Reading Lunar Phases ch 6

Disclaimer: Don’t own PJO or Naruto.

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“Can someone else read this? My throat is starting to hurt.” Piper rubbed her neck. 

“I’ll–” Jason started, only to be interrupted.

 “Actually, I’ll read it, thanks.” Leo took the book and cleared his throat.

“...Let me hand it to you next time.” Piper grumbled.

“Whatever, Beauty Queen.” The son of Hephaestus snorted. “‘Waxing Crescent’.”

Limitations.

They exist for a reason, but what that reason is no one can truly say. Some believe they are to be surpassed, others suggest they are only meant to be reached. Everything has its limits. Moreover, everyone has a breaking point. 

“Pretty sure that’s a movie.” Nico hummed.

“What? Limitations?” Hazel asked.

“No, breaking point.”

“It is.” Apollo nodded. “Film noir, circa 1950. Adaptation of Hemingway’s work.”

“Hemingway wrote about a bank heist?” Nico asked, frowning.

“Oh, you’re thinking of Point Break! Also a good choice.” Apollo grinned. He opened his mouth, only for Artemis to put her hand over it. As he gave his twin a sidelong glower, she stared at the son of Hephaestus.

“Read on, Leo Valdez.”

March 12th, 2008

The doors slammed shut upon his exit.

Finally, The Fox huffed. I’d almost forgotten how nice the sun was.

“Just…Can I have a minute without talking?” Naruto groaned as he sat down on the steps of the mansion. He buried his face into his hands. He’d been in Hotel Valhalla fighting to survive for so long that, honestly, he wasn’t sure what year it was.

“That’s to be expected.” Annabeth nodded.

“Oh, yeah.” Percy snorted. “I’ve been there too many times.”

“The next time you arrive in the Underworld, it will be the start of your end.” Hades assured his nephew lowly.

His stomach growled and he wrapped his arms around it with a groan. It felt like barbed wire was being churned around inside his guts.

Surviving off of my energies alone will not suffice. We need actual food to replenish what was lost, Boy. The Fox rumbled.

“I know.” Naruto sighed. With a grimace he got back to his feet and started shambling towards the gate. Upon getting there, he leaned himself against the iron and pushed. A gentle groan before the rattle of chains made him glare at the first obstruction that had gotten in his way. He leaned himself against the gate and closed his eyes. “&$*%.”

His head hurt like it had been beaten daily for months (it was). His stomach hurt like he hadn’t eaten in weeks (he hadn’t). And he was so tired, physically, mentally, and emotionally. He felt like he could sleep where he stood for years if need be.

“Talk about a Rip Van Winkle experience.” Jason muttered.

“Eh, he got lucky.” Nico shrugged.

Don’t you dare. The Fox warned. Just climb the fence again.

“You make it sound so easy.” Naruto grumbled, backing away and looking at the top of the gate. He took a deep breath before he made the leap to the top, hands gripping the rusted metal. The brief time he spent dangling for a few seconds felt like hours to his sore arms. With a hint of struggle, the exhausted teen hoisted himself over the gate and landed with a stumble to his knees on the other side.

Naruto pushed himself to sit with his back against the gate and let his head roll back. The cool springtime air blew across his face and he stared at the faint sunny hue above the cloud-filled sky with squinted eyes. Within minutes, his eyes fell shut and his breathing started to slow.

“Why is he so tired?” Ares scowled. “Brat got the easiest vacation of his life!”

“Ares. He’s mortal.” Athena drawled.

“So? He couldn’t actually die if he went to the Hotel.”

“He wasn’t one of their people. There’s no guarantee that would’ve happened had he died.”

“Well, there’s one way to find out–Ha!” Ares caught the silver arrow that flew at his head. “Not fast enough, Artemis!”

“Artemis, I told you to behave!” Zeus snapped.

“My mistake, Father. I thought I saw a mosquito attempt to bite Ares.” Artemis mumbled as she banished her bow.

Hey! Hey! The Fox’s barks stirred Naruto from his half-slumber. We still need food, Boy!

“Shu’up, Fox. I’m just-just gonna ...rest here...only need a second…” He mumbled. That plan was shot down when a vintage car horn blared, disrupting his approaching blissful state of unconsciousness. He groaned and curled up onto his side, attempting to visually display how done he was dealing with people. He covered his ears and turned away when a screech of rarely used brakes echoed through the street. The only saving grace was the warmth that suddenly filled the area soothed his aching body.

“Lil’ Nephew!”

“Oh thank my shiny behind. We found him, hazzah!” Apollo cheered. “Now I won’t be mutilated by my twin sister. Yep, bright side to everything.”

“You. Lost. Him. Twice.” Artemis reiterated dryly.

“Lies and slander. Honestly, Artemis, the libel you spew…”

“Uncle Fred, go away...” Naruto groaned. He just wanted to rest and forget about the past however-many-days he spent in Hotel Valhalla. The approaching footsteps almost made him whimper.

“I can’t wait to hear what sort of insane reasoning you have for coming to Boston! You are in so much tro–oh, no.”  Uncle Fred’s hand rested on his shoulder and he felt something cool press against his forehead. Weird, normally Uncle Fred was warmer. His eyes cracked open. Uncle Fred was warmer. “No. No-no-no. No! Come on, kid! You’re not allowed to be sick when I’m mad at you! Ugh, this is so not fair.”

“That’s unlucky.” Aphrodite frowned.

“You’re telling me!” Apollo whimpered.

“And no beauty in sight to treat him!”

“For that comment alone I should shoot you…” Artemis muttered sourly.

