"Sire, is it true that U rawk @ teh transmogz?"

Angela asked me suddenly.

"Huh?" I replied with all the aplomb befitting a leader.

"Can U transmogrify any1 N2 a different form?" she rephrased.  "Can U make me a real Ixie?"

"But," I spluttered.  "What about the beautiful differences that make you uniquely special?"

"F that," Angela barked.  "I want 2 be normal!!1!  CAN I HAS TRANSMOG PLZ??"

"Very well," I sighed.  "If you're sure that's what you want .. hold still and let me concentrate for a moment .."

I had never actually done it before, but transmogrifying someone else should, in theory, be just like transmogrifying myself - in the same way doing an apport was like doing a Pooka Vanish on something other than oneself.  I placed my hands on Angela's shoulders and visualized her shrinking and becoming an Ixie.

Ethel gasped and stepped back, while P.J. squawked "kill it with fire!"

"Oh dear," I groaned.  In one way I was pleased that it had worked so well, and yet I was mortified that it had worked far less well than I had hoped.  What went wrong?  "I am terribly sorry.  Let me catch my breath, and we can try again."

"SQUEEE," Angela squeaked with delight.  "I LUV IT!!1!!  My new exoskeleton is teh smexx, & teh big floppy wings R totes adorbs!"

"Well, all right then," I shrugged.  "If that look suits you .."

"It suits me 2 a T!" Angela giggled as she fluttered erratically around.  "Look @ me!  I can fly!  Im FREE!!  Ill nevar go back 2 Vulpitania!  U has my undying allegiance!  So Ill tell U what U should due 2 spoof teh Duchess N2 thinking its Vulps Bhind it all."

"You .. changed her," Ethel whispered.

"1st U should use teh battle cry 'Hoch Der Plan' Bcause Vulp command luvs that phrase," Angela continued.  "All field operatives should ware monocles if possible & call each other 'SALV' all teh time.  Also yell about where's my 12 cases of Persoc-Itoome, teh Duchess will no wut that means.  If she sez she delivered, then they respond with 'O yea?  I didnt get any' & she will B confuzzled."

"This is great stuff," I chuckled.  "Minister of Disinformation!  Are you writing all of this down?  As for you, Angela .. there's only one way you could know so much detailed information about Vulpitanian military secrets:  You've been doing some spying on your own!  Great work!  Impressive display of resourcefulness and initiative!  You definitely earned your promotion, and I'm going to go ahead and designate you a Strategic Asset and Logistic Verifier!  You deserve it!"

"O thank U Sire!" the Ixie chirped with glee.

"You completely altered her size and shape," Ethel murmured.

"Yeah," I declared.  "Just like I altered your clothes earlier.  Same magickal principle."

"This seems .. different," Ethel scowled.

"Yeah, well, whatever," I said with an authoritative wave of my hand.  "I have alchemy to do while you lot carry out the first part of the plan."

"What plan?" Ethel asked.

"The battle plan!" I snapped.  "Look, I don't have time to micromanage every little detail.  I've got to steam and prepare a load of exploding powder!  You have Angela's tactical advice and you have Typantronn's wood-devouring pests; it shouldn't be hard to figure out what to do with them!  Oh, and also I want you each to sketch up a design for your uniform."

"Uhmm," P.J. interjected.  "If I'm to be your Minister of Misinformation -"

"Disinformation," I corrected him.

"Wouldn't it make more sense for me to remain incognito?" he continued, unfazed.  "If I just wear my normal clothes, nobody will suspect anything."

"WRONG," I reprimanded.  "As a very important cabinet minister, you must wear a uniform at all times while on duty .. which is all the time.  So design something comfortable as well as eye-catching!"

"Right," Ethel sighed as I stepped into the entrance of the dolmen.  "I guess we should dump the bugs quickly and get out, since our forces are minimal and we need the Duchess to do most of the fighting for us without tipping her off that it is even us in the first place ..."

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