Patreon, R&P Q&A #195: Week 96 **note 1st december

Goal updates for the week: Goal 1 – No real updates here. Continuing to lift through the deloading phase. I’ve noticed my plateaus are getting closing together before I have to deload again. Currently researching the body recomposition info that was mentioned last week (hat tip to OYS). Goal 2 – 3 approaches this past weekend. 2 made the 10 minute mark, didn’t get the number either time. Overall continuing the process, but no real updates here either. Goal 3 – Listening to your most recent batches of mids watch I’ve had the time to reflect on my situation and realize that I’ve been way too much like “a rock” as opposed to “the oak” throughout the dread over the last couple of years (with no sex over two years I’m sure I dialed up the dread too quickly), especially through the comfort tests. Dread is more tuned now and adjusted when she’s meeting my expectations vs. when she’s not (still only smashing once a week). I do get a lot more comfort tests now, likely from failing the first main event and then struggling through the second. I’m in step 3 of the test phase where I realize I’m screwing up right after my first sentence, then I have to readjust to reset the conversation or STFU. Duty sex is coming shortly after the comfort tests, which makes me wonder if it’s hysterical bonding or actual desire.

What do you want man? She threw some top tier bullshit your way. Read what she said as, I want all the benefits of being a wife with absolutely no reciprocation, you can go rent that. Then threatened to take your kids. That is a level of disrespect I wouldn't tolerate. My advice: Fuck her. Prepare for war. I can see you're conflicted. As was I. The heart wants what the heart wants, but unfortunately many times it is either a lie or unrealistic. Women aren't stupid. She said what she said knowing exactly what repercussions could come of it. As for travel tell her you aren't going. And your response when she asks is "you know full fucking well why". And do not say another thing. She takes you for granted. Let someone else appreciate you for however long that lasts.

I wish I’d watched yesterdays episode before last night. That was my first mistake. Yesterday morning, I made a comment about my wife being annoying. On reflection is was not cocky funny but mean. My wife threw a temper tamper and then started a silent treatment. I ignored and went about my day. I decided that I had made a mistake. Later in the evening, I mistakenly decided to defuse the situation by offering a “Clinton” / fogging apology. She blew up. Thermonuclear shitty comfort test or just straight cunty behavior. Some real venom. I was called a raging narcissist, accused of not respecting her or caring about what goes on in her life, demeaning her intelligence and earning potential to her and in front of others. She had apparently dwelled on that fact that several months ago, when she told me that I hadn’t told her “ I love you,” in two years and I’d responded “your keeping count?” Then I got told that the worst for her is that she still loves me. But, sex was off the table (“she didn’t want me pawing her”) and I could go find a prostitute. But she doesn’t want a divorce for the children. She doesn’t know if things can be fixed. But if we do divorce, she’s going to fight to take the kids back to the state we moved from. I fogged once or twice and just stood there silent. I should have used controlled anger regarding the sex comments. I changed and went for a walk for an hour or two. Thought of a lot of stupid things to go say. But I didn’t. I came home and took some melatonin and then finally went to sleep. I decided a few things last night. One, the lack of respect she is feeling is really her picking up on some of my latent anger that we don’t have sex more (it lines up with the dry spell we’d had over the last 2 months). Two, the dry spell wasn’t just life getting in the way. Rather, I’d effectively been given a ILYBINILWY speech. I’m not attractive to her. Regardless, We’re right in line with the PFP timeline for her to leave (youngest kid is 4.5 years old). So, The marriage is dead. Thought I was prepared but I have a slight twinge of melancholy about it. Anyways, I reviewed the better beta divorce guide. I’d let gym and diet slide recently, and I’d already started back up every other day last Saturday. Now I’m going to workout everyday to deal with anxiety (which is already high due to a difficult case I’m lead on going to trial later this month). I also did household chores this morning to stay busy. We didn’t talk until I was about to leave. This was another mistake, but I spoke with her and pointed out the double bind she’d put me in. If I asked her about the tough sounding day she had yesterday, then it looked like I was only trying to placate her after last night. If I didn’t ask then that reinforced the idea I didn’t care. Still, I inquired. Her body language suggested a thawing of emotions, but she demurred because she didn’t want to dwell on yesterday. On reflection, I think this was still supplicative which is not attractive. But she had a point that I wasn’t at least curious about what was going on in her life. First question for feedback. How should I treat the no sex statement? I read this as a “every unhappy wife is a grape victim” situation. Do I let it lie for a few days/weeks then slowly start physical touch, following the decarlo escalation? I know there is the post about slowly reintroducing touch but I also remember it being shit upon too. Second question. The annoying part of this is that we’re supposed to travel next weekend for her graduation. I don’t want to be around her or her family at this point. Im keeping in my the Dalrocks threatpoint analaysis. But I also just don’t want to engage with her or her family because I feel like anything I say is going to be thrown in my face. Should I make up some excuse not to travel?

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