notes from the road .1 -MALINDA

Hello my beautiful patrons :)

I've wanted to start a little "journal" series on Patreon where whenever I can I write a little about the shows I do this year where I share stories that I won't share on all of my socials.  This is the beginning of something quite special hopefully, and I want to document it even just for me, but it felt right to share it with you too.

This last Thursday and Friday I flew to Grand Rapids, MI to open for The Swell Season.  I joined them on their Chicago show as well.

Here are a few stories from the gig:

-When we first arrived Glen came running off stage during his soundcheck to greet us.  He said right away, "We're very relaxed here!  Nothing is off limits, you can wander anywhere on stage during our soundcheck, backstage, anything you want."  This is coming from an artist who if he wanted to could have literal fences between him and the openers (I've seen artists do that).  It *immediately* made me relax.  I knew there was no judgement here.  If I did my job, I was doing it right, that's all.  I want to be that artist- the one who makes everyone who steps into their world immediately feel like they can be themselves and advocate for what they need.

-At one point in Grand Rapids, Glen had maybe 150 people come up on the stage to sit with them because he saw they didn't have a view of the stage, and then even more people came up when it briefly rained.  It was so magical, but also of course this is the kind of thing that could give crew a heart attack.  I turned to the tour manager who was standing next to me and asked, "How's your blood pressure?"  He smiled at me, shrugged and just said, "Eh."  Completely unfazed.  And later the monitoring engineer in the middle of the show asked me, "What mic are you using to sing If You Want Me with Mar?"  And I said, "Well we didn't sound check or rehearse it at all so I don't actually know."  And he goes, "....ok cool we'll see what happens."  Totally chill.  NO SOUND PERSON in the history of ever has ever said "we'll see what happens" mid show.  But that's the thing.  This crew is THE RIGHT crew for these artists specifically, same goes for the musicians in the band.  They know they are spontaneous.  They know they like to bring guests up and go sing in the audience.  And they are capable enough that no matter what happens they have the artist's back.  That was such a lesson in the importance of the right people, not even the best people, needing to be at your side on a tour like this.

-During soundcheck in Chicago I was singing the new tune we're releasing on Friday, and the sound settled to the point that it felt right.  I suddenly had this memory of me as a little kid running up to my mom after my first ever choir performance and saying "MOM....THIS IS SO FUN!!"  I felt exactly like that little kid again.  I was just so excited to be performing it was making me giddy.  I'm so glad I am still open to those feelings, and I can't wait to remind myself of that on tour when I'm super tired. :P

-What is is like to perform for 4000 people?  Well for one, if the lights are down I can only see the first like 3 rows of people, so I just know intellectually that I need to play to much further back as well.  And when the lights come up I can see everyone, but my vision kind of flattens and I'm just like "oh look lots of people!"  The number of humans definitely did not compute for me until I saw a video from up above on the side and I was like "oh......ok xD."  Also...catching the vibe of a huge crowd is THE SAME as catching the vibe of a tiny room!!!  In Grand Rapids I was like "aww y'all are so relaxed, it's like singing for friends at a picnic!"  And in Chicago everyone was SO CUTE and brought out a slightly cheekier side of me!  It was amazing to feel the exact same muscles flex in the exact same way and feel very confident with how I can work them.  

-In rehearsing for this set, I wound up having a major anxiety attack the night after our first rehearsal.  I was so baffled by it.  I hadn't had one in so long.  I wasn't nervous for the set, so what was going on?  I realized- my body is warning me.  I have been viewing this month as "the big push" before tour to get everything done.  But no, Malinda, TOUR is the big push.  Now it's time to restore myself and get ready with gentleness.  I made this exact mistake with the movie.  The week before it I pushed myself to crazy degrees to make it happen, thinking it was "the big push" until we got into production week.  And I collapsed in the middle of shooting and had to move production by a day.  This was my body's way of saying, "You need to completely shift how you're taking care of yourself."  I remembered back when I was doing Once, 8 shows a week.  Short form content didn't exist.  I wasn't releasing music.  I made like 2-3 Youtube videos in 3 months.  And now I'm trying to do all of that while still thinking I'll have the bandwidth to ready myself for something that is going to be so much more physically demanding than Once?  I realized how unreasonable I have been with myself.  And I'm grateful I could read the warning signs.  I am delegating way better now, and choosing restorative activities every day.

It was maybe the best 48 hours of my life.  Getting to sing music that has defined me as a person, having Glen Hansard tell me, "You own this song!" after hearing me sing Gold, getting to talk deep with Marketa, reconnecting with my old friend Connor (who played the same guitar we played with together as teenagers), having my beautiful giddy parents along for the whole ride (I could not have done this without them), it was all so beautiful.  And I cannot wait to take all of the magic I just soaked in and infuse it into these upcoming shows.

See you all out there xx

xxMKR