Weekly Update #200
Added 2022-04-12 01:38:23 +0000 UTCtl;dr: nothing is really changing with current stories, this is mostly rambling about future stories and my own ideals as an author
Now then, time for some reflection!
So, I've talked about this pretty at-length already on the Discord server, though it came in the form of such walls of text between only really me and one other person that I doubt anybody else bothered to actually pay attention to the conversations covering this. But before I get into that, let's go back in time a bit.
A Slave's Voice. My first ever story that I wrote more than just 10 pages of. It was originally meant to be a weeby monster girl harem story. But I wanted to build an audience and I knew that Royal Road at the time loved dark and edgy stories, so I made it far, far edgier, gorier, and overall darker than I ever intended it to be. While I give the series a lot of shit and often say that it was a result of me pandering, and I blame me trying to pander for why it failed... I've realized lately that it wasn't anywhere near as pander-y as I thought it was. The only real pandering bits were me trying to make it even edgier than it should have been. But, aside from that, it was a story that I felt attached to. I keep saying that when I rewrite it, I'm basically going to cut out all the stuff that came after the dark bits reached a conclusion. In other words, I'm going to cut out all the parts that make the story more like something I would normally write. The slice of life parts, the simple romance, the stuff that happens without any real reason--that's all the stuff I'm going to be cutting out. Before, I would have said that the reason it needed cut out was because it was a massive, 180 change in tone and style. But really, the reason it needs cut out isn't because of the 180 shift, it's because it had no purpose.
The True Endgame. I can say right now that when I inevitably get around to editing and publishing TTE to Amazon, I'm going to cut out all detailed sex scenes from it. Most if not all of the slice of life scenes are going to stay because they help to build up the cast of characters and develop them over time, but even then, they have little purpose in regard to the main plot of the story, which revolves around AIs, Kadi and Saya in particular. If I had to say that the series has three main characters, those characters would be Fenrir, Saya, and Kadi. At the very least, they are, in my eye's, the series' most important characters, and this will become even more clear in the future if it isn't already clear. But the sex scenes? What purpose do they have? They don't have a purpose. One may argue that they serve the purpose of showing the relationship's progress, but you get the exact same effect from simply fading to black, which is what I'm going to have instead when I edit it. There is no meaningful purpose to having detailed sex outside of because I was horny when I wrote it, to put it bluntly. I love TTE. I still have a ton of plans for TTE in the future, including its sequel which I absolutely cannot wait to get to. The sequel is going to be a far more focused story that deals with a lot of philosophical issues and basically take all the best parts of TTE and make them even better. TTE itself, as I've realized, is incredibly flawed though and much of what I've written for it takes away from the serious themes I wanted to focus on. I still love it regardless of that, though. I just want to make it even better than it already is, which I will try to do when editing it in the future.
Ero Dungeon Evolution. EDE is a story that was born out of horny desires and ruined by horny desires. Ultimately, it was doomed from the start, as I'll elaborate more on later. I only started writing it because I got inspired for it after specific hentai doujin that basically had the same idea except it was VR instead of isekai. Now, despite being horny when I started writing it and got inspired for it, I'm not somebody who is horny 24/7. You know post-nut clarity? That's basically what happened with EDE. Every time I wasn't horny, I just wanted to focus on the plot and action and things. But because it was a story meant to be horny from the start, there was a sort of conflict there where both the horny and the plot suffered due to me trying to combine them. Now, some people like this. A lot of people liked EDE even though I didn't as it went on, and that's alright. It all comes down to personal preference. Personally, for me, what I've realized is that I don't like stories that mix horny fap bait with serious plot and story which is exactly what I tried to do. Honestly, even the visual novels I can think of that did things like that--even Rance, I... never played those games for the horny stuff. I unironically played Rance for the gameplay and story. The sexual stuff was just a distraction. If all of those scenes were just faded to black instead, I believe the overall product would be even better for it. That aside, there was also the issue of EDE being my first ever LitRPG with a very rigid, inflexible system developed before I even started writing the story, and we all know my history with LitRPGs by this point.
