"LOOK OUT BEHIND YOU!"

I exclaimed, in a desperate attempt to distract Angela.  If I could just get her to look away for a moment, I could do my mushroom trick and escape this awkward situation!

"Nice try, Ur Higness," she smirked.  "Y R U trying 2 distract me?  A reel elf always has time 4 venery B4 battle.  Teh Ominous Orse tell a story about how U turned Urself N2 a hunky Ixie stud & ravished their matriarch.  I want me sum of that."

"Look," I chided.  "It's not that I'm flattered or anything, it's just that it would be inappropriate because you are under my command and you may be experiencing some confusing physical sensations due to your recent dramatic transmogrification."

"Its knot confuzzling," she objected.  "I no Xactly wut I need."

"Well, I need you out there, giving tactical advice to my field commanders," I reminded her.  "Your specialized knowledge is of no use here, in a debauched venery session."

"Dont B so sure," she smirked.  "But OK, I will follow orders 4 now if U will indulge me l8er as a reward."

"We'll see," I replied cautiously.  "It depends how the battle turns out."

"Now I has an Ncentive 2 win," Angela chuckled.

I certainly couldn't give in to this weird Ixie's blandishments now .. what would Ethel think of me if I did?  No, I must save myself and show my steadfastness, my devotion, my willingness to pass up fun - to which I was perfectly entitled - in preference for her.  Lowfolk femmes melted for that kind of stuff in all of the old tales!  It couldn't fail to win her heart when she discovered how I had spurned the malformed insectoid's lewd advances.

Ah, when I saw Ethel again, what kind of lovely uniform would she have designed for herself by then?  I would make it for her, and I would look at her in it, and she would scowl at me affectionately ...

"Uh .. Sire?  Ur Majesty?" Angela waved her hand in front of my face, but - lost in thought - I completely ignored her.  After a few minutes, she shrugged and sighed, and flew out of the room.

I shook myself out of my reverie.  I had to be careful, and not let myself get carried away with that lowfolk femme!  The old tales also told about how dangerous they were!

All right!  Where was I?  It was time to get to work on the exploding powder!  I nipped quickly into the scrying chamber and used it to pinpoint the location of the bags of powder and apport them into the tower.

"So you're okay with being shanghaied into this out of the blue?" I heard Ethel ask P.J.

"If it means wealth, fame, and power, then yes," the bird replied.  "He is going to pay us eventually, right?"

"I wouldn't get my hopes up if I were you."

Well then, my troops seemed to be motivated!  Morale was high, and it was time for me to get to work!

Hmm ... I would need to proceed with caution, since this was a volatile material.  I didn't want to blow up the scrying tower (especially not with me in it!)  Furthermore, there was some validity in Ethel's warning that steaming the powder could potentially ruin it.  HA!  Only if I used water!  But I had no intention of doing that!

Alchemy should be just like cooking.  If I had an explody ingredient, and I wanted to make it more explody, more flammable than it already was ...

This was going to be more difficult than I had anticipated, since I couldn't really express my intent in terms of understandable flavors.  What exactly did combustibility taste like?  But surely if I started by adding a tiny pinch of powder to this flask, and then added a dash of .. hmm ..

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