The Women's Job - I Don't Have a Choice - Chapter 12

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During her fourth month working at Johnston Industries, Mr. Relsly called Ashley into his office.  She had no idea why, wondering if there was something she did. 

 "Ashley, I am very impressed with how well you're doing.  

You've fully caught up with the other young women, and are performing just as well if not better.  I've submitted you for a raise of eight percent, which is about two thousand dollars a year.  

Here's a copy of the request. It should start showing up in your next pay period." 

 "Why, thank you so much Mr. Relsly. I didn't expect this at all. But, I truly appreciate it.  I'll continue working to be the best I can."  

"I'm sure you will.  It's been a pleasure having you on the team."  

Ashley continued being as happy as she could ever imagine, having a good job and a boss who appreciated her, surrounded by friendly and supportive women, and having close friends and family members she could visit, get together with, go shopping with, and share moments with. 

She continued being available to fill in on double dates, but in late October, there was one guy, Nick, she met that brought rise to some feelings she had seldom if ever experienced, and she accepted a second date with him.  

They had a very enjoyable time and upon dropping her off, and walking her to her door (she wasn't going to invite him in, for various reasons), she tried to let him know she was interested.  

He picked up on it and they kissed.  She enjoyed it, actually quite well and more so than she had felt from Mr. Austin's kiss, as she felt Nick also did.  He told her things she liked hearing and she replied in kind.  

He called her during the week, expressing his enjoyment of the date and being with her, and asked her out again, which she accepted.  She didn't think she loved him at that moment although she felt she had definite feelings for him that seemed to be increasing. 

She certainly liked that he was very considerate, treated her well, and shared many common interests, which helped her happily return her enjoyment of being with him. 

They even held each other's hands on occasion. Sitting in his car outside her apartment after their third date, she decided that it was time to tell him before they got any more involved, and her feelings grew even more.  

"Nick, I have to tell you something. Please, just listen for a moment, and think about it." 

 "Sure, Ashley, no problem.  

You do sound so serious, though."  

"Well, I would say it is.  It's about me.  

I like you a lot Nick, going out with you now, tonight, like the previous times, has been really enjoyable, and if you feel the same way, I'd, um, like to keep doing this.  If you want..." 

 "I do feel the same way, Ashley, I've really had a great time with you..."

 "Good, so please let me finish, okay? Well, before we get any more involved or serious, I have to tell you about myself, and it's important that I do and that you know. 

 I'm...transgendered."  Nick looked at her somewhat questioningly, and asked, "Transgen...what does that mean?  Do you have some kind of illness or something?" 

 "No, I don't have anything like that.  I do have checkups and all that and I'm quite healthy. Everything is as normal as expected. Transgendered means I was born with the physical characteristics of a male, but inside I'm female, and I'm in the process, and getting closer to finishing, of having everything corrected." 

 "Oh....oh! You mean like those drag queens on cable?"  

"Maybe at most, a very tiny bit like them, but those are guys who like to dress up, you know, get into costumes, and go way overboard to look like, oh, sort of a strange vision of a way overdressed woman, and for the most part, they want to stay guys. Some may be gay.  

People like me should have been born as girls, but something didn't quite go right, and so if we really, really want it, which I do, we then go through a process to get everything corrected.  Which I'm doing and will finish in just a few months."  

"Um, I sort of see, I guess. I don't know how to ask this, do you still have, um, well..."  

"I know what you're asking, so let me cover what I do have.  This hair is mine, I have had some extensions added, but even they will be gone soon as my hair continues to grow out.  

I don't have any facial hair, no bearded lady, these are my natural eyes, no contacts, I had a tiny bit of collagen added to my lips, but no place else. 

I am wearing a padded bra but behind them are my, well, boobs, which are still filling out. But, yes, there is still something down there, tho there's hardly anything left, and it will be fully replaced in just a few months."  

"Oh.  So, like you have, um both parts and one is sort of extra?"  

She sighed, "No, just the one, but like I said it will soon be totally gone, and the exact right part will be there in its place."  

She glanced at him and could see even in the dark that he was somewhat confused if not in turmoil.  

She knew she had had to tell him, and she knew going in that it may not turn out well but telling him was more important.  She then said, "Nick, it's all right.  I'm sure it's a surprise, maybe even a shock.  

If you have to think about it, that's all right, take as long as you like.  

I do like you, as me, Ashley a girl, and I really would like to see you again, but it's your decision."  She paused hoping he'd say something, and when he didn't right away, she continued, "I can see myself in.  This has been a very enjoyable date. 

 You're a great guy, really.  Any girl would be lucky to have you."  

She started to get her things and open the car door when he said, "Ashley, you're right. It is a shock and I will have to think about it. But, I'll see you to your door." 

