The Girl He Could Be - Final Part

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There were also several people who knew the truth about him. He wasn’t worried about Nancy and Patty; he knew they would keep his secret, but what about Sue and Pam? There were others, too.

His mother, stepfather, and sister could, at any time, decide to expose him. True, they didn’t know his new name, but if they started seeing his picture in ads, they might decide to expose him. He decided their own embarrassment would be too great, so it wasn’t likely. That left just Sue and Pam.

There was something else he had to consider. Sooner or later, there would come a reason for him to have to see a doctor. What would he do then? He had six months at the most, probably a lot less.

Nancy and Patty, unknown to Tim, were already dealing with the problem of Sue and Pam. While Tim and Mrs. Brown were talking to the woman from the agency, they pulled Sue and Pam aside. Nancy and Patty had discussed earlier where their priorities their sympathies lay. 

"We have a question for you two," Nancy said to them confidently. Pam was a little surprised at how forward Nancy was. It wasn’t like Nancy to use this tone with her. She was put on guard. "What is it?"

Sue had an idea what it was they wanted to discuss. Seeing Tim today had caused her to see him in a different light. It was the final straw for her.

Patty wanted Pam to have no misunderstanding that she stood in complete agreement with Nancy. "We want to know exactly what your intentions are concerning Tim." Now both of them were standing up to her? How brave of them, she chuckled to herself. They were finished as far as she was concerned. She and Sue didn’t need them. 

"We have everything arranged. We’re going to have a little fun with him for a while longer, and then we’re going to expose him as a freak." Pam felt very smug. There was nothing they could do to stop them.

Sue wasn’t stupid. She knew what was happening. She had thought it was a great idea at the beginning, but she didn’t know Tim from Adam then. 

She did feel as though she was getting to know Tina, and she liked her. She had been having second thoughts about what they were planning to do, and after seeing Tina today, she didn’t want to go ahead with Pam’s plans. She knew she couldn’t stand up to Pam alone; she wasn’t strong enough for that. Nancy very calmly replied, "I don’t think so."

The short hairs on the back of Pam’s neck bristled. "What do you mean, ‘You don’t think so’?"

"We think you’re going to keep Tina’s little secret for as long as she wants it that way," Patty told her sternly.

Pam was furious. She had trouble keeping her voice down. "Who the hell do you think you are, trying to tell me what I’m going to do or not do. Remember who your talking to you little shit."

They expected her to react this way. They were ready, and neither Patty nor Nancy lost their cool. "If you don’t do as we say, then we’re going to make a little visit to the Police and tell them a little story about how you kidnapped a boy and mutilated him." 

"It’s your word against ours. Besides, you’d get in trouble too, you were part of it."

"We know and we’re willing to accept our part of the responsibility, but you were the one who did the mutilating without consulting us." Nancy stood firm. Pam was surprised at their conviction. 

"It’s still your word against ours." She wasn’t as confident as she had been. She knew she could actually go to jail; they all could. Sue couldn’t be quiet any longer. She took a step or two away from Pam. "Actually, Pam, it’s three against one."

Pam was shocked. "What the hell are you doing. You can’t side with them." Pam was getting a sick feeling in her stomach.

Nancy and Patty were almost as surprised.

Seeing Nancy and Patty stand up to her gave her the strength she needed. "I can’t sit back anymore and watch you ruin his life, Pam. Tina’s a decent person who was only mixed up. 

We had no right to do what we did. It was cruel and inhuman. If he wants to live as Tina, as a girl, then I’m going to support her." It felt wonderful to get it off her chest. She was glad she found the courage.

Pam was dumbfounded.

Sue turned to the others, "There are some other things you should know that Pam didn’t tell you."

"You keep your mouth shut you bitch." Pam started to raise her voice. There was too much commotion in the room, and no one heard.

Sue ignored her and told Nancy and Patty the other details of what they had done. The permanent chemical castration, the permanent bonding of his skin, and what the result of the two treatments meant for Tina. She also told them about how the distortion of his chest muscles would be permanent. 