“‘M not sick. Just tired.” Naruto huffed, trying to blink some more accurate vision into his eyes. The figure touching him was faintly humanoid in shape, but he couldn’t make out details. He tensed when he felt something wrap around his shoulders and under his legs. Uncle Fred knew better. He wouldn’t touch him like that. That meant…that meant, they were coming for him again.

No.

Nononononononono!

He just got out! He quit! Odin let him go! Were the Norse seriously that petty?!

“Yes.” Zeus happily agreed.

“Hypocrisy in action, wonders never cease.”

“Quiet, Poseidon.” Zeus glared at his smirking brother.

Apparently so.

…Well, he wouldn’t get taken without a fight!

“Lemme go!” He protested, throwing his all into his escape.

“Hey, stop! Seriously, kiddo, I’m jus–Whoa! Watch the–$%*&!” Naruto didn’t know what he hit, but he definitely broke it. 

“He kicked me! His favorite uncle!” Apollo said aghast.

“He likely considers you to be his only uncle.” Artemis deadpanned.

“That’s not the point!”

“Whoo! Good rebound, kid! Now aim for the nuts!”

“Ares, no!” Apollo squeaked.

“Ares, yes!” 

Score one for the sleepy mortal. The damage must’ve been impressive, because the grip on his legs dropped.

“Ugh, dammit! I liked those shades!”

“Lil Nephew, what the fu–?!”

“Apollo, watch your mouth.” Hestia frowned at him.

Naruto threw an arm over his captor’s shoulder, hooked it around their neck, and swung his legs up to nail their head with a blind kick. He missed, but the following knee caught them in the larynx.

“You made him so violent.” Apollo weepily told Artemis. “Look at what you did to that poor boy.” 

“His krav maga needs work.” Artemis hummed.

“Why are you like this, Artemis? Just…why?”

“&%*$!” His captor wheezed, fully releasing the hold they had on the boy. Naruto dropped to his feet and scrambled away, bursting into a sprint with newfound energy. He chanced a glance over his shoulder and could only see a bright blurry blob running after him. The Valkyries? Had to be. Had to be. Sore losers. All of ‘em. All of ‘em!

“That’s a lot of repetition.” Leo hummed.

“He’s sleep deprived.” Nico shrugged.

“Speaking from experience?” Thalia asked.

“I’ll answer that question with my own question: Have you tasted the sound of the color beige? I have. It’s not a good time.”

“I feel like there’s a joke there, but I ain’t touching it.” Leo shrugged before continuing. 

“I won’t go back. I won’t go back. I won’t go back.” Naruto panted as he ran. Escape was the only thing on his mind. He had to get away. He had to get away from Boston, from the East Coast. He had to go west. He just needed some help. “Fuh-Fox! I need your help!”

I can’t help, Boy. The Fox growled. Your body is literally tearing itself apart just to replenish our reserves.

“...Okay, so he’s not just sleep deprived.” Nico shrugged.

“Oh!” Annabeth snapped her fingers. “Chakra exhaustion! I remember that from the previous series. Using too much chakra would leave him drained. His chakra was boosted by Kurama, but because they joined later here–”

“Healing all the time used up most of Kurama’s chakra.” Apollo finished. He rubbed his chin. “Not to mention the amount of calories he burned doing that healing and fighting. Kid might be straight up at level four exhaustion.”

“That’s just two away from perma-death!” Hermes gasped. “And it's a single character use campaign.” 

“Could you take the potential death of my son a little more serious?!” Artemis hissed.

“Why? My kid died in chapter three!” Hermes huffed. “No one ever takes his death seriously.”

“Your child was a traitorous boy who caused all of our problems between the years 2005 and 2010!” Artemis snapped.

Silence hung in the Council Chambers.

Ares broke it by trying to start a slow clap.

It was stopped by a bolt of lightning shooting over his head.

“That is enough. These matters are in the past and have been dealt with.” Zeus ground out, glaring at his unruly children. His gaze fell on the boy with the book. “Leo Valdez, read.”

“We need to get out of here!” Naruto stumbled through some bushes. “I need to get out of here!”

If I help you, we could die. The Fox warned.

“Just do it!” Naruto shouted, pushing off a tree to avoid bowling over a pair of mortals on a stroll and ran through the next crosswalk. A horn blared halfway as he crossed and he turned to have his vision filled with the headlights of a Peterbilt. 

“Oh, no, not Optimus!” Frank wailed.

Then, all he saw was a bright red light. His whole body felt like it was on fire and his chest started to feel tight. The approaching semi truck and the world around him slowed to a crawl.

Ten seconds, Boy. The Fox rumbled. Go. 

Naruto moved.

“Oh, sure. Super-speed. Why not.” Hermes huffed. “Should’ve just turned the brat into a girl.”

“Believe me, I likely would have.” Artemis grumbled. “She wouldn’t have been as mischievous.” 

“I don’t think you understand Naruto’s character.” Apollo deadpanned. He tilted his head. “Or would she be Naruko?”

“Why would her name change?”

“Get cultured Artemis.”

“C’mon, Lil’ Nephew, just stop running! You’re hallucinating!” Apollo called as he ran after Naruto. He grimaced when the teen kept muttering to himself. He should’ve recognized the signs of trauma when he parked his ride, but he was so caught up in relief that he found his nephew first. That he could get Diana off of his back and bring Artemis back out.

“...I’m sorry, what?” Athena asked, frowning. “Diana remained out?”

