The Seven Ex-Girlfriends of Jonas - Finale

Tier Reward for LoudVirus

Jonas tries to use magic to lay a curse on his seven ex-girlfriends for dumping him, but the magic backfires. Now, he is forced to become them each in turn for a day and feels compelled to act as they would.

~

Chapter 8 - Finale

Six Months Later…

“I hope you all enjoyed it! Thanks again for joining the stream and to Invia for sending me the advanced copy of the game!” Nari grinned at the screen. “And, of course, a big thank you to my mystery donor who gifted a hundred subs today!” 

I smiled at the screen; Nari had been on fire lately, and she was on track to become one of the biggest streamers in the country at this rate. The new game she’d been given looked fun as well. I made a mental note to check it out when it was out of Early Access. She flashed that brilliant, beautiful smile and flicked her now green hair over her shoulders. 

“Signing off!”

The stream ended, and almost immediately, a message appeared on my screen. 

‘I know it was you, you little bastard.’

Somebody who didn't know better might think it was a threat, but I could practically hear the cheeky grin in Nari’s voice.

‘You deserve it’

‘A hundred subs! That’s too much! You know you don't have to keep apologising for the whole body hopping incident, right?’

I chuckled under my breath; it had been an interesting few months since I woke up back in my own body. 

I groaned and rolled onto my stomach, instinctively wincing before I realised there was no pain. Groggily, I blinked my eyes open and was met with…no hair, just the faded red of a familiar pillowcase. 

“Holy shit!”

I was back! I cupped my chest and met empty air.

“No tits! Haha!”

I jumped out of bed in delight. There was no jiggle at my chest, no sway to my hips, no twinge of pain as my spine tried to support the extra weight. I was a man again! I looked around and cursed, of course, I didn't have a mirror in my room. I ran to the bathroom instead and, for the first time in a week, I was met with my own reflection: sandy brown hair, cold blue eyes, a square jawline spotted with uneven stubble. Laughter, breathless and slightly manic, escaped my lips, and I ran my fingers through my hair, marvelling at how short it was. So manageable, no tangles, no conditioner! God, that felt freeing. 

My hand slid down my face to the stubble; some guys could pull off five o'clock shadow, but for the first time in my life, I realised I was not one of them. After a bit of digging, I found my razor and frowned at it. Men's razors were so rough; where was that little moisturising strip all my exes had on theirs? 

A decent shave and a shower later, I revelled in the ability to throw on a pair of sweatpants. No mental compulsions, no aching in the arch of my feet from heels, just a shirt, comfy pants and the knowledge that I could step out the front door and not turn a single eye. It was refreshing, but I’d be lying if I said I didn't miss the ability to make heads turn. Just a little. 

Beep.

My phone. I’d been so excited about being back in my old body, I hadn't even checked the time. I picked it up and felt my stomach drop. I had several messages, all from very familiar numbers. My heart thumped as I tried to decide which one to open first when there was a knock at the door.

“Oh, thank God.”  

Any excuse to put off looking at those messages was fine by me! I opened the door and immediately wished I’d just stuck to my phone. It’s a very specific kind of fear that runs through you when you open to find every girl you’ve ever dated standing on your front door step. 

“I…”

“Jonas,” Nari grinned like a shark, “I think we should all come inside, we have a lot to talk about.”

“It was an accident!” I cried pathetically, “I didn’t mean to…you know, steal your body for a day, wait, how did you even know it was me?”

“When you think we were while you were walking around in our bodies?” Gina asked with a roll of her eyes. 

“Oh…that explains why all my socks were folded…”

“I think we’d better come in,” Lacey said, gripping my shoulder just tight enough it threatened to hurt. 

“H-how can I say no?”

That conversation had been one of the most awkward, tense and freeing ones of my life. We hadn't all walked out of that room friends, but there was an undercurrent of understanding. Slowly, over the course of the next few months, I’d built a relationship with each of them, not a romantic one, but a genuine friendship. I smiled at the message from Nari.

‘I got a bonus, don’t worry about it. Are you coming to the party tonight?’

‘Hells yeah! I will see you then!’

My phone beeped; it was almost eleven, the stream had run long. 

“Crap!”

I grabbed my jacket and bolted for the door.

~

“Sorry, I’m late!” I cried, practically falling through the door to the gym.

“Punctuality is next to godliness,” Gina chided.

“I don’t think that’s how the saying goes.”

“It should be.”