When she finished detailing everything, she made a suggestion to Nancy and Patty, "If you will put everything down on paper, describing everything that was done to Tim, I’ll sign it saying that the whole idea for mutilating him was Pam’s and that I went along with it, at the time."

It almost made them sick as they heard Sue’s account of what they really did to Tim. "The confession sounds like the right thing to do. We will detail our part in it too, and sign it." They were amazed and thrilled that Sue was willing to do that. "I’m sorry, Sue, we were wrong about you."

"You weren’t wrong. I was a real jerk for going along with it in the beginning. After today, seeing Tina like this, I just couldn’t hurt her anymore." Sue really felt better. Pam was crushed. 

All her friends had deserted her. "What are you going to do?" Patty answered, "Nothing, as long as you keep your mouth shut. If we hear the faintest rumor that you’ve betrayed Tina or are even thinking of it, we’ll go straight to the Police. Do you understand?"

"Our little gang will remain as a group, and you will continue to be a member of it, so we can keep an eye on you. That’s not an option for you to accept or reject." Nancy added with authority. "I’m looking forward to helping the newest member," Sue said, smiling. 

"Although, after today, I don’t know that she’ll need a lot of help from any of us." 

"She’ll still need us a lot. We’re going to have to tell her what you’ve told us, Sue. The sooner the better. It looks like Tina has some choices to make." Patty wasn’t looking forward to it. "I should be the one to tell him," Sue said, her head bent in shame.

"Actually, it should be Pam." Patty injected.

Pam was shocked at the suggestion. She was already devastated at what they’d done to her. She was already effectively dispossessed of her little throne. She had planned on telling him, but not like this.

Nancy had a brilliant thought just then, "There’s something else that Pam’s going to do." She looked her straight in the eye and, without hesitating she added, "She’s going to tell her father what she’s done and, when Tina’s ready, she’s going to convince her father to perform surgery on Tina to finish what his daughter started, and he’ll do it discreetly." 

Patty didn’t know if that was a good idea. "Won’t that expose Tina as Tim?" "I don’t think that he would want his precious little daughter to go to jail. He’ll do it and no one will ever know."

Pam couldn’t imagine what her father would say, but Nancy was probably right; he wouldn’t let anything happen to her. She didn’t argue with them.

Pam’s silence was her acknowledgment.

"We’ll have to be very gentle with Tina. It will be quite a shock to learn he can never go back to being Tim again." Patty was worried about how he’d handle the news. "It will take a little time and a lot of support from us, but I think Tina will be all right." 

Sue was willing to do whatever it would take to help pull Tina through. "It will all keep until tomorrow. Tonight, we help her celebrate. All of us." Patty looked from Sue to Nancy and then to Pam. Her cold stare rested on her. Pam got her meaning; she only nodded.

It was another hour before Tim was free of all the well-wishers, and he was able to slip backstage and change so that they could leave.

Carol carried the wonderful news back to Jennette. She told her about the modeling offers. "The kids are all going to take Tina out to celebrate," Jennette informed her. 

"We might as well head home. I told them I’d call their folks to let them know where they were." Tim had told his new Mom that he wanted to tell the others the news about the modeling offers. He wasn’t exactly sure how to handle it. It was an exciting idea, but there were so many complications.

Everyone was excited for her, especially his closest friends, Nancy, Patty, and Sandy. When he told Nancy and Patty his concerns, Patty said, "We’ll worry about that tomorrow. Tonight we’re just going to have fun."

They all went across to Harbor Island, where they had dinner. Brad bought Tina’s dinner. He couldn’t stop talking about how proud he was of her and how beautiful she was. The girls all fussed about the new wardrobes she’d be picking out; they all wanted to help her select the clothes. 

The guys had trouble getting a word in edgewise. Tim noticed that Pam seemed unusually quiet over dinner. He was a little surprised that she and Sue had joined them. Tim couldn’t help but notice that Sue was acting strangely toward Pam. Maybe it was just his imagination.

After dinner, the girls all wanted to go dancing at Blueberry Hill. The guys were game. Tim, who was very hesitant because he didn’t dance very well, wasn’t given a choice. "Just watch us and the other girls and do what they do." 