 Her hopes increased a little as he came around, opened the door and they walked up to the apartment, but they hardly said a word to each other. Nor did their hands find each other's. 

She then felt that while he may not accept her, he still had good manners. He would make some girl happy, although it probably wouldn't be her.  

At the door, she glanced at him and could see that he was still having problems.  This was what she feared might happen, and she guessed she wouldn't see him again.  It hurt, perhaps more than a little.  

He said as they stopped, "I had a really nice time, Ashley, thank you."  

She looked up at him with a soft smile and replied, "So did I."  

Very quickly she took his hands in hers, reached up, and like with Erik, gave him a kiss on the cheek, saying, "You are a great guy, Nick.

Goodbye."  She let go, quickly turned, heard him say, "Bye", and entered her place, just briefly glancing back to see him walking back to his car.  She didn't want him to see the few tears welling up in her eyes. 

 Back in the apartment, the next morning, Ashly and Lauren consoled each other as Lauren had broken up with the guy she was dating who had introduced Nick to Ashley.  Lauren had not yet come out to him.  

They went shopping later that day to take their minds off the problems they had faced.  

When Nick didn't call during the week (nor ever again), as Ashley strongly suspected would happen, she now knew it was over.  She got over it after a while as she had her job, her girlfriends, and now a wedding that was approaching where she would be in the bridal party.  

Two weeks later on a Saturday, now early November, she got a text from Erik, who said he was in the neighborhood and wondered if she would like to meet him for coffee. 

Pleasantly surprised, she accepted and they met at the nearby coffee shop where as promised she paid for their coffee.  

They both had an enjoyable time, deciding to remain just friends, which they did, texting or phoning each other and every so often meeting like they had for just coffee and friendship.  

At this time, Ashley knew of no reason to come out to him but felt that eventually, it would be appropriate.  Having Erik as a friend did help her get over Nick.   

A Wedding to Attend  Ashley now had a wedding to look forward to as a bridesmaid, as well as to help out in any way she could. Annie was quite glad to have both her and Bailey as attendants.  They met Annie's maid of honor, Leslie, Annie's best friend from college, and all four young women got along quite well.  

Annie's reason for having both sisters be bridesmaids was that she had only one sibling, a brother, who would be part of the wedding as a groomsman, and she had a younger cousin of the appropriate age who would be a junior bridesmaid.  

She had room now to include Logan's family and Bailey and Ashley were very acceptable.  

As opposed to having had some tears of sadness when Nick never called back, Ashley would now sometimes go to bed with tears of joy as not only was she now moving towards living as fully as she could as a woman, she had supportive friends and family, she was dating guys occasionally, and now she would be part of her brother's wedding.  

Ashley said to her future sister-in-law, "Annie, I'm honored and thrilled that you've asked me to be a bridesmaid.  

I certainly will start making plans, and anything I can do to help you between now and then, please don't hesitate to ask." 

"Thank you, so much, Ashley.  I'm so happy you accepted.  I just know you and Bailey will help make my wedding just beautiful."  

"Only you have to be beautiful, we just have to be a little less so. However, I do have one problem, which I hope you will understand.  

I haven't yet come out to my,, father as he often is opinionated, and I'm not at all certain he will understand.  With you and Logan getting married and all, I really don't want to do so before your wedding and take the chance that it may upset any part of the upcoming events.  

I do plan on telling him eventually sometime after, but I just don't know when.  However, I have an idea about how I might handle that, but since it's your wedding, you should have the say-so." 

 "Oh, no! I'm so sorry to hear about you and your father.  What are you suggesting?" 

 "At this moment, if you're agreeable, I'd like to stay at the wedding party as a friend of yours, rather than as Logan's sister. 

 Logan, Harper, Bailey, and your soon-to-be mother-in-law all know about me, but besides my father, nobody else in the family or my parent's friends do. If I'm just a good friend, anyone else at the wedding, friends of my family, distant relatives, won't know anything to talk about who or what I am.  I'll just be another girl.  

Do you understand? Is that acceptable? I don't want to put you or Logan on your special day in any kind of situation where you'll have to put your happiness of the moment aside to explain who I am, answer questions, that sort of thing."  Annie replied, "Ashley, I fully accept you as you are. But I want you to be comfortable too. 

 So, yes, I think that could work.  Will you tell your father and your family's relatives and friends if you ever decide to get married and have a formal wedding?" 

 "I'm not even thinking about any wedding I might have, I'm just focusing on continuing to be who I am," she smiled and continued, "although, it would probably help if I had a boyfriend." 

 "Definitely, it would.  But suppose you do find someone after your surgery.  Would you tell him, and your father and other family members before you're married?" 

 "I would definitely tell whoever I was intimate with.  He has a right to know.  But, the others? I suppose we could elope which would solve lots of problems."  

She paused for a moment, then continued, "No, my, our mother deserves better.  

