DE Vol. 1 pt. 67

Year 1, Day 24 pt. 1

Strangely enough, when I woke up the next day, one of my first thoughts was not about whether or not the Viking Elves were going to accept my offer. Instead, it was about whether or not Kaila was going to be upset for not getting to battle. She genuinely wanted to go and fight—play, rather. That was all it was to her. Playing. She wanted to get out there and tear them to shreds seeing as how such a thing was a fun time to Volcano Hounds.

In a way, they reminded me of all those memes on the internet about murder hobos. I never would have thought that there would be a race of wolf-like murder hobos somewhere out in the universe, but that was basically what the Volcano Hounds were. Cute murder hobos who just wanted to constantly fight and thought that everything else was pointless.

And that was what gave me an idea.

What if I introduced them to video games? Games where one could truly embrace the way of violence. They would probably love those games, but… their giant hands and claws would probably make holding controllers difficult. In that case…

What if they were introduced to tabletop roleplaying games?

We didn’t have access to electricity nor video games in the first place, but doing something like emulating tabletop games would be easy. They could have their own campaigns full of murder hobos going around solving every problem with violence while causing a hundred more problems that would also inevitably be solved with violence. Something like that would also even the playing field between them and the other races, such as the Demons and few Viking Elves in our faction. The Volcano Hounds wanted to play with the others, but the way they played was just too rough—well, too brutal. Calling it rough was an understatement.

But there was a problem.

I had no experience with tabletop roleplaying games. I knew of their existence and understood how they played for the most part, but I didn’t know any of the systems nor mechanics in depth. I knew that there were classes and rolling for damage, and that was it.

I needed somebody who was a bigger nerd than me.

That was why I went to Enna.

“Cl…Clay?” Enna asked. “Is—is this really the right time for that?” Admittedly, she was a bit confused after I explained my logic to her.

“No matter how serious the state of affairs must be, it is important that we continue looking for ways to improve the lives of our people while also enjoying our day-to-day lives,” I answered. “Even if we were in the middle of being carpet combed, I would still want to look into new ways for everybody to have fun together… of course, while also organizing a force to attack those who would see our cities flattened.”

“I—I see. And what is it that makes you think I could help with this?”

“It’s simple.” I pointed at her face. “You wear glasses.”

Enna tilted her head. “What—what do glasses have to do with anything?”

“I thought that if there is anybody around here who has the highest chance of knowing about tabletop roleplaying games, it’s going to be the shy girl with the glasses.”

“Isn’t… that stereotyping?”

“It is.”

“I thought you were against things like that?”

“There’s a scale here. Stereotyping everybody of a certain ethnicity as criminals or greedy bankers is fucked up. Those are actively negative, harmful stereotypes that are used to put somebody else down. Stereotyping an Italian as liking pizza? It might make you look ignorant, but it’s ultimately harmless and no negative intent is there. Stereotyping a man with muscles as an unintelligent barbarian who only cares about his gains? He would probably think it’s funny, but it’s still negative and shouldn’t be done. Stereotyping the same man as somebody who probably enjoys working out more than reading books? Neutral, probably safe to assume. Stereotyping the same man again as somebody who must value personal performance, fitness and health, and as having a strong ethic? Good, nobody should get offended by that. Stereotypes can be offensive and one should not rely on them if they have anything better to go off of, but they are not strictly bad.”

“I… see. Then… is it supposed to be a bad, neutral, or good stereotype that you assume I’m a… ‘nerd?’”

“A good one, in my opinion, because there is nothing wrong with being a nerd. If you show me a lineup of twenty different people who are all dressed casually, but only one of them is wearing glasses, I’m going to assume that the person with the glasses is the smartest until shown otherwise.”

“But wouldn’t it be better to not make assumptions at all?”

“Yes, but if I’m forced to make an assumption or have nothing else to go off of, then I think it’s fine to start with what little you have no matter how far of a stretch it might be.”

“I guess that makes sense? But—well, what even is a ‘nerd?’”

I forgot that just because we understood each other didn’t mean that we shared all of the same words and their meanings. So, I ended up explaining to her everything that a nerd could be to me. Somebody who liked video games, was passionate about sci-fi, a cinema nerd, book nerd, history nerd, science nerd—I tried to be as broad as I could since the word apparently didn’t have usage among Demons.

Once I was done, Enna asked, “Everything you described… just makes it sound like a nerd is somebody who is very passionate about their interests?”

“Basically,” I replied. “Like I said, if anything, being a nerd to me is a good thing.”

“Well… I must disappoint you then, because… I would not call myself a nerd in any meaning of the word. Whenever I wasn’t working… I was sleeping, eating, crying, or rewatching movies before inevitably doing one of those other three things, if not rewatching movies during those.”

Perhaps it was because of the generation I belonged to but, as soon as I heard her say that, I imagined it as a post on social media that would have tens of thousands of people commenting “same” or something underneath it. What she said sounded like the most stereotypically relatable thing that somebody in my generation could say.

“But,” Enna continued, “I know Zira is into games like that.”

“Really? Zira?” I asked.

Enna nodded and pushed up her glasses. “You mean those games of pen and paper where people control characters they make up, yes?”

“Right.”

“Well, in Hell, there is a popular game called Towers and Angels that a lot of people play.”

“Of course that’s what Hell’s version of the game would be called.”

“As Zira’s assistant, I often had to schedule the meetings with her group for her. Those meetings… never worked out. One person or another would always have a reason for needing to cancel, resulting in rescheduling, resulting in somebody else canceling, and… for the entire time that I worked for her, I don’t believe her and her group ever actually had a single session together. The only reason I know what you’re talking about is because she often rambled to me about the plans she had for her character.”