She was dressed in the latest athleisure: tight pink bike shorts and a grey crop top. She’d started putting on a decent amount of muscle since starting aerobics at Lacey’s gym. I shuddered to think what her board meetings were like now, the men in the meeting room probably didn’t know whether or she was going to fuck them or snap them over her knee like a twig. Honestly, they would probably be fine with either option. 

“Where’s Heather?”

“Probably getting my coffee order wrong again,” Gina rolled her eyes, but I could see her trying to hide a fond smile. 

As if summoned by her name, Heather came stumbling in the door wearing heels far too high for a gym session. 

“Giiiiiina! I did it! I got all the paperwork files, I emailed the Jackson company to say your meeting is being shifted and got coffee! The right one this time!”

She handed over the black coffee, and Gina hid a smile behind a sip. 

“You actually got it right.”

“See! I told ya I could!”

I just laughed, only Heather could get the order of ‘black coffee’ wrong, multiple times. She was doing well working under Gina, she was finally able to hold down a job at least, and Gina got some lovely eye candy while she was at work. I watched them both talking; Heather was inching closer every few seconds. Who knew they were both bi? Idly, I wondered if they’d slept together yet, then chuckled; of course, they had. 

Lacey appeared at the front of the room and clapped her hands. 

“Alright, ladies, time to get started!”

“Hey!” I put my hands on my hips. “Do I look like a lady to you?”

“With that stance, hell yeah.”

I decided to take it as a compliment. A few men snickered as they watched the aerobics class; I was the only guy, but the joke's on them. While they were hanging out with a bunch of sweaty dudes, I was surrounded on all sides by women in tight-fitting sports bras and yoga pants. Plus, these classes had made me so much more flexible; and that had all sorts of benefits. I watched as one of the laughing men’s gaze moved from me to Heather, and his jaw dropped. He got halfway through a wolf whistle before he walked straight into a pole, and it was my turn to laugh.

“That happens so much, do you think maybe more people need glasses?” Heather said innocently. 

“Something like that.”

The class ended, and Lacey jumped down off the stage, hand outstretched to high-five me. 

“Hey! Are you going to the party tonight?”

“Of course! Great class by the way.”

Her eyes slid across the room, and she nodded with a smile.

“Here we go…”

I turned and saw the meatheads from the weights walking over with cocky grins on their faces and a swagger in their step. They were heading straight for Heather and Gina; it was like watching antelope approach a river of crocodiles; they had no idea what a mess they were going to walk into. 

“Hey ladies,” Said the first, “You looked like you were enjoying the workout, wanna try something harder?”

“Like what?” Heather said, wide-eyed.

“My dic-”

“He means, weights, Heather.” I cut in quickly, “Lifting weights.”

“Oh no, I could never.” She giggled, “I wouldn’t wanna get all brawny.”

“We’d help you, sweetheart…”

“No…I don’t think.”

“C’mon.”

“Hey!” I cut in, “She said no.”

The second guy sneered. 

“Just because you couldn’t lift a weight if your life depended on it.” 

“Jonas can lift plenty.” Lacey cut in before I could say anything, “He’s our favourite class member.”

“That’s right!” Heather said, placing an arm around his shoulder, “all us ladies love Jonas.”

There was a unique kind of satisfaction to be felt having a bunch of women drape themselves over you. The muscle bros walked off, scoffing, but I could tell they were confused. I could practically hear the cogs in their heads whirring away trying to figure out how I got so many women on my side. 

“Right, we need to get back to the office.” Gina nodded, “We’ll see you all this afternoon.”

Heather waved hard enough that her whole body jiggled, and I held back a chuckle as Gina dragged her away. Lacey took a swig from her water bottle and grinned. 

“You’re doing well, want to stick around? I have a break after the next personal training session.”

“Wish I could, but I promised Bella I’d help with the cake, then I need to give Kira a lift as well.”

“It’s supposed to be your day off.” Lacey laughed, “It sounds like you’re busier than you would be working”

I just shrugged.

“There are worse ways to spend a day!”

~

I pulled up in front of Bella’s apartment building and grabbed my phone, it hadn't stopped beeping for the last ten minutes. 

I quickly checked the last message as I hopped into the elevator:

‘You better be here soon. It's a disaster in here!’

I laughed under my breath. Bella was always dramatic. I rang the doorbell,  it was quiet for a few seconds, then the door swung open.

