"Are you sure you wanna take your shirt off, man? The sun's going down and it can get quite chilly out here, it's surprising. Yeah, I know you're sweating but . . . Okay, so the weather is not the reason I don't want you to take your shirt off. I . . . it's just, you've gotten so big, bro. And I don't mean built. I mean fat. We've been coming on these reunion weekends ever since school, and each time you turn up it's like "Oh God, he got even fatter." I mean, the first few couple a years it was, like, hardly noticeable - just a little extra pudge around the middle, a little droop of belly when you sat down. Most of us hardly noticed. But then about the third year you were . . . obese. Yeah, I know it hurts to hear it but you must've gained a good 50/60 lbs that year. You looked massive. Instead of that little pooch of belly, you would flop down on a chair and have this gigantic ball of lard in your lap, just a big round ball of fat. Didn't you notice? Were you too busy stuffing yourself to notice what a lardass you were becoming? Every year we'd talk behind your back about how out-of-shape you were. None of your clothes fit you. I shouldn't say this, but I started a WhatsApp group called "Wayne's Gains" where we'd all guess how much weight you had gained and if one of us got a shirtless pic of you we'd all share it and comment about the size of your gut, or those huge tits you've grown. So, this is not a lecture about getting you to diet or anything, I just wanted you to know the truth. And just to be clear, that's why we'll be weighing you after dinner. Yeah, in front of the whole gang, so everyone can stare at this hugely overweight thing you've become. By the way, I have $20 on this being the first time you've gained 100 lbs in between trips, so you better plan on eating big at dinner tonight."
