Sister's Passport - Flying Off To New Life - Part 4

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While watching Julie listlessly swing on the swing set, Ken thought back to the shouting arguments he had heard as a child. 

For some reason, they had never bothered him. In fact, he could remember sitting with his sister Kathy in her room, as they listened and actually giggled over the fight between his parents going on like a pub brawl downstairs.  

He remembered the fight about the shelves that held his dad's rugby trophies and his mum's antique Victorian ceramic figurines. 

The argument had deteriorated to the point where a figurine and a trophy were both being waved about, each parent threatening to smash one of them into the fireplace. Fortunately, they came to their senses before there was any actual knick-knack carnage.  

Eventually, Ken's mum did make room on her shelf to hold one more trophy, but every chance she got, she would turn it to face the wall. 

It would sit there until Henry got home, at which point he would turn it to face front again.

 Sometimes on weekends, the poor trophy would get turned around a dozen times a day, fairly spinning on the shelf. Soon, it had worn a circular ring into the paint on the shelf.  But Ken had never been worried about those fights, not like he was now worried sick to his stomach over the fight between Brian and Tina. 

Perhaps it had been because both his parents had their own integrity, a mutual self-respect that Ken had subconsciously understood. 

It had been his mother, after all, who had stood up to her husband, defending Ken when his father was blind with rage at his own son's cross-dressing.  

Ken and Julie stayed in the park as long as possible that afternoon. By the time they got back, Brian's car was gone and they found Tina in the living room, waiting for them.  

"Could you look after Michael this afternoon?" 

Tina asked. 

"I need to, ahhh, visit a friend. Is that OK?"  

"Sure!" Ken had said wanting to help out in any way he could.  

"There's bottles for Michael in the fridge. Just warm one up when he gets hungry."

 And with that, Tina walked out and drove away.   

And so Ken and Julie whiled away the day, playing games or coloring in coloring books. Julie was so despondent that she didn't even take the opportunity to tease Ken about Tim.

 Ken was so stressed about the situation that he had to throw up lunch just to calm his nerves.  Tina got home very late that night, well after dinner and after Ken had put both Julie and Michael to bed.  

"Kathy" Tina had said, her speech slurred. She slumped down on the living room sofa. 

"Thank you so much for taking care of the children today." 

Tina reached out and put a hand on Ken's arm.  

"Oh, that's okay. I'm just glad I was able to help." 

Ken patted her hand, trying to comfort her. He could easily smell the alcohol on her breath.  

"Kathy?" Tina asked.  

"Yes?"  

"I don't" Tina gulped, tears brimming up.

"I just don't, I don't know what I would do without you! Thank goodness you're here. I" Tina descended into racking sobs, clutching at Ken. Not knowing what to do, Ken pulled her into a hug and let her cry on his shoulder.  

"It's just" Tina sobbed, "it's just he sees right through me, do you know what I mean? It's like I've disappointed him somehow in some horrible way and now he can't stand to be in the same room with me." 

"Shush," Ken hushed, gently holding and rocking her until the tears slowed.  "Let's take you upstairs," Ken said, "a good night's sleep, and tomorrow will be a whole new day."  

Once upstairs Ken sat Tina down on the bed. 

"Now you lay down here and I'm going to make you a nice cup of hot tea with milk and honey. It's what my mother would always make for me." 

 Tina nodded like a little girl and curled up on the bed.  But by the time he returned, Ken found Tina fast asleep in bed, still with all her clothes on.  

Not knowing what else to do, Ken sat down on the bed and had the tea for himself.  

'Now what?' he wondered. Looking at Tina he realized he should put her properly to bed.  

So, first the shoes. Ken untied Tina's tennis shoes and gradually worked each one off her feet, followed by her socks. 

 Tina didn't move a muscle. Thus encouraged Ken unbuckled her belt, unzipped her fly, took a deep breath, and gently, slowly, pulled Tina's jeans down off her body, stopping to pull the cuffs over each foot before taking them off completely.  