There she was, a sight to behold. Bella’s hair was a mess, wild curls sticking out in all directions. Her t-shirt and cleavage were covered in flour; there was even a smudge of frosting across the top of her left breast, which I quickly did my best not to stare at. 

“Jonas!” She greeted me with a tight smile, her eyes wide. “Thank god you’re here. It’s… it’s… I can’t even—”

She sighed, looking like she might collapse right there. 

“I don’t know how this happened. I had everything planned. Then Tray decided I wasn't putting out enough.”

“I told you he was bad news.” I shook my head, stepping into the disaster zone of a kitchen. “You need to stop putting your job in your dating profile.”

“He could have at least stuck around long enough to help with the cake.” She pouted, “I wouldn’t have promised her something so fancy if I’d known my baker boyfriend was going to disappear.”

“I’m sure we can handle it,” I said uneasily, taking in the kitchen. 

Flour was scattered on the counters, bowls were half full of ingredients, and the cake itself looked… Well, it wasn’t going to win any awards for presentation. It looked more like a vaguely blue log than a train. I ran a hand through my hair, surveying the chaos. 

“Alright. Let’s fix this.”

Bella sank onto a nearby stool, looking completely defeated. 

“I’m a mess. He was supposed to be here helping, Jonas. This was supposed to be his thing. I don’t know what I was thinking. Isn't that what you’re supposed to do? Get your partner involved in your life, play to their talents?”

“Hey, hey,” I said, trying to soothe her. “You’re doing great. You just need a second set of hands. And Tray was a jerk. You can trust me on that, takes one to know one.”

I chuckled, and Bella smiled fondly.

“You have your redeeming qualities these days.”

She grabbed a rag and started wiping down the counter as I got to work. We were quiet for a moment, just focused on the task at hand.

“Alright, so first things first,” I said, lifting a piping bag with frosting. “We’re going to clean up these edges, make it look a little more like a train, and then we’ll add the details. Maybe we can use those chocolate biscuit sticks to make a smoke stack?”

Bella shrugged, and we got to work. By the time we finished, I had a fair share of cycling on me as well. The cake was no masterpiece, but it at least looked a little like a train. Enough that it would do. Bella stepped back and looked at it, her shoulders relaxing for the first time all day.

“It looks… it actually looks good.” 

“Told you.”

“Thank you, Jonas. Seriously. You didn’t have to do this.”

I shrugged, wiping my hands on a towel. “What are friends for?”

“Well, I owe you one,” she said, looking at me thoughtfully. “Actually, I have an idea. I have a friend, and I think you two would hit it off. She’s smart, funny, and—”

I held up my hands, cutting her off. 

“Bella, I’m not looking to date right now.”

She raised an eyebrow. “Why not? You’ve been avoiding it for months. You’ve had plenty of time to work on yourself. Maybe it’s time to get out there again.”

After everything that went down…I wasn’t sure I was ready for another girl just yet. It was nice, having all my exes as friends. If I got a girlfriend, the pressure of her potentially becoming an ex-girlfriend was too much, at least for now. Bella smiled, her eyes softening. 

“You deserve to be happy, Jonas. Don’t forget that. You’ve done a lot of atoning the last few months.”

I gave her a small nod, feeling the weight of her words more than I expected.

“Thanks. I appreciate it. But for now… I think I’ll focus on finishing this cake.”

She laughed, and the sound of it filled the kitchen, chasing away any lingering tension. She added a handful of silver sprinkles to the top of our half-formed smokestack and nodded. 

“Come on, we need to pick up Kira on the way.”

~

The drive to Kira’s was perolis. Bella guarded the cake like it was made of gold bars and nitroglycerin, sucking in sharp breaths every time I took a turn too sharp. Kira was waiting outside, a perfectly wrapped bundle in her hands. She jumped into the backseat only for Bella to stiffen like a scared cat.

“Careful! I am not sure this cake will stand up to a stiff breeze.”

“Whoops, sorry! Jonas! Thanks for driving!”

“No problem!”
She was smiling, but her eyes darted away as soon as mine made contact in the mirror. Things with each of my exes had improved, but Kira still had an edge of awkwardness to her. Maybe it would never go away, I couldn’t really blame her. Still, I was glad she was able to hang out with us all, regardless. 

“What’s that?” I asked, indicating to the package.

“A few custom outfits for the new bub!” She grinned, “I can’t wait to meet him!”

“Do you think he’ll look like Noah?”

Bella pressed her lips together.