Diana had made good on her word, almost ending his immortal life six times during the first month of his nephew’s second disappearance. She had made her attempts on his immortal life more sporadic and unpredictable since the last failed attempt. Worst of all, his twin was unreachable telepathically, which meant for all intents and purposes, Apollo was on his own. For the past three months, The Roman had been awake, attending meetings in Artemis’ stead and likeness, undetected by the Council – or her presence was ignored. 

“...That would make sense.” Zeus mumbled. He stroked his beard. “Diana, name aside, wouldn’t likely act too differently from Artemis during meetings.”

“Wha–Are you crazy or just oblivious?!” Apollo gestured at his twin. “They’re nothing alike!” 

“He’s not crazy. Can sadly confirm.” Dionysus drawled. “Oblivious, however...” 

“Things get by him all the time.” Poseidon nodded.

“It’s from having his head in the clouds,” Hades said dryly.

“No one asked either of you.” Zeus growled.

That was even more frightening to the sun god, for it implied the other Olympians knew what had happened, and were leaving him to the wolf. If that was the case, then she had been playing the long game, the shrewd bitch, with only Apollo’s word being the one against her. Given the mistake he made, yet again, not many were going to take his accusation with any grain of salt.

This is not going to make that any better, Apollo thought grimly as he raced across Boston’s streets in pursuit of Naruto, losing sight of him for milliseconds whenever he abruptly juked through the magical city that his pantheon agreed, for the most part, to stay out of. He couldn’t tap into his full power here, not unless he wanted to risk drawing out his irate Roman twin and her Hunters. 

“Glowstick is still in hiding?” Ares jeered.

“You deal with her fletching your bottom for so many months! It’s terrifying.” Apollo shivered. 

That was too dangerous right now, for both himself, Naruto and Naruto’s psyche. His nephew’s mortal mind had clearly been tortured by the Norse’s barbaric afterlife and his still living body showed the effects of the strain being in it left on him.

“As if being involved with that Egyptian wasn’t bad enough.” He grumbled, ducking around a happy elderly couple that were walking their pomeranian. There was one positive, he would admit: his mortal nephew’s speed had immensely increased. Not to godly levels, but they were definitely considered beyond current human capabilities, perhaps superhuman.

It only became supernatural when Naruto suddenly exploded with a shroud of bubbling red energy and launched himself through the incoming Peterbilt, vanishing with a sonic boom.

Apollo jogged to a stop as the boom rippled through the city, hardly winded from the brisk sprint that would’ve left Usain Bolt out of breath, and looked at the bisected Peterbilt that suffered from his nephew’s spontaneous combustion.

“He stole my thing! Again!” Leo frowned.

“That poor peterbilt,” Hephaestus mumbled.

The grill, along with being busted inward, was melted and red hot. He looked down at the patch of smoldering asphalt where he last saw his nephew, the crosswalk and a good portion of the street now obscured by a small crater with smoke wafting off of it. 

“Okay.” Apollo pulled his phone out and flipped it open. “Time to call Diana.”

“No need.” No matter what his lying Roman little sister might say, Apollo did not jump. He calmly turned around and found Diana standing there. 

“Not a word.” Apollo glowered at his far too smuggy-smug twin. That was smug!

“Heh.”

“I will bring out the baby pictures!” The sun god warned. 

“I have yours.”

“That’s unpossible. I’m the older twin.”

“...I helped Mother give birth to you!”

“Nah, that just doesn’t sound right.” Apollo shook his head. “And I would know, being the God of Truth and all.”

“You–I refuse to engage with this further.” Artemis looked away from him.

“So you concede then?”

“Never!”

“Children, zip it.” Hera bemoaned, looking in dire need of another drink. She lifted her goblet and looked at Dionysus. He sighed and snapped his fingers.

Her eyes were locked in the direction Naruto had gone. “I will retrieve my son. Your aid is no longer required.”

“What?” She had to be kidding. “Diana, he–!”

“Must I repeat myself?” Diana glanced at him. She had her bow in her hand. “Go tell Father that I will be unavailable for the next few days. My chariot’s schedule is set, and my Hunters have their targets, so he should have nothing to be concerned with.”

“Zeus won’t—”

“Apollo.” The goddess looked at him with cool silver eyes. “My son needs me.”

“Aww!” Apollo put his hand over his chest. “The feels!”

That right there was all Apollo needed to hear.

“Alright. Just…here.” He twisted his wrist and gave her an emergency medical bag that he pulled out of the air. She took it and tucked it away. “He was in rough shape. Delirious, too. He broke my sunglasses.”

“Those cost five hundred dollars. He’s gonna have to get a paper route or something.” Apollo huffed.

“Well, I am hiring and I do pay well.” Hades offered.

“Absolutely not.” Artemis glared at her smirking uncle.

“I’m hiring!” Hermes offered.

“Herm, you don’t pay well.” Apollo snorted.

“Keep better care of your things.” Diana suggested coolly before disappearing from view.

“...Diana is heartless.” 

“Nonsense, she’s giving you sage advice.” Artemis smirked at her twin.

“Oh you think you’re so funny, huh?”

“One day you may be as clever as I, Apollo. As soon as your fat head loses some of its swelling.”

Apollo crossed his arms and looked back at the crater. Then at the mortals around him. He smirked and with a thought, was clad in a form-fitted black suit, his hair slicked back and his eyes covered by new black sunglasses.

“Everyone, relax!” He stepped into the front of the crowd and manifested an identification badge and a golden Neuralyzer, both he held up. “My name is Agent Ay, and I’m with the Federal Body Inspectors. We’re taking over this investigation, but first I just need everyone to look right here.” He pocketed his fake ID and pointed at the Neuralyzer. “Get nice and close now. Be sure to look right at the pretty light.”