Tina was wearing black cotton panties underneath, the sight of which caused Ken to blush furiously. 

He had never undressed another woman before and undressing Tina, getting her more comfortable for a good night's sleep, felt vaguely illegal. Ken felt guilty for staring, but he couldn't help but admire Tina's hips and legs, which were much more womanly than his own.  

Next was her shirt, a simple cotton pullover.  "Now here we go, I'm just getting you ready for bed and we'll need to take this off, OK?" 

Ken said to the unconscious woman, screwing up his courage.  

Tina, of course, was completely dead to the world and moved not a muscle as Ken grasped the bottom of the shirt and pulled it over her head, her arms clumsily flopping this way and that. 

 'I am in bed with my employer's wife,' Ken realized, 'and all she is wearing is her bra and knickers.'  

Ken nearly stopped there and thought about just tucking Tina under the covers. But, unlike most men, Ken had actually spent a night (several, actually) wearing a bra and he knew what an uncomfortable and strangling experience it could be. And so resolved to see this out to the very end, Ken turned Tina to one side, unhooked her bra and then pulled it up and off her arms.  

'She's beautiful,' Ken realized. Somehow Tina's beauty had always been covered up before, with sweat pants or baggy shirts, her hair bunched carelessly behind her, with a stressed-out tightness pinching her face. 

Now, asleep on the bed, muscles relaxed, long brunette hair spread across the bed, Ken saw her as the vision he imagined Brian must have fell in love with.  

Rummaging through her closet Ken found a comfortable-looking long flannel nightgown. After pausing for a second to look through some of Tina's other clothes, in particular her formal evening gowns and intimate lingerie, Ken took the nightgown over to Tina, took each of her arms, threaded them through the arm holes of the nightgown, slipped it over her head and then worked it down her body and down her legs. 

Pulling the sheets to one side, he arranged Tina's body comfortably on the bed, covered her with the sheet and blanket, turned off the lights and then left her to sleep, closing the door softly behind him.    

The next morning a thick envelope arrived for Ken.  By that time Julie was already on her way to school and Michael had been fed and his diaper had been changed. Tina was still asleep.  

Ken had put Michael in his stroller and was gently rocking him. Ken was exhausted by the morning's frantic flurry of activity. 

'How did my mother manage it all those years?' he wondered. 'How does Tina manage it every day?'  

Ken opened the package, it was from his friend Sandra and contained a note. 

Our Dearest Kathy K:  Thank you very much for your prompt letter. Sarah and I had a wonderful time reading it and we demand that you write as often as you can! Your story is fascinating so please keep us up-to-date.  We think it's wonderful that you're fitting in so well, I always knew you would. But are you feeling homesick so far away from home? 

If so, let me know and I'll arrange a trip to the States to visit.  By the way, I checked on your address and it turns out that the house where you are staying is quite famous. It is one of only three complete houses, still standing, built in the shingle style by American architects McKim, Mead, and White. 

My colleague in the area actually studied the house for his Doctoral dissertation, some years ago. So take care of the place! You're living in a historical monument of considerable significance.  There's not much new to report here. 

Got a death threat recently from an artist, the third one this year and it's only April! Sarah is as busy as ever, recently engaged in doing costumes for a local production of 'Follies'. She is now sodding sick of sewing sequins.  

All our love,  Sandra and Sarah.   PS:  Sarah included some things she made at the last minute, which our group thought you might find useful. Your story has been quite inspiring to them. 

  Ken dumped the contents of the envelope onto the table and held up a T-shirt, a sports bra, a swimsuit, and a very small pair of panties. The panties had a note pinned to them,  

"Hi Kathy, this is a gaffe. Put it on very tight and it should hold your private parts neatly hidden away. 

It might be helpful with a swimming costume.  Sarah"  'Or with a ballet costume!' Ken thought with elation. 

