Almost there. Almost not.

Listening to Oyasumi Hologram's latest album, and in particular, the song OLD MOON, and I feel like I've stepped back in time in my life. There's something innocent, nostalgic, and haunting about their songs. They truly have found this indie vibe that works for them, and I can't get enough of their sound. Truly. I can't wait to work with them in the future, and stay tuned in my life, because that is next for me. But that's all I'll say about that.

East Meets West Music Fest is almost here. Three weeks. And then everybody can enjoy not hearing about this show every three seconds from me on all my social media channels. And then for me, it's onto the next big set of things I'm doing. 

For me, East Meets West is a milestone. The biggest thing I've done, by far, and if it works, and if it goes off without too many major issues or problems, then I'll have created something that is a personal tribute to the life I've lived up to this point, which is a life of taking risks and going after the things I want and getting them. 

So weird that the one thing I need right now I can't get in my life. It's painful to even think about that. And so I've been staying incredibly busy, which is easy enough for me to do, since my life reeks of busy every moment of the day. Not that this is a bad thing by any means, but it does mean that I'm in a weird space where friends and family are kind of there and kind of not, you know? And that's been kind of... hard for me. Because inside I'm really the kind of mess that can't be cleaned up too easily. What's happened to me back in June has changed my life forever, and I can't talk about it because of many things that would happen if I DID talk about it, but I also can't escape it either. My every action has been shaped by it. And I have no idea how to fix the wrong that has been done to me. And folks, it's a HUGE fucking wrong that's been done to me. The biggest ever in my entire life. 

So what can I do except write? And stay busy. And of course, escape into the idol universe. My focus is strictly on East Meets West and finalizing everything for those two great, glorious days of music that I hope will be, in fact, glorious. My focus is the even bigger project that I'm already working on that is after East Meets West. And I'm definitely focused on getting my next book finished. It's a slow roll, but just know that every time I'm on a train in Japan, I'm pretty much guaranteed to be writing  the next chapter in my book. And right now, I'm on a pretty disgusting and horrific chapter. It involves an old school Chinese torture tactic of chipping away pieces of flesh from a person while they are tied up... and letting them bleed to death or die from the pain and suffering. And at the helm of it is a Japanese girl who wants enough money to book a hotel in Tokyo that overlooks Mt. Fuji, so she can never forget what she lost nearby  Mt. Fuji when she was a young teenage girl. 

Yep... all part of the great Pan Gu story. And you'll have fun figuring out why she's so incredibly important to the story. I am building the Pan Gu story in a character based way, similar to Game of Thrones, in that every chapter comes from the point of a character, though not necessarily from their point of view. More like I just focus on things happening to that particular character. And with over 100 characters in my story and counting, well... I'm about 2,500 pages into the story. I think I'll have to break it down into smaller books, but that's a headache for a later time. 

Focus. That's the key. I'm almost there, even if I'm almost not. I need you to keep me in your thoughts for now, okay? I would say prayers but if those worked, I wouldn't be in the place I'm in now, or have all the abject misery I'm experiencing every day so front and center in my life, simply because I've prayed a million prayers every day since June, and so far, none answered. So fuck that.

Just... know that I'm here. I'm working hard. I'm doing the best I can. I'm trying to reach out to the world and give to the world the only thing I know how to give, which is my expression and my emotions. I'm giving myself right now to Oyasumi Hologram and their music. Listening now to Nightbird... just... holy shit is it fitting my situation now. Kind of crazy how music has been the signposts pointing me in the direction I'm headed now... which at this point, I'm at a crossroads. Jigoku or... what's the alternative? Doesn't seem like heaven, really. I would settle for a rewind back to May, before the one person in my life who I love more than life was taken from me. 

Futsu. Normal. Probably saying that wrong, but that's kind of normal for me to say things wrong. I wonder if I've ever done anything right in this world. Enough of this depressing shit though. I will NOT let this defeat me! I am going to do what I know how to do. I'm going to push forward. Fight. Fight. Fight. Fight. Fight. Fight. Fight. 

Will you stay and fight with me? 

Love,

D