Dress Code - Dare To Wear Dress - Chapter 8

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Mr. Keyes and Ms. Rogers just sat there for a few moments with their respective jaws hanging open. Mr. Keyes slid his hand down his face in a gesture of disbelief. 

No one spoke for almost a minute. 

“Let me get this straight,” Mr. Keyes finally said. “You were a guy, and now you’re a woman?” “Not yet,” I smiled at Mr. Keyes as Ms. Rogers shot me a withering glare. 

“Not yet?” “Well no. I… uh… I haven’t been snipped yet.” I hoped he didn’t press me for details as I had no idea what I was talking about. 

Mr. Keyes raised his voice, “This is most irregular Ms. Rogers! This… this kind of thing should go through H.R. as well as corporate legal and as well as myself! And now we have a million dollar contract riding on this… this… person.” 

He pointed at me and said, “I should fire you for lying and gross insubordination!” 

“You’d fire me over my gender preference, Mr. Keyes?” I said in a shocked tone. Mr. Keyes, suddenly smelling a lawsuit as well as the loss of a contract back peddled, “I’m just overwhelmed, Ms. Stephens. This is all such a shock. 

I’m sure we can work out a solution of mutual benefit.” Looking more pissed than she tried to sound, Ms. Rogers said, “Thank you Mr. Keyes. 

We knew if we just presented you with the truth,” She shot me another withering glare, “that you would be understanding.”

“Thank you for bringing this issue to my attention, Ms. Rogers. I will personally get H.R. to correct Ms. Stephens's records.” Scowling, he turned to me and ordered, “And I expect those IOTEK specs on my desk first thing Friday morning.” 

After we entered the elevator, Ms. Rogers pressed the door close button but didn’t press the button for our floor. Instead, she turned to me and hissed, “Just what the fuck were you thinking?! 

What’s with this gender bullshit?” Sick to my stomach I said, “I just knew that if we told him I’d fooled him and a major client by lying about who and what I am that he’d fire the whole damn department for going along with that goddamn bet!

The client would pull the contract and probably sue us and the board would probably have Keyes’ ass in a sling. I didn’t want to be responsible for all that!” 

“So you told a bigger lie?! Now, this is all looking like a conspiracy to commit fraud! I’d rather be fired than go to jail!” Ms. Rogers's face was beet red. She was livid. “I’m sorry!” I said, trying not to cry. “Sorry’s not the half of it, missy!” Ms. Rogers leaned in real close, lifted the lapel of my blazer, and said, “You better get used to these little outfits, girlie. 

You’re going to be wearing them for a long, long time!” She slammed her palm against the button for our floor.

We rode down the elevator in stony silence. Sweat trickled down my back, and I felt my bra strap dig into my skin. Ms. Rogers wouldn’t even look at me. I stood there quietly, feeling suddenly ridiculous dressed in a skirt and high heels. Oh my God, I thought. What have I done? Maybe the best thing for me to do would be to resign? 

The elevator stopped and Ms. Rogers stormed out, headed for her office. I stood there watching her walk away. The only person who really had my back, who would have protected me from Murphy and I betrayed her. If Mr. Keyes discovers that I never had any intention of having a sex change, Ms. Rogers would be a party to the lie and get fired, not to mention IOTEK pulling out of the deal and maybe even suing, and I’ll probably wind up being sued, fired and God knows what else.

 The door of the elevator closed on me as these thoughts raged through my mind. 

I pressed the door open button stepped out into the hallway and made my way slowly back to my desk. I sat down, held my head in my hands, and found myself crying. Talk about screwing the pooch. There was no good way out of this mess I’d created. I grabbed a tissue to wipe under my eyes so I wouldn’t mess up my face like I’d messed up my life. 

I didn’t have many options. I could go back to being me, forfeit the bet money, lose the IOTEK contract, and probably get fired. I could stay Heather until the bet is up, collect my money, go back to being me, lose the IOTEK contract, and get fired. 

Or I could stay Heather until the IOTEK contract is fulfilled, collect my bet money, go back to being me, and resign. Or stay Heather for the rest of my career here at Xantek. And get a sex change? 

I didn’t want to be a woman for the next five minutes, much less the rest of my life! Candace poked her head around the entrance to my cubicle and with a look of concern on her face asked, “Heather, are you alright, honey?”

I sniffled and looked up at her, “I’m okay. Well, no I’m not. I just fucked up my life, I think.” I turned and stared blankly at the pinboard in front of me. Sitting down in one of my visitor chairs and scooting close to my desk, Candace asked, “Anything you need to talk about, hon?” 

She plucked another tissue from the box and held it out for me, “Go ahead and cry and get it out. Don’t stay bottled up.” 