No more having to tape his genitals to his body!  Upon further inspection, Ken noticed the T-shirt had Velcro pockets for inserting breast forms, as did the sports bra and the swimsuit.  

Ken's heart ached, so grateful he was for Sarah's thoughtfulness and missing both of them so much.  Hearing Tina in the bathroom, Ken quickly hid his new clothes.  

"Oh...." Tina shuffled into the kitchen, still in her flannel nightgown and slippers, stringy hair covering her face. "I need coffee."  Ken guided Tina to the breakfast table. Having anticipated her condition, a pot of coffee was already hot. Ken poured her a cup. 

 "How did I get into this nightgown?" Tina asked.  

"Um, well, that was me," Ken admitted.  

"I haven't worn it in ages. I'd forgotten how comfortable it is. Was I that pathetic?"  "No! Of course not." 

 "Hah. You lie." Tina paused for a second, but then, from nowhere, tears began to well up. "Oh Kathy!" she said leaning over and giving Ken a big hug, "thank you so much for taking care of me last night. You're becoming just like a sister to me. My younger, more responsible sister, that is. 

The one I always prayed for growing up."  "Really, it was no problem," Ken said handing Tina a tissue, "you were just exhausted, and no wonder!"  

"Exhausted and drunk, you mean. I was out with a girlfriend of mine last night. 

She said I should just leave Brian if he didn't appreciate me."  Ken's wide eyes showed his anxiety.  

"Oh, don't worry," Tina continued, patting his arm. "This is the same friend who has already been divorced three times, can you believe it? So I would never take her advice."  The two of them sat in silence for a minute, Tina sipping her coffee and Ken sipping his tea. 

 "But something has got to change!" Tina blurted out, banging her fist on the table. "I'm tired of Brian running this house from remote control. 

It's always his house, his furniture, his children, his yard, his family relations... but where is he? 

Always at work, never at home. It gets me so frustrated, I just want to scream!"  Tina spied the note from Sandra.

 "What's this?" 

 "Oh, it's a note from my parents in England, you should read it."  

Tina picked up the letter and started to read. "McKim, Mead, and White?" Tina exclaimed. "Stanford White? But they're, like, really famous! I read about them in college."  

Tina paused, looking into space. It was as if her face, even in its current pathetic, splotchy condition, was gradually coming into focus.  

"It's time to change things," Tina muttered, walking over to the phone. Picking up a card from the countertop she dialed.  "Hi, is this Marc LaRossa? 

Hi Mr. LaRossa, it's Tina Johnson. Listen, do you have that estimate ready?

 Excellent. Brian and I have discussed this and we want to do it." Tina looked over and winked at Ken.  

"That's right, all of it," she continued, "but here's the catch. It needs to be done in a month."  Ken heard panicky noises coming from the other side of the phone.  

"Well okay then, let's not redo the kitchen. Let's just knock out all these extra walls and restore the surfaces of the main rooms.

 Surely that can be done in a month?" Tina paused, listening for a while. "

Sounds great. 

Oh and the pool too. Right Okay, I'll get right on that and let's meet this evening to talk about terms? Excellent. Bye."  

Tina looked at Ken with a big smile on her face.  

"But," Ken stuttered, "how... what... are you sure?"  

"Absolutely. I hate living like this. All these small rooms. Each one no bigger than a coffin. That's how this place feels to me right now."  

"But why a month?"  

"'Cause that's how long Brian is going to be away. That's what the fight was about yesterday. 

Everything has to be done before he gets home and has a chance to object," she giggled. "He will just go ballistic, but you know what? If he's got a problem with it, well then, he should be spending more time at home." 

 "You want to teach him a lesson," Ken said, his voice neutral.  Tina hesitated. "Well, yes, I guess I do. But look, you saw what your Dad said, right?" She picked up the letter and waved it. "This house deserves to be treated right. And what was it that Mr. LaRossa was saying?"  

