Dealing Arms and Triggering Devils: Chapter 1

I run a hand through my snow white hair, my blue eyes closing for a moment as a long, bloody sigh leaves my lips. "Shit." 

I look down to a large scythe sticking out of my stomach. 

This hurts like a bitch. 

I lay there on the ground, staring up at the sky, eyebrow twitching. 

You know... I should have realized something was... off... about me. 

I mean, aside from dying and reincarnating, that is... the white hair, the slightly abnormal strength, clear skin, blue eyes.  

When most people have typical browns, blacks, and blonde hair... me having white? 

Yeah that's a little unusual. 

Buuut I saw it, went 'eh, leucism' and moved on. 

Now... 

I think I may be reconsidering that... 

Y'know. Because of the whole dying thing and the events that led up to this point. 

It was a pretty normal day. I live out in the boonies. 

Going to my part time job in a warehouse to lift boxes and shit... 

Then I get attacked by a bunch of weird ass masked dudes wielding scythes that turned into sand when I punched them. 

... 

Or was it ash? 

I slowly reach out, grasping as the floor, I rub my fingers together, looking at the powder trapped between my index finger and thumb. 

Ash. 

Anyways, one of them hissed 'Sparda' at me before it stabbed me in the stomach with its scythe blade soooo uh... 

Yeah. 

I think I know where I am now. 

I kind of wish I knew beforehand... then I might have actually done something with my life up until this point. 

Though... 

I'm curious. 

My name isn't Nero. 

I don't live in a place where people worship that one demon guy, uh... Sparda? 

So. 

That begs the question... 

Who the hell am I? 

Or rather... who is my father? 

Virgil... or Dante... 

Meh. Doesn't really matter right now, I suppose. I'm dying, after all. 

I see a dull flicker in front of me. 'Oh great, and here comes the hallucinations.' 

[Do you want to live?]  

"I wouldn't mind it." I burble out. 

[Then take that blade out of your stomach. Dumbass.] 

"..." 

Aren't you not supposed to take knives out of stab wounds? 

[You're a demon, moron. You have regeneration.] 

Oh? 

OH! Right. That's right. Getting a little light-headed. 

'this is going to suck.' I weakly reach down, clutching the large crescent-like blade. 

'three... two... one- AAAGH FUCK!' 

With a spray of blood I yank the blade free, a wheeze leaves my lips as I place a hand on the open wound. 

"Shit." I groan. 

I close my eyes and take a deep breath... then exhale. 

The pain appears to be lessening so I'm either healing or dying faster. Either way that's fine I guess. I don't get why I didn't do that earlier. Maybe holding out hope for someone to come find me and take me to the hospital? I can't claim to know what 'stabbed Phainon' was thinking. He had been stabbed. 

Oh. 

Yeah, My name's Phainon. My mother was Greek. 

I lay there in the dirt for a long moment, my breath slowly becoming more uniform and less pained. 

"Ah shit. This is going to be a pain in the ass to get out of my clothes." I whisper, gazing down at the rip on my grey shirt; The area around it soaked with my own blood. 

What gets blood out of clothes again? 

Honestly at this point I should probably just get an entirely new shirt. 

Issue. 

That costs money. 

I'm not exactly... strapped for cash... 

Hm... 

Wait... what was that voice? 

[Here. A shard of the Yamato. Do with it whatever you want. This should be more than enough to get you started.] 

There's a faint glimmer then a tiny piece of metal clatters to the floor. It's not much bigger than a coin. 

I reach out slowly, picking it up. 

From what I can see, its edge is intact. One side is a little jagged but the other is a mostly clean break. 

From what I can see it looks like an inch-long section of the blade that was snapped off. 

This begs the question 'what the fuck am I supposed to do with this?'.  

I rise to my feet, stumbling briefly, other hand resting on my stomach where the wound was. It's still a bit sting-y so I am unsure if it's completely healed yet. 

I can decide what I want to do with that shard when I get home... 

[Split] 

Sooo uh... I got fired. 

I mean, I didn't show up for work... on the account of being stabbed in an alley by a bunch of scythe wielding demons. 

Kind of harsh, honestly. 

Whatever. 

I spent the past three days buying a gun. 

