Girlfriend Problems - A Transition Story - Part 10

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Going Home.

Speaking of The Holidays, Christmas week was approaching and I had made a promise to my mother and Kiera that I would come home for Christmas week. Kiera was calling me a couple of times a week to make sure I didn’t back out. This built a lot of anxiety in me knowing that I would finally have to come face to face with my father.

I finally succumbed to Kiera and Mom’s pressure to come home. During a call with Kiera and my mother, I relented.

“Don’t worry Kathy. Mom will handle Dad. It won’t be a problem. I promise,” said Kiera.

“Kiera, I almost feel like I should go and buy some men’s clothes just so he won’t be mad at me.”

“Don’t you dare! You come as yourself. You’re a woman now. No need for you to go backward. If it becomes a thing you can stay with me at my apartment.”

And so I mustered up the courage to go back to Blairstown. I had left as Kenny and now I was going back home as Katherine, a beautiful young woman with a job, a new car, and a bank account that was probably larger than anyone else in the family. I left Philadelphia right after work on December 23rd. It was snowing and raining in Philadelphia but as I headed north and west out of town it turned to all snow and the roads were treacherous.

It took me 4 hours to get there when normally it was only a 2-and-a-half-hour drive. I arrived at my old house where I grew up and rang the doorbell to the small 3-bedroom house that lay on a small hill in Blairstown.

So many memories came flooding back as I waited on the steps to the home where I grew up. Soon the door opened. It was my mother already in her robe and house dress. “Kathy!!!” she said and hugged me. “I’m so glad you made it okay. I was so worried about you driving in this weather. Here, let me take your bag.”

“Mom, I’m okay. I can carry it.”

“Now you come in and get something to eat. I made a nice beef stew so you would have something to eat when you got here.”

“Thanks, Mom. Where is Dad?”

“Oh, he’s asleep already. You know how he goes to bed early so he can get up early.”

“Oh okay,” I said, kind of questioning why he couldn’t stay up to at least greet me since I hadn't seen him in over 2 years. My mother doted on me and had me sit down and eat before I did anything else. I sat down and ate at that kitchen table. I looked around the house to see that not much had changed in the years away from home.

The same photos were up, the same Christmas decorations that she put up every year, the same crucifix hung on the wall with a picture of Jesus looking down on the entire kitchen. She had cakes in the same cake tins that she always used every holiday season. It felt good but at the same time almost surreal to be back in the house where I hid myself day after day, week after week, month after month, and year after year.

From the kitchen, I could see a bit of the living room where I lost my virginity to Denise. After I ate my Mom helped me to my own room upstairs. As she opened the door I could see that she clearly tried to make the room comfortable for me but at the same time, she kept a lot of the room the same. The old desktop computer sat on my old desk where I would spend hours playing video games. A certificate from the school indicating my participation in the computer club where I learned to write code. There was this dorky-looking picture of me as a 5th grader. I looked at it and noticed I had no smile. But my mother had made the bed with a flowery bedspread and lace pillow covers on the bed, indicating that she wanted me to feel comfortable. It was a nice gesture showing that she supported me as Kathy.

I whispered to my mother, “How is Dad? Is he going to go ballistic on me when he sees me?”

“No honey. Kiera and I had some long talks with him. He’s okay with everything. He doesn’t completely understand your change but he’s trying. There’s no need to worry.”

“Okay, if you say so.”

“Now you get yourself some rest. We have a big day tomorrow. I need you to help me prepare food and go shopping for a few things.”

After my mom left. I washed my face and put my hair up in a bun. I wore my satin pajamas and a robe to bed. I laid my head down and fell asleep thinking that I was safe with my mother. Although thoughts of my father raising hell about my transition bothered me. But after working all day and a 4-hour drive I soon fell asleep.

The next day brought a huge breakfast in the morning with Kiera coming over to join us. I wore my pajamas and my robe down to the kitchen. My Dad had woken up early and went to work. Although he would only work a half day that day. I felt better knowing that I had support from them especially since he would be coming home in the middle of the day.