"about how all these walls were done by Brian's grandfather, so he didn't have to climb stairs?  "Right! These aren't original. So, let's restore the house to the way it ought to be! Surely Brian can't object to that, can he? It's a restoration - we're just taking better care of his own house. 

Better than he would ever have done," Tina snorted.  Ken was astonished. Was this the same Tina that he had tucked into bed last night?  "And Kathy?" Tina asked.

 "Could you call your friend and get the number of his colleague? The one who did the dissertation on this house? Marc mentioned that we'd need some expert help to do a proper job."     

"Tim, I'm so glad to see you again, I've been thinking and I really don't think I can go out with you."  Kathy and Tim were at the bus stop again, waiting for Julie.  "I just love your accent." 

 "Didn't you hear what I said?"  

"Of course, I heard. But your lips say one thing and your eyes say another."  Ken smiled despite himself. 

"Are you always such a charmer? Oh, Bollocks. Please, Tim, it just doesn't make sense." 

 "Why not?" 

 "Well..." Ken had rehearsed this the night before, but now, for some reason, he had a hard time getting the words out.  

"I'm from England, right?" Ken ventured. "And I do like you..." 

"You like me?" Tim's face lit up with pleasure.  "but what happens after our date?" Ken hurried on, blushing. 

"Someday I'm going to go back to England to be with my family and we'll both get our hearts broken and then we'll regret it for the rest of my life and" Ken trailed off. Suddenly this wasn't coming out the way that he had intended. 

 "Kathy, what are you talking about?" 

Tim reached for Ken's hand and held it tenderly. "It's just one date, that's all. Let's just go and be together. One teeny little date. What could be wrong with that?" 

 "I" Ken was desperately trying to gather his thoughts and say something intelligent, but all he could do was stare down at his hands. The feeling was intense as if an energy conduit had opened up between them. 

 'I'm holding hands with a boy,' Ken thought to himself. 'A boy is sitting next to me, asking me out on a date and he is holding my hand.'  A boy is holding my hand!  

"Tim, I"  The bus pulled up.  Tim and Ken jumped up and shot apart as if electrocuted.  

"You were holding hands!" Julie squealed as she leaped out of the bus, raced over to Ken, and hugged him like mad. She then turned and bowled into Tim, hugging him too.  

"Holding hands!" she shouted again, then turning to the bus, "THEY WERE HOLDING HANDS!" she shouted at the other students who were all looking out the windows, wide-eyed. 

"I TOLD YOU! I TOLD YOU THEY WERE IN LOVE! I JUST KNEW IT! I TOLD YOU SO!"  

"It's just one date," Tim whispered in Ken's ear as the bus drove away and Julie literally ran circles around them, screaming with delight at the top of her lungs.  Ken looked into Tim's eyes, feeling trapped.  "I'll pick you up at five?" Tim asked, his eyes arched and questioning.  

"Okay," Ken said tremulously, trying to smile. 

"What have I done?" Ken berated himself over and over again over the next few days.

 "Why did I say yes? Why?" 

When he wasn't in the bathroom throwing up to calm his nerves, he was trying to think of ways to call Tim and cancel the date.  But darn Julie! Why was she so thrilled about this?  

"I guess she's at that age where she's learning about mommies and daddies," Tina hypothesized as she looked over construction plans. 

"I think it's kind of cute, actually."  Julie could talk of little else.  "What are you going to wear?" she asked.

 "Will it be beautiful? I bet it will be beautiful. You'll look like a princess!"  'Hardly,' thought Ken. After all, he only had four outfits. Three were simple jumpers for taking care of children and the last was too business-like to be good for going out.  

Ken walked over and picked up the phone to cancel, but somehow he couldn't force his fingers to punch the buttons. Frustrated, he slammed it back down.  

"You and Tim are going to go out on a date and then you'll fall in love and then you'll get married and then you'll have children and then I'll have someone to play with!"  

"Julie!" Ken said exasperated beyond belief. "I barely know him! How can you be saying all these things?"  

