Dress Code - Dare To Wear Dress - Chapter 14

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I heard Reggie laugh as I ran from the conference room in tears. I couldn’t stay in there. I felt betrayed and humiliated. 

I didn’t want to cry in front of Murphy. I know leaving the meeting to cry isn’t exactly professional and will only feed Jones’ and Murphy’s egos, but I was just an emotional wreck after everything that’s happened this week. 

I was angry with myself for leaving and I wondered how I was going to handle these kinds of situations after the hormones started taking effect. 

I ran into the women’s restroom and just cried. I never used to cry. Back when I didn’t have make-up to ruin, I never cried. What’s happening to me? Would Harry have cried? I took a tissue from my purse and tried wiping the black mess under my eyes. The bathroom door opened. I didn’t look up. “I’m sorry, Heather,” said a woman’s voice from behind me. 

I looked up into the mirror and saw Ms. Hoden standing behind me, with a worried look on her face. I couldn’t speak for a few moments. I just stood there, looking into the sink, and continued to cry. 

Ms. Hoden stepped next to me. She looked at me indirectly through the mirror. She said, “I’m sorry Heather. Really. I didn’t know their suggestion that Mr. Jones take over the project would be a surprise to you. I assumed this had already been discussed. During our phone call, Mr. Murphy floated the idea to me yesterday.” I sniffled and stood a bit straighter. 

I said, “I’m the one that should be sorry, Ms. Hoden. Running in here to cry was very unprofessional of me. If I can’t handle this situation better than this, then maybe I shouldn’t be the project lead.” “Nonsense!” said Ms. Hoden. 

“You have nothing to be sorry for. Never apologize for being a woman. You have a real passion for what you do. Something that I’m sure Mr. Jones or Mr. Murphy will never possess.”

“I shouldn’t ask this, as you’re the client, and you’re beholding to your company, not me,” I said, “but why did you agree? 

What did I do wrong?” Ms. Hoden looked at me sheepishly and answered, “You’ve done nothing wrong, Heather. From the beginning, I’ve been impressed with your ideas and the work you’ve done. Honestly, and I really shouldn’t say this, if it wasn’t for the contract we signed with your company, I’d hire you myself. Why did I agree with the leadership change? 

Your Mr. Murphy is an excellent salesman. He convinced me that it was in the best interest of both our companies. I can see now that was wrong. Your management obviously wants my buy-in on personnel changes like this that affect the project, but now that we have a solid contract it’s not like I can demand how your company manages its staff. 

Again, I’m sorry Heather. I still look forward to working with you on this project’s success.” I so wanted to say “How stupid can you be you heartless, brainless bitch?” Instead, I said, “Thank you, Ms. Hoden. I understand business decisions, even if I don’t particularly agree with them.” Ms. Hoden simply nodded at me, and then quietly exited the bathroom. 

 “I don’t blame you for being upset, Heather, but you shouldn’t have walked out of the meeting, crying,” explained Ms. Rogers. “It embarrassed Mr. Murphy in front of an important client.” My mouth fell open. Scowling I said, “Embarrassed? He seriously said that? What about me? 

I was humiliated in front of an important client!” Furrowing her brow, Ms. Rogers said, “Settle down, Ms. Stephens. 

Like I said, I don’t blame you for being unhappy at being blind-sided like that in a meeting with a client. As unpleasant as that was, you should still have shown some unity with the corporate decision. 

Do I need to remind you that this isn’t your personal project? It’s what we pay you to do, and we can change your job whenever it benefits the corporation. 

Did you ever read your employee handbook?”

I fought back tears yet again today. I said, “I can’t believe you’re taking up for Murphy!”

 “I’m doing what I’m paid to do, Ms. Stephens. I’m just tightening down my operation. You get away with more than you should. 

For example, do your make-up before you come to work. That’s a workstation, not a vanity table.” 

Feeling pissed and with dried-up tear ducts and I just scowled right back at Ms. Rogers.

 I said, “Yes ma’am. Anything else, ma’am?” Ms. Rogers said, “That’s all. Keep your nose clean, Ms. Stephens.” Ms. Rogers’ demeanor suddenly seemed to soften and she said as I began to stand, “Watch yourself, Heather. 

Mr. Murphy’s on the warpath.” I sat back down at my desk. I wanted to cry, but I pretty much cried out. There was a knock on the cube wall and I looked up to see Candace. She looked quickly around before stepping into my cube. 