I took the tissue, “Thanks. It’s not really something anyone can help me with. I just have a huge decision I need to make.” 

Candace flashed me a quick smile as she started to stand and said, “If you want to talk about it, I’m here for you, okay?”

 I smiled at her, “Thanks. I appreciate that.” She waved goodbye and left. I wanted very much to talk about it, but this was something I needed to work out on my own. The more I thought about it, the more I felt that I should just end this charade. The bet was a stupid thing to do. 

I looked at my hands ending in manicured nails. I slid my thumb across my nails. I just loved that color. I shook my head to clear my thoughts. 

No, I needed to go back to being just plain Harry. I had been staring blankly into nothing, and I jumped when the phone rang. Dully, I answered the phone. Ms. Rogers asked, “Can you come to my office for a minute please, Heather?” 

Oh God, now what? I said, “Yes ma’am. I’ll be right there.” Maybe she’d had enough and was just going to fire me on the spot. I was a miserable, wretched soul walking slowly to Ms. Rogers’ office. 

Just before entering her office, I squared my shoulders and held my head up. Wardrobe is no withstanding, I could meet my fate like a man. Ms. Rogers looked up as I entered and I asked, “You wanted to see me, Ms. Rogers?” She gave me a weak smile, “Yes. Close the door and have a seat.” I sat down as more cold sweat ran down my back. My knee shook in fearful anticipation.

Ms. Rogers said nothing for several moments as she studied her fingernails. Finally, she said, “I… I was pretty rough on you a few minutes ago, Heather.

Justifiably so, I have to say. You really made a mess of things by claiming to be transgendered. H.R. is going to want to know when did this happen, and they’re going to be pissed they weren’t consulted. Murphy has been given a potentially bigger hammer to beat you and now me, with. We have both lost some of Mr. Keyes’ respect.”

 She paused a moment and I felt tears welling up as I said, “I’m really, really sorry, Ms. Rogers. I panicked, I… I…” “Heather, I need you,” said Ms. Rogers, interrupting my heartfelt apology. “I’m sure you were considering resigning or going back to being Harry. 

I need Heather for the foreseeable future. If you go back and re-read all those papers you signed when you were hired, you’ll see that if you financially damage the company which resigning or returning to being Harry will do, we will take legal action against you. “Don’t get me wrong. I like you, Heather, but the company will protect its interests. 

That I can promise you.” I sat there for a few moments, not really sure how to respond, “You’re right. I was considering taking my lumps and going back to being just plain ol’ Harry. 

I’m sorry I made a mess of things. Like I was trying to say, I panicked and blurted out the first thing I could think of.” I paused for a few moments and swallowed, “You want me to continue being Heather?” Ms. Rogers nodded, 

“Yes. I’m convinced having a female lead on the IOTEK project helped cinch the contract. You pass very well… much better than I would have thought before the bet, and I’m impressed with how you have expressed femininity without acting like a sissy or some other offensive caricature.” 

She laughed as she added, “I’ll bet, that in a month or so, no one in this office will remember that you are physically male.” I frowned, “I’m not sure if I’ve just been insulted or not.” Ms. Rogers gave me an odd smile and said, “Well, I brought this up for a couple of reasons. 

One, I apologize for letting this get to me and jumping on you. Two, your future with this company, or just about anywhere else, depends on you being the best Heather you can be. 

Third and lastly, do not doubt that, since H.R. has locked your employment records, Murphy’s suspicions will be heightened, and he will try to find some way to get at you.” 

I looked at the surface of Ms. Rogers’ desk and said weakly, “Thanks for the warning.” I looked up at her face, “Alright, Ms. Rogers. I’ll stay Heather at least until the IOTEK contract is completed, but afterward, I can resign to get my life back without fearing any repercussions from the company?” 

Ms. Rogers smiled, “Agreed. And speaking of IOTEK, I need those specs on my desk first thing Thursday morning.” 

 I pulled my car up in front of the familiar building and shut off the ignition. I thought to myself, ‘You’ve really gone off the deep end now, Harry.’ I squared my shoulders, took a deep breath, and opened the door to Thelma’s Glamour Emporium. As the door shut behind me, a voice from the back room called out, “Just a minute!” A moment later, a middle-aged, but still attractive woman emerged from a hallway. “Good afternoon”, she said pleasantly. She stopped and squinted at me, “Wait. Don’t tell me. 

I know you’ve been in here before.” “I’m Heather Stephens,” I said, trying to save some time. “You showed me how to dress like this a couple of weeks ago.” Frowning, Thelma said, “I told you not to tell me! I remember you. You’ve come a long way in a short time. I mean, look at you, hon. You’re a smartly dressed, attractive young woman. 