Hermes and Apollo high-fived at the classic of classic movies. 

When the red haze lifted, Naruto found himself far away from Boston.

Actually, he didn’t know where he was.

Stars and galaxies danced around the wooden path he stumbled into. A thick mist lined stone-paved ground that he didn’t see until he had dropped to his hands and knees through it. His breaths came at a rapid pace and his heart pounded like a drum.

“...Okay, not super-speed.” Hermes blinked. “He transported himself through space-time…That lucky little bastard!”

Get up, Boy. Get up! The Fox snarled. We cannot stay here! 

Naruto tried to rise, but dropped back into the mist with a heavy grunt. For as much as he wanted to leave, as willing as his spirit was, his body just wouldn’t listen. His exhaustion returned tenfold and his eyes began to drift shut.

“Well, well, well.” The soft clap of steps along the stones was accompanied by a gentle hiss of a coo. “What have we here?”

Blue eyes cracked open and stared at the being that spoke. Their skin paler than snow and their eyes that of a serpent’s, a dark haired humanoid – their features were too androgynous to identify their sex – wearing a kimono and obi knelt in front of him. A grin spread across their face.

“My, my, my. You’ve certainly seen much better days,” they said with a chuckle. Their pale hand, warmer than ice but not by much, reached out and cupped his face. The familiar gesture was lost on him, but there was a joy in their sinister-looking eyes. “It’s been so long, Naruto-kun.”

The world went dark before Naruto could press them for any questions.

“Stranger danger! Stranger danger!” Apollo snapped his fingers. Klaxons blared and sirens sounded. He pulled a hard hat on as he manifested a neon safety vest over his clothes and a whistle in his hand. Artemis grabbed his hand as he went to blow it.

“Do not.”

“...But...stranger danger.”

“Apollo.”

“Fine! Fine.” Apollo snapped his fingers and stopped his bit. “When he gets sodomized by the pedo, don’t come crying to me to fix it.”

When Naruto awoke, he felt weak. It was almost as if he’d been captured by the Amazons again. Only this time his eyes didn’t open under blinding fluorescent light, but soothing dances of fire. Particularly, the fire of a paper lantern which hung from a dark oak ceiling.

He tried to rise, but the warmer-than-ice touch pushed onto his chest, keeping him flat. The Serpent’s eyes stared down at him again.

“Stay put.” They reached out of his line of sight for something. A steaming cup was pulled into view and was offered to him. “Here. Small sips.”

Naruto glared at it warily. They chuckled.

“Your suspicion, though expected, is heartbreaking, my friend.”

“I don’t–” He rasped, swallowing dry air in an effort to wet his mouth. “Know you.”

“Really?” The Serpent’s eyes blinked as they pulled the drink back, but the small smile remained in place. Naruto gave a brief, curt nod that made the pounding in his head return. “Ah.” They set the cup down on a tray near the side of the mat he lay on, and their hands rested on their lap. “Then allow me to reintroduce myself to you. My name is Yamatano Orochimaru.”

“Anyone else feel that?” Leo asked.

“The chill that went down our spines? Yeah.” Hazel shivered.

“Oh, good I’m not that crazy then.”

A phantom chill washed down Naruto’s spine.

“Yes, there it is.” The Serpent, Orochimaru, let out a bitter chuckle. “The familiarity. The fear.”

“I’m...not afraid...of you.” Naruto spat, scowling at the humanoid.

“Is that so?” Orochimaru tilted their head. Naruto nodded.

A massive white Drakon head replaced their body, around it were seven smaller heads, all were shaped like various reptiles, real and not. Naruto’s heart raced and his breathing increased. His body trembled against his will. The dragon’s golden eye peered at him and its tongue flicked out as it hissed.

Apollo did not scream, nope. Never. It was just a jump scare reflex! 

“...Damn, man, that was shrill.” Ares wiggled a finger in his ear. “Triggered my tinnitus.”

“I think some sperm whales are going to be looking for a calf.” Poseidon muttered, eyes a little fogged over in a daze. He rubbed his eyes. “Ugh, that’s going to throw off their migratory system.”

“And now?”

Change back. Please, change back. Please, oh please, change back.

He didn’t voice the request, but it was made all the same. He felt his eyes burn as his mental capabilities regressed, subjugated to the primal fear he felt. He wanted to get away from it, he wanted to kill it, but it had him trapped, he couldn’t breath so much as move. He wanted his Uncle, moreover, he wanted his Mom. He wanted to be away from it.

“I figured as such.” The eight-headed dragon chuckled and mercifully its form melted away to once more appear humanoid. They grabbed a pad of paper and a stick of sharpened charcoal that rested beside the steaming cup. “That was quite the extreme reaction from you, Naruto-kun. Is it a phobia? ...I’ll take your silence as a yes.” The charcoal danced on the page. “‘Subject sufferers from extreme Herpetophobia. Advise against shifting or using summoning ninjutsu unless absolutely necessary.’”

“If this thing isn’t an evil scientist, I don’t know who is.” Thalia mumbled.

“I dunno, I think Annabeth could be if she really tried.”

“Mr. di Angelo, how badly do you want to be dissected while conscious?” Annabeth asked flatly.

“Thus proving my point. Thank you, Annabeth.”

“What–” Naruto croaked out. “What do... you want?”

“Want?” Orochimaru looked up from their notepad. They smiled at him again. “Silly boy, I want to help you.”