Cheapest one I could find. 

A twenty-two pistol... a 'JA-22' I think the guy at the pawn shop called it. 

Got it for really cheap. Probably a murder weapon. 

But whatever. I got a receipt for it. Something I'll be keeping safe just in case. 

I've got a little money left over so I can take my time to find a new job. 

Not much time, mind you, but maybe a week or two before I have to start digging into my nest egg. 

I look over to my desk where I have a new tool sitting. 

A box cutter. 

But I removed the blade and replaced it with the Yamato shard. 

I am NOT going to use that as a weapon. Mainly because if I swing it hard enough the blade will likely snap off and I might never find it again. 

The mysterious screen showed up again and basically told me that it was to let me dimension hop. 

Soooo. 

Yippee! Dimension box-cutter. 

Since I figured out that I'm not just a normal person I've been doing quite a lot of soul searching... and by soul searching I mean 'meditating to check and see if I have any ACTUAL magical powers.' 

Because, hey, Dante can double jump, create a barrier around himself, teleport, AND turn into a demon form. 

I figured that just a little magic might improve my survivability. 

Thankfully, my little meditation session bore fruit. I can see a little wisp of power deep within my core. I haven't exactly tried anything with it yet, as I don't want to accidentally blow up a wall or something like that, but honestly... maybe I should put my little dimension-cutter to good use and see where I can go. 

I've more or less realized what I want to do with my life... 

Devil Arms. 

I want to travel the multiverse and collect devil arms! 

Of course... ah... it could be possible that's merely a devil may cry exclusive, but I won't know unless I try, right? 

"Screw it." I mutter. "I've got nothing better to do today." 

I grab my gun, a box of pistol shells, my phone, then the little cutter itself. 

"Alright, let's see here." I grumble, beginning to prod that energy deep within me. 

I pause and blink twice. 

Right. 

Outside. 

I slip on a jacket and make my way out of the apartment, beginning my slow walk to a nearby forest. 

[Split] 

Alright. Here we are. 

Let's do this! 

I slowly unfold the Yamato-Cutter, gazing over the edge for a moment as I gently draw upon the energy deep within. 

It surges up my body, through my chest and down my arm, seeping into the fragment of the Yamato as it begins to glow a dull blue. 

I swing my arm down and gawk as a small scratch appears in the air. 

A scratch. 

Not something I could crawl through. 

So I slash again and again and again. 

My energy surges little cuts appearing in the air in front of me looking like a mess of hashtags. 

Eventually after about thirty continuous seconds of scratching, the inner most parts of the world itself seem to fold inwards, the outer rim swirling and stabilizing into a portal which after a brief moment of hesitation I dive through. 

I roll across a stone floor for a moment before rising to my feet. 

I look around slowly. 

The floor is a white marble tile with blue, yellow, and red tiles sporadically spread across the room in no particular pattern. The ground is quite dirty, looking to not have been mopped or swept in a long time. I adjust my coat slightly, pulling out my phone and putting away the box cutter. 

My eyes snap over to a very large and tall stuffed animal.  

It's primarily blue in color with a large boomerang shaped head, its limbs are long and thin, almost ropelike when compared to its pudgy body. 

I blink twice, look to my phone and put it into selfie mode and hit 'film'. "Look at this weird ass toy thing. Is this some sort of factory? That's neat, I guess. Anyways, this could be a pretty good spot to test stuff out I just need to-" 

CRACK 

My lips fall to a flat line as the neck of the toy behind me cracks slightly as it... turns... to look at me. 

"..." 

"..." 

The red smile slowly widens, the mouth opening to reveal a maw with DOZENS of needle-like teeth similar to an eel. Its large black pupiled eyes seem to dilate slightly and- oh wow... it has a second row of teeth behind the first... that is... very unsettling. 

He also looks familiar. Where have I seen him before? 

I stop recording as the beast lunges forwards, feet thudding on the ground and alerting me that he is far heavier than he looks, his arm arcs back before he swipes forwards. 

I barely leap over the swiping arm, flipping to the side. 

My phone flies from my hand. 

"SHIT!" I curse as I watch it flip and clatter to the ground a short distance away. "My fucking phone!" 

