soic

Ivan Shishkin Master Study

Added 2023-04-12 21:53:43 +0000 UTC

A study of an Ivan Shishkin landscape, created in Procreate.

Since I've found a procedure I'm relatively confident in, I need to broaden my studies to environments in preparation for full illustrations, though, I must admit, my morale's recently plummeted...

Due to nature of my work and limited affiliations, I'm ineligible for all but one annual grant...if won, I could afford art supplies, equipment, most, importantly, instruction and feedback from a class or teacher...I put all of my best pieces into the application, yet was denied nonetheless: an entire year of hopes and planes, dashed by another's whim...

At my current level, I know skill isn't the issue: I've received high praise from renowned artists, numerous job opportunities, commission request, and invitations to sell art at local galleries...I'm honestly unsure what more I could've done to demonstrate my potential, my dedication, but it starkly reminds of all I've failed to accomplish thus far: no peers, no community, no large audience...I seem to find success everywhere, except where I want it to be...

Ability alone won't lift Soic to its potential, a network's equally important apparently...over the next year, I'll attempt to cultivate one, but to say I don't feel hopeless would be disingenuous...I'm still far from the artist I wish to be, but don't understand to proceed...I fear I'll never be happy, confident, or content with my work, I'll never find what I seek...I can't even tell if I'm on the right path or destined to for perpetual obscurity...I'm tired of solving every problem myself, of feeling punished for my technical mistakes, yet weathered by a sense of required perfectionism...I'm tired of watching other, lesser artists triumph while I question if even the people I love still believe in me...I wish this phase of my life would finally pass... regardless, I'll continue to work, to study, to push my art beyond its currently limitations 'til I create inspirational, realistic, immersive images to accurately share my vision...

Thank you for your support and patience,