“Enna.”

“Wh-what? You suddenly sound so serious…”

“I need you to tell me what she’s rambled to you about.”

Enna almost looked scared from how serious I was. “But—but why?”

“Because it’ll be funny.”

Enna didn’t look like she understood where I was going with that, but she told me everything that I needed to know.

Having all the ammunition I needed, I left Enna to go look for Zira and found her out walking around the camp. There wasn’t much of anything else to be doing, so just casually walking around was one of the most entertaining things somebody could be doing when not helping out with construction. “So, even Demons get stood up when trying to roleplay,” I said from behind her. Memes about tabletop groups never actually playing were always popular.

As for Zira, she turned to face me and tilted her head at my comment. “What are you talking about?”

“I’m sure you can figure it out, Araelianazalaebael. Did I pronounce that right?”

For the first time… I saw Zira’s face turn red with embarrassment. “H-how… how do you know that name?” She even stuttered.

“How could I not know the name of the legendary angel hunter who, for a plot twist, is a fallen angel herself who fell in love with a demon prince only to watch him die in her arms when the angels came to capture her and bring her back to them, killing her demonic lover in the process? So tragic.”

“You—you stop that! And I demand that you tell me how you know about any of that!”

Teasing Zira about that was every bit as fun as I thought it would be, and her reaction turned out to be even greater than what I could have hoped for. “I have my ways. Anyways, you—”

“Enna. It was Enna, wasn’t it?! That girl—I was a fool to ever discuss such private matters around her… to think that she would spread such private information and—wait. W-w-wait.”

“What?”

“This—everything… we’re… we’re not in our tents… which… which means… anybody who is watching…”

“Oh. Right. I usually forget that we’re being watched by, how many people is it again potentially? Trillions?”

“You… you exposed me… to everybody watching…”

“When you put it that way, I start to feel bad about it no matter how cute your reaction was. But, I have an idea. Entertain me for a second here. You see, I don’t know about any of that tabletop stuff outside of memes on the internet. I also think that we need to give the Volcano Hounds a… less gory way of playing with each other and the other races, so I thought, why not have somebody host murder hobo roleplaying campaigns for them? Went to Enna. She’s the equivalent of a depressed millennial who hates—or hated, at least, life. But you sound like a proper nerd, and I need a nerd who is not only capable of leading a campaign for the Volcano Hounds, but also capable of… probably building their own system for their game since we don’t have any official playbooks or anything here. So, how about it? I want to put you in charge of my tabletop roleplaying initiative to build bridges between races while giving those with violent preferences a less physically violent outlet.”

I could have just ordered the Volcano Hounds to stop roughing each other up all the time, but that was wrong to do. I couldn’t just tell them to stop doing what they always did, especially when, in their eyes, it was just innocent playing and a part of their culture.

I wanted to provide them with a fun alternative that would hopefully become popular among them. And if it didn’t, at least we would have the foundation for something fun to do in general to pass the time whenever there was nothing else for us to be doing.

“I’m in,” Zira said, her face no longer red and her voice full of confidence.

“That was easier than I thought it would be after teasing you,” I said.

“Do you… have any idea… how hard it is to get a group together to play? And even if you get a group together, then you have to struggle trying to get everybody to actually show up! And this is with turning myself into a permanent game runner!”

I wondered if that was the same thing as a forever dungeon master.

“But here… we’re all together,” Zira continued. “I know where everybody is and I know that nobody will have any other obligations they have to handle instead of playing. Not only that, but we have so much free time here that there is nothing better for us to be doing in the first place. There won’t be any escape.”

The look in her eyes… actually got a bit intimidating.

“Finally… finally, I will be able to run a game that nobody can cancel on! And then—and then they can all learn about the tragedy of Araelianazalaebael and come to learn about how she is the greatest possible ultimate villain of tragedy that has ever existed! I will make them cry when they have to fight her! And then they will thank me for making them cry. That is how moving it will be!”

I officially found something for Zira to do around the place aside from answer random questions for me every now and then. “Alright. Go wild with it. Do whatever you want as long as it results in a fun experience for you and everybody else.”

“I have never made my own system before, but with the amount of homebrew I planned on incorporating into my campaign, it should not be too difficult to manage. Alright. I can do this. My only disappointment now is that I did not think of doing this myself. This is the perfect opportunity to force those with nothing better to be doing and no excuses to get away from me into a campaign.”

“Just let me know if you ever need any help. I’m not experienced with that sort of stuff, but I’ll be happy to help if I can. But for now, I’ve got a call to make. Need to go trick those Viking Elves into surrendering.”

“Alright, then—wait. You’re going to what?”

“Trick them into surrendering. Try to, at least. It’s more like we’re surrendering, but we’re not going to let them know that and instead trick them into doing it first.” I could tell that she looked worried, so I placed a hand on her shoulder and said, “Don’t worry. I’ve got this. Just go and focus on the system you have to make for the game.”

“I… think that would be much less anxiety inducing, so alright.”

With that, Zira went off to her tent while I took a deep breath and tried to mentally prepare myself for the call I was about to make.

All I had to do was summon up the same attitude I could bring out while playing games. Most people saw our situation as just a game, including our enemy, so I needed to treat it like a game as well. Being more serious with them wasn’t going to work when all they wanted to do was participate in what they viewed as a game.

So, it was time to troll the Viking Elves into surrendering.