The Women's Job - I Don't Have a Choice - Chapter 10

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It was the last week of July when Ashley left her old apartment and with Lauren's and Deirdre's help, moved in with Lauren.  

She was quite happy with the new living space as she now had a bedroom, shared a full bath, and full use of a modern kitchen, besides attractive furnishings and several amenities in the complex such as a small swimming pool and a community room.  

She had now received three semimonthly paychecks from Johnston Industries with a fourth due soon. 

She was feeling very relieved as it looked like her worries were temporarily reduced, and hopefully now for a very long time.  

Meanwhile, since she had been hired and coming to work as Ashley and having fit in so well with the other girls, besides now sharing a nice apartment with Lauren, as well as having the money to do so, she seriously started expanding her wardrobe. 

It was tentative at first, like in June, as this was all so new to her.  Initially, her first purchases were just to give her enough changes of clothes for work, but they slowly expanded to include casual clothes, shoes, undergarments, and supplies.  

It helped her immensely that she was able to go shopping with Lauren, or Deirdre or one or more of the other girls in the office. They all were so nice to help her choose clothing, accessories, and personal items that she could actually use.  

During her second month and third month, July going into August, she began facing up to the fact that she was living full time now as a woman, as well as seeing no real reason to change that.  

She decided in late July, it was now time to start getting a lot more serious about the possibility of transitioning.  She started talking about it with Lauren and Deirdre and then with the other girls.  

"So, you're seriously thinking about looking into transitioning," Deirdre said.

"We all here will be more than happy to help you in any way we can."

"Yes, thank you. Each day when I wake up, I think of myself totally as Ashley, and nobody else.  

The person that was my past life, has been receding into what are now becoming distant memories, mostly good, but no longer of me.  I'm not who I was anymore, but I'm not sure I'm actually who I should be yet."  

"That's an interesting way of putting it."  

"Well, I think I should probably should start seeing a therapist.  

I know nothing is guaranteed, but it's something I should at least explore." 

"You're absolutely right.  You know, I really like my therapist.  

I can recommend you to her if you'd like."  

"Oh, yes, definitely. I like that a lot.  Thanks."  

"Have you read our company's insurance plan coverages for reassignment surgery?" 

"Yes, I have looked at them.  Do they seem reasonable?"  

"Yes, so far as we all have done.  That's part of the reason most of us are here.  The company seems to be a leader in offering insurance.  

You just have to make sure you follow every one of their rules and expectations, and you should have no problem."  "If I'm going to do it, I certainly will do whatever's required. 

When I read up on gender reassignment surgery a few years ago, I saw that it can be very expensive." 

"It still is, but at least some of the costs are now covered, not all by any measure, but any is good.  I'll make that call and let you know." 

 "Thanks."  

Upon Deirdre making the call, Ashley then called and set up an appointment for mid-August and then, having been accepted, began regularly seeing the therapist recommended by Deirdre, then a specialist and upon being approved by both, began on HRT.  

That was followed by laser and electrolysis hair removal, serious consideration of breast augmentation, and finally, after a year, SRS (or Gender Reassignment Surgery).  

She understood and was easily able to relate to her therapist that she felt now so much better about herself as Ashley than she ever did as Ash.

After opening up with her childhood memories, her repressed dreams and thoughts, her attempts at cross-dressing, and her now heartfelt desire to live as a woman, she was approved for the transition followed by the surgery by both her therapist and physician.  

As she became friendly with the other girls in the section, she also realized she now had more friends than Ash ever did.  

And she was closer to them than Ash had ever been to even a single other male friend. They greatly enjoyed doing things together, besides shopping, such as taking weekend trips, going to movies, and even the theater. 

She never did run into Mr. Austin outside of work and he transferred to another department, with a promotion, in August. There was a rumor a month or so later that some young woman in another department had accused him of improper behavior, but nothing more was forthcoming.  

Ashley also enjoyed sharing the apartment with Lauren, getting to know one another, talking about being transgendered, and going out shopping, having dinner out, and going places with her as well as with the other women from work.  

As Lauren was approaching her surgery, she had begun dating guys. She didn't want any long-term romances, as she would see a guy several times before either she or the guy called it off, and she would move on with little concern. 

During Ashley's second month of sharing the apartment, Lauren came to ask Ashley to join her and her current boyfriend on a double date.  

"Ashley, you are attractive, and you've become even better than you were being the woman you are on the inside.  

Are you interested at all in dating guys? I remember you mentioning the possibility when we first met. Gary, who you've met, has a friend and he wondered if you'd like to come with us on a double date."  

"I don't know that I'd be that good a date. I really haven't had that much experience."  

"You did tell me about going out to dinner with Mr. Austin and then having coffee with that guy you met at the drugstore.  Both of those from what you said, went quite well.  Those were great starts. This would be the next step.  Come on, I think it'd be fun."  