“I don’t see how that is possible with the current set up.” Percy deadpanned. 

“L–Liar.”

“Oh, Naruto-kun.” Orochimaru put a hand to their chest. “That cuts deep. As one shinobi of the leaf to another, I genuinely wish to aid you.”

“...Lil Nephew, no!” Apollo gasped. “He’s a snake ninja!”

“Wasn’t Snake Eyes a snake ninja?” Frank asked.

“No, he was a snake-themed ninja and that’s totally different. Storm Shadow was the Cobra agent.”Apollo corrected him.

The Fox roared in animalistic fury and Naruto’s pounding headache increased tenfold.

His brow furrowed around his wince. What the heck was a shinobi?

“...Other me, what the shit?!” Apollo gaped.

“Clearly your lessons in Japan were limited to sampling cuisine and losing track of him to chase tail.” Hephaestus snorted.

Orochimaru’s eyes widened as their silence stretched on to an uncomfortable length and their smile faltered. They leaned in, close to his face, and looked at him again. Then, after they pulled away, they grabbed the hem of his shirt and lifted it to look at his stomach. Their other hand started to poke and prod at his stomach.

Alarms blared in his head from the action. His Uncle’s warnings on stranger danger rushed to the forefront of his mind. Thankfully, the invasive investigation ended just as abruptly as it started.

“My word.” Orochimaru breathed as they sat back. “You’re...from much earlier than I anticipated.” They leaned forward. “Tell me, Naruto-kun, how is Kushina-hime?”

“Sexy Ninja Waifu!” Apollo beamed. He grunted when Artemis flicked him in the side of the head. “Why?”

“Because punching you isn’t worth the effort.”

“...Who?”

She’s dead. The Fox snorted. Good riddance.

“Sexy Ninja Waifu, no!” Apollo wailed. “We never even got to meet!”

Artemis rubbed her temples with one hand. Why? Why was her twin like this?

“Interesting.” The dragon-human scribbled something down before Orochimaru retrieved the now cooled cup and their hand ignited with blue energy. The cup steamed and the blue light faded from view. “Sip. It will help you recover.”

Still on edge, Naruto carefully sipped from the cup. Warm green tea flowed into his mouth and he felt his aches dwindle. Instinctively, he rushed to drink more, but it was pulled back.

“Ah, ah. Drinking too fast prevents the saliva in your mouth from combating the dangerous acids in your stomach.” Orochimaru chided. Naruto scowled. He didn’t want a lesson on proper nutrition, he wanted to drink the tea.

“Is…is that true?” Reyna blinked.

“Yep.” Apollo nodded. He gagged. “Ugh, agreed with the snake. I feel dirty.”

Orochimaru smiled back at him. “If you behave, I will answer all of your questions.”

Reluctantly, Naruto listened. Five minutes later, he finished the cup of tea. Orochimaru helped him sit up against the wall before they recovered their notepad and charcoal pen.

“Where am I?”

“My home.” Orochimaru chuckled when he glared at them. “I’m sorry, the opportunity was too good to pass up.”

They made several gestures with their hands, the blue light returning before a plume of smoke filled the space between them. It was filled with the image of a vast colorless rainbow of stars and galaxies. Naruto stared, dumbfounded, at the impossible sight before him.

“You are currently in the space between spaces, the beginning and the end of time itself. A place where man will never breathe, but life will always thrive. Where one need not speak in order to say something, and where the deaf can hear everything.” Orochimaru smirked. “I call it The Paradox.”

“That’s a terrible name.” Athena drawled, pinching her nose.

“That’s ...pretty on the nose.” Naruto frowned as the projected image and the smoke it resided in dissipated.

“Yes, I thought so at first.” They shrugged. “It was a placeholder, but it’s grown on me.”

“Like a scaly rash!” Apollo growled. “Go die in Antarctica, you scaly-scum!”

“Apollo, no kink shaming in the council chambers.” Hera drawled.

“How did I get here?”

“You utilized the chakra of the Kyubi no Kitsune while suffering chakra exhaustion and having underdeveloped chakra coils.” They stroked their chin thoughtfully. “A feat I thought impossible, but...here we are.”

“...He went to The Paradox–” Annabeth began.

“Annabeth Chase, please do not refer to this place as such.” Athena groaned.

“Because he became a paradox...That’s...I want to see this place.”

“Uh, gonna veto that request, Wise Girl.” Percy deadpanned. She pouted at him and he shrugged. “If the super-saiyan ninja couldn’t live there, then we can’t either.”

“Okay, so what’s chakra?”

“Finally, something useful.” Athena snapped her fingers and made a pen and notebook appear in her hands and in Annabeth’s.

“Yes!” Annabeth beamed.

“Ah, isn’t that the question?” Orochimaru smiled as they held their hand up and made the blue energy flow around it again. “Chakra is considered to be the essence of mortal life. Scientifically speaking, it is the energy composed of and created by the spiritual, mental and physical capabilities of the user.

“...That didn’t sound very scientific…” Leo snorted.

“Basic fourth-grade science, maybe.” Annabeth agreed. Nevertheless, she wrote it down. A lead was a lead.

It flows through all of life, or at least, it did once.”

“What do you mean?” Naruto frowned. Orochimaru grinned, eyes gleaming with pride at the question.

“So inquisitive! How refreshing! It almost makes me melancholy,” they said. They leaned forward and pointed at him. “You, Naruto, are an anomaly in the world. One of millions. Like me, you have the potential to rule over life and death. 