“Well, they have different dads so…” 

“Maybe! They might both take after Jane, the important thing is, this party is a big deal for her.”

Kira nodded and clutched her present tightly.

“I hope she likes them! I spent ages picking fabric.”

“Damn, I wish I could sew like you Kira.” She sighed, “My director was raving about the last outfit you made me.”

My grip on the steering wheel got slightly tighter.

“You’re making outfits for…Bella’s work?”

Kira went red in the face.

“Well, when it comes to cosplay stuff, the only good money is in fur suits, so when Bella mentioned she was sick of the same lingerie and nighties, I thought…why not?”

I bit my tongue and fought back the urge to ask what sort of scandalous things she’d made. God knew Bella could make anything look good, but Kira’s skills were unmatched. If she put her mind to it, she could make all sorts of naughty things. 

I was glad when we pulled up at Jane’s house. I needed a distraction and the party was the perfect thing. She’d given birth a few months ago, and this was her belated welcome-to-the-world party for the little guy. 

As soon as we walked up the front path and rang the bell, I heard chaos from inside. The kind that only small children and not enough adult hands could generate. Jane opened the door a few seconds later, hair pulled into a lopsided bun, one slipper on, holding her baby with one arm while trying to corral Noah with the other. Instantly, I remembered how it felt to be in that body. The belly might have shrunk, but it was still there and my hand twitched with sympathy pain as Noah tugged on Jane’s fingers. 

“Oh, thank God you’re here,” she breathed, stepping aside to let us in. “I’m losing my mind.”

The place looked like she’d tried to throw three different themed parties at once and never quite finished setting up any of them. Paper decorations hung half-attached, a pile of balloons waited to be inflated in the corner, and someone had opened a bag of chips directly onto the floor.

Kira immediately took the baby—he blinked up at her with that sleepy new-human confusion—while Bella made a beeline for the kitchen, muttering something about frosting repairs. I just looked at Jane, who hadn’t stopped moving since we stepped in.

“Hey,” I said, gently taking Noah’s sticky hand from hers. “Go sit down. We’ve got this.”

She hesitated, like she wasn’t sure what sitting down meant anymore. But then she gave me a look that was part exhaustion, part pure gratitude, and nodded.

I spent the next hour being the designated toddler wrangler. Noah and I built a Lego tower, knocked it down, then built an even taller one. He told me very seriously that he was now "faster than all the cars", not just some of them, and ran loops around the coffee table to prove it. I let him “chase” me around the living room until he collapsed in giggles, cheeks red and hair sticking up every which way. With some effort, I even managed to clean whatever sticky substance was on his fingers; I knew better than to ask, there was no good answer. 

Eventually, Kira arrived with some new game a sponsor had given her, which of course, made her Noah’s best friend in an instant. I took my chance and slipped into the kitchen. Bella had finished organising food, and both she and Kira were cooing over the little bundle.

“Oh, he’s so sweet.”

“Look at his little cheeks.”

I poured a mug of tea, and brought it out to Jane, who was finally sitting on the couch with her eyes half closed. 

“Here,” I said, handing her the tea. “Feet up. Doctor’s orders. The party will be starting in half an hour, you need to rest while you can.”

She smiled, soft and warm, and took it with both hands like it might disappear.

“Thanks, Jonas, really.”

“Hey, I owe you for all the times I should have done this years ago.”

She shrugged, but didn't disagree, it sort of hurt, even though I knew it was deserved.

“What’s the little guy's name? You never told us.”

“Liam.” She smiled. “Can’t even talk, and he is already just as demanding as his brother.” 

“Worth it though?”

“Absolutely.” She smiled tiredly. 

For all her exhaustion, I could see the depths of love there. 

“His father might not agree.” She said coldly, “God knows where he is. But I don’t care. I’d rather he be out of the boys' lives than only show up once every month.”

“Well, if you guys need support-”

“I know who to call.” She finished for me. “I am so grateful for that voodoo spell going wrong; I never would have met the girls if it weren't for that.”

I blinked at her, then laughed. 

“Pretty sure that’s a brand new sentence.”

The doorbell interrupted us, and Jane pushed herself to her feet. 

“Time for the party.” She grinned.

I poked my head into the hall as she opened the door and watched as Gina strolled in, looking immaculate, carrying a bag from some designer baby company on one finger. Heather was right behind, and I smirked before quickly sidling up behind Gina and flipping her collar.