“Hey, you got a second?” asked Candace. I looked up at her and shrugged. 

I said, “Sure. What’s up?”

“I couldn’t help but notice you coming out of Ms. Rogers’ office with your tail between your legs. I just thought there was something you should know.” 

“It was not a pleasant meeting, that’s for sure,” I said. “Just a few minutes before she talked to you, Mr. Murphy entered her office and closed the door. 

No one could make out what was being said, but it was obvious he was raising his voice. Ann thinks Murphy gave her a verbal warning of some sort,” said Candace. “What’s going on around here?” I asked. “None of this is making any sense.” 

“Your management is totally fucked, Heather. For them to treat a valuable employee like you this way is just insane,” said Dylan leading me to an empty table after placing our lunch order. “Mr. Murphy is definitely intimidated by intelligent women.”

We sat down at a booth by a window at Spring Creek Barbeque. I said, “He doesn’t seem intimidated to me.” 

Dylan took my hand from across the table. He said, “He’s probably afraid of you. 

You’re young and intelligent. You’re very skilled. And on top of all that, you dare to be a woman as well.” I shook my head and said, “Why does my gender have to have anything to do with anything? I’m getting tired of my sex being an issue.” 

“Honey, you’re preaching to the choir,” said Dylan. 

“Your situation makes it tough for me to mentor my girls to follow hi-tech careers. That reminds me. One of these days, we need to have you back as a speaker at one of our dinners again. The response we got was very positive.” 

“I’m glad I can do something right,” I said glumly. 

Dylan picked up my hand and kissed my fingers. With a sly smile, he said, “That’s not the only thing you can do right.” Suddenly, a giggling little boy ran past our table followed by his apparent father. 

The father laughing picked up the little boy and held him above his head. 

He said, “I got you!” He then slung the giggling boy under his arm and said with a grin, “Thought you could get away, eh?” 

They returned to their table and the boy was placed in a high chair and the father kissed the boy on the top of his head. Still holding my hand, Dylan watched the whole event with a large smile. He said, “I really want things like that in my life now. 

Don’t you think kids are fun?” I smiled back at him and said, “When they’re little.” Smiling, Dylan looked back at me and said, “I think the whole thing would be an adventure. I really would like to have a family. Two, maybe three kids. The whole constant dating thing is getting old to me. 

I’m ready for the next phase.” I squeezed his hand and said, “I’m sure you’ll be a wonderful father.” Looking a bit more serious, Dylan stared into my eyes and kissed my fingers once again, “Now all I need is that one special woman who’d be a wonderful mother.” His intent stare bored into my soul.

I pulled my hand free from Dylan’s grasp picked up my sandwich and took another bite. I said, “This has to be the best brisket sandwich I’ve ever eaten.” *     

As I entered the lobby, Jennifer was sitting at her desk quietly doing her nails. Why are nails an issue for me, but not for Jennifer?

 I definitely wasn’t in the mood to go back to work, so I stopped at her desk and asked, “Hey Jenn. How’s your world today?” Jennifer looked up from her nails, “Oh, hey Heather! I’m doing great. I see that you’ve gone to lunch again with that boyfriend of yours. Looks like things are getting serious. 

I’m happy for you Heather. I think he’s good for you.” I nodded in agreement, “Thanks. He’s a great guy for sure. I have to say though; I think our relationship is moving a bit too fast.” Jennifer’s expression turned serious as she said, “You know. I keep forgetting who you really are. Everyone has. I just thought the other day that you’ve won your bet, but now, you’re just Heather to everyone. Is it your boyfriend or just that you’re accepted as Heather the reason you’re going through with a sex change?” 

I stiffened with surprise. I said, “How did you… uh, what do you know about that?” Jennifer smiled enigmatically and said, “I hear things. People tell me secrets because I’m good at keeping them. 

Trust me. I’m not going to tell anyone that hormones have appeared on your insurance. 

How do you feel now with them?” I felt a chill down my spine. Is my life a totally open book around here? Who else is sharing my personal info? 

To Jennifer, I said, “Please don’t share that with anyone. I just started taking them, so I’m really not feeling much from them yet.”

Jennifer said, “I understand. Does your boyfriend know? Will he wait until you have that surgery?” 