Steel Glory. I doubt many people remember this even though now I'm realizing it probably had some of the most potential out of all my stories. I ended up dropping it due to not really feeling it and also because it was basically a total flop in terms of gaining readers. It just didn't feel worth it to continue the story. One of the reasons I've cited for dropping it was "yeah, turns out that mecha stuff just isn't as interesting in text as it is in visual format," and that's somewhat true... but is also bullshit. It's an excuse because I didn't know what the real reason was. Mecha, to me, has always been a beloved genre not because of the cool giant robots, but because of the themes. Mecha series traditionally deal heavily with politics, drama, philosophical issues, and so on. I tried to go for that, but then I let myself ruin it by forcing in a potential harem situation and slice of life that served no purpose. The action and the drama was fine. It was everything else that ruined it. I didn't want to admit, though, that slice of life can be a bad thing. After all, for years, I've advocated "just write whatever you want and yolo it, and you can have as much slice of life in something as you want." And yeah, sure, that's true, and I still believe that people should write exactly what they want without worrying about how it will be perceived by others, but I was basically sabotaging myself every single time I said that. Because, to me, unashamed slice of life is not what I truly care about, yet that was what I forced into Steel Glory because I thought it would be fun without respect for the purpose of the series, and that killed it.
The Queen's Hound. TQH wasn't inspired by a hentai, but it was inspired by what is basically one. My entire reason for writing TQH originally was not because "monster reincarnation stories are popular, time to write one," but rather because I was reading that behemoth reincarnation story with the cat and the big tiddy elf waifu, got horny, and thought, "damn, I want to write this but with a puppy." My original reason for wanting to write it was 100% horny. It then fell into the same trap as EDE where I had to try and justify it with actual story because, shocker, but I don't like stories that are purely, unashamedly horny. I will read such stories when I'm horny and then consider it a waste of time afterward. They lose all appeal to me the moment I am no longer horny. They only appeal to me when I'm giving in to base desire and at no other time. The less sexual and horny something is, the more I enjoy it, and so it's ultimately self-defeating whenever I write anything that is born out of horny desires. EDE failed for that reason. TQH failed for the exact same reason. Both perverted litrpgs where the entire reason I started writing them was because I was horny, and then dug myself into a hole by trying to balance horny and serious plot. Now, some people believe that it's perfectly fine to balance those things. Again, personal preference. There's nothing wrong with liking that if it's what you like. But, to me, the inclusion of anything written for the sole purpose of being horny drastically degrades anything and everything else surrounding it. And without the sexual appeal, I had zero interest in writing those stories. The only reason I care about writing monster MCs is because of sex. Whether they be transforming monsters, dog monsters, or tentacle monsters, the only appeal they have to me is sex, and we've already covered why me writing something based off of sexual reasons is a bad idea.
Lazy Dragon Queen. Going off of everything I've said above, one might think I was basically setting this up to make it sound like I think LDQ is a horrible story or something, but that's the opposite of how I feel. I still genuinely believe that LDQ is my, by far, best story to date. Yes, it is full of slice of life for the sake of having slice of life. Yes, it is full of random nonsense and bullshit that makes no sense. Yes, it also goes through phases of being extremely lewd with tons of sexual implications. But more than everything else, it is focused. LDQ never stops being LDQ. It sets expectations for what it is going to be right from the start and it sticks to those expectations. It is random, chaotic, absurd, and silly, and it will always stay that way no matter how serious some plot arcs might get. LDQ is my best story because it is my most focused story. Furthermore, while it does have lewd moments, there is never any descriptive sex and the lewd is actually used to show character progress when it's not being used for a joke. Drake used to be the kind of man who was too flustered and virgin to do anything even slightly lewd. Now he's--well, you've seen what he's become if you're up to date with the series. That aside, the series has meaning. To me, at least. I'm not going to be too upset if other people don't see the greater meaning behind the series, but it does have meaning in my eyes. It's a series about living life exactly as you want to live without any cares for anything else. It's ultimately a very hedonistic message. It's all about being selfish and living exactly as you want to live. Everything the characters do play into this theme. There is nobody in LDQ who is not extremely selfish in how they live. But even with how selfish they all are, they still value being friendly and respectful to one another, because I believe it is possible to be both selfish and caring. The series never strays from this theme, and that is why it is my best story as far as I'm concerned. There's also all the meta and fourth wall breaking stuff, but that's even more based off personal preference.