I was still somewhat anxious about seeing him especially since I didn’t resemble the boy he once knew in any way. I really had a great time with Kiera and my Mom. Not that much was spoken about my transition or what processes I went through. It was just two sisters helping to make the family Christmas happen. We laughed as we prepared for Christmas dinner tomorrow. Soon the back door opened and my father walked in.

“Dad’s home," he announced. His appearance didn’t change a bit. He was still wearing the same winter coat he always wore. His same favorite winter hat he had been wearing for years. As he came out of the mud room by the back door, he took off his boots and our eyes met. “So this is my new daughter?” he said. I froze not knowing what to expect.

“Well come here and say hello to your father,”

“Hi Dad,” I said as I approached him. To my surprise, he gave me a hug.

As I hugged him I started crying. With tears running down my face I said, “I’m sorry Dad.”

“Sorry for what? Don’t you worry? Your mother and Kiera explained everything to me.”

“Yeah but, I thought you were going to be angry with me,” I said, sniffling, drying my tears.

“I’ll admit I was shocked at first and then I went to the church for guidance. What they told me I didn’t agree with.”

“What did they tell you?”

“They told me I should go and get you and bring you back here to Blairstown where they could do some sort of conversion therapy on you.”

“Conversion therapy?”

“Yes, they wanted me to basically kidnap you and take you to some retreat out in the Poconos. I asked them if they thought that was too severe. They told me that was the only way to cure you and that you were possessed by demons. After that I said wait a minute, that’s my child.

He’s certainly not possessed by demons. Anyway, I decided that was way too extreme. After Kiera and your mother came back from visiting you and told me how happy and successful you had become I changed my stance on this whole thing.

I don’t understand it completely, but it sort of changed my perspective on these Christian Fundamentalist people. So I left the church.”

“Wait! You left that church?”

“Yep. We went back to St. Anthony’s. We’re back to being Catholics.”

“Well, that’s good news.”

“So don't worry and don’t cry. You’re always welcome back to your home. It’ll take me some time to get used to having another daughter but you can stay here as long as you want.”

I thanked him as he went upstairs to change out of his work clothes. We cooked and my Dad went down to his work room in the basement as if my presence as Kathy was no big deal. This was the best outcome I could ask for.

The rest of my time at home was kind of magical. Kiera, Mom, and I did some Christmas shopping on Christmas Eve. We wrapped presents, drank hot chocolate and watched “It’s A Wonderful Life”. The next morning brought some gift-giving and receiving. I gave Kiera a set of beautiful earrings along with a matching sweater and scarf.

I got my Mom a knitting and crochet kit; something that she loves to do along with a little necklace. For my Dad, I bought him an official Philadelphia Phillies Jersey of his favorite player, Jimmy Rollins. He loved it. (I had no idea that baseball Jerseys were so expensive).

The four of us got dressed and went to church together at St. Anthony’s. It was really strange for me to be in the church where I attended Sunday school. I saw a lot of people I knew from growing up in Blairstown.

After the service, we saw the Johnsons who were close friends of the family. They asked who I was and my parents tactfully introduced me as their niece, Kathy. When asked where Kenny was, my father said, “Oh Kenny’s in Africa doing missionary work.” I wanted to chuckle as Kiera kicked me on my boot. When we got in the car I said, “Missionary work in Africa?” We all laughed so hard!

I spent the next few days in Blairstown vowing to return. I would eventually have to come back anyway to get my birth certificate changed in order to get a passport one day. I left Blairstown feeling so much better. I had a family who accepted me as Kathy and I got to revisit where all of this started. The drive back to Philadelphia was much easier than the drive to Blairstown.

I settled back into my apartment with a feeling of gratitude for my family. I now had the support of my entire family. For us trans folk that is such a big thing. As the New Year came unexpected happenings were about to take place.

Life Constantly Changes.

The first day back to work brought unexpected news. Doris would not be returning to work as the Office Manager of Levine Plastic Surgery. What was I to do? I was already up to my eyeballs with work. Between being the default IT person, doing the job of Assistant Manager, and troubleshooting Janelle’s website. I had virtually no time for myself. Richard called me into his office to talk to me.

“Hi Kathy, have a seat. I need to talk to you about the changes with Doris leaving.”

