shirt and handed me the other, which I attached to my jumper.

“This way.” Gregson knows where he’s going leading me down a long corridor to the secure section of the floor. The nurse at the security door nodded to Gregson and opened it granting us access. By this point, I am utterly perplexed at what we’re doing here, but I can hold my tongue and not ask.

“He’s in the common room.” The male nurse tells Gregson as we passed.

“Thanks.”

Questions were burning in my mind and I desperately wanted to ask them, but I decided to hold my tongue. The base’s medical building was a hospital in all but name and was one of the largest buildings outside the armoury and hangers. This part of the floor was the secure unit where they treated those operatives and support team personnel who had mental breakdowns.

We made our way through a corridor with security doors on every room entrance that we passed. Looking around, I tried not to stare, but I was still curious, noticing the number of people here outside of the staff. I was getting concerned when comparing the numbers to those I had heard about before my recent long nap. There were far more people here than I used to be aware of.

We came to the common room, which again had another security door and a nurse’s station behind see-through plastic sheeting. We were buzzed through by the nurse behind the counter with a simple nod to Gregson. I suspect that there was a small gap when they could dispense drugs from the inside of the room.

The room was large and open plan with tables and chairs scattered around. The chairs were simple and plastic but looked comfortable. There are also a couple of settees in the room as well. A few people are sitting around, some talking, some staring off into space, but far fewer than the room could contain. Gregson took a moment to look around and then began to walk across the room to the other side. I notice a small figure sitting in a padded chair, looking out the window at the spring sky.

“Hello Henry, I thought someone to see you.”

The figure turned around, not startled by the voice behind them, just curious.

“Oh, hello, John. Back awake, I see.”

For more than a few seconds, I stood there frozen in pure shock. Before me was a small, tired-looking man, not the charismatic and playful man I remembered. His face was Henry’s body had lost a great deal of weight; he was so frail and thin looking. His voice was also a tired sound to my ears, like an old man’s. But what got me most was his eyes when he looked at me. The spark of life and humour that once were in them was gone and they were now dull and uninterested.

My mind was racing, trying to figure out what to do or say. To be more precise, I looked at my friend or what was left of him. It was like the man I knew was hollowed out and left empty, not truly alive or dead.

“Mind if we sit?” Gregson asked him, covering for my shocked state.

“Of course.” He indicated to a settee that was across from him. Gregson nudges me and we both move and sit upon it. I follow the instructions, still not understanding what I’m looking at. My mind just cannot process the image of the man I knew to the one in front of me now.

“How are you, Henry?” Gregson asked him, resuming the conversation.

“Not bad. The doctors think if I got my medication sorted out as I’ve been feeling a lot better.” He replied, making idle conversation.

“That’s good to hear. Have any family visited recently?”

“Yes, my mother was here just the other day. She should be back next week.”

“I’ll see if I can pop in and see you both.”

“Oh, I know she likes that.”

“So, are you sleeping better now?”

“Yes.”

I had not said anything and listened to the conversation. He was even looking at me as he spoke to Gregson; I realised he was in looking at Gregson but out the window. It wasn’t shame or embarrassment that I could see this know something else. Listening to the tone of his voice and his body movements, it took me a few moments to figure it out.

I was about to start speaking when a female nurse came over and gently began speaking instead to Henry.

“I’m sorry to interrupt Henry, but your appointment is right now.” He looked at her and nodded.

“Sorry guys, but the doctors are calling. I hope to see you both later.” He gets up slowly and hesitantly like an old man. He stops and turns to me. ”Good to see you back, John.” Once steady on his feet, he turns to the nurse nodding and they both walk off. Gregson had gotten up to see him off, but I’d remained sitting.

Broken. That was the word I was looking for as I watched him fully walk off. Something had broken him and broken him badly. My mind went back to our conversation in October when he came over to see me; I knew he was having issues, but what the hell caused this?

