The Absurd Postcard
Added 2022-08-21 20:18:15 +0000 UTCAuthor's note
Okay, so some context is needed here. I had to write this as an assignment for college, but I thought it was funny enough to share it here. It is supposed to be a postcard from someone, and I decided to get silly with it.
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It’s quite a day today. The cold rain is pouring down by back as the eagles, which the natives of this land assure me are just mosquitoes, carry away another villager. Right now, I’m in a rainforest that someone forgot to cut down. I think you all would like it here. There are plenty of fallen leaves to crunch underfoot when you walk, enough trees to blot out the sun, and a disease for every different way to die that I can think of. Tomorrow, the natives want to sacrifice me; they said it would bring rain. I’m not sure if that is true, but I didn’t want to be rude and refuse their traditional hospitalities. Earlier today, I saw a lovely little cheetah stalking me from the jungle bushes. He thought I hadn’t seen him yet, but I knew he was there immediately. I heard that cheetahs are ambush predators, so I don’t think he was a very good cheetah if he can’t even do that; maybe he was a vegetarian? I’m on my way to visit the village elder, who asked to perform a purification ritual before my sacrifice tomorrow. I’m rather excited, I’ve never met royalty before, and I’m always eager to learn about new cultures. The men leading me are called William and U’boo; I think there is probably a story there, but I haven’t been able to ask since they put a gag around my mouth when the tied me up. I hope you all are doing as well as I am, my friends. Yours, ArcAngel98.
