December Release: Holy Department of Heretical Investigations
Added 2024-12-23 11:24:06 +0000 UTCIntroducing the Holy Department of Heretical Investigations (HDHI)! These folks are the galaxy’s last, best, and most maniacal defense against heresy. Equal parts holy warriors, deranged detectives, and over-the-top action heroes, their methods are... unconventional. Let’s meet the team!
Father Flambergus
Role: Commander, preacher, and general "loud voice of authority."
Personality: Nervous as a squirrel on too much caffeine, Father Flambergus doesn’t talk – he shouts, and somehow that counts as divine magic. He believes explosions are a perfectly valid method of exorcism, and sermons are best delivered during combat. Rumor has it he once preached so loudly that it triggered a seismic event.
Weapon: A plasma cannon nicknamed "The Holy Roaster" and a chainsaw axe called "Preacher’s Point."
Motto: “I’ve had it with these heretical fools on this heretical planet!”
Brother Proximus "The Tank"
Role: Walking fortress and team muscle.
Personality: Imagine a troll if he had been raised in a monastery. He doesn’t really talk to heretics – he rolls over them, leaving behind a smoking crater and a firm “amen.”
Weapon: Twin rotary holy bolters affectionately named "Repent Left" and "Repent Right."
Motto: “You’re not alive because you earned it – you’re alive because I slipped up.”
Sister Mechaiah "The Cog-Prayer"
Role: Tech-savvy nun and mechanical miracle worker.
Personality: Mechaiah is a genius with machines, but her idea of “repairing” usually involves welding extra flamethrowers to everything. She has a slightly concerning love for wires, oil, and righteous combustion. Heretics beware: if she can’t fix you, she’ll definitely fix your attitude.
Weapon: A servo-assisted exorcist rig with holy flamers and a repair torch she calls "The Final Tune-Up."
Motto: “It’s not broken – it’s just… insufficiently on fire.”
Inquisitor Axius "The Brooding One"
Role: Interrogator, investigator, and wielder of the "cool factor."
Personality: Axius never smiles, always stands dramatically in the shadows, and probably has an entire playlist of sad organ music. Some say his eye-glowing cybernetic implant is purely for aesthetics.
Weapon: A massive executioner’s axe engraved with prayers of doom.
Motto: “You either die pure… or live long enough to become purified by me.”
Brother "Chainsaw Chuck" Mordecai
Role: Berserker and general chaos enthusiast.
Personality: Mordecai’s solution to every problem is “cut it in half, then check if it’s still moving.” He’s wildly enthusiastic, overly cheerful, and arguably the least qualified to perform an actual investigation. His chainsword – a loud, terrifying contraption – is his best friend.
Weapon: A custom chainsword called "The Buzz of Judgment" and a stub pistol he uses only for dramatic pauses.
Motto: “If it moves, shoot first. Questions come after.”
Together, this ragtag group of righteous maniacs keeps the galaxy safe from heresy – loudly and violently. You don’t call the HDHI when you want subtlety; you call them when you want heretics reduced to ash.
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