CORE. CORE was a story that I went into with zero planning. I started writing it for a contest and then dropped it a few months later when I just had zero ideas for how to continue it in a way that I was satisfied with, and that was similar to what happened with Steel Glory. It became too slice of life. There was too much random stuff in it that, sure, was cute and fun to read, but that ultimately served no purpose and stalled the plot. It tried too hard to have both serious plot and slice of life, and so it failed. Aside from that, it was my first and only time ever trying to write something like a fictional autobiography. It was a lot of fun to write in that style, but I handled it in a pretty amateurish way and could have done it far better.
Ero Dungeon Online. Funnily enough, this story wasn't born out of sexual desire which is why it has stayed alive. It was born because I missed the characters and wanted to write more of them. Despite this very much being a lewd series, I consider the lewd in it to be a bonus element rather than the main focus. That being said, EDO is probably the closest thing to a smut I will ever write, and probably the most sexual story I will ever write. I have no intention of writing anything even remotely as descriptively sexual as EDO once it is over. That's probably disappointing to hear to anybody who is mainly interested in my stories for their lewd elements, if any readers like that even exist and are reading this, but it's the decision I've come to. I just have no interest in being a smut nor erotica author. I do not want to be known as one, I do not want to cultivate an audience that only cares about sex, and I do not feel proud of any works that are primarily sexual. EDO, in my opinion, is at its best when it's dealing with relationship issues and drama. But of course, it is a lewd series, and I intend on finishing it while keeping it lewd. Just don't expect any lewd series after it's over. That aside, I would also consider EDO to be the series that is the most "junk food" series. Ultimately, EDO has no purpose. EDO has no deeper meaning, no overall plot, no serious statements that it makes--it is purely junk food. It isn't meaningful. It isn't art. It is something I am proud of, but not something I would want to be known for. EDO has the least meaning out of every series I have tried to write, and that's probably why it has survived despite being lewd. Every other lewd series, I have tried to force meaning and purpose into them, and the sexual elements degraded that for me. But EDO has no meaning nor purpose. It just is. It is my most slice of life series in that it really is just a look into Damian's daily life and the random stuff that happens throughout it without purpose. It is because of this that I also believe EDO is the most forgettable story I have ever written and why the solution to my issues isn't to just abandon the pursuit of purpose and deeper meaning.
The Dungeon Hound. It failed for the same reason as the original, minus the LitRPG burnout. I consider it even better than the original, but that was because I made it even hornier than before. And because I made it even hornier than before, it degraded the overall story even faster than before. I was thinking with my dick. Not my brain. People might like what my dick comes up with, and I like it as well when I'm in the mood, but not outside of that.
The Tentacles' Tavern. Same as above. I only started writing it because I had the idea for it while horny. I wanted to combine sex and plot and wholesome romance and make a beautiful combination of them all... without realizing that I don't even actually like that kind of story. And so, it failed. It's the kind of story I would want to read a 20 page hentai doujin of, but not an actual story of.
