Hourly Comic Day Comic!

I'm a day late but I did it hehe. Boring days become interesting once you start drawing them.

I spent all day drawing this and my hand hurts. I truly enjoyed making this comic and remember small details from yesterday.

I posted it on Instagram but it hasn't reached "enough" people. I miss the encouragement I'd get from my online community back in the day. I don't want to just rely on that to feel good about my work but I feel like it plays a significant role in the art making process.

When I checked my insights, which I often don't, it had only reached a few hundred people in two hours. Instagram keeps reaching new lows. A few hundred people is still a lot compared to no people but considering the number of years I've spent on the app and work I've done, it makes me question a lot of things. I wonder what's worth it and what's not. I question my work. Is it unappealing? Is it not worth waiting for? Is it not worth spending time on? Is it not worth remembering? I then feel like shit and spiral out of control.

I'm scared of losing all that I have left and having to start from scratch again. But I'm also fed up of feeling temporary. I feel so temporary. I'm aware that everything is temporary one way or the other but this is a different kinda feeling.

I started to feel badly about my hourly comic because not a lot of people were interacting with it. I then compared myself to all the other artists who were doing amazing stuff. And I felt like a nobody. I felt like a small child lost in a very crowded supermarket.

I haven't been promoting my Patreon as actively because I've been hating my work and thinking it's not worth supporting. But all of this only comes from the comparison game that my mind plays from time to time and its effects last for so long. Ugh. I just wish I could shut up and draw but money stress has started to creep in again.

I've been on Patreon since 2017. I've tried to reach a 100 patrons but it just doesn't happen. I see other artists in my circle having 100, 500, 1000s of patrons and I wonder how they make it happen. I feel so ashamed and embarrassed sometimes when I ask people to join my Patreon. I feel like my work is shit, how dare I ask people to come and support that. Aaaaa. I hate my mind!!! (Sorry I'm not trying to fish for compliments here, this is just genuinely how I feel ༎ຶ⁠‿⁠༎ຶ )

I want to be consistent and I want to prove I'm worth it. But why is it so difficult and confusing. Oh god. I don't know where this is going haha.

I guess I'll figure something out. I hate that I'm the same old sad and anxious again. I really liked being just anxious and less sad the past few months. Everything comes and goes I guess. 🥲

Ok thanks for reading this random rant. I feel a bit lighter.

❤️
Aditi