“Halt. Rewind, the snake fool said what?” Hades said in a deathly low whisper. Promise of retribution bubbled under it. 

The power to command the elements and reshape reality itself resides within you.

“Well, we can’t have that.” Zeus grumbled.

“Father.” Artemis frowned.

“Artemis, reshaping reality is a god’s power. This mortal should not have it.”

Augmented and empowered by the bane of our village, a beast composed entirely of chakra: The Kyubi no Kitsune, Kurama.”

I will slaughter and skin this useless reptile! It has no right to use my name! The Fox spat. Naruto glanced at Sköll’s exposed head as its eye looked at him and narrowed. A snarl echoed in his head. And before you get any ideas, neither do you, Boy!

“Tsundere Fox on the port bow! Someone get the furry bingo book!”

“Aphrodite, really! There are children present!” Demeter scowled at the tittering goddess.

The Demigods were glowing across the board.

Finding his voice, Leo continued.

“My word, that’s him isn’t it? He’s speaking to you and emoting through that image.” Orochimaru was staring at his tattoo. Without asking, they grabbed his arm and pushed the sleeve of his shirt up. “These markings...Nordic, I believe. And even the image itself consists of miniscule characters. Chakra imbued magic? Or...Could it be magic imbued chakra? Fascinating.”

“...That is fascinating. I’d always presumed Chakra was a type of magic.” Athena mumbled. “If it isn’t…”

“Then it could be an actual, harnessable energy.” Hephaestus rumbled. His mind was already racing with things he could make.

“Let go of me.” Naruto growled. Orochimaru looked at him, the cool serpentine gaze sending shivers up Naruto’s spine, before they chuckled and released him.

“My apologies, old friend. So much has changed.”

“We’re not friends. I don’t even know who you are.” Blue eyes narrowed, recalling the unsettling form revealed to him. “Why do you keep calling me one?”

“Not now, no, but in my time we were allied.” Orochimaru sighed, tapping their charcoal on their notepad. They scribbled for a second before setting the pad down. “As for how that is…You must understand, Naruto-kun, I am not limited to the same linear perception of time as you are. Long before you were even a thought in your parents’ minds, I had started my experiments.”

“...Oh, gods.” His eyes widened. “You’re not a dragon. You’re a scientist.”

“The worst of the worst of evil villains.” Frank nodded.

“Yes.” Orochimaru said, sounding way too happy with his horrified realization.

That was far worse, in Naruto’s opinion. Magic sucked, but it had rules.

“But does it really though?” Percy arched a brow.

“Yes.” The Gods deadpanned.

Science, mortal science especially, broke those rules for ‘the greater good’. A familiar tug of fear gripped his heart and he looked at the cup that was set aside warily.

“I did nothing to you, Naruto-kun.” Orochimaru put a hand on their chest. “You have my word.”

“Forgive me if I don’t believe you.”

“With ease and understanding.” Orochimaru smiled. “For you’ve forgiven me for much worse.”

“Stop talking about me like you know me!” Naruto shot to his feet in outrage, before slumping back as his head spun. Orochimaru rose and guided him back to a seated position. He glared at them. “We are not friends.”

“Then we must be enemies? Quite the fatalistic mindset, boy.” Orochimaru tisked and went to a small fire pit nearby. The pot hanging above it bubbled and was stirred. Their eyes glanced back at him, their smile cold and unfeeling like the creature it was beneath their human guise. “If you want to fight me, to slay the great “Yamata-no-Orochi”, then you are welcome to try. You would fail at best, and at worst trap yourself in The Paradox.”

“You’re a monster.” Naruto narrowed his eyes further with the accusation. “You threw away your humanity out of vanity–”

“You know not of what you speak! I gave up my mortality out of fear!” Orochimaru hissed back, glaring daggers at him.

“...He transcended mortality with science and chakra.” Hades began radiating shadows.

“The more I hear of this energy, the less I like the sound of it.” Zeus rumbled.

“For once, we agree, brother.” Hades spat.

“That’s a horrifying thought.” Poseidon drawled.

The fire’s light illuminated their true form in their shadow. They turned back to their stirring with a sigh. “If I must suffer you being so petulant and stupid, yet again, then I am indeed Damned. I would rather we speak as friendly associates, if not cordial individuals. Is that too much to ask, Naruto-kun?”

“...I guess not.” Naruto muttered, bringing his knees up and resting his arms atop them. He watched the scientist warily. A pressing curiosity made itself known. “...How did you know me?”

Orochimaru stopped stirring. He hung his head and spoke lowly.

“...You were a cursed boy, born on the night of The Kyuubi’s disastrous rampage, and both of your parents died to save you from its wrath.”

“Wait, they died to protect him...then he was born already? So...when was this Kushina taken?” Hermes asked with a frown.

“It sounds like they’re the survivors of a collapsed parallel universe’s timeline.” Apollo mumbled. “Earth-Two falls…”

Kill it. The Fox growled. I’m going to kill it.

“Quiet.” He grunted lowly, listening transfixed as Orochimaru continued, undisturbed.

“You were the Jinchuriki of The Kyuubi no Kitsune. An orphan with the brain cells of a gnat, made to be the weapon to end all weapons in our era of war. At one point, I was your enemy.” Orochimaru looked at him, features cold as stone. “When you were twelve I attacked you numerous times.

“Red flag! Hello!” Hazel gaped. “Why would you trust them after they said that?!”

“Because he’s poisoned already?” Frank suggested with a shrug.

I poisoned your best friend, and killed the man you considered a grandfather, the man I considered my father, who’d betrayed me and chose your father to lead the village once he stepped down.”