Patty laughed. "You can’t go wrong." It took a few dances for him to loosen up, but he got the idea and did well enough to get by. 

They didn’t play very many slow dances, but the first brought Brad hurrying out on the dance floor.

Brad held out his arms, "May I?"

Tim couldn’t very well say no, and even though he didn’t feel very enthusiastic about it at first, it wasn’t so terrible.

Dance after dance, the girls kept him out on the floor. "If you don’t know how to dance after tonight, you never will."

The few times that slow dances were played, Brad was right there for Tina. Tim stopped worrying and just enjoyed himself; it actually felt good to be held the way Brad held him.

Pam came up to Nancy as the others danced, "I want to go, I don’t feel so well." Nancy looked at her skeptically. "Ok, just don’t forget what we told you earlier. I’m going to call you around noon," Now Nancy looked her in the eye again. "Don’t even think about trying to get out of it tomorrow."

Pam was resigned, "I know." That’s what was nearly making her sick. Jim didn’t want to go, but Pam insisted. Pam knew better than to ask Sue; she and Randy had come over to Tampa with her and Jim. Sue had given her the cold shoulder all night. Jim knew that something was wrong, but because Pam could be such a witch when she was sick or angry, he decided not to ask what was bothering her. 

At midnight, they called it a night. Carol had told the kids that even though it was a special occasion, she expected Tina and the boys home by one. Given that Brad was her nephew, he was bound to listen to her.

Nancy, Jeff, Patty, and Bob had come in Jeff’s car. Sandy, Janet, and Arleen had room for Sue and Randy in Sandy’s. Brad had been hopeful, and it had paid off. They had fun, and Brad, as he had in the past, had behaved himself. Brad held the door of his little gold Impulse as Tina slid in.

Brad was thrilled that she agreed to ride with him. She was something of a celebrity now, and when the newspapers came out tomorrow, her popularity would soar. He only hoped that she would still be even a little interested in him.

Tim had let his worries of earlier drift away. He felt pretty good. He laughed to himself as he straightened his short skirt and set his purse on the floor between his stockinged legs. 

His fantasies never went as far as to include guys, and here he was in a car with a good-looking guy who wanted nothing less than a romantic involvement with him. How long would he have to live as Tina? Four months, six? Tim even had a career as a model if he wanted it. It was what most girls dreamed of, and he had it at his fingertips. 

He wanted to live the dream. What was he going to do when it was all over? Go back to being just Tim?

"You’re pretty quiet, Tina. Tired?" They had been driving for ten minutes, and she hadn’t said a word.

"I’ve just got a lot on my mind, Brad. I didn’t mean to be rude."

"That’s ok, Tina, I understand. You had quite a day."

Tim took a deep breath and sighed. He looked at Brad and smiled, "I sure did."

Brad thought back to the contest. "You were really something today." Tim turned and looked at him. The performance in the bathing suit is still on his mind. "Too much?"

Brad took his eyes off the road for a minute to look at her. "No, you were great. You looked so hot up there. A couple of us got some really good pictures as you did that strip tease. And when you walked out in that gown, you looked so beautiful, so classy." 

Tim could feel his cheeks getting warm. Tim had trouble thinking of himself as beautiful and classy, but to hear Brad go on about it was good for his, no, Tina’s ego. "Thanks, Brad. I was really scared to death the whole time."

"You sure didn’t look it. You did great."

It was nice the way Brad went on and on about it. "You better be careful, I might get a swelled head."

"You deserve to." Brad thought she was wonderful. The blush of her cheeks only made her cuter. 

"Those were some great prizes you won." Six thousand dollars worth of clothes didn’t mean much to him, but he was sure it did to her. Girls just go crazy over clothes. 

The health club membership was neat; he would have liked that, and the scholarship was great, too. He snuck a look at her out of the corner of his eye. She was sitting there staring straight ahead, a faraway look in her eye. Her hands were folded in her lap. She was really pretty. He hoped she thought of him as a possible boyfriend. She was soon going to have her pick of guys, a lot of them older and more experienced. 