Dominion Expansion. My latest story and my biggest ever flop. Bad ratings, tons of negative comments, people accusing the story of being racist and bigoted--yeah. It was and still is a huge flop. It also came close to getting dropped for the same reason as something like CORE, but I decided to go "yolo" and cut the problem off before it could get any worse, and that problem was the absolute shit pacing and pointless slice of life. I liked the idea of it being a day-by-day story before, but then I was forced to try and come up with a chapter for each day which... was just absolutely tedious and resulted in quite a few boring, bad chapters. And ultimately, it suffered from the usual problem of me trying to write LitRPGs which is why I ended up basically converting it into a GameLit. This is just my personal opinion of course, but the last few chapters have been far better than many of the ones before it, and I have decent hopes for it going forward. I plan on focusing it much more on issues and conflicts that I find interesting rather than trying to force sex and harem elements into it like I originally planned on doing. There's already a bit of a harem, obviously, and it will still stay a bit harem-y, but it won't have anywhere near as much of a focus on the harem as I was originally planning on it having.
Outside of those stories, for the past... 7-8 months now, I've started and dropped about 20 stories now in private. Some of them were even posted to RR and SH under alt accounts that I always ended up dropping due to them running into many of the same issues I've mentioned above. Some of them were LitRPGs. Some were smutty and far more porn than EDE ever was. More importantly, I kept on trying to squeeze harems, serious plots, and lewds into everything.
That's a question I've been asking myself and a few others for months now. "How do I perfectly combine plot, sex, and fun slice of life into one story?"
That was the kind of story I thought I needed to write. It was the kind of story I thought I would do my best at.
But when I think of the best stories I have ever consumed, none of them are like that. Despite what many would probably assume, the series I consider the greatest of all time are all philosophical shows full of meaning, purpose, and often tragedy. Those are the stories that stick with me the most. They're the stories I love and never forget. Everything else, no matter how cute and fun and wholesome or lewd and hot they may be, are forgotten. I remember them as "oh, yeah, I enjoyed that, it was fun," and nothing more. But the shows that have purpose, I remember from start to finish. This is the part where I might start to sound like a literary snob, so I apologize in advance for that. Just know that no matter what I say, I genuinely believe it's all a matter of personal preference and that no one type of story is objectively superior over any other. What I may consider art may be considered garbage to you and vise-versa. This is just me being transparent and honest about myself and what I want to see in the future with my writing, not a statement about what is "real" art or not.
So, why do I write?
Because I love it and think I'm damn good at it, personally. I'm a bit of a narcissist when it comes to my own writing. I love to write. I love to tell stories. I also hate working normal jobs. So, why not do what I love and try to make a living off of it? Even though I don't make as much money as many other authors doing web serials, that doesn't bother me. All that matters to me is telling the story that I want to tell. Nobody can do that better than me, and that is why I do it. They can tell their stories, and I'll tell my stories.
I always thought that was a good enough reason to write: to tell the story I want to tell.
But that's not enough for me anymore. The more I do this, the more I feel that something is missing. Many days, I'm just writing for the sake of writing. I love to write and so it's what I do. It's what I'm passionate about. I still love writing the ongoing stories I've got right now despite how it may sound.
Yet, it's still felt like something has been missing, and now I know what that is.
Purpose.
I want to write stories that are meaningful. I want to write stories that people won't forget. I want to write stories that are going to have an impact on somebody's life, even if it's only by making them think more deeply about some specific topic for a few days.
It's all incredibly narcissistic, I know, but I did warn you that I'm a narcissist when it comes to my writing.
I want to create art. What I've been writing is, for the most part, not art. It's been junk food. There's nothing wrong with writing nor liking junk food, but I want to take my skill to a higher level and write what I believe is worthy of being considered art even if nobody else looks at it that way.
For years, I've told people that I have hundreds of ideas for stories, and it's true. I get at least one new idea for a story every single week. Not a week has gone by in probably a decade where I don't come up with at least one idea for an entire series. When people would ask me how I choose what to write, I would always answer something like, "Well, I need to make money, so I choose ideas that I am both passionate about and that I believe will be profitable." Making money is something I need to do, unfortunately, so I have never chosen to write something that I believed would not be profitable despite those being the ideas I have also been most passionate about. I have always chosen the ideas similar to what my audience already expects from me: harem, isekai, lewd, ecchi, litrpg, gamelit, comedy, etc. I was passionate about those ideas still, but less passionate about them than my other ideas.