Naruto stared at him, frowning. None of this registered for him on any level. He’d only ever known The Hunt and Uncle Fred as his family. If the scientist was trying to goad him into reacting, it wasn’t going to happen.

“Then, Kaguya came.” They sighed. “Our greatest enemy was not of our world, but the cause of it. She was the progenitor of chakra, a being from another world–”

“...I’m sorry, hang on.” Naruto closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Are you suggesting that we’re descended from aliens? Seriously?”

“...Sexy Ninja Waifu is a Sexy Ninja Alien Waifu!” Apollo gasped. He pumped his fist. “Score! Xeno-kink off the list! A variant of myself did it! Who da god?!”

“Wait, does that mean that every version of Naruto is an alien?” Piper asked.

“He really is a Super Saiyan Ninja!” Percy gasped. Annabeth groaned into her hand.

“Hey, maybe Thalia could still be a Hunter. He’s an alien, right? Does he count as a boy?” Jason asked, looking at his sister. “...Thalia? You okay?”

“I…Y…N…” Thalia faltered for words, her face a glowing beacon.

“Definitely her father’s daughter.” Hera snorted, ignoring the glare she got from her huntress niece and husband. She sipped from her goblet. “Read, Leo Valdez.” 

“It’s that, or she was a ‘god.’” Orochimaru scoffed at the notion.

“You believe in magic, but not gods?” Naruto arched his brow.

“The arts of arcana are just something that I’ve yet to deconstruct on a mortal level. It’s a work in progress.” They shrugged. “But gods? Feh, they are just advanced lifeforms with understanding of science that surpass our own.”

“...Well, they’re not entirely wrong.” Athena mumbled.

“I will hear no more of this.” Zeus growled. He hated mortal science. It demeaned his powerful domain to a mere series of chemical reactions.

“That’s not true.”

“And how would you know, child?” Orochimaru asked, a placating smile on their face.

“I was raised by Artemis and Apollo.”

“...I’m sorry, what?” The bewildered look that crossed Orochimaru’s face was one Naruto etched into his memory. Served the smug snake right.

“You said it Lil Nephew!”

“My mother, Artemis, found my birth mother dying in a field.” Naruto frowned. “She and two Hunters helped bring me into the world. My mother was riddled with cuts and held on long enough to give me my name. Afterward, I was raised by The Huntress and her handmaidens. Her twin, Apollo, the god of the sun, often took me for lessons on culture around the world. When I was freshly turned twelve, I was told to leave with my uncle. He set me up in Pennsylvania, where I remained for two years.”

“Please, continue.” Orochimaru implored, a hungry look on their face, before they shook their head. “No, wait. First, a meal. You must be starving.”

As if on cue, Naruto’s stomach rumbled. He begrudgingly accepted the bowl that was given to him, and examined the contents. Boiled water and vegetables. Yum.

I’d be more concerned with the meal if there was meat in it. The Fox grumbled. Naruto shivered at the thought and started to eat. When he finished, he set the bowl down and watched Orochimaru as he ate.

“Uh, not that I’m not grateful for your help, but…I need to know. After I tell you this story, will you help me get home?”

“Of course.” Orochimaru smiled crookedly. “It would be disastrous if you stayed or remembered this anyway.”

Naruto’s eyes narrowed.

“What does that mean?”

“Oh, well, there can only be one inhabitant of The Paradox. For if it isn’t witnessed, how can it exist?” They tilted their head. “And yet, if there were two witnesses, they would confirm its existence, thus making it impossible to not exist. Henceforth, the only way to keep it around is with one dedicated mad being within it, in essence, me.”

“…Right…”

“So!” Orochimaru smiled and clapped their hands together. “You were telling me about Pennsylvania?”

“Don’t tell him anything!” Apollo groaned. “What the hell!”

“At least we don’t get the repeated exposition.” Hermes offered. 

March 15th, 2008

Diana hadn’t expected this hunt to last for as long as it did, and if she’d known it’d last three days, she would’ve shot Apollo with another arrow.

“Rude!” Apollo scowled.

“Again, I agree with her.” Artemis smirked. “We really might get along well, shame we cannot commune.”

“Oh, that would be a terrible day.” Apollo grimaced. He’d be outnumbered.

The brief glimpse of her son in Boston had been both a blessing and a curse. That he still lived – that he survived – the tortures of Valhalla made her pride and joy as a mother swell. Artemis may have spent most of their time with him, but Diana had taught him the skills needed to survive the most extreme conditions he could find himself in. For instance, her lesser persona had not been pleased to come around with their seven-year-old son digging a hole on his own in the midst of a Nebraska blizzard. It was insulting to Diana’s pride that Artemis had thought she’d let anything as simple as hypothermia harm their son. That argument cost her; It was years before Diana saw him with her own eyes again, the day before he was to be sent away.

Pride in her child’s survival aside, the evidence of his time spent there was painfully obvious, even before Apollo’s ill-fated chase began. His features had been gaunt and his breathing was heavy, almost labored, as if he’d been on the brink of death. She assumed that given he was fighting for survival in what was considered a warrior’s ideal afterlife, the second fact hadn’t been too surprising.

Now, he’d slipped away again. Diana’s eyes narrowed in annoyance as she scoured the lands beneath her chariot. If that Egyptian cur had interfered with her son once more, she would take the matter to Jupiter and end this farce of an issue. Unlike Zeus, he had the sense to recognize the potential benefits her mortal child had and would act to defend their claim on him. The Roman King of Olympus would likely even push to have the boy enlisted at Camp Jupiter. If that happened, perhaps her Hunt could finally have some ‘legitimate’ representation in the Senate.