Especially the guys she met when she was modeling. Tim hadn’t had much time to think about it. All those beautiful clothes Tina was going to get.

What would happen to them in six months? Would he just put them in a closet to look at?

The scholarship and health club membership would be worthless to a guy named Tim. Another depressing thought crossed his mind. Although it felt awkward living with the Browns as Tina, Tim really liked Mr. and Mrs. Brown. They seemed willing to do anything for Tina. What would he do in six months, or less, just pack up and disappear? Mrs. Brown would be devastated. He had a lot on his mind.

Brad pulled up in the driveway and shut off the car. Tim didn’t even realize they were home; he had been so lost in his own thoughts.

"I’ll get your things out of the back." Brad popped the hatch and collected her crown and flowers. He quickly got to her door and opened it for her.

"Thanks, Brad." He really went out of his way to be polite. Tim wondered if he treated all the girls he dated that way.

Tim didn’t rush to the front door. They walked slowly, side by side. Tim was still wrapped up in his thoughts.

Brad wanted to take her hand, but he was holding the flowers and crown. At the doo,r he handed her the flowers.

Carol had been waiting and was relieved when the car pulled into the driveway at a quarter of one. She watched from behind the curtains, in the dark, as they came up the sidewalk. She wasn’t surprised when she saw that it was Brad who brought her home. Her nephew was a good boy, and they made a cute couple. 

Carol debated for a second whether she should put on the front light, like concerned mothers of young daughters do in the movies. She decided she didn’t want to be that way with her new daughter; besides, she was with Brad. Carol knew she shouldn’t watch them, but she just couldn’t tear herself away.

Tim cradled the roses in his arms. They really smelled nice. He looked back at Brad. He was curious what it would be like to kiss him. The house was dark, and it was late, so there was no one around to see them. He didn’t have to tell anyone if he didn’t want to. Tim decided to wait to see what Brad would do.

Brad had wanted to kiss her at Patty’s front door, the last time they were together, but he lost his nerve. She looked like she was standing there waiting for him to do something. "I had fun tonight."

"So did I, thanks for dinner." Brad looked as scared as he felt.

"I would like to take you out again, Tina."

"That would be nice." Was he going to do it?

This was getting him nowhere. He took a deep breath and leaned over the flowers. Tim’s heart beat fast, and he was really nervous. He tilted his head and just slightly reached out with his mouth. He closed his eyes as their lips just barely touched. Tim pulled back just for a second.

Brad thought he had done something wrong. Why did she pull away?

Tim hesitated for just a split second. What can it hurt? He did want to know what it was like.

He leaned a little further forward, over the flowers.

Their lips touched again, and she didn’t pull away this time. His hands were at his sides, and he felt awkward, but he was too afraid to take her in his arms. Besides, the flowers were between them, and she might get angry if he crushed them.

It wasn’t a long kiss; their lips pressed together for only a few seconds. Tim liked the way he kissed, and he wasn’t pushy. Their lips pressed harder against Brad’s lips. He felt a pleasant tingle all over. Tim’s memory of Kevin was vague because of the alcohol, but it had not been like this. There were feelings here. Strange, but very pleasant feelings. 

Carol thought they looked sweet, like it was the first time for each of them. She decided she had better run off to the den before Tina walked in and caught her watching. Tim backed off slowly. 

There was something warm and stirring about the way he felt. Brad didn’t want it to end. Her lips were so warm and soft. He was inhaling her perfume and the strong scent of the roses. Her closeness was intoxicating. He was nothing like Kevin. He was gentle and considerate. "Good night, Brad."

"Good night, Tina."

Tim took out the key that Mrs. Brown had given him and opened the door. Tim looked back at Brad as he held the door open. He didn’t say anything, he just smiled. Brad didn’t know what to say, he smiled back, then turned and walked to his car. Tim stood in the doorway until he pulled away down the street. Tim felt very mixed up as he closed and locked the door.

"Is that you, Tina?"

It was Mrs. Brown; she was in the den. He could see the blue light from the television. 

