Side-Write: Fumble by the Fire

This one kinda got away from me in the end! I had some fun with this. The funny thing is, I really struggled figuring out what I was going to write about this month. I eventually decided on two aspects that I really wanted to find a way to combine in one story: another aspect of what's going on in this world on the socioeconomic level, and a story about friendship-- I wanted to find a happy story that wasn't just about romance or the like, since I realized a lot of my more positive stories have gone that direction. Finding the right intersection between those was pretty tough, and ironically, I was worried when I came up with this idea that it might be a little short. I should've known I don't write short conversations.

As ever, this isn't strictly representative of what's happening in the world of Project Wild One, but it's an exploration of what might be going on. I hope you enjoy!

~~~

"So, y'ever fucked a naga?"

"What? No!" I blink incredulously, and fix the goblin with a suspicious look. "Have-- have you??"

He grins, his teeth crooked and grisly, his eyes mischievous.

"Bullshit!" There's no way. No way!

"It's pretty easy, actually. The real trick is getting away after without them eating you."

"Well, yeah, that's the whole thing. Doing anything around a naga without getting eaten. You're not going to tell me you stuck it to one AND got away?!"

He fidgets with his fingers. "Well... No, not quite. But it was great before that!"

I laugh, slumping back. "So, what, you were already caught and figured, might as well have some fun first?"

He shrugs. "Hey, it's a lot better than just getting eaten."

"Yeah, alright, I guess." I can't fight down a grin, my brow high, as I turn to poke the fire. Fresh sparks roll up into the night sky. "So what's it like, then?"

"Well, uh... you ever been eaten by one?"

Screwing my face up, I nod. "Once."

"Well, it's a lot like that, really. They wrap around you and it's all... you can't barely breathe, there's so much muscle working over you all over. I'd say it's less wet, but..." He grins. "She was pretty fucking wet."

I laugh. "Alright, alright, I bet you had her in the palm of your hand right up till she remembered she's hungry." He's always bragging about how good he is at giving his partners a good time. "But if it's basically the same, then what's the point doing it first?"

"Well, it's not the SAME! But y'know, like, all the best parts of them eating you kinda still apply."

"The best parts? Of being eaten?"

"Shut up." Is he blushing? "You know what I mean! It's a lot better a time getting eaten by a naga than a werewolf or something."

I pull a face, nodding. "Yeah, alright. True. Still. I get eaten plenty more than I'd like, so you're not really selling it."

"Well, I'm saying! It's like... that smooth, rolling, wavy kinda way they move?" The goblin sways from side to side, exaggerating a slow, sinuous motion. "It's all around you, and it's so... you feel overwhelmed, but also like... it's really cozy? Relaxing, even? The pressure all over feels really nice." He looks away finally with a huff. "Forget it."

"No, no, I... I think I get it." I sigh, shifting atop my log. "It sounds nice, Bek. Like... a massage?"

"...Yeah. I mean, I never got a massage, but... probably?" His eyes fall to the fire, and his fingers knot up in front of him slowly. I think... something's troubling him? I'm still learning a little about how to read goblins. Or maybe just, him.

We've been meeting like this for maybe half a year, now. Just the occasional sharing of a camp for the night. We each travel this road a lot, and it's normal enough to share a fire for a little extra safety in numbers... though not so usual for monsters and city folk to come together. I still think the first time, he might have just thought I was another goblin when he approached my fire. But I'd welcomed him, and we'd gotten to talking. He's a little weird, but honestly, he seems like a more decent guy than a lot of people I know back home.

"...You alright, Bek?"

He jerks, straightening, and doesn't quite look at me before looking away. "What? I'm fine. I..." Leaning over, he pauses again, staring off into the darkness. He swallows. "I... You remember that trade we talked about last time?"

I nod slowly. We've traded most times we've met. He likes to collect all sorts of oddities in his travels, and I never know what to expect him to pull out of his pack next. I've taken to always bringing extra bundles of food and fabric just for trading with him. Last time, though, I asked him if he could find something special for me. "Sure. Offer's still open."

"Yeah. I... I did look into it, but..." His lips seal a moment so he can chew on them.

"No luck?"

He looks up at me, finally, and I don't know how to read his expression. Is that... pain? "Well, I uh... I'm not sure."

"Not sure...? Want me to take a look? I won't hold it against you if it's not what I'm looking for. I might still want it anyway, you know how I am."

