Applying Exotic Metaphysics (Truth, 19.5)

So.

That was it.

That was the missing piece. The Mystery I needed.

“... It’s KINMUNE all over again.” I said. “Thot-box. I’m the Thot. Lorkhan is the Box.”

“I’m afraid I don’t know what that means,” Sotha Sil said. I just focused.

Lorkhan was nothing. Had nothing. It was a hollow shell. Mindless, soulless. Heart removed, body split asunder. Left to wander the stars, to bestow Shezzarines upon the world.

But when one human, one Maria got connected, lensed through the hole in the world that was the Missing God, with the Warp in the West, nine timelines split apart. Eight reconvened. One was left, spinning out into nothingness. 

Lorkhan was like a title, a listed entry in the database of the world with no actual data. A labelled folder in a filing cabinet with nothing in it.

But in that moment, when the ninth timeline faded, Divayth Fyr and Yagrum Bagarn found me. A mind and memory unmoored from reality by the power of Numindium. Paperwork in the folder. A proper existence. 

When they summoned me, Creatia from the waters of oblivion served as a body. Reconstructed from my mind, from my belief as to how my body worked. Something too alien, too unlike what the godmind conceived of… and the hatred of the Earthbones.

The world hated me because they saw who I was. They thought I tricked them.

Manatsoni, the Hist Tree, gave me her soul. A bridge between the essence and mind- and from that moment, I belonged. I was a person.

The Serpent-Eating-Shadow ritual. Sep, the hungry serpent from redguard folklore. I could see it now. That’s why I could connect to it. That hunger, reoriented toward shadows, toward possibilities. 

The Heart of Lorkhan. I’d banished it, made it forgotten. But now… I remembered what I’d done. I’d put it into Lyg.

The Un-stone for the Un-tower… Chim-El Gharjyg. It was forgotten. And with being forgotten, it had become purified.

I went to Lyg... and subconsciously… I needed it back. I wanted it back. So I brought it back.

The blue gem flickered from my brow to my hand. I turned it over in my palm, like turning a coin from tails back to heads again. Thump.

Seht tensed, leaning back. I was holding the Heart of Lorkhan in my hand. Thump.

“I see.” I said. Thump.

I turned it back again. A small blue gem.

Everything was making sense again. Everything was coming together.

I’d had good Maria-reasons for doing things… but I could see the Shezarr-reasons for them as well, now.

I’d helped Sheogorath and Jyggalag, because it was their choice. Because they wanted to walk the Amaranth.

I’d faced the Hist because it was my mother’s request. I’d faced the Hist because they wanted to ruin my path, halt my world.

I’d stopped the Crisis because I cared about Martin, Emylee, about Kirat, about the Empire. I’d stopped the Crisis because Nirn was for mortality.

I’d saved Dagoth Ur because it was Kirat’s wish. I’d saved him because the Heart had become corrupted by the hatred of Auriel, and it was my responsibility to purify it.

“... What now?” Sotha Sil asked. “Do you intend on punishing me, if Nerevar has not?”

“Why?”

“For my creation.” He says. “If your existence is antithetical to my goals… Then it would be your nature to destroy it.”

“I’m not an asshole. That would be poor thanks for helping me,” I said. “And besides. You’re walking the path, too. It’s not the way it was intended, but…”

Pain and struggle is what made the finite into the infinite. What made a spark into a blaze. What turned a single mortal into an ever-blooming flower, into a creator of worlds. But it wasn’t the only way.

Like the Daedra, Seht wasn’t yet Amaranth… but if any of them succeed, if they build something true and real, then what’s the difference?

“I wish you luck.” I said. “Besides. As soon as I tell Kirat how to get to you, she’ll be the one to decide how she feels. It’s not really my place.”

“I see.” He says.

“Thank you for your help,” I said, and slowly got up. I looked around for the Mazed ring for a moment- before realizing I’d dropped it, back when I was fighting that monster.

Then again. It’s not as if I needed it anymore.

I am a Thing of Fiction, I thought, and ceased to be.
====

I am Maria Manatsoni, and I exist, I stepped out into Tel Veyond. 

The hole in my chest was gone. In it, the small blue gem sat.

I could instantly feel the Earthbones. It was like a chain around my neck. As long as I walked on mortal ground, I’d be limited to their rules. Restrained. If I tried to push, the Earthbones would push back… and I could see Nirn shattering under the strain.

And that meant I had a choice to make. 

Now that I knew what I was, I could embrace it. I could ascend as a Prince. Go to Lyg. Make it true and real. Take the Ancestor Lizards there, the pack. Be a resource to assist the mortal world and protect Aurbis.

Or. I could stay. Discard godhood. Embrace being Maria. Live in Tel Veyond, work on my alchemy. Prepare for Alduin, work against the Thalmor. If I restrain myself, I’m no different than any other Shezzarine.

Two possibilities. Two choices.

I glanced down at the blue gem in my palm again, and closed my eyes for a moment.

I stood in the courtyard, enjoying the wind in my hair.

I made my choice.

I turned the gem over in my palm… and let go.

Like that, I felt a weight lift off my shoulders. A chain loosen around my chest. The extra awareness, the divinity I’d only just learned I could touch. Not gone… but on vacation, elsewhere. Outside of me.

When I opened my eyes, I was standing before me.

She was holding the Heart of Lorkhan in her palm. The hole in her chest yawned wide. Human feet and toes dug into the grass and dirt. A single constellation lay bare on her shoulder- a serpent.

She’d made the other choice.

“Fuck yeah, Shadow magic.” She said.

“Fuck yeah,” I responded. 

“If the Heart is mine, and if Lyg is mine-” Shezarr said.

“I keep Shadowrend, and Sessalan.” I continued. “And Tel Veyond.”

“Of course.” She says. She holds out a humanoid hand to me. It’s translucent, already fading. The Dragonfires, now, too, were pushing against her. “But I get to keep Mannimarco.”

“You can have him.” I rolled my eyes, and pushed my palm against hers.

Shezarr giggled, and vanished.

Missing again.