Things I've said as a parent

A small collection of things that I've actually said as a parent to my 1-year-old child, but because this is a fanfiction account, I'm going to make it things James Potter would have said while raising Harry and include a couple of lines that James might say. Enjoy :)

* Harry, no, no. No, that doesn't go into your mouth like that.

* Harry James Potter, I am your dad, stop biting my fingers.

* How does something so small create such a big smell?

* I blame your mother, personally.

* Harry, you son of an idiot!

* I don't care what your uncle does; stop making weird noises.

* That's not hygienic.

* That is hygienic.

* I don't have the parenting skills necessary to handle this.

* Where is your off button?

* Can you please stop crying? I have to wake up for work in an hour.

* Not going to lie, I'm too impressed to be mad

* Stop tormenting your mother, it makes her want to torment me

* How old do you have to be before learning how to backflip?

* Stop pulling Dumbledore's beard.

* Stop messing with 'me' chin.

* Don't vomit there.

* Don't pee there.

* Pee there.

* Who the hell taught you that?

* You're my main reason for existing and you reward me as I come home from work at night by shitting yourself

* You are my retirement plan. I hope you work better for me than I did for your granddad.

* If you have to grow up to be a superhero, then go for Batman or Ironman, I want to die rich.

* You've inherited many things from your mother; your stupidity comes directly from me, though.

* You're adorable.

* You're cute.

* You're too young to get in trouble.

* Was I like this when I was your age?

* Apparently I was.

* Must be nice living a life where your biggest concern is milk.

* Daddy's not mad at you, Harry, he's just absolutely livid.

* Your mum is jealous because you're my favourite.

* I swear my father likes you more than me.

* It used to be 'Hi James, hi Lily', now everyone only wants to ask about the baby.

* I might be biased, but I think you're quite literally the cutest baby in the world.

* No, Harry, I need my nose.

* There was a large collection of possible first words and you went with Padfoot?!

* Hi Voldy, I wouldn't go in there right now. Lily's changing his nappy and the smell is murder.

A.N: Hey guys, hope you liked it. If not...sorry. Just a random and short idea that came into my head.