Ashley thought about it for a moment.  

Going to dinner with Mr. Austin was sort of a date, she guessed, but at the time, she considered it more of him being nice to her, and getting to know each other better. Which, of course, turned bad very quickly. With Erik, it was just a chance meeting that didn't develop into anything other than a cup of coffee with a new friend.  

This would be a real date with planning, choosing an outfit, worrying, and keeping a conversation going. Possibly leading to something more. Was she ready for it?  

"Okay, yes, I guess I'd like to.  So, what's his name?"  

"Jimmy.  And he's really a nice guy."  

"Uh, huh, I know what that means."  

"No, really. You'll see."  

He was, although he wasn't particularly handsome, just friendly and a little shy.  The foursome went to a movie, then out for a bite to eat. Ashley had a nice time but didn't feel anything about Jimmy by the end of the evening, although she worked at being friendly and open which seemed to give him more confidence in himself.  

At the end of the date, they said their goodbyes and parted while Gary and Lauren got a little more intimate.  Over the next several months, this led to several more double dates as well as going out in groups with some of the girls from the office and their dates.  

Now that Ashley had made herself available, Deirdre also asked her to join her in double dates which Ashley did.  

Very little came of the dates, although she did feel something for one of the guys she dated, and actually gave him her number, but he never called, and it only disappointed her for a moment.  

She continued feeling better about herself, and fully believing that she was doing absolutely the right thing moving along with transitioning and having the final surgery.  

After several months of working at Johnston Industries, Ashley began seriously thinking about her future at her current job, and even in the general workplace beyond Johnston Industries.  

She liked her job as did the other young women working for Mr. Relsly, but they started getting a little concerned about how long their current positions could last. 

They began to understand that eventually they would finish reviewing all the contracts and new ones or updates would be fewer and less frequent. 

They began to wonder if there would be enough work for Johnston Industries to continue employing the six women, Mr. Relsly, and the two law students, although Josie was planning on leaving soon, and Mr. Relsly indicated he was not planning on hiring a replacement.  

Mr. Relsly called them all together for a team meeting in early October where he explained, "I understand there have been some concerns about the future of this office.  

I haven't been able to say anything until now as I've been meeting with senior management to discuss this very issue. I'm happy to say that they approved my proposal to turn our group into an electronic document library, where not only electronic copies of contracts would be kept, but copies of other corporate documents such as job descriptions, ISO documentation, corporate policy documents, etc. would also be kept.  

We'll also be on future lists to review any new documents that may come up, as well as determine which departments or sections will be responsible for which documents, and when they should be reviewed, changed, updated, or discontinued. 

 I want to also say that almost every executive I've talked to, has been very happy with everything this office has accomplished.  We'll have to learn some additional methods and actions, but I'm sure you all can handle it."  

The young women were all quite happy with what they heard.  He didn't tell them that he was able to infer that most of the executives were also quite happy that the office helped the company meet diversity goals, and they hoped to maintain it in some fashion.  

Coming Out  In late September, after several visits to the therapist (and having been on just a few double dates with Lauren and her boyfriend) where she and the therapist discussed coming out to her family, Ashley finally decided it was time to start the process.  She wasn't quite sure that it would work out, nor even how to start.  

After talking to Lauren, Deirdre, and the other girls, she decided on a course of action.  

She would start slowly and maybe work on those she felt she might have a better chance of at least having them not immediately disapprove of her, or maybe even refuse to see her ever again.  

She would try Bailey first, and then Logan, as she had always been closest to those two, as well as them being younger, they might be a little more understanding.  

If that worked she'd then work on Harper and their mother.  She had no idea how to even come close to approaching her stepfather.  

She called Bailey first, switching back to her 'Ash' voice, "Hi, Bailey? This is...Ash." 

 "Ash! How are you doing? Haven't really heard much from you in some time other than a few text messages. And Mom mentioned that you don't call as often.  Everything okay?" 

"Yes, I'm doing really good, so far, anyway.  

You know I have a job with Johnston Industries and I really like it, and they're very happy with my work, and it is demanding."    

"That's great, Ash.  Mom has been worried about you, maybe Dad too, but of course he doesn't show it as much. Um, is there something wrong with your voice?"    

"Maybe a cold or something," Ashley said quickly and immediately changed the subject, "So, anyway, I understand about Mom and Dad.  

Why I called is that I was wondering if sometime next week we could meet for lunch, downtown or wherever you would think convenient?"    

"There's no problem is there, I mean you said everything's okay?"    

"Yes it is, I just want to talk to you about something, fairly important, as well as catch up with the family but it'd work out better if we were together."  

 "Yeah, okay, that would be good, how about, um, Tuesday? You work closer to the nicer restaurants than I am, any place that has decent food, I'm fine with."    

"Okay, um, how about Village Food and Spirits? Say noonish?"    

