Scraps - The Overdue Funeral

“It's the end of an era,” I sighed sadly before casting my eyes at the frayed, torn, muddied and overall beaten up red high tops that I had worn for years.

These shoes had traveled a lot of miles with me, seen a lot of ground and lived a lot of life. Truth be told, holding them in my hands like this, with the intent of throwing them out for good, actually got me kind of bummed out. It was like saying goodbye to an old friend forever. 

“About damn time too,” Lil scoffed beside me and crossed her arms before glancing my way with a patronizing grin. “They've been ready to go for years now, Jax”

I frowned and stared at her with a hard look. Although, with how I was feeling, it probably came off more pitiful than intimidating. “Do you have no compassion, woman?”

“Nope,” Lil interjected, popping the P to be even more annoying.

“Can't you see I'm grieving?” I asked with a tired sigh and an exasperated toss of my hand toward her. 

Lil looked around where we were standing and gave me an incredulous look. “This is where you grieve, huh?”

Outside of the Sole Purpose -- ‘the number one shoe outlet in California!’ if the sign out front was to be believed -- may not have seemed like the most likely place to grieve, I guess. Especially given the rundown state of the building and lack of hygiene standards displayed by the littered trash out front. Today it was what I needed though. 

This was the exact place I had bought my lucky sneakers in the first place, after all. There was a sentimental value to bringing the shoes back to their origin, at least with me. It was like bringing the story to its conclusion; full circle.

It would have taken too much time to explain to Lil the significance of all that though, so I simply shook my head and sighed again instead. “Yeah,” I muttered.

“No judgment,” Lil said and put her hands up in innocence, as if to tell me that she didn't have a dog in this fight. Which is funny ‘cause I’m feeling a lot of judgment and the desire to talk about her non-existent dog. “But, uh, seriously, are you going to stand around all day or toss ‘em?”

“Mmm,” I growled in my throat  and turned my eyes from my best friend/little sister/eternal pain in the ass, to look back at my old shoes. 

God, this hurts. When did I get so tied up in these? I inhaled deeply before letting out a heavy breath and shaking my head at my own bad joke. Then again, if the shoe fits, eh? 

“Josh!”

The sharp, distinctly feminine voice cut through my thoughts like a knife, leaving them like ribbons on the floor. That voice… I turned to the sound with a curious glance and the next thing I knew, a woman was engulfing me in her arms and my sight was blinded by a mass of curly chestnut locks. 

The fact that the body was warm, soft and curved in all the right places to fit to me, should have been my first clue. When my arms instinctively wrapped around and held tightly without any prompting should have been another. More than anything, when my head went fuzzy and my heart began to beat in heavy thumps. However, I wasn't sure who was assaulting me until I caught a whiff of that shampoo, that’s when I was absolutely certain. 

“Sara,” I breathed out, as she let her arms drop from me. I said this as if I couldn't believe my eyes -- which, really, I sort of couldn't. 

After that night we had spent together, which was nothing short of life changing, she disappeared. One day she was there and the next she was gone. The whole thing happened so suddenly that I was convinced it had all been some kind of fever dream. 

Eventually, Sara did show up again to banish those fears -- somewhat -- but since that night, I had barely seen her once or twice in passing. She didn't live anywhere around here and she hadn't in years. In short, she had shown that she was too big for my small town life, just as i had always feared; it still hurt to be reminded of that though, even after all these years. 

“How are you?” Sara asked excitedly before nudging her shoulder with mine. 

There was a sparkle in her eyes that was both familiar and dangerous as she spoke to me and, as always, I felt unsure at its appearance. She was still Sara, of course but she had changed again. As always, it wasn’t bad, but it was always… jarring.

“It feels like ages since we saw each other last,” Sara said, her voice still carrying that genuine elation which shone through in her megawatt smile.

“Yeah,” I said lamely and turned my gaze to the sidewalk. It was better than staring at her hypnotizing Medusa eyes.

“Who the hell is Josh?” Lil piped up suddenly. I had forgotten that she was even there the moment Sara showed up. It was funny but regardless of the other energies around me -- even ones as bomastic as Lil’s -- I always seemed to center in on Sara’s and ignore all the rest.

“Long story,” I muttered to Lil before chancing a quick glance toward Sara. I immediately felt my palms sweat up. Fuck, I cursed internally at my inability to hold myself together. “Um, yeah, it's been a grip, hasn't it?”

“Mmm,” Sara hummed with a slight raise of her brows but said nothing otherwise. Was that? Is she… appraising me?

“Am I intruding on something here?” Lil asked after a moment of silence between Sara and I. You could always count on Lil to shatter an awkward moment with her special brand of social grace. “I mean, I'm not assuming or anything but the energy here says that I need to leave… So…”

I snorted out an irritated breath and pressed my lips together in a tight line before I cocked my head to stare daggers at Lil. Can always count on Lil to bail on you the moment you needed her. This is Sara! Can’t she see that I’m floundering? With a roll of my eyes, I looked away from Lil accepted the truth that I always knew. She’s terrible with moral support too. Lil’s just a shitty friend all around some days. 