He smiles, though his heart isn't in it. "Yeah, you like a lot of my junk. It's been great. I just, uh..." The fire crackles, and in the distance, crickets sing. "W-what do you do with it all, anyway? A lot of folks would call that stuff garbage, and I can never tell what you're going to go for."

I sit back slowly. "Well, I study it, mostly. A lot of it is garbage, true, but it tells us about the past. About how things used to be, long ago. Some of it I just put up on the wall 'cause it looks nice to me, but I feel like when I look through everything that came from before, I can understand what life was like back then." What has him so bothered? I'm pretty sure I've told him most of this before.

He nods. "And... this stuff you asked for? You wanna study that too?"

"Sure." I blink. "Well, I'd love to, but actually, I asked because I've got a commission I need it for."

"A... commission?"

"Yeah. Some folks back home really want to learn all they can about this stuff. Honestly, I'm not sure how much I could get out of it, it's a little above my head, but they'd pay pretty well for anything I can scare up."

He's been looking... tense? But at that, he sags, looking utterly dejected.

"Bek... What's wrong?" I've never seen him act like this. Usually, chatting into the small hours with him is one of the highlights of my time out here. He always seems so happy, and... so happy to see me, I guess? I feel something clenching up in my stomach. What in all the hells is going on?

He looks up at me slowly... then away. "...What would you do if... if I told you I couldn't find anything?"

I frown thoughtfully. "I'd... be a little disappointed? I'd probably have to push out further than usual, see if I can't find anything on my own."

"And what if..." He swallows. "What would you do if I told you that... I did find something, but I'm not going to give it to you?"

I smile uncertainly. "I'd guess you're trying to get a better deal on it. What--"

"What would you do if I just... took my pack and left?" He turns to face me again, but his eyes are on the crossbow lying on the log beside me. "...Would you shoot me?"

My mouth falls open, my stomach twisting. "Bek! Wh-what the hell are you talking about?" I search his eyes, but he won't meet my gaze. "You know this is for-- for in case something comes out of the woods at us. I'd-- you can't seriously think I'd shoot you? For some junk??" I try to work up a little outrage at such a suggestion, but I'm still shocked he'd even... Where is any of this coming from? "Why would you-- How-- Bek! What is this about?" I stumble over my words until the question comes out in a fluster.

He's staring into the fire now, his face drawn into a tight mask. His fingers are tangling with the hem of his tunic so much I think he might tear it. "What do I know about what you might do?" He's so quiet I almost can't make out the words, all rushed together in a mumble. "What do I really know about you? Not much. I know a lot about-- the city people, them I know plenty about. What they do to folk like me. I've seen it. I've known people that disappeared forever because city folk didn't like 'em sniffing around. And I just sit here like it's no big deal, chattin' it up with-- with one of them." He's babbling, his brow drawn tight together, his ears waggling about wildly. He almost sounds like he's talking to himself, but the words keep bursting out of him, growing louder with the frenzy stoking in him. "Can't believe I didn't run back then. Don't even know if I was too scared or too hungry. Every time I stop to think, I can't believe I did that, that I DO this, that we just sit down and act like-- like nothing's--" His mouth works, trying to form words.

His expression quivers and falters from something furious into a broad, hopeless grin. "Nobody talks to me anymore, back in town. After they found out about you, about us, they-- they all-- I've had to go out in the wild more, just to get away from it. The naga don't fucking care, you know? We're all just meat to them. And now, now you've got me-- how was I supposed to know?! You really-- you really fuckin' got me with this one, Davis."

I throw my arms open, showing my palms. "What the hell are you talking about? Slow down! I thought it was a good thing we were talking now and then! You said you were going to fucking brag about it back home!" I still remember how proud he looked the morning after our first meeting.

"Well, I was wrong! They think I'm some kinda traitor now, or-- or a spy, or I don't know what! I can't even get laid in town anymore!"

I bury my face in my palm for a moment. "Well... I'm sorry, Bek. I don't-- I never wanted to... I didn't know. Would it help if we stopped meeting, then?"

"It's too damn late now!" His voice is shrill. "They won't listen to me even if I told 'em I-- even if I hurt you or something! Specially now you've had me sniffing up this crap, I'm as good as dead to them!"

