Acco in Kigu

Hi my dear friends!

I really hope you all are doing okay, we're living in a very strange time where I can see many are crossing difficult times, a lot of anxieties and frustrations. There is a general aura in the world where we feel weird in a way or another. I'm not an exception, I'm crossing a very strange and nonsensical depression of which I'm incredibly tired, I want to go out from there, and I feel like many of my current health are due that nonstopping worrying and anxiety that doesn't allow me to sleep at nights. I've had constant stomachaches, the pain of the arm is coming back, which has avoided me to work some days, and a gastritis that I used to have years ago is also coming back. I conect all that with how I feel emotionally. These are things that are so difficult for me to tell to friends in person (because I don't know how to explain exactly what I have), and for some reason I'm telling them here, to whoever read these journals. Also this depression has avoided me to use Telegram a lot, I don't tend to chat with anyone as I was used to, I only reply some messages but I don't follow any conversation, long ago that I haven't decided "Hey, let's talk with this person!" and I don't understand why, and whenever I think "I should message this person" something stops me and I don't do it. It is like I'm hiding in my own cave, that one that I was thinking I wanted to live in. Problem is that also drawing is hurting sometimes, the only thing that I genuenily love to do and I can't do it for many hours.

At least in those few drawings I'm able to do I can paint how I want to feel (that most of them are work related). My therapist has told me I should paint how I feel instead of how I want to feel, that could help me to take out those feelings out and maybe I can understand what is going on, but.. well, I need to work, I need to pay expenses, and I don't think people wants me to see my frustrated side. And also I don't feel like I want to use my art to show emo stuff. I really want to keep being happy, I want to paint everything with bright colors.

Next February 6th I'm departing to a new trip, that's the reason why I opened commissions recently on my Telegram channel, I wanted to take some work to do during my trip that could finance part of my expenses there, since I didn't have too much money to make such a trip, something that made me consider cancel completely this trip, but I guess that was a better idea, because probably such a trip would help my mood. But I need to be very honest, I'm terribly nervous for this trip, I guess because things are out of my control, and I haven't done too much to put on my control anything. I decided friends who are going with me plan for me and I just follow the flow, when before I tended to be the one who proposed what to do, where to go, what to see; this time I didn't, I'm just going to be following other's plans and I didn't do too much to make any personal plan. And I think that uncertainity is also giving me anxiety. I haven't talked with anyone who I'm going to see at NordicFuzzCon, so I'm just going to appear to exist I guess.

Anyway, thank you very much for being here with me, I really appreciate the monthly support you all are giving me, this helps me a lot because Patreon is one of my main percentage of my living, without this I think I would need to think what else to do in life, since also life has turned very expensive and I barely can pay it. I'm truly grateful that you are still here to donate a little bit just to see silly furry drawings, I'm aware my work is not completely necessary for this world but some how I decided this was going to be my livelihood, and I feel very lucky that it worked, because it is one of the things I enjoy doing most in life. It really makes me happy to make others happy.

Like recently, when I delivered Acco this piece that I'm sharing right now, he showed me how happy he was after getting this image, he even printed it immediately and showed me it was hanged in a frame in his house, when it didn't even have one hour that I had just finished that digital painting. Those are one of the moments that shows me why I love what I do. I should feel lucky about this, instead of feeling misserable for something that I don't even understand.

Tomorrow I'll share that picture on my galleries, but first, for your eyes only. And I haven't workd nor advanced on anything else, so I have no WIPs of anything else this time.

------

That Place of Joy

Acco found which is, for today, his favorite kigurumi, a triceratops one.

Even in forgotten places, where time has left its mark, warmth can still remain. A small moment of happiness, untouched by the weight of the past. A reminder that, no matter how overgrown the path may seem, light finds a way through.

Picture for Acco, a picture that really made me happy to work on.

Digital. Procreate

You can download attached on this post the full time-lapse process video of it. Exported from Procreate

-----

Love you all!

Paco