“Surgery? Who said anything about surgery?” I asked, shocked. Looking coy, Jennifer said, “Well, my sources tell me,” She grinned broadly as she mentioned her sources. “That the documents you filed state that your real-life test ends in ten months and then you’ll be scheduled for re-assignment surgery.” 

Holy shit. I didn’t even bother to read the papers Dr. Taylor had given me. 

I figured it was just a bunch of psycho-babble to make H.R. happy, and it pissed me off that this information made it to Jennifer. 

Who else is being told? I forced a smile, “Jenn, it’s all just cover for me.

 I’m only dressing as a woman while I’m on the IOTEK project. It’s a lot of money for the company and Ms. Hoden only awarded it to us because she thought I was a woman and was impressed that a woman was being empowered to lead the project even though there were more senior developers here.”

 Jennifer gave me a knowing smile and said, “Honey, you can tell Ms. Rogers that and yourself that, but I know better. 

Now that you have a man in your life, you carry yourself better, you’re more feminine, you’re more confident, and you dress better. 

Heather sweetie. 

You’re a girl.” 

“Thank you for saying that you think I pass as a woman,” I said, “but the plan is still for me to go back to being Harry when the contract is fulfilled.” Jennifer laughed, “Really girl? 

I feel downright boyish just sitting next to you. After those hormones you’re taking start feminizing you even further I really don’t think you’ll want to go back.” I held up my hands defensively and said, “Honest to God, Jenn. 

I’m done with this when the contract is finished. I’ve been a guy my whole life. I’ve only been pretending to be a woman for a couple of months.” Jennifer said, “Pretending? Really? 

Even Ann considers you a woman. 

Would Harry have called me in the middle of the night proclaiming his love for a man? No, but Heather the woman would. In all honesty, you’re a much better person than Heather.

 I’m happy to call Heather one of my girlfriends, and it’s no wonder your boyfriend loves you so much.”

 It’s an odd feeling being someone’s girlfriend. Never in my life did I expect to ever be one. Dylan now just comes over without really calling first. He now picks me up for lunch every day.

 He comes over, sometimes bearing food, and we sit on my couch, snuggle, kiss, and watch TV. I’m surprised that he’s yet to ask or demand sex from me. 

I mentioned that to Jennifer, and she said she thought it was because he loved me too much. He doesn’t want me to think that’s all he wants from me, but she was sure it’d come up eventually. If he started pressing for sex, I think I could stall him by doing oral sex on him, although that didn’t appeal to me at all. 

Fortunately, the subject hasn’t come up yet. It’s been a week since I’ve been bumped as project lead. As far as I can tell, things are actually moving more slowly and IOTEK has actually rejected several of the components we delivered. And I was starting to feel the effects of the hormones. 

Jennifer might be right after all about me not going back to being Harry. I don’t think I ever want to stop taking these pills. 

I’m starting to think more clearly, and I seem to be more in touch with my feelings. 

“Honey, please stop thinking about work,” said Dylan who was sitting with his arm around me. “I can always tell when you furrow your little brow and I feel you tense up. Things will get better, and you’re with me now.” I smiled at Dylan and kissed him. I said, “You’re right, sweetheart. 

Sometimes I just can’t turn my brain off.” I was wearing shorts and Dylan slid his fingers up my leg as he said, “I know something that will relieve some of your stress.” I placed my hand on him to stop it from going inside my shorts. 

He wanted to have sex with me, and the realization that I wanted to have sex with him as well hit me upside the head like a flounder. 

I wanted him so bad. I closed my eyes and tried to banish the thought from my mind, but I couldn’t. Never in my life had I ever given any thought or had any desire to be with a man sexually. And now I wanted it... and I couldn’t have it. 

I moved my hand to Dylan’s crotch and felt a raging hard-on. To avoid it again, I could ask him to leave, that I have a headache. I couldn’t say I’d just washed my hair or that I was having yet another menstrual cycle this close to the last time I used that excuse, or I could give in a little. The thought of actually putting a penis in my mouth nauseated me, but it would make Dylan happy and provide me with some carnal satisfaction as well.

 I squeezed Dylan’s hard-on through his pants and I kissed him deeply. I pushed my tongue deep into his mouth as I fumbled with his pants. After a few moments, I got them unbuttoned and slid the zipper down.

 I slid my hand inside and massaged his cock through his underwear. Sudden desire welled up inside me as I pressed my lips harder against his.