How long has he been pretending everything was fine when...? This can't be real. There must be some mistake. I'm still struggling to get my head around it, but I hold out my paws as if to steady the conversation a moment. "What's so bad about this stuff? Why is it such a big deal?"

"I don't know! I just-- Someone spotted me poking around over there and next thing I know, I've got monsters like I've never seen crawling up my ass!" I give him a look, and he rolls his eyes impatiently. "Not literally! They've been giving me a hard time, and asking about you. Telling me not to give you anything. They said--" his face freezes, and his ears sag till they brush his shoulders. "They said that..."

I swallow. "Bek, I... I don't know what the hell this is about. I know it would be... a big deal if we learned how that stuff worked, but I don't see why that should get you in trouble for--"

"Of course you don't!" He's exasperated suddenly, his voice creaking with impatience as he regards the sky, hands thrown wide. "You don't know what it's really like, do you? Living outside your cities."

These days, I spend more than half my time out on the roads, but I restrain myself to making a face I hope comes off as sympathetically confused.

"We're falling behind. Don't you get it? We don't-- we can't-- UGH!" His face is gnarled with frustration. "We probably outnumber you all five or ten to one, but we still can't get into your cities. You have your patches of land, but the rest of the world is ours, and still--! Still, you're... you're building up, and you're making better stuff, and you're getting more dangerous. In my grampa's time, there were no trade caravans, no invisible barriers around your cities where no monster can tread safely. He says there weren't half as many of you, and you used to trade with US for food! But you keep making better tools, and weapons, and all we can do is try and steal or trade for some of them. We try to figure things out, to make better things, but we just...!"

Anger has broken into raw pain on his face as he stares into the flames. "You don't know what it's like, living with that. Feeling like... like it's just a matter of time. And now, I find out that... that I'm about to make it so much worse, that with this," he gestures at his pack, "you could get so far ahead of us, we... we maybe couldn't even copy you anymore. And I... I do feel like... a traitor, thinking about that. I didn't before, but..." His voice has fallen quiet, almost emotionless. "I thought they were just being stupid, that you guys aren't all that bad, but this... How can I... do that to my people?"

I've tried to find some kind of words, something to interject, to interrupt him, but I'm left with my mouth hanging open when he finally looks up at me again.

He looks away.

I finally manage to swallow. "Fuckin'... keep it, then."

His fingers bunch up in his trousers.

It's hard for me to speak, my throat's so dry, but I force the words out. "I never wanted to... make your life worse, Bek. You should've told me sooner. I'd..." He turns his face away. "Look, I... I'll admit I was excited about studying this stuff if I could, but... it's just some money, to me. If it meant ruining things for you, I... I couldn't do it. I like talking with you, but that's no replacement for... having a home."

He doesn't say anything. His ears play out his emotions silently, slowly falling low, though occasionally jerking up a little, only to fall again. I force myself to draw a deep breath. The fire's died down, and I grab a few branches to throw on top. He turns to look as the flames rise again.

"...You didn't..." I almost don't hear him over the crackling. "You didn't ruin my life. I did that on my own. I never know what the hell's going on until I fuck something up enough people tell me."

A single, short laugh bursts out of me as I blink against the smoke. Damn wind. My eyes are watering. "I've..." He does kinda seem the clueless type, but maybe now's not the time to get into that. "I've felt like that sometimes. I'm always missing a lot of what's going on back home-- even when I'm there, I'm just thinking about my work. Or going out again."

He manages a weak smile. "You think we get along cause we're both totally out of the loop?"

I grin. "It's probably the only reason we ever met. Most folk back home wouldn't just sit down and talk with a goblin for fun. Alone, in the woods, at night."

Bek nods. "And most of my folk would probably pay more attention to who was sitting at the fire before strolling up."

A proper laugh escapes me now. "You really did just--! Did you think I was a goblin??"

He looks away again, but he's acting more like his old self, squirming on his log. "W-well, no. That would be silly." I stare, but he refuses to meet my eye. "...I might have thought that it was weird for a werewolf puppy to be out here all alone."

"A w--!" I sit up straight, refusing to squeak. "A werewolf?! Puppy??!"

"Well, I've never seen one, I just-- I dunno!"

"Do werewolves even have puppies?"

"Do they not??"

"Wouldn't that have been super dangerous?"

"Well, you looked--!" At some point he met my eyes again, but suddenly he looks away.

"What?"

"You looked... lonely." His fingers form an arcane little fidget pattern. "...And snuggly."