My eyebrow twitches as I suddenly raise my hands, catching the next swipe. 

"GREE?!" The creature screeches, seemingly in shock as I stop the attack almost dead in its tracks, only being slid across the tiled floor slightly. 

I turn, swinging the creature like a large flail and launching it across the room where it smashes through a number of large boxes that look like those 'letter cubes' children would play with. 

I draw my pistol from my pocket, gathering that energy from before. 

It travels down my arm and into the gun as the creature rolls over and lets out a scream, rushing forwards on all-fours. 

There's a faint orange glow to the gun as- 

BANG 

My eyes widen fractionally as my hand tilts back slightly from the recoil. 

The bullet strikes the charging titan-sized toy in the forehead, flames spewing outwards it as it seems to stumble slightly, disorientated. 

As it flips forwards I let out a roar and kick forwards like I'm about to kick a field goal. 

I can hear a loud crack as my shin makes contact with the torso of the large fluffy children's nightmare, it is launched upwards a good ten feet as I raise my gun again. 

bang bang bang bang 

Ah yes. Those are lower-case bangs. 

The creature is riddled with four more rounds as with the final round in the magazine I grab that energy once more. 

BANG 

"SCREEEEEGH!" The final shot crashes into the creature's torso, fire once more blooming across its body, the shot pushing it slightly higher into the air. 

I rush forwards as it begins to fall, limbs flailing wildly, uncontrollably flipping through the air. 

That wisp of energy travels upwards towards my heart, into my shoulder and down my arm into my bicep as I swing my arm back. 

I make it to the wall just as the toy lands on its head right in front of me, the energy passes my elbow and shoots down my forearm like a rocket as I swing my arm forwards. 

It pools at my knuckles just as they make contact. 

BOOM 

The beast is smashed into the wall right behind it, wood shaped like a little blue picket fence snaps into shards, the concrete wall cracking outwards in a spider-web-like pattern. Blood spews from the mouth of the creature as I grab a fist-full of its chest fur and pull it back with a grunt of exertion, allowing it to fall to the floor just behind me with a meaty thud. 

"So. How's that?" I ask with a small grin. "Had enough yet? I can do this all day." 

I'm feeling a little tired, actually. I don't think I could do this all day. 

Even five more minutes of this might be pushing it. 

Thankfully the creature- if it is even sentient, I kind of doubt it though- seems to glow brightly then... 

Poof. 

It's gone. 

And in its place is one of its arms attached to a handle. 

A whip of some kind. 

I blink twice. 

"Hah? Is that-" 

"..." 

"Devil arm..." I whisper, my smile growing. 

In this case it's kind of literal! 

I put my foot in the loop of the whip and kick it upwards just enough for me to snag the handle as I walk forwards more or less to the center of the room, slipping my pistol back into my hoodie pocket as I do so. 

I look down at it briefly, inspecting it before a smile blooms across my face. 

CRACK 

I let out a few laughs as I swing it around me, the whip's cracks reverberating from the room's walls as I add in a few kicks and punches here and there. 

My demonic energy travels down the whip, cracking against the floor and causing several broken tiles to fly upwards. 

With three well placed swings of the whip the largest pieces are further shattered. 

Then with a wide arc the whip strikes one of the large wooden boxes and with a jerk it is tugged towards me, the block being far lighter than it appeared. 

It snaps inwards as I kick the block, showing that it was hollow. 

With a flick of my wrist the whip re-loops and I am holding it in one hand. 

"..." 

"..." 

"..." 

I totally just did Dante's 'oh look I got a new weapon let me test it out' thing... didn't I? 

I run my hand through my hair. 

"Well... if I had any doubt of who's son I am..." I mutter under my breath. "Dear god I even have his ability to somehow use the weapon like I've been using it my entire life." 

I rub my temples before letting out a long sigh, looking back at the whip. 

Yeah, that's still a stuffed animal's arm even if it can crack floor tiles. 

It's a bit longer than the toy's arms were, about the length of them both put together? About... twenty feet maybe? 

Either way it presents me a new problem... 

If I use this in a fight I'm going to be a total laughingstock. 

I walk forwards, picking up my phone, and quietly praying. "Come on come on come on." 