"Yes, it’s me, Mom," Tim replied with a smile. Knowing she was awake, he wondered if she’d been peeking at them outside.

"I wanted to wait up for you." Carol walked into the living room, turning off the TV on the way out of the den. "Did you all have fun?"

"We had dinner at the Columbia, then we went dancing at Blue Berry Hill. I never danced so much in my life." It was true.

Carol took the flowers. 

"I’m glad you had fun. Come on in the kitchen and I'll put these in water for you, and you can put them in your room. They’re so beautiful and they’re so fragrant." She inhaled deeply as she put her nose down to one of the flowers. 

"Why don’t we put them here in the kitchen where everyone can enjoy them?" Tim liked the smell, but he thought Mrs. Brown might enjoy it too.

"That’s a nice thought, Tina." Carol was going to be nosy, and she changed the subject. "Who brought you home tonight?"

"Brad brought me." He thought again of the kiss.

"I know he’s my nephew, and I am partial, but he is a nice boy. Do you two like each other?

You seem to get along so well."

Tim would have preferred she hadn’t asked. "He’s very nice and he’s really polite. I’ve never had a boy open doors for me." Again, he spoke the truth.

"His mother, my sister, taught her children well. We’re very proud of him." Carol looked at Tina, smiling. She was proud of Tina, too. She had been taught manners, too, along with consideration and respect. Carol admired that in her.

"You must be tired after your long day."

Tim had been wondering how he was going to politely get away; he was exhausted. "I am. Good night, Mom." Tim gave her a peck on the cheek. He had been doing that regularly, and it delighted her.

"Good night, Tina, sleep tight." Carol returned the affection. As tired as he was, he didn’t skip his usual routine. It only took him about twenty minutes to curl up under the covers. He didn’t fall asleep immediately. There was too much to think about. Tim slept late. He didn’t stir, and no one bothered him until Patty came in and woke him at eleven. "Are you going to sleep all day?"

They were going to pick up Nancy and the others. Tim had no idea what they had planned, and Patty wasn’t saying. It was some big secret. Patty was wearing shorts, so he put on his white shorts and yellow tank top.

Nancy was waiting outside on her driveway when they pulled up to her house. They were off again in seconds. Tim had never been to Sue’s house, so he was surprised when they picked her up. "Hi Tina. How are you today?"

"Fine. Where are we going?" Sue seemed different, like last night, more open and friendly.

"We’ve got to pick up Pam," Sue answered.

Pam was also waiting outside for them. What was going on, he wondered? Pam didn’t say much when she got in, just, "Hi."

Patty drove them all to the county park, Brooker Creek Park, the one by Lake Tarpon. Patty got two big blankets out of the trunk, and they walked down to a deserted section of grass, by the water, and spread them out. Tim thought it odd that Nancy had a red school folder and a box of tissues with her.

"What are we doing here?" Tim asked as they all plopped down and got comfortable.

"We need to have a talk, Tina, and we thought this would be a nice private place to do it.

Anyway, it’s really pretty here." Patty had thought of it.

Tim felt a knot in his stomach. "What’s going on?"

"Patty, Sue, and I are a little worried about you. How are you doing?" Nancy wasn’t sure how to get to the point delicately.

It didn’t escape Tim that they excluded Pam. She put her head down when he looked at her.

"I’m ok." He answered cautiously.

"We have to talk about Tim. I know that with everything you’ve been through, you must be feeling pretty stressed out."

"I have to admit there’s been a lot to think about. I’m really worried about going to school tomorrow."

Sue thought maybe it was up to her to get to the point. If he was going to be angry with anyone, Nancy and Patty didn’t deserve to get the brunt of it. "Tina, I know that Nancy and Patty and I told you what we did to you two weeks ago in your apartment, but even they didn’t know everything then."

Why was Sue being so honest all of a sudden? Tim looked from face to face. All but Pam had a look of concern; she was still looking at the ground in front of her. "What didn’t they know, Sue?" He was scared.

"We’ll give you the details if you want but," She had to just say it while she had the courage, "You can never go back to being Tim again. Tim is gone." The knot in his stomach grew tighter. 