"Your plan was to snuggle with a lonely werewolf puppy?"

"This is why I don't talk about that night."

"Did you seriously think I was a werewolf?"

"Well, what ARE you?"

"I'm a DOG!"

"Dogs are way bigger! I've seen dogs!"

"I'm a SMALL DOG!" I feel my cheeks heating.

"Well now I KNOW THAT!"

"Did you seriously bring those diagrams here, even after all of that?"

He blinks at me several times, struggling with the abrupt change of topic. "I-- well-- I said I would!"

I stare at him. "And you thought I might just shoot you for them?"

His mouth falls shut.

"If you didn't want to give them to me, and you thought I might kill you for them... why even bring them? Or-- why not hide them somewhere in the woods, in case things go bad? Or something?"

His eyes fall to the dirt between his rough-stitched shoes. "I guess that woulda been smart."

"Bek." He's fidgeting steadily now. "Bek!"

He looks up, trying to glare, but he's... pouting? "What?"

"What the hell was your plan for this? Did you really think I was going to shoot you?" It's still a little hard for me to even say.

He frowns, looking away. "Is it... really that strange?" I just frown at him, and he squirms a little under my gaze, then finally goes on. "Well, this stuff is supposed to be really important! And I... I've never had to make you mad, or disappointed before. And with the things I hear about city people... Why wouldn't you? I mean... Shouldn't you? Isn't it... super important, to all of you, that you find... this?" He waves once more to his pack.

I follow his gesture, and I sigh at length. I let myself stare at it, let myself... be aware of just how... exciting, how important, how tantalizing that grubby little bag seems now. "It... it would mean a lot, to a lot of people. And I'd probably be able to live pretty comfortably if I were the one to bring in real diagrams that actually helped us make the jump. Maybe I'd even be famous, or something." I shrug slowly. "But... someone's going to find that stuff sooner or later, Bek. Hell, maybe somewhere else in the world, we already have. It'd be awesome if it were me, but..."

I smile weakly. "I think it's also pretty awesome I'm the only person I know that's friends with an outsider. And even if getting those diagrams meant I'd be showered in money and pussy back home, how could I enjoy any of it if I had to shoot my friend to do it? I'd just be thinking of you with every copper I spent, with every thrust."

"Don't think about me while fucking your city women. That's weird." He smirks broadly, but his eyes glimmer in the firelight.

"Really fucking weird, right? So I'm not gonna do that. All I wanted was to pay you handsomely for some juicy papers so we could both come away happy. Not any of this... bullshit." I wave at the air between us. "I didn't... I didn't think it would mean so much to you. To all of you. I guess... I wasn't really thinking about... what your people are going through." I swallow. "I'm sorry."

He nods, his mouth set in a wide line. He swallows. He can't seem to speak right now.

Now I'm the one to look away. I search the fire, then the shadows of the forest nearby... then the sky. "Well... What are you gonna do now? It sounds like... even without giving me that stuff, you can't really get back in good with the folks back home again?" After a moment, he shakes his head. "I mean... the city isn't suuuper open to mon-- to outside kin, but I could probably swing something. Find you someplace near the city you could live. Maybe even inside, if we're lucky. There are a few that have gotten exceptions."

But he's already shaking his head at that, too. "I can... find a new place. Like I said, it's not your fault. I did some dumb things cause I didn't know better. I'll find something, with my own people."

I want to protest, but... I nod, slowly. "I guess... that's probably for the best. Are, uh... Do--" I struggle to find the right way to say it. "...This the last time we'll see each other, then, I guess?"

He blinks at me, and cracks a weary smile. "Hope not. I've finally found a city squatter that actually seems like decent folk, I don't wanna lose track of you now. Sides, you're one of my best customers. I'm gonna need your business to get through this." He hesitates, and falls into a small frown. "Although... come to think of it, I might be on this road a lot less now. So... I guess we might not run into each other quite so often." He stares into the forest a moment, digesting that. "...Still, keep bringing food, huh? I'm gonna have my junk ready."

I snort at how that sounds, but smile and nod. "...This road'll be... a lot less fun without you."

He grunts, eyes down... staring at his pack. "So... what're we going to do with this?"

I feel myself tense a little. "What're...? You're going to take it back, aren't you?"

He wrinkles up his nose a little. "Isn't gonna do me any good now. Sounds like it won't do my people any good anytime soon, either."