 My breathing became more short and shallow. I pulled his underwear aside and my fingers came in contact with the flesh of his hardened penis and reflexively wrapped around it. I slid down between his legs and stared at the engorged cock in my hand. It was suspended just before my lips as I slowly opened my mouth. 

I suddenly closed my eyes and gritted my teeth. I let go of Dylan’s massive display of manhood and stood up. Dylan just looked at me in shock. “Babe? What’s wrong?” he asked. I started crying; my body shaking I was sobbing so hard, “I’m sorry Dylan! I can’t do it anymore! I can’t lead you on like this.” Dylan stood up. His pants fell around his ankles. 

His cock still stuck out like a flag pole, “Heather! What are you talking about? What do you mean?” I couldn’t look at him in the eye. Still crying, I said, “You want something I can’t give you Dylan. You want a family. 

You want kids and a life with their loving mom. I… I can’t have children. I can’t give you the life you want. I’m not right for you Dylan! I’m so sorry. I really didn’t think things would go this far.”

“Honey, I love you!” said Dylan as tears welled up in his eyes. “I’ve never loved a woman more than I love you!” 

I stepped up to him and, kissed him with one last passionate kiss. I said, “And I love you more than I have any man. It’s the fact that I love you is why I ask you to leave and not call me again. 

Oh God, Dylan! I love you with all my heart, but it’s not fair to you. I can’t give you the life you want.” “Honey please,” said Dylan, reaching out to hold me. 

“I know work has you on edge, but let’s not make any rash decisions. 

I love you, baby. I’ve never met a woman who is so special to me.” “Please leave, Dylan,” I pleaded. “Don’t make this harder for both of us. I feel just horrible that I let it go this far, knowing what you wanted.” I held my face in my hands and my body wracked with sobs. “Please. Just go. It’s over.” Dylan pulled up his pants. 

He said, “I can see you’re upset, baby. 

I’ll call you later.” I shook my head and still crying insisted, “It’s over. Go find that woman who can give you your two or three kids. I’m so sorry Dylan. You’re the last person I ever wanted to hurt. It just isn’t going to work.” Dylan just stood there a moment. His face was red, tears ringing in his eyes. He said, “I’ll call you.” He turned and left my apartment. I collapsed on the couch and cried. 

 It was hard coming to work that morning. I had cried myself to sleep on the couch and didn’t sleep well. 

I had overslept and had to rush to get dressed and put my face on. 

Despite what Ms. Rogers had said, I was completing my make-up at my desk. Ann, who never used to give Harry the time of day, stepped into my cubicle, looking quickly around. She said, “You have a second? I have something to tell you that you might be interested in hearing.”

I shrugged and slid the mascara brush back into its bottle and said, “Sure. What’s up?” Ann pulled one of the visitor chairs close to my desk, looked over her shoulder to make sure no one was near, and said in hushed tones, “You’ll never believe what happened. Last night, Reggie Jones and Mr. Murphy were found by security in the copier room next to Murphy’s office. Naked and … well, just use your imagination.” 

My eyes went wide as I gasped, “Are you serious? Reggie and Mr. Murphy naked? Together?” Ann nodded with a grin. “Mmmhmmm. Jones was asked to resign effective immediately and Murphy was placed on administrative leave. Mr. Keys was not amused.” “I’ll bet,” I said, still amazed. “I mean, Mr. Keys wouldn’t put up with that behavior on company property regardless of who Murphy was with, but I think that explains a few things, eh?”

 “Yes it does,” I said slowly. In a conspiratorial tone, Ann said, “Keep this under your hat. No one is supposed to know. But my boyfriend is in security.” I gave Ann a puzzled look and said, “You have a boyfriend?” Ann pointed a finger at me and said, “Hey, watch it, girl.” 

She then got up and left. A few minutes later, as I was checking my lipstick in my compact mirror, Ms. Rogers stepped into my office. She cleared her throat as she looked at me holding my lipstick and mirror. She said, “You’ll be happy to know that you’ve been re-instated as the lead developer on the IOTEK project. Reggie Jones resigned from the company this morning.” 

“Thank you, Ms. Rogers. I’ll let the team know in our Agile meeting… here in a few minutes, actually.” Ms. Rogers nodded. Just as she was turning to leave, she pointed at the lipstick I was holding. She said, “I love that color. It looks good on you.”