“Yes, it’s getting a little overwhelming with all of the tasks that have been left to me.”

“First of all, I want to let you know what a fantastic job you’ve been doing since Doris has been out. You’ve done wonderfully. More than what I expected. What I propose is that I would like to promote you to Office Manager and hire an Assistant for you so you can get all of your work accomplished. I know you’re already doing double duty as the default IT person.

I would be involved in the hiring process. As the Office Manager, you would be getting a raise in salary as well as an extra week's vacation. This will also be reflected in your 401K. However, I don’t want you to feel obligated to take the position if you feel it’s too much.

“No, it sounds good to me. I’d like to take it. I just want to know if things will be handled if I need to be out. You know that I’m seeking to get my surgery in May. Would that be a problem?”

“No, I remembered that. That’s one of the reasons that I really need to hire an assistant. You’re going to be out for 2 months at least. I’m hoping that the compensation would be amenable to you.”

“How much of a raise would I be getting?”

“It would be $6,000 per year more.”

“I’ll take it!”

Richard and I came to an agreement. I was to start immediately as the acting Office Manager. However, with the new position came new stress. I often would have to work 6 days until we hired a new Assistant Manager.

To blow off steam I would often go out on Saturday nights clubbing. I would meet up with Giselle and Chelsea. One night we were out at the Golden Slipper and I ended up dancing with this young, handsome Puerto Rican man, named Jesus.

He was gorgeous; about 6 foot 2 inches tall. We danced and treated me to a few drinks. The next thing I knew we were in one of the booths kissing. One thing led to another and we ended up at my place. I will tell you, it was some of the best sex I had to date. The way he held me and took control in the bed was magical. He was also very well endowed. Soon a relationship blossomed. I didn’t mind at all. He seemed to be very well-mannered.

He had a job as a concierge at the Hyatt Regency downtown. He took me on dates and treated me like a queen. Although he didn’t earn as much as me, he still spent money on me. He called me almost every day and he would often spend the night with me at my place. Waking up with a man next to me was a very different experience. I did spend some time at his place. It was located in North Philadelphia.

But we definitely spent most of our nights together at my place. This relationship went on for some time. I even told Kiera I was going out with Jesus. She laughed and said, “I think Mom and Dad will be thrilled that you have your own relationship with Jesus.” (she pronounced it Gee-Zuss). We didn’t have a whole lot in common but the sex was great! But one thing kind of puzzled me; how did he know how to make love to a trans woman so well that hadn’t had her bottom surgery?

In the meantime, getting ready for bottom surgery was a real thing. I had forgotten that in order to have a successful vaginoplasty I had to get hair removed in my pubic area and perineum. This called for an all-out onslaught of laser AND electrolysis treatments. Talk about pain! Yikes! I thought the hair removal on my upper lip was painful, this took the cake.

I managed the pain through the next couple of months. The upside to getting this done was that I got a very smooth bottom and almost a permanent Brazilian wax in my pubic area. It was always something that I wanted to do because the one thing that estrogen did not get rid of was hair around the bottom and all of those places down there. Thick hair around the upper thigh and private parts is strictly a male thing.

Back at the office, we finally hired a new Assistant Office Manager. It was a huge load off of my mind and I finally started getting my Saturdays off again. The weeks and months passed by quickly and I was headed towards getting my bottom surgery. Winter turned to spring and by April I was a month away.

Calls from Jesus became less and less frequent. I was starting to get infatuated with him. Just as I started falling in love with this man I started to become suspicious due to the infrequency of his calls. I decided one night to go by his apartment and wait in the car since I couldn’t reach him on his phone. I was a little scared because the North Philly neighborhood was not that safe but I was determined to find out what was going on. As I sat in my car across the street from his apartment I saw him pull up and park his car.

Out of his car piled a Spanish woman with 2 children in tow. They all followed him into his house. My heart sank. After the initial shock, I left feeling heartbroken. I called Janelle the next day and told her about my experience. She tried to reassure me, “Listen, honey, you’re young. These things happen to us women all the time. It’s a part of a rite of passage.