“Oh no.” Artemis paled.

“So, making him a politician, huh?” Athena said with amusement. 

“Never, no. Oh, Us no.” 

“Pooh, I’m sure he would survive any scandal Venus threw his way.”

“All the more reason to keep him from politics!”

Stupid sexist old fools who cling to the past. Diana scowled. While she would rather have him at her side to hunt, forever out of the reach of Venus’ twisted schemes, she knew Jupiter would not budge on that regard. He may have more sense than Zeus when it came to her son, but he was still a stickler about rules.

“At least he has some good points.” Zeus frowned.

“...Bastard in disguise.” Poseidon snorted. The King of Olympus regarded him with a flat stare.

“Really?”

“It was clever.” Poseidon nodded at Hades. “All praise to the originator, of course.”

“...You’re mocking me.”

“No, brother, I’m being honest.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“Our relationship isn’t that bad.”

A resounding snort echoed through the chambers.

A glimmer of red light caught Diana’s sharp eye as she approached the Rocky Mountains. She peered over her chariot’s edge, catching a glimpse of faint white darting into the dark wood. She looked at her golden deer and rose to her full height.

“Continue your flight. Return to Olympus once you finish.”

With her instructions given, Diana leapt from her chariot and descended to the vast wooded lands near Colorado Springs. The Garden of the Gods, a favorite location of her Hunters to rest at and near her own private lands. Her senses alerted her to the feeling of eyes upon her and she scanned the area. Animals, mostly, with a sparse few nymphs poking their heads out to determine who she was. Confident that there was no threat, she strode toward the space where she saw the red light. Ambient energies of an unknown origin lingered over the glassed dirt, and smaller glass spaces moved away from the large crater. Almost like…

Tracks. Diana realized.

“...How did his feet make glass tracks?!” Frank asked.

“Chakra must be hot.” Thalia shrugged.

“You would know.”

Thalia glared at Nico.

“...The implication of that accusation being…?” 

“That you can’t stop thinking about your imaginary alien boyfriend.”

“Well, that’s new.” Jason muttered as his sister’s face turned two different shades of red simultaneously.

Her wayward son had left a trail with his oddly formed footsteps. She tried not to rush after them, willing herself to hold back from breaking into a sprint. If she chased him like a wolf did the Golden Hind, it would only make him flee. So, patiently, the Huntress continued her pursuit through the woods.

Several meters from the glass crater, the glass tracks ceased. Diana resorted to more practice tracking tactics, eyes flicking to each cracked stick, disturbed bush and flora. Finally, after what felt like forever, she found him.

Naruto was slumped against a tree, his clothing in tatters, apparently asleep. Diana observed him for a moment, before cautiously making her approach. He looked older with the growth of peach-colored facial hair that spread across his jawline and framed the sides of his mouth. Faint dark circles surrounded his eyes and his parted lips showed a hint of sharper canines. A glimmer drew her eyes to his left ear. There was a piercing in the lobe, below the odd cuff that was his axe’s disguised form, a simple black stud. Radiating from it was the same ambient energy that surrounded the glass crater he’d apparently left in his wake.

She scowled at his new accessory, disliking the radiant energy on principle. It’s presence raised too many questions and, knowing that there was only one way to receive answers, she decided to rouse him. A swift kick to the sole of his foot did the trick. 

“Medical. Kit.” Apollo said, motioning with his hands. 

“Making sure he was still alive?” Artemis said to cover her embarrassment of her roman persona’s action. 

“I gave her…a medical kit!”

He shot to his feet, a silver throwing knife drawn in his right hand and prepared to attack, only to stop when he saw it was her.

“Aww, I was almost impressed!” Ares scowled.

“M-Mom?”

“Naruto.” Diana frowned as she considered her next words. She had barely blinked and he had moved, his arms suddenly around her and his face buried in her shoulder. 

“I’m sorry.” The raspy whisper was accompanied by a sharp intake of breath. “I’m so, so sorry.”

A shudder racked his form and Diana immediately understood. Though he was her son, raised and trained by herself, her lesser persona and their oafish twin brother, Naruto was still but a mortal boy. The trials he’d gone through, the things he must have seen because of those inferior gods, were an assault on his peace of mind. He lacked the demigods’ instincts that would grant them reprieve of any brushes with death from the supernatural or ignore any unexplained phenomena.

“...We don’t have that.” Percy blinked. “Do we?”

“ADHD.” Annabeth drawled.

“I don’t have that.” Frank deadpanned.

“You’re a legacy that can shapeshift into Animals.” Annabeth shrugged. “There’s got to be something blocking too much of the instinct from taking over.”

“...Right.” Frank sat back and chewed on his lip. “Huh.”

Unbidden, her arms rose up and wrapped around him. She gently rubbed his back as he uttered hushed apologies through his sobs. Reluctantly, she decided that the chastising could wait. Her son needed her.

“Hush now, Naruto,” Diana cooed in an effort to cease his sobs. She felt him relax from her ministration and granted him a gentle peck on the side of his head, before hugging him again. Her next words resonated with her Greek persona’s intent. It was only after they slipped out did she realize that she’d lost control, and that Artemis had wrested her way back. “It’s okay, my fearless hunter. I’m here now. Momma’s here.”

“Momma bear in the hizouse!” 

“Truly?” Artemis scowled at her twin. He shrugged.

“Someone had to say it. It’s like, what? Five centuries for Diana to emote?”