Gregson sat back down next to me, not speaking but letting me process what I have seen. Seeing Henry like that broken has shaken me more than I care to admit. It was here at this moment that I came to fully understand what the newsfeeds were trying to cover up, just how broken everything had become.

A wave of emotions flowed through me so fast that I couldn’t fully understand my feelings or why. Sadness as I looked at Henry and what had happened to the hunger to know what happened to him was there. Here at that, possibly be me sometime very soon if they set me back into the zones. These two and so many more motions flooded through me; I just couldn’t process it all. It was all threatening to overwhelm me and I needed to focus.

“It happened two days before Christmas.” Gregson started out of nowhere, forcing me to focus on him and his voice.

“It was a small town outside Bristol. A small rural community.” He continued.

“The RCT was responding to a zone that had formed there. It had just appeared and was slowly expanding, giving us ample time to evacuate the community. Henry, Smith, Wong and two trainees were dispatched to help in the evacuation. They were loading up the last of the people getting out when I happened.” His monotone voice made the story he was telling me far more horrific. He faced ahead, not at me, when he told me the story.

“The zone edge was close to the evacuation point by then. The base camp was never really established and had already pulled out to a point further back. There was a ten-man support team backing them up. They had loaded up for buses with the remaining population when they were attacked. Thirty hostiles assaulted them from the zone. We can only identify three of the types involved. The remaining six were unknowns.

Wong and the two trainees never stood a chance and were killed within seconds. Henry and Smith were further back with the support team, but they didn’t last much longer. Out of the remaining twelve, only three survived, Henry and Smith, being two of them. But they were all badly wounded. The only reason they survived was that the hostiles didn’t stop. I went straight into the buses slaughtering the remaining 50 men, women and children, trying to get out of danger.

Smith and the support team members that survived were out cold from their injuries. Henry, however, wasn’t hearing and seeing everything that transpired after. When he was found afterwards, it was clear that he was done. He is only now just been able to sleep. It seems they’ve got his medication sorted out. He can still hear the screaming when he closes his eyes.”

He pauses here, letting what he had told me to sink in. I knew what he was doing. I was trying to show me just how desperate things were and that they needed me back. That voice in the back of my mind that made me constantly go into danger was stirred slightly by his argument but not enough. Seeing Henry had only, in some ways, reinforced my decision. The last three years had beaten me down to the point where I could not go on and seeing Henry like he is now only strengthened that belief.

“That will be me if I go back in.” I said to Gregson, my voice flat and unemotional like Henry’s.

“Maybe you will end up like him, or maybe not.”

“I’ve given enough over the last few years. No more!” I was starting to get heated. This was emotional blackmail, pure and simple and I was not falling for it.

“Yes, you have and I’m not going to deny it. But remember, some have given far more.”

We fell silent again for a moment as we watched patients on the floor slowly shuffle in. They were all injured both mentally and physically. They were all broken in some manner. Most were apparent in the ways that they were broken, but some were physically whole but were drugged up to their eyeballs. My greatest fear was not dying or being badly injured and medically discharged; no, it was this. This half-life they seem to be living. This is what I truly feared.

Gregson indicated it was time to leave and we got up. We quickly left the floor, only stopping to pick up personal items left at the nurse’s station at the entrance. We had spoken during the exit as we were both thinking of the things happening and what we had seen.

“If you don’t want to go out there anymore, I understand, but we need you now more than ever.” He said to me as we waited for the lift to come after he called it. “You’re not blind, John. I know you have already figured out just how bad it is from what they’re not saying on the newsfeeds. Well, I’m not going to lie to you; unofficially, it’s far worse.”

He had just confirmed what suspicions I have been mulling over for the last few days since I gained access to the newsfeeds. I stood there for a few moments waiting for the lift to show, but something made me look back down the ward to where Henry was. That voice was there in the back of my mind urging me back into danger and was not quiet enough to be pushed aside, but it was still there like a nagging itch.