He didn’t understand, he had to ask, "Why not?" He looked at Pam. What was she hiding? Why wouldn’t she look at him? The girls turned and looked at Pam, too. "Pam?" That was all Nancy said.

They waited.

Pam was feeling as low as she ever felt in her life. She hadn’t slept at all last night. She could probably have lived with all of it if it weren’t for having to tell her father what she did. Pam knew that things were never going to be the same between them again. She had lost her friends, her status at school, and probably her father’s love. Pam knew they wouldn’t let her get away with silence. She took a deep breath.

"Tim, I’m sorry, I mean Tina. I didn’t just tuck your testicles up inside you," She paused. "Go on, Pam." Patty was impatient.

"I injected them with a chemical first." Pam looked at the ground again. She couldn’t bring herself to look at him. "I chemically castrated you."

Tim’s chest hurt, deep inside. He didn’t know why. He should have yelled at her, but his words came out in short gasps. "You did what?" He should be on top of her, beating her with his fists. Pam was crying. "I destroyed your balls; they’re gone by now." She sobbed deeply.

Tim couldn’t speak. He looked to the others, and each nodded that it was true. "The skin has knitted around your middle thing and balls sack, it won’t come apart without surgery." Pam was almost whispering.

"Tell Tina the rest, Pam," Sue demanded.

She spoke a word at a time, between sobs, "Your  breasts  are  permanent." Sue clarified it for him. "The muscles are permanently distorted; they won’t shrink back to their original shape, Tina."

Tim’s eyes were filling with tears. Nancy set the box of tissues between him and Pam. Patty and Sue also needed one. Nancy was still too upset to cry. Tim spoke in a whisper. "What am I going to do? I can’t go through life like this." His chest was heaving slightly.

Nancy still held her composure. 

"You won’t have to, Tina. There is a way, a surgery, to make you just like us." She paused to let it sink in.

No one said a word for several minutes. Pam had finally stopped her heavy sobbing and was only crying quietly now. Both Patty and Sue had tears running down their cheeks. Tim was trying to collect himself and absorb what Nancy had said.

"I can’t go back, but I can be just like a normal girl?" Tim blurted it out as if he were expelling a breath.

"Just like you were born a girl," Nancy said quietly and calmly. "You’ll have to take hormones the rest of your life, like you have in you now, but that wouldn’t be so bad. It would be like taking vitamins every day."

"How? Where?" Tim had stopped whimpering, and he looked up at Nancy. His face was soaked with his tears.

Nancy took another tissue and dabbed up his tears. "We’ll arrange it with Pam’s father. He’s a very capable doctor."

"Everyone would know." He couldn’t live with that.

"Not everyone, Tina. Just the five of us, Pam’s father and his nurse. We’ll see to that." Nancy was confident. He had too much to lose. She had thought about it last night, when she couldn’t sleep. He’s as mixed up in what Pam did as any of them. Tim could sue him and his practice for what his daughter did. Discretion would be to his benefit.

"What about her? Can I trust her?" Tim pointed to Pam.

Nancy picked up the red folder and let Tim have a glance at the typed letter it contained. She took a pen out of her purse and signed it, then passed it to each of the other girls, who signed it in turn. Only Pam was reluctant, but she signed anyway.

Tim read the letter and understood. "Ok."

"When you decide what you want to do, we’ll be there for you," Patty assured him.

 "That goes for me, too, Tina." Sue wanted him to know how she felt, too, that she was with them now.

Tim had to think. "Can I be alone for a few minutes?"

"Of course, Tina, but you don’t have to decide right now." Nancy didn’t want or expect him to make a quick decision.

Tim answered quietly, "Yes, I do."

The four girls walked back to the car. Pam climbed into the back seat while the others leaned against the car and watched the lone figure sitting in the shade of the old tree, with his head bent down. Tina was softly crying, and  Nancy left the others and walked toward her. Now that she had done what she felt she must, she could let her emotions flow. She drew Tina to her as she sat beside her on the blanket. Nancy could cry now, too.

The End.