Audience member:

Well, you came in when all that stuff was finished.  Now you gotta wait for it to build up again.

Don't sass me, kid.  I work for the Big Guy now.  I can see to it you get nothing but coal and socks for the rest of your life.

Okay, let's fast forward here.  Gotta be some good stuff eventually, so let me just skim the highlights of this boring conversation.  Let's see...

Okay, so Adler really doesn't want Ash to swear an oath because he's worried about slippery slopes.  What a wuss.  Blah-blah-blah, Ash keeps pushing him because reasons, yadda-yadda,  here we go:  Adler finally relents and has the both of them make a sort of gentleman's agreement so they have an understanding.  Ash states out loud that he won't sabotage or work against Adler anymore as long as he is sure he will get amnesty ... Adler states he will grant amnesty if he is satisfied with Ash's service ... Ash's services will continue as previously discussed minus the excess back-stabbing ... sheesh they coulda done this PAGES ago ... the meeting is adjourned and Ash heads out, finally, and it's all okay because Adler technically never had anyone swear any oaths or sign any contracts.  This was completely different, all elfly and above-board and so forth.  Hey, whatever helps the old stink-head sleep at night.  Ah!  Now we get to the dames.  Maybe something interesting will finally happen.

Off-screen: Help! He won't stop singing carols! It's so annoying!

Hey, keep it down over there!  I'm trying to read.

All right!  Here we go:  "Burnside tears free from her constricting garments."  Now it's getting good!

Oh no, wait.  Burnside is that crazy short little redneck raccoon, isn't she?  Bleah.  Why couldn't the goth rabbit chick be the one to tear free from her garments?  At least she was sorta hot.  Kinda.  A little bit.  For a goth.  Six out of ten.

Anyway, the swarm of Ixies start settling bets.  Why couldn't this Ballad be about them?  Those little insect dames are at least INTERESTING.  They know how to have fun.  Nope, just a sideline to the main action, which is ... get this:  The Goth Bunny and the Psycho Hillbilly are arguing over who gets more of the profits from some store that they haven't even opened yet.  Are you serious?  One of you is naked, come on, do something already!  Moving along, moving along, the nosey skunk broad reminds Adler about the goth's angsty, scary notebook, (what a dumb sentence) so then he goes over and ... Oh for the love of - MORE TALKING!!?

Look.

I'm a patient pumpkin.  I can sit here and read this drivel all month if I have to.

How about one of you tell me where the elf is hiding so we can pack him off to Frostheim where he BELONGS and get some work out of him while there's still time before Christmas?  Remember, it might just be YOUR present he was supposed to be making, so protecting him could mean you won't get anything this year.  Is it really worth it?

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