"But if you give it to me, it'd be..."

"I mean, if you go and sell it to some asshole that changes everything, then... yeah. That would be..." He searches the ground between us. "I couldn't live with that. Even if it is gonna happen eventually, I couldn't live with being the one that did it." I start to form a reply, but he talks over me. "But I know you really like this stuff. I see how happy you are just looking at all that dumb junk. So... if you..." He looks off into the woods behind him, then to me. "If you wanted it, just for yourself... I could sell it to you. Long as you promised you wouldn't let anyone else get any of it. Long as you didn't like... go build it or anything."

My mouth falls open, slowly trying to form a word. I look to his bag again. I could see it... I could have it all... just for myself. Just for...?

I close my eyes and swallow. "...You better... keep it. I... You..." I shake my head and spread my paws as if fending him off. "Don't even let me see it. If I read it, I'd go crazy just trying to keep it secret. And if I didn't go crazy, someone would figure it out and force it out of me. I... Thank you. But I couldn't. There's no way I could just... hold it."

When I finally gather myself enough to look up at the goblin again, he's staring at me, confusion plain on his face, but with a faint, incredulous smile on his lips. "You really do care about this stuff. Are... Isn't this just...? I can't sell it because I can't betray my people, but... Aren't you betraying your own people, NOT taking it from me?"

I stop, and stare at him. "...Did you bring these diagrams here so I could... do the right thing for my people, and betray you?"

He blinks several times at that. "No! That's-- what-- I mean, n-not... Not really? I don't... think so?"

"Then seriously, what was your plan here? How did you see this going?"

He shrugs with his entire body. "I don't know! I thought... I don't know. I guess I just..." His eyes fall to his hands, which fall open and limp in his lap. "I just... needed to know if you would. I didn't have to show up or anything, I could've just never met with you again. But... I said I'd bring you what I could find, and... I couldn't deal with not knowing if you were really... like that. If you'd do that."

"So your plan was to get shot and robbed, betraying your people in the process?"

"My plan was you're a jackass and shut up!"

"You literally didn't think about what you'd do if I wasn't an asshole."

"I figured that would be a much smaller problem to deal with, I guess!"

"I feel like I've learned a lot about you tonight, and still do not understand a single gods damned thing."

"You're the one that doesn't make any sense! Aren't you-- isn't it going to... be bad, if you go back without these? Even if they don't know, won't it... eat at you?"

I sigh at length. "It... might, a little. But not really for the same reasons. And it's still better than the alternative." I meet his eye and smile faintly.

He frowns, searching my face, and finally throws his hands up in exasperation. "Well, that just makes me the asshole, doesn't it!"

I shake my head. "It's not the same thing. It won't hurt me like it would hurt you. Besides, even if your people can't use those anytime soon... maybe they'll make the difference someday." I stare at the bag for a moment, then at him. "Keep them. Put them somewhere safe, and find the right person to give them to. I want to say that once we're on our feet, we'd spread the wealth, but... I guess it's true some of us can be assholes, so I can't be sure of that." My eyes drift over his shoulder for a moment as I turn the whole mess over in my head. "...Maybe I can even help you guys out a little sometime. It's no way to live, not having hope for the future."

He's silent for a long moment, considering my words. "...Yeah?"

I shrug. "I'm not exactly the brightest guy that ever learned to read dead languages, but sure. Bring lots of junk to trade, we'll figure something out."

He grins. "Yeah. Yeah, I'll bring tons. Now, you want some? I'm hungry, I was counting on selling you something at least. Or dying." He stoops over and opens his pack-- and a sheaf of ancient papers poke out.

I cover my eyes. "You fucking put the vital diagrams upon which the fate of the world resides on TOP?"

"I didn't want you to hafta dig around in here to find them."

"You are the most considerate murder victim I've ever met."

"Not that. I've got everything organized just right, didn't want you turning my pack out and-- ah!" My heart leaps at the sound of ancient paper fluttering. "Davis, grab it! The fire!!"

"NO!" I leap forward, blinking my eyes open against the glare of the flame, flailing to snatch up-- nothing. I look up, and he's holding the sheaf with one hand while the other holds back his chortling laughter.

I sag, and he bursts out laughing.

"I won't shoot you," I grate, blushing brightly, "but I make no promises about beating you with firewood!"