"YES!" I grin, seeing that the screen isn't cracked and it still turns on. 

I make my way over to where the toy was standing, seeing a large informational display sat there just in front of the slightly raised platform, a large red button on the center of it. 

Huggy Wuggy (1984) - 
"Playtime Co. Has designed hundreds of distinct toys, but none connected with people more than that of Huggy Wuggy. Our founder, Elliot Ludwig, aimed to create a toy which could hug you forever; As is always true, Playtime Co.'s '4-step process to creating the most lifelike toys,' was a success!" 

"..." 

The other side of the informational window talks about how this 'huggy wuggy' is the most popular toy that they've made. 

"Lifelike." I snort. "Oh jeez, what sort of fnaf-ass turn people into toys bullshit did I come across?" 

"..." 

Huggy Wuggy? 

Wait... 

I... 

Remember that... 

From that one horror game? Damn. What was it's name? 

The one where kids are turned into toys in a massive underground factory or whatever? 

Ironically that doesn't narrow it down much. "I totally just styled on a child so hard he turned into a weapon, huh?" 

"Eh." I shrug after a moment of deliberation. "Kids are psychopaths, he tried to eat me, and there's not a date here telling me what day it is, so realistically he could be an adult by now. It's fiiiine." 

I look back to the arm, a frown on my lips. 

"..." 

Doesn't Dante pawn off all his devil arms for some cash? 

Fuck it. I could use some cash. 

But I should probably wait until I get something useable first. I may not like this fuzzy abomination of a weapon but it's the only one I have and it's better than no weapon or my pistol. 

I slowly reach out and push the button. 

"His name is Huggy! Huggy Wuggy! When he hugs you he'll never stop! Your friend Huggy! Huggy Wuggy! He'll squeeze you until you pop! pop." 

A hidden speaker seems to radiate that little jingle as I blink twice. 

Silence once more returns to this accursed toy factory. 

"When you never stop hugging someone it stops being a hug and more becomes a grapple or a strangle." I note, casting my gaze around the room. 

I see three little boxed toys that are a smaller scale version of the giant fuzzy thing I just beat the ever loving shit out of, I tilt my head, picking one up. 

"I wonder how much this'll sell for back home..." 

From a close look these toys are actually just that. Toys. 

Stuffed animals. 

Notably they're not horrors against god. 

Well, I mean, they are... Just utterly creepy little things. But they're not just a mass of human flesh twisted into marketable plushies. 

Maybe I could get some pocket money out of this... 

"Am I really going to world jump only to steal random things that I plan to sell later?" I mutter under my breath. "This is kind of far away from being a Devil Arm's Dealer." 

Not to be confused with a devil, arms dealer. 

Fuck it. 

I need money. 

Plus I should probably look for a cheaper place to live. There's probably shittier places to live in the world that cost a hell of a lot less. 

I'm not exactly all that worried about being mugged by humans now. 

After all, I just kicked the shit out of a one-ton toy monster. 

[Split] 

The toys sold on eBay relatively quickly. Just had to list them as 'probably cursed' and people came out of the woodwork to get their hands on them. 

To be fair? 

Not lying. Those things were PROBABLY cursed. 

But that netted me a nice... Ninety dollars... 

Enough for a single bus ticket. 

Where to? 

Limbo city. 

Apparently, the place is a magnet for 'terroristic actions' which has driven the rent through the floor. 

I was able to get a place there- like an actual HOUSE- for a quarter of the monthly rent of my current apartment. 

From what I can tell, the landlord expects whoever rents out the place to die as he had an extensive 'tenant death clause' in my contract. 

He only offers leases that are over a year long with clauses that he keeps the entire deposit regardless of how much time is left in addition to several other factors such as my next of kin being charged a hefty 'Termination Fee' and that they can claim any possessions that remain on the premises after my death. 

They don't even live in Limbo so I probably won't have to worry about them. 

And if I do? Like... if they send some thugs to come and kill me? Fuck it. They're only human and I regenerated a wound that looked like I got impaled on a fucking zweihander. 

If they're in contact with some demons? 

Slightly bigger issue. 

But at that point... it's a fifty-fifty. Either I beat their ass so bad they become my new shoes... or I die. 