"Yes, I know where that is.  That'd work. I've heard they have decent lunches.  So Tuesday at noon."  

"Great, I may be a minute or two late, I can never tell when a project gets hot around here, but it should be okay for me. 

If it doesn't I'll call you as soon as I know.  And thanks, I got to get back to work now, see ya then."   

 "Okay, good to hear from you. Bye! Oh, and take care of that cold."    

"I will, bye"  Ashley took a breath as she put away her phone.  She was now more or less committed to meeting with Bailey, and hoping that it would at least go a little okay.  If it didn't, she wasn't sure what she would do next about her family.  

They'd have to know sometime, but considering the stories she had heard from the t-girls at work, the chances of being immediately accepted were only so-so at best. It was also becoming obvious that she was more into her Ashley's voice than ever, and going back to Ash, in any way, could in the future, be a little more difficult than she had imagined.  

She spent the next several days fretting over how she would broach the subject, what she would say, and even how she would appear.  

She again talked to both Deirdre and Lauren and they gave her suggestions, and how they handled less than supportive responses from their extended families.  

Tuesday finally came, and Ashley intentionally got dressed in her first outfit which she really liked, the pink buttoned blouse and white skirt and, after checking herself in the restroom mirror, left work to go downtown a few minutes early, but stayed across the street out of the way, watching for Bailey to arrive.  

After she was fairly certain Bailey was seated, she came over to the restaurant, told the hostess who she was meeting, took a breath, marshaled all the courage she could, and walked over to the booth (she was happy it was at least a little private), and stopped. 

 "Hi, you're Bailey, I believe? May I join you, if it's all right?" she asked with a pleasant smile wanting Bailey to be relaxed and comfortable with her.  Bailey was a little startled but quickly replied, "Yes, I am.  

Do I know you?"  "Sort of, in a way."  

"Oh, do you know my brother, Ash?"  Ashley giggled a little and said, "Yes, but sometimes not as much as I should." 

"Oh! Well, I guess you can sit down, he hasn't come in yet.  Are you two dating?"  

"No, we're not dating, but he has come in."  

She glanced around the room with sort of a confused look, but Ashley quickly said, "Bailey, I'm Ash."  Bailey looked at the young woman sitting across from her for a moment appearing almost stunned.  "Y.you're Ash? My.my brother?"  

"Yes, but it's now Ashley.  I know it's sort of a surprise, but yes I am.  I had been your brother for over 16 years now."  

"I...sort of a surprise!... It's a lot more than that if you...really....?"  

"Yes, I really am.  Remember Rabby, you're little soft rabbit you'd hold to your nose when you used to suck your thumb?"  

"Uh-huh," she replied with sort of a questioning look, besides searching the face of this young woman sitting across from her for some familiar feature.  Ashley continued, "And it accidentally got left at that rest stop in Kentucky on our way back from Florida, and Dad turned the car around at that first crossover but in the 5 minutes we were gone someone else took it."  

"Yes, I remember I cried."  

"But you got over it like you did your thumb, will no teeth out of alignment, no hassles. 

You just did.  And then a few years later Mom put you in that little girl ballet class and made me come with her when she took you to your classes in that strip mall, and she had me record your lessons so you could practice the next Saturday before class and you were the best little ballerina every Saturday.  

And later...your first date with Jamie Wurster who you could not stand in 6th grade."  

"Okay, okay, you can stop now. You're Ash, I believe you, but I don't, I mean, why?... When?  How!?"  

The waitress came up to take their order and Ashley said, "Let's order, then I fill you in."  

After the waitress left, she then told Bailey a lot of the story, about her desires and dreams as a child, an adolescent, and a teen.  

She glossed over how she came to be dressed that first day, only suggesting that she sort of discovered the position usually went to a young woman and she got to know some of the women there. 

She told Bailey that she was seeing a therapist, had appointments with a specialist, and was on hormone replacement therapy. 

And in the meantime, she was scheduling laser hair removal, and possibly even breast augmentation.  

Bailey said, "That's all just, I don't know, amazing, maybe hard to... And you're going to have the surgery?" 

 "Yes, sometime after my year is up, in about nine or so months."  

"And then you'll be mostly a female?" 

 "Yes, mostly. I won't be able to have babies, of course, I'll always be missing those parts. I suppose I'm a little sad about that, but almost everything else will be there.  

But it's what I realize now I want...and need, and have thought about since I was aware of it.  And I'll be going through changing all my records to reflect my new gender"  

"Oh, my. So, those, um, breasts aren't real...yet?" 

 Ashley noticed Bailey looking at her chest, looked down at them for a moment, and replied, "No, just very lifelike forms, like lots of t-girls have, although with the estrogen I've been taking, there is more of me there than there ever was. 

I'm starting to consider getting smaller forms to keep these a decent size. 

I may also go to padded bras, depending." 