For months now, I've been trying to balance my ideas with what can also be profitable and what my existing audience would like.
But fuck that.
I want to create art. I want to create stories like the ones I have always loved and remembered. No matter how much I might enjoy things like harems, isekai, and litrpgs, none of those are memorable to me. They've never been more than just a temporary snack to sate a quick craving.
I want philosophy. Romance. Tragedy. Drama. Tales of struggle and of light overcoming great darkness, not tales of some guy being teleported to a fantasy world banging every monster girl he sees, and I absolutely do not want a fusion of the two. I don't want stories where people only really read them for the sex and just want to skip to the lewd chapters so they can jack off. I want stories that will make people feel and cry for the characters and the world they live in.
To put it simply, I want to make you, my dearest readers, suffer. But I also want to lift you up and show you that no matter how dark the day may be that the sun is waiting for you above the storm clouds. No matter how cold and desperate the situation may become, there is warmth and hope waiting to embrace you. I want to tell you a story that you will remember for longer than all these other stories that you use to sate whatever cravings you may have in a given moment.
Damn, that was cheesy.
Anyways.
I want to be a yandere who forces you to remember me for longer than you remember everybody else. Mwahaha.
Getting serious again.
I want to create art with a purpose, and I don't just mean write a story that focuses on plot more than characters. Just because something has a focus on plot does not make it a story with purpose, at least not in my opinion. Plot, themes--those are nice and all, but they're not a purpose to me. A purpose is why the story is being told. What message is it trying to tell you, the reader? I don't care about what the characters' goals or motives are. I care about the goal and motives of the story itself.
Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann's purpose is to have hope. It is a story of humans and their unbreaking spirit to always progress, and it tells the audience that it is possible to overcome even the impossible so long as you never give up.
Sword Art Online's purpose is to show how meaningful the virtual can be to the newest generations. Even though everything happens in virtual worlds, it is all still just as meaningful and legitimate to those who spend so much time in those worlds as events in the real world are. It is a series about how it doesn't matter if something is virtual or real, all that matters is whether or not it is legitimate to you, and you should never give up protecting what you care about no matter what others think.
86's purpose is similar to TTGL's in that you should never give up hope. No matter who tries to beat you down, no matter who tries to stop you from following your heart, no matter how rough the road ahead may be, you should carry on and stick to your ideals. Those who do not stick true to their ideals are those who hold society back. It heavily deals with themes of racism and social issues, but those aren't the purpose. The purpose is to never surrender no matter how overwhelmed you may be, and those who change the world are those who never stop moving forward no matter how strong the opposition is.
Violet Evergarden's purpose is that no matter how broken you may be, there is still a path for you. No matter how lost you may be, no matter how hard the journey ahead will be, there is hope no matter who you are. No matter what your situation is, you can change. Even those who have only ever known war can learn to love and change who they are.
Vivy's purpose is that--well, the entire show deals with the concept of questioning one's purpose. It felt extremely relatable. Except where she questioned how she could put her heart into her singing, I've been questioning how I can put my heart into my writing.
And I've realized that I can't put my heart into my writing if I care about what's profitable. I've always said that I have artistic integrity because I choose ideas that I am both passionate about and that are profitable rather than ideas that I am only passionate about, but letting any hint of money influence my decision ultimately taints the process. The moment even a single penny affects what I do or don't write is the moment that I throw artistic integrity out the window, and what is the purpose if I don't have integrity? If I wanted to get rid of my integrity, I would just go work at McDonalds since I would be making more than I am now.