Not that I'm much better, Ken realized, remembering his arguments to Tim earlier all about having to go back to England and breaking people's hearts. 'Tim is right,' Ken realized. 'It's just one date.'  But it grated irritatingly against Ken's entire vision of himself. 

His entire life had been predicated on flying under the radar. Being inconspicuous, not being noticed, not standing out as being special. Fitting in. 

"Maybe that way, people won't look at me closely and then they won't be able to see what a terrible, messed-up person I am," he thought to himself.  

'Maybe I can go with a sack over my head,' Ken thought sourly. 'Wouldn't that be attractive?'  

Meanwhile, the renovation plans were hurtling full speed ahead. Ken watched as Tina turned into a completely different person, energetic and focused.  "This is the first time I've seen you smile," Ken said after hearing about the latest plans from Tina.  

"I feel so. I don't know. So alive!" Tina said her eyes flashing. "I just hope that Brian likes it."  

During the day the house was swarmed with contractors. Demolition had started and there was lots of measuring to do, drawings and plans to be created, and hundreds of decisions to make.  

With Tina spending all her time on the renovations, it was all Ken could do to stay out of the way, keep Julie out of trouble, and keep Michael clean and fed. Because of the noise and dust, he found himself spending a lot of time in the park with the children.  

 Sitting in the park, gently rocking Michael back and forth and watching Julie collecting leaves, Ken realized something.  

"I like this job," he said smiling to himself.  "But what am I going to do about Tim?  

Ken picked up the telephone and started dialing Tim's number.  At the last second, he checked his watch. 10:12 pm.  

"Bloody Hell," he cursed, hanging up the phone. 

After 10 pm. 

It was too late to call. Ken would have to call him in the morning.  

'What am I going to do?' Ken thought to himself, fretting about the date which was now just two days away. 'What am I going to do?'  Ken was alone. The date was now just two days away.  

"What if Tim finds out who I really am?" Ken worried. 

"For sure he's going to tell Tina and Brian and then I'll get thrown out!" Just the thought was enough to cause his eyes to get misty. Damn it! 

"Why did I have to agree to this bloody date!"  

"Oh shit," a new thought crossed Ken's mind. 

"What if they call the police! What if I get arrested! Can you imagine how this would look in the papers? '

Transvestite fugitive English Nanny sex offender arrested and charged with fraud!'"  Suddenly Ken started to hyperventilate. Images of courtrooms, death threats, photographers, and jail cells flashed through his head.  

"Oh shit"  Ken clutched at his chest. 

"Oh no,"  A wave of vertigo and nausea overwhelmed him. Ken stumbled and then collapsed to the floor, gasping, frantic, his heart racing.  

"What is wrong with me?" he cried out, as the dizziness threatened to overwhelm him. 

"Stop it, stop it, stopitstopitstopit!" he stamped his foot in frustration, trying to get control of his body back. 

What am I going to do about the children? What if I collapse and there's no one to take care of them?  

For the first time in America Ken felt truly and completely alone. Tina was out. Brian was away on business. The children were asleep and he was completely isolated in this horrible alien country. Should he call a doctor? 

Which one? Go to the hospital? But then they'd discover he was a man for sure!

 God damn bloody. 

 "Miss Cabrini!" The thought came out of nowhere.  

Frantically he scanned the numbers on the icebox. There it was. He punched the numbers as fast as he could, his hands shaking.  

"Yes?"  "Miss Cabrini!" Ken blubbered. 

 "Who is this?" 

 "This is Ken, I mean, KATHY, this is Kathy!" 

 "Oh, Kathy, so nice to hear from you, Wait! Are you okay? What's the matter?"  

"Please, I'm... Something's wrong! I think I'm having a heart attack!" Ken cried out. "My heart is racing, I'm dizzy, I can't breathe... But I can't! Not now! The children are upstairs and I can't..."  

"Where's Mrs. Johnson??"  "She's out... with the architects, I think. I don't know where..."  "Hang on, Kathy, I'll be there in ten minutes."  

