new song rough draft
Added 2023-04-18 17:40:01 +0000 UTCyall messin wit it or no?? the cadence and delivery will change this is just to get the rhythm of the words and rhyme schemes
Comments
Trash
Tim Eversole
2023-04-18 21:30:03 +0000 UTCGot some real nice stuff going on this. I like rhyme schemes, content, and for the most part the rhythm. The delivery is also solid for being a draft version. It gets a lil fumbly in the end of the song but strong in the early-mid. If I am being critical, I think some bars/syllables overstay their welcome. Lines specifically would be cuz in time true colors are showing friends turn into enemies, the chronograph omega shine in the dark, look how the numbers glow, ill have your body carried out bitch like that shit there is lunch to go Enemies is a word that has a lot of required stressed syllables to be punchy and it eats the syllable count more than others, which makes this line feel like it stumbles. In the chronograph line you are transitioning into a new flow and this feels too attached to the old flow. You are moving to shorter and punchier, but this line is 17 syllables, the longest of all the bars making it feel odd and out of place to my ear. "ill have your body carried out bitch", I can't place my issue but it could be delivery, there is a breath taken there, but it broke the flow in my brain. Good shit overall, some thassabars for real
Aaron
2023-04-18 21:04:17 +0000 UTC