It will be my wedding then, and I'll be fully responsible for coming out to everyone before then or explaining myself at the appropriate time.  I just don't want to in any way, cause any distractions from you and Logan on your big day."  

"Okay, I understand, I'll do what I can to help you with that.  Now, if you're ready, here are some of my ideas for colors and design." 

 Christmas and the holidays came, but Ashley came up with a reason not to visit her parents or see her father since he would be expecting Ash. She exchanged gifts with her siblings, and with her friends at work. 

Lauren invited her to come with her to her family residence, who knew about her, which Ashley did, which helped explain why she wasn't around on Christmas day.  She missed being with her family at her parents' house but accepted the reasons why.  

As Annie and Logan's wedding approached, Ashley began getting a little excited that she was now over half a year in transition with her surgery planned for late July. She was taking all the prescriptions that her physician ordered for her and had been approved for the surgery.  

She now had most of her excess hair removed, her skin was now softer, and various parts of her body were taking on a more noticeable feminine shape with her breasts filling out enough that she only occasionally used any pads.  

Depending on when any additional growth stopped, she was still seriously considering breast augmentation surgery. Her hair was almost as long as she liked as most of the length of the extensions had been trimmed off, and she had a very acceptable voice.  

Since there would be several events besides the wedding and reception where she and Bailey's mother would be involved, such as bridal showers, rehearsal dinners, and the like, Ashley sat down with both Bailey and her mother and explained, as she had done with Annie, that since Jack didn't know yet, nor did any of Jack and Mary's friends or relatives know about Ashley, that she would be participating as a friend of Annie's, with Annie's full approval.  

Bailey readily understood while Mary was just happy that her three children were involved in their brother's wedding and easily agreed.

 Ashley also talked to Harper who also agreed, and Annie told Logan. Nobody else including Leslie would know at this time to whom Ashley was related.  Everyone else just assumed as Annie encouraged them to accept, that Ashley was a good friend.  

Ash's absence was eventually explained as him having been sent overseas for his job and unable to get back in time.  

Before the wedding, there were three bridal showers that Ashley attended, one each given by the mothers and their close relatives and friends, and one given by Leslie and other friends of Annie's.  

Ashley had a wonderful time at all three and was fully accepted as a young woman and friend of Annie's.  

She also made time for whenever Annie wanted to go shopping, talk about the upcoming wedding, or just hang out, as Leslie lived and worked some distance away. All this gave Ashley more affirmation that her transitioning was on track to be successful.  

She was also learning about what it took for the bride to plan and prepare for her wedding, which allowed her to dream about the possibility, although with no long-term relationships in the offing, any wedding for her would be a long way away if even that.  

As she had said to Annie, she did acknowledge that at this moment actually dating a guy would also help.  

At the wedding rehearsal, those at the wedding party were all introduced to each other.  

Ashley found herself paired off with a young man who was a friend of Logan's from college, Jason Williams, who was one of the groomsmen/ushers.  She assumed it was a random pairing because she was the first bridesmaid to enter just after the junior bridesmaid, and Jason was down the line as groomsman.  

She didn't know until much later that Annie, with Bailey's help, had intentionally placed them like that as Logan had told both women that he didn't think Jason was seeing anyone. 

 Annie and Bailey decided to see if anything would happen between the two, given a little nudge.  

At the dinner following the rehearsal, Ashley again found herself seated next to Jason and they struck up a conversation which both seemed to enjoy.  She did find him fairly handsome, and since she wasn't seeing anyone, considered that if he ever asked her out, she would probably accept.  

But not knowing him very well, she felt that he most likely had a girlfriend somewhere, although maybe not yet serious enough to have been invited.  During the rehearsal and at the following dinner, Ashley kept her distance from Logan, Harper, Bailey, and Mary to keep Jack from showing any curiosity about her as being anyone other than just a friend of Annie's. Spending time with Jason seemed to not only help with that, but it was so pleasant that the time just flew by.  

She finally glanced at her cell phone, and said, "Oh, my, I didn't realize it was getting so late.  I should be finding my ride home.  

Now where are Annie and Logan?" Visually searching around the room, she saw that there were only a few people left, and none of them were either Annie or Logan.  

Jason quickly said, "Um, well, his brother, Harper, came by after you excused yourself, and said Logan had asked him a little earlier to give you a ride home as he and Annie were leaving at that time. 

He asked if you were ready to go as he and his date were ready. 

 I said you were, um, busy, and I'd be happy to see you home...if that's all right with you? If not I can call for a taxi or something for you."  

"Oh, uh, are you sure it's not a problem for you? I didn't want to inconvenience Logan or anyone, but, well..."  

"Hey, no problem at all. You said you live up in Greenbrier? That's not at all hard to get to and definitely not too far out of my way."  "Then, yes, I would love a ride, thank you for offering."  They left and on the way, Jason asked if she would like to stop for a drink.  