“One of Bella’s nails was stuck to you,” I whispered, holding out the pink fake nail that matched the nine on Heather’s hands. 

Gina’s cheeks dusted pink for a moment, and she took it, clearing her throat.

“Not a word.”

~

“What a day.”

I fell back onto the bed with a heavy sigh. My feet were aching, my head pounded with exhaustion, and yet there was a smile on my lips. My social life had certainly gotten more hectic these last few months, but today was insane, even compared to my new normal. The party was a success, even if Heather didn't understand that pin the tail on the donkey was only for kids and ended up getting so excited she pinned the tail right on Kira. 

I chuckled under my breath, remembering it. I’d have to bring it up next time we go to drinks together. There was no way I was letting Heather live that down. I was about to force myself off the bed and into the shower when my phone buzzed with an unknown number. 

Unknown: Hi! Is this Jonas? My name’s Lexie, my friend Bella gave me your number.

I rolled my eyes; what part of I‘m not dating right now did that girl not understand? Before I could think of a polite way of letting her down, another message appeared. 

Lexie: I know it’s weird messaging out of the blue, but I need a date for this wedding, and none of my guy friends are available. It doesn't have to be a real date, I just need somebody to come get a free meal and make me look like less of a loner. 

I hated going to weddings, mostly because I never had a plus one. After a while, I stopped accepting the invites from old college friends tying the knot because I was so sick of sitting by myself. Once, they didn't have the decency to pair me with a stranger, and there was an empty plate next to me all night. I winced, I might not know this Lexie girl, but I knew I didn’t want her feeling like that at a wedding. She did say it wasn’t a proper date after all. 

Jonas: Yeah, nice to meet you. 

Jonas: I mean text you. Does that count as meeting?

Jonas: Sorry, I’m not the best at this.

Jonas: Aaaaand I just sent four messages in as many seconds so I am officially a creep now, right?

Lexie: LOL, you’re fine. So you’ll do it? Save me from being the only single sorority sister at the bash?

Jonas: Well I can't turn down a lady in distress. Want me to come up with some deeply romantic and fake story about how I swept you off your feet? Make them all jealous.

Lexie: Oh hell yeah, you’re speaking my language. Maybe we should meet up before our actual date though, game plan.

Jonas: There is a coffee place not far from mine, Java Hut?

Lexie: No way? The one on East Street? I live just down the road!

Jonas: It’s fate, I’ll see you there tomorrow?

Lexie: Sounds great! Thanks Jonas! Even if this is a fake date I’m more excited about it than any real date I’ve had the last few years.

I couldn’t help but snicker as we agreed on a time. It wasn’t until we finished making plans that I even realised what had just happened. Maybe I was imagining it but had there been a little spark then? What if our ‘not a date’ turned into…a date? Was Lexie about to become my next Ex? In a panic, I text my newest group chat.

Jonas: Why did you give her my number?! We made a date!

Bella: You’re acting like that’s a bad thing. 

Heather: OOOOOH did Jonas finally ask a new girl out! XOXOX Good luck!!!!

Gina: Heather, please refrain from all the extra exclamation points.

Heather: Soz.

Kira: Who says soz these days?

Nari: Nobody, get with the times, Heather.

Jonas: GUYS! Can we focus on me having a date and how that’s a bad idea? We all know I’m a shit boyfriend.

Jane: WAS a shit boyfriend.

Jonas: …you could have humoured me for half a second.

Lacey: She’s right, though. You were pretty bad. But not anymore! You’ve been so different lately!

Heather: Totes! You’re such a sweetie now!

Gina: Totally*

Jonas: So you think I should do it? Go on a date with her? A proper one?

Heather: T O T E S

Gina: I give up. 

Nari: Worse case scenario, you get to experience tits again.

Kira: LOL

My phone continued to ping as the conversation inevitably went off the rails, but I stopped reading and placed the phone down. I had no idea if that would actually happen, but if it did, I guess it wouldn't be so bad. I took a deep breath and let my eyes close.

“Whatever will be, will be, Jonas,” I told myself. 

I had no idea what to expect with Lexie; maybe it would be a disaster, maybe it would work out. The only way to find out was to give it a try. At the very least, I certainly knew how to satisfy a woman from first-hand experience. The thought made me laugh, and my nerves started to melt away a bit. They weren't gone entirely, but the idea of a coffee date tomorrow didn't sound bad anymore. In fact, I was looking forward to it. 

The End