Now, this isn't to say that other people who care about money don't make true art. I don't care about how they're classified. I only care about how me and my own creations are classified within my own eyes. I would never assert that somebody else's creation isn't art. I can, however, assert that my own creation's aren't art, at least not within my own eyes.
And that is what I want to change with all future stories moving forward.
All that serious stuff aside if you're still reading this, you shouldn't expect anything with the current stories to really change. TTE probably won't have any more descriptive sex scenes, but the characters will still be as lewd as they've always been. EDO will continue being what it is without any changes. LDQ is the same. DE, I'll try to focus it more on political/social issues which was part of my main inspiration for it in the first place, and I'll probably stop forcing lewd things into it but still have some relationship growth and a potential expansion of the harem here and there.
The vast majority of what I've said only really applies to future stories.
Though, this does leave me in a tricky position now with TTT, CORE, and TQ/DH. The more I've worked on TTT since I planned on giving it a proper ending, the more I've realized I just don't care about it. Again, because I only wrote it due to being horny. It loses all appeal to me when I'm not horny. Do I really care about finishing something that I only gave a shit about due to being horny? It's not something I'm going to be proud of even if I do give it a proper ending. The only reason there is to end it is to go and say, "Hey, see, there, I finished a story." But that kind of forced ending is starting to feel even more degrading to myself than just leaving it as it is. The same applies to TQ/DH. I just started rewriting it again the other week with a different take on it, but it was ultimately only done, once again, because I was horny. There is /zero/ appeal whatsoever in a story to me about a guy being reincarnated as a dog, or any similar setup, when you remove the sex from it. And I don't care enough about sex to make something that is entirely focused on it. Yes, I'm a pervert and have a ton of kinks, but I am rarely ever actually in the mood for that sort of stuff. Not to mention that when you write a sexual story, people just focus on the sex instead of the purpose, and I don't want that.
"but ace you still have patreon so you're still trying to make money"
yeah because I need to make money to survive and I'm hoping that people are going to like my narcissistic attempts at writing meaningful stories enough to keep giving me money even though I'm not writing them with the intent to make profit. I mean, that's basically what's already going on. You've already all been giving me money to write what I want to write. I'm hoping that's going to continue. The only difference is that, with all future new series I write, they are going to be stories only written for the sake of artistic expression rather than stories also purposely trying to make money. This also means I'm going to say "fuck you" to forced writing quotas for future stories. They'll be updated as they're updated. Chapters will be as long as I feel like making them. Release schedules and chapter sizes for currently ongoing stories will remain the same, but future series will be kept away from that sort of pressure so that they remain, for a lack of better words, "pure." They will be written with the intent of being proper stories, not serialized web novels. I might not even post them to RR nor SH. If I do, they'll be posted without the intention of any min-maxed-for-visibility schedule.
So, you could basically sum up this entire post as: "Ace goes 'I don't want to be horny anymore, I want to be happy.'" Except it's more like "I don't want to be horny nor pointless anymore, I want to be clean and have purpose." Alternatively, you could sum this up as, "Ace is a narcissist who thinks too highly of himself and his writing and it's cringe." Any of those are acceptable, really. After all, at the end of the day, it's all subjective. One man's junk food is another man's art. One woman's art is another woman's stinking pile of pretentious shit. One non-binary person's meaningful story is another non-binary person's pointless rambling devoid of all purpose.
All I can do is be as honest as possible with myself and my writing, and then hope for the best.
Jesus fuck me this weekly update is over 5k words. And I wrote most of it in like, an hour. How the fuck did I manage that? Well, I guess this is the result of not stopping thinking about this sort of stuff for like, months now, then finally really going all in on the self-analysis this past weekend.
So, since this update is already long enough, I'm just going to post the weekly worksheet and end things there.
42 hours, 34,072 words. Very happy with that.
That's all for now. The big 200th weekly update is now concluded.
Next week's weekly update is probably going to be short as fuck.
Time to write DE.
love u
also i'm still gonna self-insert my sweater fetish into everything
k.