“Just get outta here. You're not helping anyways,” I growled under my breath to Lil. She didn't need a second nudge to skedaddle down the sidewalk in a swift power walk. Go bother your parents. Or Katie. Or anyone else but me… bitch.

“What do you need help with?” Sara asked once Lil had completely disappeared from sight. She had been rocking on her heels impatiently while I got rid of my friend but her face was all smiles for me now. 

I shrugged. “Nothing really. I just had the high hopes that Lil could actually care about something besides herself.”

Sara reached up and plucked the shoes from my grip with a swift hand. Before I could protest and snatch them back, Sara was holding them up to her eyes in order to examine the damage. She let out a low whistle and shook her head before tossing the sneakers back to me. 

“What gives!” I exclaimed, already cradling my lucky sneakers back in to my chest like they were something precious and not a pair of crap shoes about to be canned.

Sara shrugged. “You were being so vague and I don't always have time to play twenty questions with you. Besides,” Sara drawled before dropping a wink at my appalled face, “you’re so slow.”

“Sorry,” I murmured and averted my gaze from her again. I shuffled my feet awkwardly, not sure what I should or could say to her. 

“Oh, Jackson,” Sara said with a soft sigh and a smile to match, before touching my shoulder gently. The way that she could go from playful to sweet in a moment would be jarring if it wasn’t so comforting. “Always so serious.”

“Mm,” I hummed in a non-committal manner and ignored how nice her hand felt on me. 

“What's with the shoes?” Sara asked, still speaking to me in that soft, sincere voice. It was something that I had heard from her before but it was such a far cry to her typical sassy attitude that it still threw me for a loop when it was exposed to me. 

“I'm supposed to be throwing them out.” My eyes dropped to the worn red canvas of the high tops before I let out a sad sigh. “Having some trouble letting go I guess.”

“Of shoes?” Sara scoffed and quirked up a brow in disbelief. “Jackson, I love shoes. I’ve had to throw away literally dozens of pairs that I loved and even I think this a little ridiculous.”

“They're not just shoes,” I pouted. My tone came out huffy and irritated, a scowl pressing between my brows again. “They're lucky.”

“How, pray tell?” Sara had crossed her arms in the same fashion Lil had earlier; in that patronizing way that could make me feel stupid and small. 

Of course she wouldn't get it. My best friend doesn't get it. My family doesn't get it. Why would I assume for even a minute that she would? 

“Well,” I muttered, my voice coming out as small as I felt, “I was wearing them when you finally saw me. That's gotta count for something.” Our eyes met for a long moment, me glaring and her just staring back in shock, before I shook my head and growled in irritation. “Whatever. It's just stupid.”

I made to chuck my sneakers into the open wastebasket in front of me but Sara put a hand on my arm to stop me. “Whoa, wait a second,” she said, her voice coming out quick and loud.

I turned my head and snapped. “What?” The hurt colored Sara's face for less than a second before it disappeared but it was long enough to have me bowing my head in shame -- again -- and apologizing. “Sorry. I didn't mean…”

“It's okay,” Sara said in a gentle voice and rubbed my arm. “I just… I don't think you should throw them away. If something is special to you, then it's special. No one has to validate that.”

“I suppose,” I sighed and dropped my arm holding the shoes so they were resting at my side again. “It won't bring back the magic though.”

Sara giggled and shook her head. “Josh, honey, if those shoes had any magic in them it was gone a long time ago.”

“You're not helping…” I reminded her in a warning tone. 

“You know,” she said slowly, “it wasn't some magic pair of shoes that made me want to sleep with you.”

“Wait. What?” I asked in pure confusion, my mouth hanging ajar like the idiot I was. 

“Back then, you know, what ‘happened’ between us,” Sara explained. She attempted to use finger quotations to make me understand better; it was unclear whether they were helping or not. “I just wanted to clear the air. In case you thought magic shoes had something to do with my interest in you.” 

“Oh.” I mulled this new information over in my head for a moment or two. Thankfully, Sara was courteous enough to let me think for a second without pressure. “Well, then what did it have to do with?”

“You’re a good guy. I like you,” Sara replied with a shrug, “and perhaps there was also an interest that I couldn't really put my finger on…”

“Oh.” I said again. It sounded even more lame than the first time. “What, uh, what about now?”

“Now? Hmm…” Sara tapped her chin with a finger and acted as if she were thinking. “Well not much has changed but I still don't have the mystery solved. Perhaps dinner would be a good place to start unraveling it?”

“On you? I am grieving after all.” I showed Sara the full force of my puppy dog eyes and wondered if she would be able to call my bluff. 

Instead she took a completely different turn -- as Sara often did. “One condition?”

I cocked my head in inquiry and raised my brows. “What's that?”

Sara scrunched her nose and pointed at my hand. “Ditch the shoes first.”