You’re beyond where most men come to me for help in dressing up.” “This is beyond just dressing up for mental relief, grins and giggles, or even a stupid bet at the office,” I said, amused by the serious tone in my voice. 

“I’m becoming a woman, Thelma. Probably for the worst reason in the world, but I need to seriously convince the world that I am a woman.”

Thelma chuckled, “You mean to seriously convince yourself! Sit down, Heather. Let’s discuss this.” 

I sat down and consciously crossed my legs. Thelma pulled a chair close to me and sat down in front of me, leaning in on her elbows, “Now, tell me exactly what you mean by ‘becoming a woman.’ Are you seeing a therapist? Are you on hormones with your progress monitored by a professional?” I didn’t want questions. 

521I wanted answers, dammit! 

I said, “Well, put that way, I need to do two things. I need to convince certain people that I’m seriously going to change my sex. The second thing, which may be at odds with the first, is that I have to unequivocally convince others that I already am a woman. I think I’m doing that now, but I need to leave no doubt.” Thelma raised her eyebrow and grunted, “So, a week or so of wearing lipstick has convinced you that you are really a woman and so you must change your sex? 

I don’t think you need me, I think you need an intervention before you screw up your life.” I stood up and said, “I’m looking for advice to help me past this issue. Because of circumstances beyond my control, I have to be a woman for the foreseeable future. 

I thought if anyone could help me, it’d be you.” Still sitting, Thelma continued, “The first thing for you is to be honest with yourself. Don’t give me that ‘circumstances beyond my control’ BS. Just admit it! Admit that you found you enjoy being a woman. 

Say it!” Was that true? Did I enjoy being a woman? Do I just enjoy the clothes? Enjoy the way I look when I’m dressed as a woman? Enjoy the way most people treat me? Did I? Unlike someone born female, if I decide I don’t like it, I can just stop wearing the clothes. I knew that deep down I didn’t want to be a woman, but one thing I am sure of is that I won’t get help from Thelma until I say that I do want to be a woman. 

I said quietly, “I love being a woman.” Thelma leaned back, “I’m not convinced. You can’t just say the words without meaning it.” 

In a sudden epiphany, I realized that now I find it impossible to leave the house without at least mascara on. I looked at my pretty nails and smiled.

I said, “I have to admit, I enjoy being a woman.” I sat down in the chair, “God help me, I actually enjoy it.” Thelma smiled and ordered, “Take off your wig.” 

I took it off and exposed my real hair plastered to my head from being compressed under the wig. Thelma went on, “Not as long as I’d hoped, but not too short. Look, I know a woman who runs a salon who accepts appointments after hours for my special customers. 

Wigs work for a while, but they’re fake and eventually, they expose you. 

This salon owner, Jackie, can give you a feminine appearance and an attitude to go with it. The next step, and I’ll just have to trust you do to this, is to when you get home tonight, throw away… not just box them up and put in a closet, but throw out or donate to charity, every stitch of male clothing you have. 

All of it. Shoes, underwear, all of it. You must eliminate all easy paths back to your old male life.” “That seems a little extreme, don’t you think?” 

I asked. “The clothes I mean.” “Are you a man, or a woman?” Thelma asked through narrowed eyes.

 “Unless they belong to her boyfriend, what does a woman need with men’s clothing?” 

“I don’t know. Maybe she’s a crossdresser?” I said thinking that maybe there wasn’t an easy option. Thelma spread her hands, “You came to me saying you wanted to be a convincing woman. Well, you have to remove all aspects of being male. 

If you’re a woman, as much as physically possible, you can’t just go back to being a man because you find that being a woman is too hard.” Feeling some nagging anger, I said, “You don’t think I really mean it. 

You don’t think I can handle being a woman. Hey, look how far I’ve come already. 

You said yourself I’ve come a long way. I understand that being a woman is more than lipstick and panties. I more than understand. I am a woman.” 

“Then let’s make you a woman on the outside as well as on the inside,” said Thelma. Let me call that salon and see if Jackie can take you tonight. I have a list of several good, gender-certified therapists who can help you obtain hormones and guide you to your eventual surgery.” 

“Um, let’s just do the salon thing for now….” 

 I felt like I could conquer the universe as I strutted briskly in my heels through the office building’s lobby toward the elevators. I smiled from behind my sunglasses as I saw men turning their heads to follow me. 

Men and women smiled at me as I passed them. I stopped before pushing the elevator button to remove my sunglasses and take a look at myself in the mirrors surrounding the elevator doors. 

The short, feminine do I now had with my own hair, my shaped eyebrows, and using some new tips on make-up displayed an air of confidence and attitude I hadn’t been able to muster before. 

