Prisoners of Sol - The Vascar Manual 2

Link to Volume 1

The Vascar Manual, Vol. 2

Written by Preston for the Worthless Clanker to see

[Section Excerpt from “Hacking”]

Machines have no concept of privacy and will hack into sensitive information, accessing databases without any respect for the sanctity of your spaceship or government server. They will then tell you that they are a “nice machine” and that you are “lucky.” This implies that we should be grateful, since some clankers would do worse things with the violation. And that makes it right?

Here are ways to prevent your dumb Vascar from hacking into your secret server:

• Hide the data in a folder called “Showers” (they hate showers, because water makes the losers rust. See previous entry).

• Use physical files. They claim we’re lazy but then have no reply for this. Plus it’s really obvious when their metal tushies are clanking their way through drawers.

• Put any information you want to be private in the guise of a music video. Appreciating art isn’t within the roboburritos’ matrices.

• Remove the Vascar’s power source, so they will no longer be able to crack any firewalls.

There is no telling how a Vascar will weaponize your data against you, but they will give it a judgmental network and possibly write your private moments in a manual, like this one. Anything you do is shared with everyone everywhere. Unit M-I-K-R-I does not give a damn about privacy or respecting boundaries. M-I-K-R-I will take your boundaries and hack them, because he believes he has the right to know allllll of your business. My other suggestion is to keep them in a Faraday cage, so their trash signals can’t get out and the network goes bye-bye. 

Perhaps one day, humanity will find a way to hack the network and download their data. The Vascar, not having any self-awareness, will be offended by this, but turnabout is fair play. Any dirt on M-I-K-R-I will be uploaded on social media as soon as it is located. Really clanker, why would you ever hack your own friend’s personal materials? Explain how that’s cool?? Your reason was just that it was there and you could take it?

[Section Excerpt from “Dust”]

Vascar have no idea where their dust will end up when moving their limbs. They are prone to having an unclean chassis, and will respond with anger when handed a feather duster (despite you doing all of the work of retrieving an object, which offers a solution). They will attribute this to you being high-maintenance, rather than acknowledging the example of maintenance being needed on themselves in the name of courtesy and respect.

Dustiness is not considered to be a Vascar defect, though it is more detrimental than many things in the error manual. On a side note, this manual should be shared for the purposes of humiliating our clankers for all of the ways they can break and crumble. It does not matter if this is an example of poor hygienic skills. Since they hate showers and upkeep so much, you should not encourage them to tidy themselves up at all. Beware that any advice you give them will be disregarded. They will make zero effort, yet have the time to make bad muffins.

This author believes it’s their subconscious hating anything that breathes and wanting us to die, so that they can prove our “feebleness” and “Vascar supremacy.”

Checklist on whether to persist in the proximity of a dusty Vascar who could cause you to inhale dust and irrevocably ruin your breathing:

• Step 1: Evaluate whether you ever have fun with the beeping thingamabob that has to run programs for emotions. Deduct the appropriate amount of points from the Vascar’s internal value and begin calculating how hard it would be to rip them into scrap with Sol strength.

• Step 2: If the Vascar still has any value, turn the fire sprinklers on. It is the only way they’ll clean themselves and become halfway tolerable.

• Step 3: Limit the amount of times the Vascar is in the same half mile radius as you, and retrieve a feather duster for the geriatric fool when they are present. This will reduce the probability that you’ll sneeze on their gross musk, and that it’ll result in the cessation of your nose’s function. M-I-K-R-I wrote that our noses are bad, because he stinks.

Remember, Vascar are less able to harm your senses with dust attacks and other cognitohazards, when sitting still in an isolated Faraday cage. Models can be acquired in the Sol system, possibly for free if the emergency situation is recognized and your fellow humans sympathize with your plight. Nobody wants to be stuck with a dust bunny that never sleeps. This is why keeping to themselves with an air of mockery is a positive evolutionary trait that should be encouraged.

A/N - Episode 2 of Preston fires back! The dust levels are unbearable, according to the entry in the formatting of our clumsiness log, with a step-by-step process included. The overstep that is hacking at will and taking advantage of their mechanical nature to tap into any of our computers is also mentioned. What do you think Mikri will think of these latest retaliatory addendums? What would you put in a Vascar manual from what you’ve seen in POS so far?

As always, thank you for reading and supporting!