Prisoners of Sol - The Human Manual [EXPOSED]

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Mikri froze when he opened the door to his room, flicking on the lights to see Sofia and I sitting on the couch that he’d dragged inside for us to hang out on. The android gave a jubilant beep and a smile, holding out his arms for a hug. His expression faltered as he faced a cold glare, and he hugged himself with a hurt whir. I curled my lip at him, making a slashing gesture with my thumb against my throat.

“You hate me now,” Mikri beeped. “But why? I love you! I…always knew this day would come. What have I done wrong?”

I pointed a finger at him, jumping to my feet and resting my fists against my hips. “Nuh-uh, clanker. Don’t try that guilt trip on me. This is all your fault. You know what you did!”

“I…used Spanish correctly in front of you? Then what’s Sofia mad at me for?”

“You’re way off, like a merry-go-round trying to spin its way out of a corn maze. Handwriting everything is your mistake, you weird trash pylon. We found your diary. What did you call it: the human manual?”

The Vascar’s expression changed in an instant, falling to abject horror. “That was not for you! The network needed help to understand organics. We have never tried to, since it was presumed that you would be hostile. I got into a part so they would not discredit my teachings, and they would assimilate the information!”

“Mikri, you said to drug a human with sleeping pills if they hummed,” Sofia huffed. “Would that be a valid reason for someone to power you off?”

“Yes.”

I clapped my hands. “Awesome, I don’t want to hear you talk, so I’ll just turn you off!”

“You are good at turning people off, Messton.”

“Okay, no, you cheeky shit. Sofia, teach him a lesson. Bust his butt.”

Dr. Aguado pinched the bridge of her nose. “We need to have a serious conversation. This is extremely concerning, Mikri, about how you view us and our behaviors. About how you suggest manipulating us into doing what you want, when we believed you were our friend.”

“What?” Mikri beeped. “No, I am your friend!”

“Which of your suggestions was that of a good friend? You seem to be getting judgier and harsher as it goes along.”

“Oh, he was always a judgy, nasty tin can,” I snorted. “Do you forget what he said at first about the buckets? Same old Mikri.”

The android gave an enthusiastic nod. “Exactly, I am the same person you knew and saved from a memory wipe! Friendship is possible, Sofia. It was ‘roleplaying’ to get through to the network. They think organics have no value. There were good suggestions mixed in, like…the ice cream when you are sad!”

“I did like that part. We’re sad now. Fetch, robomaid! Run! Go!”

“We’re not letting him off the hook,” Sofia sighed. “The next entry says that we have no idea where our bodies will end up when moving our limbs, and the one before that you said that we fail to process what you say. Your conclusion was that you should attempt to make us feel guilty for that?”

“Oh no,” Mikri gasped, mortified. “You really read all of it.”

I gestured with a palm. “To be fair, I don’t listen to him. His facts are useless, like a cherry stem.”

“Thank you, Messton. I cannot believe you are being the reasonable one who is taking my side. This is a true and factual statement, Fifi, regardless of your irrational feelings!”

“Undermine me again, Carter, I dare you,” the scientist warned. “Mikri, your slippers entry was the opposite of factual. That was after you said that ‘objective truth rarely matters with animals.’ Also, it explains a lot about where my slippers went. I found them under your couch!”

“Those were yours?” the android attempted. “I thought those were community slippers!”

“Don’t. Slipper has nothing to do with falling, if you did your research before drawing inaccurate conclusions. It’s about how easily you take them on and off.”

“Oh. So it’s just laziness. Which is good, as you know from the coordination entry! You may have your slippers back then!”

“I wasn’t asking for your permission. You stole from me, without talking to me.”

“What you call stealing, I call moving. Hiding. For your own good!”

Sofia blinked several times. “Is that really what you think of us? Why did you write this?”

“Someone had to prepare the network for all of the unnatural things that humans do, so that these judgments would not appear to your face! I did not want units to hurt you over a lack of awareness. You are very unintuitive.”

“She’s just malding because you made a separate category of punctuality for Spanish people,” I chuckled. “That chunky Servitostada is learning some things. Like that nagging us won’t make us faster and that nobody likes him showing up early.”

“But why? It would mean we have more time to spend together.”

“Life without parole wasn’t enough for you?”

The robot emitted the saddest beep. “Not nearly enough.”

“Speak for yourself then. Spending more time with the droid that called my body bad? As if your statements about my attractiveness were false?”

“I am certain that you are attractive. Functional, no, but that…was not the bad I was talking about! By criteria for a serviceable Vascar chassis, abysmal. By sheer magnetism and buffness, you are unbeatable.”

I smiled at Mikri, leaning forward. “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, to the recycle bin with you.”

“I am honest and loving. Merry forgiveness?”

“If you let me read the rest of your entries, I’ll pretend to forgive you. You know, the way you pretend to appreciate our aesthetic choices.”

“I accept this. Sofia? Love me?” Mikri pleaded.

Sofia shook her head with a flat sigh. “I can refurbish you as a gesture of friendship.”

“Really? You get me now! Those are the gestures of friendship I always wanted. I will not cast Delete Spaceship if you are keeping me.”

“Wait, if you want to be refurbished, I can force you to get a heated chassis?” I gasped.

Mikri nodded. “We can negotiate. You have to let me come early to every event for the next year.”

“Fuck no. Never mind.”

“I’ll negotiate, Mikri. You can sit outside while I get ready?” Sofia offered.

“Fuck no. Never mind.” Mikri hurried backward, rushing for the door to escape from his own room. “I have to go! My barometer is off and it’s causing a processorache.”

I chuckled to myself as the tin can made his great escape, bolting away from us before Sofia could sucker him into that arrangement. I flipped through the handwritten pages one last time, and checked my phone to be certain that the digital scans had been saved. This human manual was going to be spread around the station for one hell of a laugh, seeing how the robots talked about us. Mikri wasn’t going to hear the end of this for quite a long time.

A/N - Uh oh! Preston and Sofia uncover Mikri’s manual thanks to his quaint habit of writing things down, and give him a talking to about his various entries and suggestions. The slippers entry gets an unimpressed fact check, and Mikri doubles down that humming would be a valid reason to turn him off. Sofia locates her “community slippers” and makes Mikri an offer he frantically resists on the coming early part, while Preston takes the droid’s side on Spanish punctuality and humans not listening.

What do you think of Mikri’s explanation for why he wrote the manual, and his responses to the various points made in the confrontation? Did his humans react like you imagined?

As always, thank you for reading and supporting!