You’re going to meet guys like that until you find the right one. And you’ll know when you meet him. Plus this guy doesn’t deserve you anyway. If he’s gonna do some shit like that then you don’t need him. He might have been good in bed but you don’t need a cheater in your life. You’re too good for him.”

“That’s true,” I said, sobbing.

“Now you dry those tears up. You have to focus on your journey. The right man will come your way. Don’t you worry? Remember, Richard and I love you. And now that you have the support of your family, they love you too. Just remember that.”

“Okay, I will.”

Sometimes when we’re young we can’t see the forest through the trees. It was better this way. I got over Jesus pretty quickly and all of my focus was making sure I had a successful surgery.

Becoming Kathy For Real,

My May surgery date was a day away. My therapist wrote a glowing letter of referral to the surgeon stating that I was a perfect candidate for Gender Reassignment Surgery. I organized my clothes and my bag as I was to go just about an hour away from Philadelphia. I would be there for 4 to 5 days as an inpatient in their surgery center and then another 8 weeks or so at home. Janelle agreed to come for the initial 2 days and then my mother agreed to come and see about me for the next 2 days. I sat in the car nervous and anxious thinking about what was about to happen to me. I was hoping that all would go well but I was happy that Janelle was with me. I got checked into the center with Janelle by my side. Having her there was such a comfort. The main thing was that I was hungry. I couldn’t eat 24 hours before the surgery. The nurses and staff were all very supportive and empathetic. The night before the surgery Dr. Rumer came in to see me.

She assured me nothing would go wrong. She told me that I was healthy and a perfect candidate for the surgery. She also told me the extra exercises and Yoga that I was doing were also a plus. The next morning the nurse and the transporter came to wheel me into the operating room. Janelle was there to hold my hand up until the operating room.

As they prepped my body and put wires on me I joked with Dr. Rumer, telling her that later tonight I would be only one day old. She laughed and then the anesthesiologist put the mask over my face and I was once again told to count backwards from 100. I did as they said, “100, 99, ninety….”

The next thing I knew I was awake, it was 1 in the morning. I looked around the room in a haze. I saw Janelle asleep in the chair.

“What happened?” I mumbled.

Janelle woke up, “It’s okay honey. You go back to sleep. The surgery’s finished. You did great. The nurse came in noticing that I was awake to check on me.

“How do you feel?”

“I don’t know. Am I Kathy yet?”

“Yes you are,” said Janelle.

The nurse asked me to sit up a bit and gave me some kind of juice or liquid. I’m going to give you another sedative to help you sleep some more. I watched the nurse as she put some kind of needle into my port.

“Nurse! I need to go to the bathroom.”

“You don’t need to get up. Just go ahead and go if you have to.” the nurse said.

I hadn’t noticed until then that I had a catheter coming out of me. Oh god. I thought. What have I done?

All of a sudden everything got fuzzy and I fell back asleep.

The next day brought a little more focus to what was happening. It was all new to me. After my liquid breakfast, Dr. Rumer came in and talked to me, assuring me that the surgery was highly successful. The following day my mother came and stayed with me almost all day and all night. Every time I moaned due to the pain she would jump up out of the chair to see if she could do anything to help. All I could say was, “More Painkillers!”

Those first couple of days were the most painful. Not to say I didn’t have pain after but the first 72 hours or so were the worst. Finally, I was released to go home a day early, which was the first day. Kiera and my Mom came to take me to my apartment. Barely walking, I made it up the long flight of steps to my apartment. It was weeks before I was even able to sit in a chair. I am ever so thankful to Janelle, Kiera, and my Mom for seeing me through this process.

Finally after 4 weeks or so I was able to sit and urinate on my own after the catheter was removed. The most difficult part for me was the constant dilation. It was cumbersome and at times a little painful. But eventually, the pain went away. Soon my Mother left but Kiera would come on the weekends to check in on me and Janelle would come to see me doing the weekdays.

After weeks I was finally able to see the final product; a full-fledged vagina. It felt so good to look and see the spot where once a small little penis occupied, a beautiful vagina. As time went on and healing went on I started to examine my new female parts. I felt whole, a completely new feeling. No more hiding and tucking this little appendage that I felt was something that had to go. I was at peace.