Well, my dears?

Have you come to any conclusions?  Have you guessed how I solved this problem?  Oh, well, I don't blame you for not wanting to commit to any definite theory.  I am quite unpredictable.  What's that?  No, no coffee for me, thanks.  I'll sip this refreshing '78 Chateau Winterbough and continue with my story.

I had two days before the trial.  Would that be enough time?  My goals were clear:  Save Oonagh and (if possible) Didelphis, and discredit the rabbits' leader.

"Rebecca," I demanded, "what do you know about Parson?"

"That would be THE Parson," Rebecca explained.  "Reverend Horace O'Hoppity is the leader of the First Church of Bunkirk.  He's a fiery minister, full of the Spirit of the Cosmic Ram to spread the Word of the Blessed Baby Bunny."

"A priest, eh?  Well then, he has an exploitable weakness.  We just have to figure out where he keeps his concubine, and once we have her, then we can easily control him."

"Oh no, my Lord," Rebecca shook her head.  "Parson O'Hoppity is morally upstanding."

"That complicates things," I admitted.  "We'll have to find two concubines, maybe more."

"No, my Lord, no concubines at all."

"WHAT?  You just said he was morally upstanding!"

"He is!  That means he keeps a tight rein on his, uh, venery.  He has to.  Everyone in Bunkirk is under constant scrutiny from everyone else in Bunkirk, especially the Parson."

"Reverend O'Hoppity would never make it as a Mephitist," I observed.  "No wonder you rebelled against this insane rabbit religion.  Fuma wants us all to love one another."

"The Blessed Baby Bunny commands that too," Rebecca elaborated.  "Just not in that way."

"I don't like the fact that he doesn't care if Didelphis's story is true and is just exploiting the situation for personal gain," I mused.  "Sending someone posing as the old crone would be extremely risky if O'Hoppity is part of the equation.  We have to eliminate him, either by destroying his credibility, or ..." I trailed off, thinking.

"I could go assassinate him," Burnside offered.  "Real quick and quiet-like.  Shoot, I can even make it look like an accident."

"That's at least a better suggestion than before," I replied, "but it would look suspicious if the main accuser turns up dead the day before the trial.  The mob has been primed to believe in witchcraft, so even if it looks like an accident, they would probably see that as proof of Oonagh's guilt."

"I can just fillet anybody that says so," Burnside insisted.

"No," I refused.  "Stand down.  I have a better idea, a more subtle idea.  Rebecca, you say the Parson is 'morally upstanding' but I say that means he is in the grip of a sickness.  Suppressing one's natural urges is bad for you; it causes the sufferer to act out in Unseelie ways.  The history of Faerie is littered with heretical sects that proved this theory time and time again.  Reverend O'Hoppity has a dark secret.  You can be sure of that.  We just need to find out what it is.  IXIE!  I need more information on the rabbit Parson, and I need it fast.  Find out exactly what his motive is.  What does he stand to gain?  And find out what he's hiding.  He has to have a weakness."

"I already have Ixies on it, Sire," she replied with a crisp salute.

"Excellent," I grinned.  "You are dismissed."

"The Parson is fond of food," Rebecca blurted out suddenly.  "He can't resist homemade pies baked by any of the church femmes."

"That could be useful," I nodded thoughtfully.  "Now then, it is very brave and noble of you to volunteer for a deep cover mission, but there is a problem:  Telling untruths is .. let's say .. unhealthy for an elf."

"Huh?" the other witches interjected.  "Are you saying Rebecca's an elf??"

"It's highly probable," I explained.  "This was a recent development that we are still investigating, but I feel reasonably sure that Rebecca is a Changeling.  This will not interrupt your training, and may even make it easier.  For now, let's stay on track.  The situation in town may be too volatile to save Didelphis.  I'm not sure sending an impostor would work.  I think the most effective solution now would be my initial plan of removing Didelphis's transmogrification and restoring her to old cronedom ... but it would have to be done at the precisely right moment, and I cannot think of a way to monitor the courtroom from here.  Relaying information by Ixie is fast, but not instantaneous."

"If only I had the mate to this," I muttered, pulling Ash's communication device out of my Elfintory.  "Then someone could relay information to me about the trial while it was happening."

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