Bailey looked at Ashley with a small smile, and finally said, "You do really look like lots of girls I know and have met, and seen, your skin, your hair, your make-up.  Is that a wig?" 

 She ran her hand through her hair, shaking her head slightly, and replied, "No, it's mostly mine, but I have extensions, and of course when things grow out and I keep getting it cut and styled, it'll be all mine. 

I never had much of a beard or body hair, not like our brothers, and the pills I'm taking daily have done wonders giving me a little more breasts like I said as well as smoothing my skin, reducing the body hair I do have. 

I have been taking electrolysis to remove the unwanted hair. The make-up I just had to learn, like you and every other girl."  

Bailey nodded, then replied, "I suppose if I had thought about it, I might have noticed something, but you were always so nice to me, I didn't even think about what else may have been going on. 

I just thought that's how brothers are supposed to be.  

I mean, when I started seeing guys in middle school, I might have had some thoughts that you didn't seem to be dating much, but I know you did, so I just assumed you might have been maybe a little shy."  

"There were probably several reasons for that, I think now, but they don't matter anymore." 

 "So, I guess you don't really have a cold.  Your voice does sound reasonable.  Certainly not like Ash's." 

"No, I've been lucky, no colds, but I had to say something, give some reason.  As to my voice, that's something I'm still working on.  And, let me tell you, it's getting harder to keep switching.  That's part of the reason I decided it was time to tell someone, well, you."  

"Have you told Logan or Harper? I do know they both like you an awful lot, just like I do."  

"I've gotten along with Logan really well, I don't hear from Harper very much. I never thought too much about how they felt about me."  

"Maybe I shouldn't tell you, but I will.  

I know Logan started college when you started high school, but when I was with one of my girlfriends, her older sister came by, she was two years older than you, and she knew Logan really well, they may have dated even. 

Anyway, she told me that Logan had met with all the younger guys on the football and basketball teams at the end of his last year in high school which included her older brother, and said that if he heard of anyone at all ever, laying a hand on you, he and Harper would come back and kick every one of their sorry asses.  

He made them all promise to treat you decently, maybe call you names sometimes but never touch you.  She heard it scared the pants off them how serious and tough he was, and they all promised." 

 The waitress came back with their orders and they started to eat.  Ashley listened very quietly to all that Bailey was telling her and had trouble not breaking down.  She had sometimes wondered why Ash was mostly left alone by the known bullies at the school where some of his friends definitely were physically terrorized.  

Of course, Ash heard the taunts and was a little fearful of what may then happen, but nobody ever came close to anything physical. 

Ash thought it might be because he didn't look like a threat to anyone.  

Now she knew what had really happened.  She liked her brothers, they were always decent to Ash, just as Ash tried to be decent to Bailey.  

She now was gaining a much deeper appreciation for how her brothers treated Ash, as well as what she had learned and easily shared and tried to pass on.  

"You haven't told Mom or Dad yet, right?"  

"Yes, I wanted to tell you first because I felt you would hopefully be the most understanding and not just reject me outright.  I hoped you would at least listen, ask questions, and think about it.  

Which you have, and I can't tell you how much I appreciate it."  

"Ash...ley, Ashley.  You know, I like that name for you, looking at you now, I think it fits you much better than Ash fit my brother.  In fact, I think I'm going to enjoy having an older sister besides two older brothers."  

As she said this, she slipped her hands over Ashley's and they clasped their hands together.  Ashley now felt closer to her sister than she ever had and said, "Thank you, thank you, Bailey, that means so much to me."  

She sighed in contentment and finished, "I'll probably come out to Logan in the next few days, Harper when he visits again, and Mom either before or after Harper.  I have no idea how or when I'll tell Dad."  

"I can understand that.  Dad can be a little difficult at times."  

"Yes, he can, but right now, I think Jared's the best thing that could have happened to Dad. He never had a son, as such, but now he has a grandson.  And I always saw how much he seems to like Jared."  

"He does, the one saving grace of my coming back home.  He's been treating me a lot better than I expected.  I suppose it's a good thing that Jared is such a happy baby."  

"Um, Bailey, if you'd ever like to get together, go shopping, have coffee, just talk, or anything, I'd be happy to do it with you."  

"Why Ashley, I'd like that a lot.  I think that'd be a lot of fun, spending time with my big sister.  Of course, until you tell Mom and Dad, you'll just have to be a new girlfriend."  

"That's probably a good idea."  

"If you want, I can be there when you do tell Logan.  It might help him accept it a little more if he knows I support you.  Would you like that?"  "Bailey, I'd love it if you would.  I'll call you and we can set up a time.  Thank you so much."  

"I'm happy to help.  So, do you still live over in Woodside?" 

"No, thank goodness, I only had a month-to-month rental, and as you saw, it was clean but really run down, and the neighborhood was getting bad.