The art life: Ramblings on commercial jobs and having a "career"

When I was in college this illustration teacher I hugely respected (and still do, in some ways) told me there would will come a point where I'd have to choose between earning a living by adopting a style with more mainstream appeal or be doomed to do cool things in obscurity and in total poverty.
That didn't sit well with me at the time and still doesn't but it's not totally untrue, just a little soul killing, maybe? That sentiment fueled me in the opposite direction for a long time and probably still does. Not necessarily the "I'm too good for the mainstream" aspect of it, I just don't want to think about making art in those terms. It really gets in the way of anything worthwhile.  
I have a huge respect for commercial artists, don't get me wrong. I guess I just was never cut out to be one anyways. Life is about compromises and mine is that I value my time and creativity a little more than a comfortable living. If I'm going to spend hours and hours on a desk it might has well be something that interests me.
In these past couple of years I've turned down a few opportunities and collaborations that might have propelled my career a lot further but I've never lost sleep for following my "muse" instead. And that "muse" many times is my creative vision but not always.
Here's an example: A couple of months ago I was offered the job of developing the illustrations for a marketing campaign for the new season of Netflix's Stranger Things here in Portugal. A massive job, 18 different posters, each one of a different Portuguese city being taken over by monsters from the show. As usual with stories like these you are waiting for the typical "the pay was awful" but it actually was more than fair, it would have made my year and would had help me fund my new book. No, the schedule was mind bogglingly insane: two months for the entire project. That nets out to something like a poster every 3,3 days and that doesn't factor in weekends, any breaks whatsoever. 3.3 days for researching, composing, sketching, inking, coloring, changes from the editors. Eighteen posters in the style of 80's blockbusters. Just picture all that insane amount of work.
I haven't drawn a city in YEARS, I don't even know why they chose me. It would have taken me a couple of weeks to draw one properly.
I didn't take it, I wanted to take it for the money but I've been down this path before and I value my sanity more than a paycheck, no matter how good.
And guess what: That campaign didn't materialize. I'm glad some young impressionable artist didn't subject themselves to that.

As I write this I'm waiting on an email from a small Italian publisher than wants to release Andromeda in their country and I know what's coming: another proposal that won't even cover a month of my rent for a book that took me 3 years to make.  But "it's such a cool thing to have your book in ITALIAN", I think. "It'll be another stepping stone into gaining a wider audience" pops into my head. The calls for "doing it for the exposure" are coming from inside the house.
I know that no one is making money in small publishing comics across europe but It pains me that I, the author, am entitled to a lesser percentage of the cover price of MY BOOK than the transportation company, or the store, or whoever else in the chain of production. It feels insane to me.
I've become so jaded by all of this that all I can think of is: I'd need to sell 25 copies of my self-published edition to earn as much as a 600 copies print run in Italy. What's the point? The book is done, I'd just need to send them the files.  But what about fairness? Valuing my labour?

Most commercial art opportunities I've had lately has been various degrees of disappointing. Another, shorter, story: I was in contact with one of my FAVORITE bands about a shirt or poster design. A band that means a lot to me and has shaped a lot of my taste in music. I have a lot of experience with working with bands, I know most bands that aren't huge aren't making much money these days, even bands that have big indie followings and are critical darlings such is the case with this one, which would have been by far one the biggest act I had work with.  So when it came time for me to give a quote, I knew it'd be a balancing act: a big price would scare them away, even if it was the fair price for a complex piece like it was. So, I gave them a really nice discount, thinking I'd rather do it than not. Maybe I could earn something from prints later on? Guess what, they ghosted me. 400€ for a complex piece, that would take me a couple of weeks to, was too much for a band that moves a ton of merch. Bah.
I'm tired of dealing with middle men. Tired of catching myself thinking "i'm asking too much" for asking the bare minimum I need to survive.

I always thought self-publishing and private commissions would be a stepping stone to "bigger things"  but in fact those some of the more rewarding things I've ever done in my life and I'll never take it for granted. I'm more thankful for your support than you'll ever know.  

Not that self-publishing is easy at all: currently I'm slightly worried I might have overestimated the general interest for Orchard in my wider audience. The books aren't moving as well I'd hoped, probably should have done a much smaller print run. It's always a bit of a gamble, self-publishing. But that's ok,that'll sort itself out even if it takes me a lot longer than expected to clear them.

And before you think it's all doom and gloom: I'm extremely content, actually. I'm busy and creatively stimulated. I really want to get this new book in front of your noses. The point of this whole spiel is more to share a bit of the thoughts in my mind when it comes to how I view myself as an artist: that struggle between the expected "career path" and my own path. I love what I'm doing and even if i'm sometimes I'm tempted by bigger projects, I know nothing will give creative satisfaction,  a sense of fairness and self-respect and, surprisingly, the ability to survive doing art more than just doing my own thing in my little corner.

And to be clear I haven't given up on collaborations: I'm in talks of collaborating with another musician, a great person and artist whom I greatly admire and so far I'm extremely excited. More on that as it develops.

Have a great weekend,
Zé