Sarah Cabrini's car screeched to a halt in the driveway. Grabbing her bags she hurried into the house.  "Oh, goodness..." Sara looked around, stunned by the construction work. All of the wallboard was gone and the downstairs looked like a forest of wooden studs.  

"Kathy?" she called out, her voice echoing through rooms.  

"I'm over here, in the kitchen," a pitiful voice called out.  Sarah followed the voice, stepping right through what just yesterday had been solid walls and worked her way to the kitchen.  

She quickly went over to the table where Ken sat, his head down between his knees.  

"Kathy, you poor thing!" 

Sarah placed the two bags on the table.  

"I can't seem to, I'm just, it's the dizziness," Ken explained. "What's happening to me?"  

From her purse, Sarah pulled out a jar of pills.  

"Take one of these." 

Sarah handed Ken a small white pill and fetched a glass of water from the sink.  

"What is it?" Ken asked as he washed it down.  

"It's Xanax, a mild sedative. Kathy, you are having a panic attack."  

"A panic attack!" Ken's eyes went wide. "Are you sure?" 

 "Yes, I'm sure. You're much too young to be having a heart attack. And racing heart? Dizzy? Do you feel your chest tightening up?"

"Yes!"  Sarah gently stroked Ken's back. 

"That's a panic attack, dear. Unfortunately, I get them all the time. Lots of women do." 

 "It's not a heart attack? Are you sure?" 

 "Yes, I'm sure."  

"Oh, thank god." 

 "Keep drinking," Sarah prompted. 

"I also think you're dehydrated."  Ken looked at her. 

"I can't be. I just had dinner." 

 "And then did you purge yourself?" 

 "I ah" Ken stammered, "no I mean, of course not."  

"Kathy, please. I know. You don't think it's a problem, but it is. Now here," Sarah opened up a paper bag rummaged around, and pulled out two milkshakes and four cheeseburgers. 

"You need to eat."  

Ken looked at the food. "I'm not hungry," he said.  

"You are. Here, just take two sips of the milkshake and two bites of the burger. For me. Please?"  

"Okay." Ken picked up the milkshake and took a sip. It was good.  The front door closed. "I'm back!" Tina called out.  

"We're in the kitchen!" Sarah called back.  "Sarah! 

What are you doing here?" Tina asked, giving Sarah a quick hug. "Not that it's not nice to see you,"  

"It's Kathy," Sarah explained. "She's had a panic attack."  "Kathy!" Tina exclaimed, rushing to his side. "Why didn't you call me? Don't you have my cell number? You poor thing!" 

 "I, I guess I didn't want to disturb you." 

 "Please, for everything you've done for this family! What's the matter? Are you worried about something?" 

 "I dunno, really." Ken took another sip of milkshake and two more bites of cheeseburger. 

"I was just in the kitchen cleaning up and then I thought about Tim..."  

Suddenly Ken started to feel nauseous and hyperventilate.  

"Tim?" Tina asked, holding his hand. "What is it?" 

"Tim?" Sarah asked. 

"No, I, It can't be I mean" Ken held a hand to his chest. His heart was racing.

"No, darn it! Not again." 

 "He's going on a date with a boy down the street," Tina explained to Sarah. 

"Is it your date? Is that what's bothering you?"  

Feeling overwhelmed, Ken's eyes welled over with tears. 

"Yes!" he cried out. 

"There's no way I can go!"  

"Why not?" Tina asked.  

"Because! I've never been on a date with a boy before!"  

Both Sarah and Tina looked at him, stunned into silence.  

"WHAT?" Sarah finally blurted out, incredulous. 

"You're, what, eighteen and you've never been on a date before?"  

"Nooo!" Ken wailed. 

"Of course not! I look horrible! My body is horrible!" Ken was crying in earnest now. "I'm a, I'm just so ugly! 

Why would anyone want to date me? I look terrible and I have nothing to wear!"