A woman I knew only from riding several times with her up the elevator said to me as the doors closed, “Oh, I just love your hair! It looks really nice.” I smiled at her, “Why thank you! I really like it.” 

I got off my floor and walked towards our offices, deliberately placing one foot directly in front of the other, with my back straight and shoulders back. Jennifer looked up from her reception desk, “Heather! 

You’re looking fierce today, girl! Love your hair!” “Thanks, Jennifer,” I said, flashing her a smile. 

As much as I really did like my new hairstyle, I really wanted a flowing mane like Jennifer’s. She was so unself-consciously female that she just radiated a femininity that was felt more than seen. I wanted to be at that level so bad. 

As I opened the doors to our offices, I turned to Jennifer and said, “I feel like a new woman today.” Jennifer smiled, “I can tell! From your new hair to the way you’re carrying yourself.”

“Good morning, Ann,” I bubbled as I walked past Ann straightening the same stack of papers she straightens every morning. Ann looked up at me and smiled, “Good morning Ms. Stephens. 

I love your hair. It looks great!” I headed for my little cubicle just as Chuck rounded a corner. He stopped and said, “Oh, excuse me, miss.” 

He took a step, looked back up at me and said, “Oh! Heather! You look great! Is Harry even in there anymore?” I smiled, “No. Harry left with the Good Will truck this morning.” I sat down at my desk and began going through some of the emails that arrived during the night. 

One instantly caught my eye as it was from Laura.Hoden@IOTEK.COM. I clicked on it immediately and a short message opened up. It read: “Dear Ms. Stephens: As you may know, I chair a local girls’ youth organization called “Young Women’s Career Achievement” where we mentor and encourage our young women to move into industries and careers that are traditionally male-dominated. One such career path that is disgracefully short on women is your field of programming. We’re having a dinner meeting this coming Friday night at seven-thirty PM at the Plano Convention Center. 

I would love for you to be the guest speaker and inform our young women about what they need to do to break into the field of programming. Please let me know as soon as possible so I can send out the notices by tomorrow. Dress will be business professional. Best regards, Laura Hoden President and CEO of IOTEK Industries. Laura.hoden@iotek.com” 

Holy crap. I can’t believe Ms. Hoden wants me to speak at her little organization. The old version of Heather Stephens would be scared shitless at this invitation, but the new me was full of confidence.

I clicked “Forward” and addressed the new email to Ms. Rogers. In it, I asked if it would be okay for me to go to this or if it violated some company policy. I didn’t think it would be a problem, but I wanted to make sure. I also wanted to get some of her input, since obviously, I didn’t have to break any glass ceilings to get hired in the first place. 

I was gathering up my notes so I could get the IOTEK specs by the Thursday deadline when Ms. Rogers stepped into my office. Ms. Rogers said while looking at some notes, “Heather. 

I was wondering if you could create a query for Accounting…” She looked up at me and shockingly said, “Oh! You have a new look! You look even more feminine than before. Looks nice! 

And about your email about that meeting, of course, you can go. I’m glad she asked you to speak there.” 

“Thanks,” I said. “I’m just not sure what to say. It’s not like I can tell them to be a guy when you apply and then become a woman after you’re hired.” Ms. Rogers smiled with confidence, “I’m sure you can come up with something based on your own experience. 

You’ve noticed firsthand how you’re treated differently as a woman as opposed to being a man even by your immediate co-workers, much less upper management.” 

I grinned humorlessly, “Yeah. That’s definitely true. 

I’ll let Ms. Hoden know that I’ll be happy to address her group.” Ms. Rogers handed me a document, “I’m glad that you’re taking all this in stride. I’ve seen a huge improvement in you since you… well, since you became a woman at least in heart. Anyway, here’s the info about that report for Accounting. 

I’d like something on this before lunch.” I looked over the document and asked without looking up at her, “How many number-one priorities do I need to have?” Ms. Rogers just smiled and as she exited my cubicle, she added, “Nothing you can’t handle, Heather. That’s why I gave it to you.” 

Just like back in school, I waited until the last minute to try to prepare a speech for the dinner presentation the next night. 

I sat in front of my computer with the word processor pulled up. I’d started and restarted several times and just couldn’t get what I wanted to sound right. 

I was supposed to speak for half an hour and I couldn’t write more than five minutes worth of speech. I could easily speak about some of the inequalities a woman faces when working in a male-dominated field, but there’s so much that has been said already that I wasn’t sure I could add anything new. I got up to grab another soda to give me a caffeine boost. It was going to be a long night. 

Even though it was just a little past eight in the evening, I already had my jammies on. 

A tank top and light blue pajama bottoms with pictures of cartoon monkey heads all over it.