[3.1 The Origins of an Artist's Conviction]

Life presents each individual with a unique path.

My journey has been one that navigates through the complex maze of emotions.

As a child, I was filled with wonder and curiosity about the world.

I was captivated by the beauty of nature, human emotions, and the subtle boundary between life and death.

Back then, everything seemed mysterious, and I longed to discover the hidden truths within that mystery.

However, as time passed, my perception began to change.

It was not a pure enlightenment but rather a growing fascination with the depth of emotions revealed through suffering, and the strange beauty hidden within those emotions.

Moments of suffering expose the primal depths of emotion, where often-overlooked truths are concealed.

I was drawn to these truths, and the desire to explore them began to grow within me.

The intricate dance of emotions at the border between life and death completely captivated me.

Within that dance lay the essence of life, and upon realizing that essence, I embarked on my exploration of emotional depth.

My early experiences planted the seeds that would later grow into an obsession.

As I grew older, I became increasingly aware of the beauty that could be perceived even under extreme pressure.

When humans reach the limits of their emotions, those emotions exert a powerful force that transcends simple expression.

Observing such moments, I felt a strong desire not just to be an observer but to become a participant in that dance.

I was consumed by the urge to shape those moments and to influence them.

The origin of my conviction stems from a deep inner calling.

It arose from a profound appreciation and understanding of the purity of emotion and the subtle moments of life.

This journey transcended mere aesthetic perspectives; it marked the beginning of an exploration into the depth of human nature and emotion.

I intend to reflect on how my beliefs and obsessions were formed and how they have shaped the person I am today.

This journey has been a process deeply connected to my inner self, with each moment becoming a crucial part of my existence and beliefs.

The evolution of this inner journey happened gradually.

Throughout the process, I transformed from a simple observer into a creator.

Each experience further solidified my perspective, and I discovered the often-overlooked beauty hidden within moments of struggle and despair.

These moments provided me with artistic inspiration and became the source of my beliefs and passions.

The term "pleasure killer" oversimplifies my essence and could lead to misinterpretation.

I do not pursue death.

Rather, I explore the essence of life, the beauty within struggle, and the emotions that shine in moments of despair.

While the outcome of my work may at times be fatal, it is not my intent.

I prefer to create art through the emotions and struggles of my subjects rather than bringing them to death.

My methods and approaches have become increasingly deliberate and refined.

Each act is a work that emphasizes the beauty of pain and the allure of struggle, through which I explore the artistry of asphyxiation.

My beliefs and work are intimately connected to my self-definition, forming an artistic journey that delves into the depth and complexity of emotions.

I wish to share how I have transformed into both a pleasure killer and an artist, along with the profound realizations and reflections I encountered along the way.

My story is a journey that explores the depth and complexity of emotions, and a process of investigating the delicate balance between beauty and pain.

My work transcends societal norms and traditional artistic boundaries, focusing on revealing the pure and primal forms of human nature.

What I aim to convey is an understanding and empathy for how my beliefs and passions have led me down this path.