No real in-between. 

I just hope the house survives the scuffle. 

Anyways, my nest egg has been heavily damaged via moving. I've only got like... fifty dollars in my bank account. Soooo... 

Time to fuck off into another world and collect something to sell here? 

"Sounds good to me." I mutter under my breath, rising to my feet and grabbing the box-cutter from my pocket. 

I slash downwards, then again and again and again, eventually opening a small portal which I dive through just like the last time. 

I rise to my feet, brushing myself off with a frown on my lips. 

"What in the offbrand chuck-e-cheese ass shit is this?" I mutter under my breath. 

The lights suddenly flicker on as I gaze up to a fairly large stage. 

On it are five animatronics... to the side standing in front of what appears to be a doorway with numerous shiny metallic streamers hanging down in two more. On the other side is another animatronic, standing on its lonesome in front of another doorway. 

I take out my phone, unlocking it briefly as I turn and swap to camera mode. 

I begin recording again "Found this totally not haunted Chuck-e-cheese knock off. How much you want to bet these things are absolutely stuffed with the souls of dead children?" 

The lights suddenly snap on, the animatronics on the stage begin to jerk and sway, music playing from speakers. 

"Clap your hands and stomp your feet. Snap your fingers to the beat!" The animatronic band begins to sing. "Whistle loud! Whistle Low! Sway your hips and here we go!" 

I give my phone an unimpressed glare. 

"Hey Tito!" The largest of the group seems to wave. 

"Hola Willy!" The turtle in a sombrero replies. 

"I hear there's a birthday boy in the audience tonight!" The... cat? Continues. 

I cock my head to the side, a smirk appearing on my lips. "Now where did you hear that?" 

"Si Willy!" The turtle continues. "Cantamos!" 

"It's your biiiirthday and we want you to have fun!" The group sings. "It's your biiiiirthday so let's party everyone!" 

"Okay kid! Clap your hands like there's no tomorrow!" 

"Can we just skip this part. If I have to hear any more of your awful singing I might do your job for you and shoot myself." 

There's a slight record scratch.  

"I know you lot are a bunch of psychopaths possessing these animatronics. Demonic ritual am I right? I can smell the filth on you." My eyes narrow slightly, teeth bared. "You know? For the life of me I can't see a connection between you eight. I mean, the gorilla, the big ass cat thing, the chameleon, turtle and alligator all have that 'bipedal anthropomorphic character' thing going on, but the ostrich? That's just an ostrich. Put some pants on. You're disgusting." 

"Don't even get me started on the knight and the, what? Tooth fairy? At least the ostrich is an animal. The hell are you two doing here?" 

"Quite a mouth on this brat." The fairy tilts her head as she takes a sole jerky step forwards. "You're kind of cute but your mouth completely ruins it... I think I might pluck out your tongue before I savor you." 

"Oh noooo. Don't do that." I roll my eyes. "Hold on. I'm legitimately curious now. Are your tits pussy like... actually modeled under that dress or is it just a bunch of gears and featureless plastic mounds like a barbie?" 

"Wouldn't you like to know?" The animatronic bats their eyelashes. 

"Yeah. That's why I'm asking." I snort as I look back to my phone. "Dumb bitch can't even understand a simple question." 

I can see in the camera that she rushes forwards with genuinely shocking speed. 

I wordlessly bend my elbow back and send it crashing into her nose with a small crunch. 

I turn as the robotic husk staggers back, the face cracked, metal glinting out from in between the soft rubber-like material that her skin appears to be made of. Black sludge leaking out like blood. Some sort of oil." 

"Oh my gosh I am so sorry." I gasp, bringing my hand to my lips. 

I raise a leg and promptly snap kick her in the stomach sending the hunk of metal flying back where she crashes through a table. 

"Oh no! I slipped." I continue before breaking down into dark chuckles as I stop recording and slip my phone back into my pocket. "Haaah. You know. It's kind of ironic in a way..." 

"You eight do a demonic ritual to get stuffed into a bunch of robot bodies... then some demon's bastard grandson shows up to kick your ass. Life's funny, don't you all think?" 

Suddenly... there's movement all around. 

[Endsplit]