After a very brief hesitation, she agreed and they continued having a nice time together until he finally dropped her off.  He didn't ask for her number, so Ashley wasn't sure if he was that interested in her, or if was he just doing Logan a favor.  

Of course, they would see each other the next day at the wedding.  

She then realized she had better get to bed as it had been a long day and would be another long day.  The next morning she was up and dressed and ready to go when Leslie picked her up to go meet with the other young women at a salon.  

This was the first time since her time at VanHisen that Ashley had been in a salon.  In talking to the nail technician and a cosmetologist, she found out that the makeup that had been applied earlier was not fully permanent and they showed her a mixture that could remove it.  

She just had some touchups done, but purchased the remover as she desired to try different shades and possibilities. She also had her hair trimmed and styled.  Finishing up, the women then went to the church to get dressed for the wedding.  

There were no issues as they dressed and, at the appropriate time, entered the back of the church. As Ashley started her walk down the aisle, she noticed Jason up front, smiling at her.  The ceremony went off successfully with Jason escorting Ashley back up the aisle at the conclusion.  

This was followed by lots of pictures being taken. Finally, the wedding party went to the hall where the reception was being held, and after a receiving line, they found their seats.  Ashley and Jason were again seated next to one another.  Ashley was already sitting when Jason pulled up his chair next to her and said, "Hi!" 

 Ashley smiled at him, thinking he did look sort of handsome, and said, "Hi, again!"  "We really have to stop meeting like this, I think people are starting to get suspicious." 

 "Oh, I don't know, let them think what they want.  I like it...here."  Jason sighed, smiled at her, and replied, "So do I." 

 They continued chatting, sharing some of their thoughts of the bride and groom - all positive, as well as some of the dresses and attire some of the guests were wearing. There were toasts made, by Leslie, the best man, and Harper.  And then Jason made the last one.  

"Here's to the groom, one of my best friends in college, to the bride, who will no doubt make Logan an even better man than he is, and to weddings everywhere, as they bring out such handsome men, and even more beautiful women."  

He lifted his glass to the bridal couple, then to the guests, and as people applauded and agreed, he then turned to Ashley and clinked the glass she had raised, smiling directly at her. 

 For a moment, she felt a flush of slight embarrassment, but returned it, with her smile directed at him alone.  

They went through the serving line together with the rest of the bridal party, with Jason helping her with her dishes.  Later when the music started and the wedding party took the floor, Logan partnered with each attendant including Ashley.  

"I will tell you that I never would have dreamed I'd ever be dancing with you, but I will admit, I think it's great.  

You look really pretty, Ashley.  Are you having a good time?"  

"Oh, absolutely, thank you for asking, and thank you so much for your comment.  I so appreciate it.  I just wish I could have danced with Dad like he and Bailey did.  I know Mom probably pushed him to do that, but still..."  "I understand. But there will be other weddings, I'm sure.  Harper, even Bailey, possibly. 

 Maybe even yours. That's the most important one.  Are you going to tell Dad soon?"  

"Probably sometime in the next month or two. I just have to find the right time." 

 "If you need any help, just ask." 

 "I will if it comes to that.  And thank you so much as I've told Annie so many times, for having me be part of this.  I am so happy right now." 

 "Good.  I see you and Jason are having a good time."  

"Yes, he's really nice.  It's been a lot of fun doing all these things with him."  After dancing with Logan, she and Jason shared a lot of dances together, sitting together and talking, visiting with various people, and walking off to quiet corners.  

She and Jason continued to take to the dance floor long after Annie had thrown her bouquet which Leslie caught, and Logan had tossed the garter - which some male cousin of Annie's had caught. 

Logan and Annie said their goodbyes to the remaining guests and left, but the bridal party was invited the next morning at her mother's place for a small breakfast before Logan and Annie left on their honeymoon. 

Jason by this time had offered to drive Ashley home, which she was now sort of hoping for.  It was late when they got to her apartment, and they sat in his parked car for a while and talked. 

They found out each other worked at Johnston but in locations on opposite sides of the city. 

 He was a design engineer and had only been to the building where Ashley worked on one occasion about a year earlier.  

Finally, he walked her to the door, and after a moment's hesitation, asked, "Would you like to go to dinner and maybe see a movie next weekend?"  Ashley took a breath as this was what she was really hoping would happen, and replied, slowly and calmly, which was the opposite of what she was feeling, "That sounds really nice, I'd like that. Thank you. Here's my number, call me this week with a time, okay?" 

 "Sure!"  They then sort of awkwardly looked at one another, and then to Ashley's happiness, they kissed.  It was a brief one, but one Ashley really liked, as Jason said, "I have to go, I had a really great time this past weekend with you, Ashley, I hope we can continue it."