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Am i leading or kidding myself . this may start like a batman origin but its not, its my progress. for the last 12 months i have been focusing a lot on me, the gym, my interests, seing friends more often socially. I put myself first, i dress well, for work and socially. i am 6kg bigger, currently 5"11 at 80kg and still gaining. i am getting better at my verbal skills, there is room for improvment here. I have only in the last few weeks overcoming approach anxiety, i now find it easy to open strangers, so i am currently working on expanding the ramble confortably as layed out in day bang, but night game i am having fun with it. i am better at night game but working on both. 3 spereate nights, catch and release, i have been able to pretty quickly and easily escelate to a point where they were very interested, 2 wanted to kiss. one would follow me around all night, pretty confident to ould have gone much further with all three. im more confident and attractive then i have ever been. Im not scared of initiating, i can handle getting rejected pretty well, 85 percent of the time. There is all of the above that i have been working on sucesfully, it has made a difference with the wife, but its just gone from shit to less shit. she asks opinion on decisions. the sexual rejections come pretty sharp and swift. hard no comes quicker than it used to despite constantly seperating sex from intimacy where i can.( i get rejected from this sometimes too.) I get average sex 2-3 times a month, more than half of this is negotiated desire (i am working on killing this). She is combative at times, she calls me controlling when i try to direct her behavior infront of the kids. anything she does is for the house or the kids, not for me. if it is for me it is done begrudgingly. yells at the kids sometimes, i tell her we arent those shity parents, sometimes it works other times she just ends up yelling at me in front of the kids which is something i fucking hate. I think i am doing well at the dread part, i am understanding the verbal skills part, but i may not be a captian for the family. bleow is a breakdown of how the household is run. Money- We are both great with money. she has no credit card, i make the financial decisions, she is quite frugal. always shops on discount, never had a credit card, i trust her with money completely. She pays all of the bills with her wage. she asks me if she s going to fall a little short, she spends a very small amount of money on stuff for the house or kids. i handle the savings, and the investments. The only arguments here is when she wants to do something around the house, and i put a timeline on it, its usually something that is a good idea, but it will be done only after a good amount of time to spread out spending on the house. no mortgage, we re in a good position. I handle booking car stuff, renovation stuff, i can fix most things myself, i get around to everything at slow pace. i do 30percent f school runs, we are able to take tuns when the kids are sick. (this could be improveed by having a list and knocking it out on weeknights) she effectivly runs the Household/kids She works 3 days a week. 1 day off by hersef, and 1 day with the 4 yo She does all the laundry. wash/fold/change bedsheets and towels she does all o the kids lunch. packs the kids bag every morning and unpacks it most nights. she reads with the 7 year old for school and does her schoolwork with her. she will buy the birthday presents, christmas presents, cards etc she will put get the mail, open, organise bill to pay in what order ( she is a accountant for work, she does this perfectly, this works well for us) on the weekends, when we go out as a family, she backs and orgnises the bag for the day. she will help get the kids ready for school, do their hair. she has their uniform out the night before. im not sitting on my ass while all of this happens. I do breakfast every morming while she gets ready. she may do the kids lunch while i am cooking everyone dinner or bathing the kids. or i am reading beditme stories and putting them to sleep. when we are both home, we are both doing things, i would play with them more, she aknowleges that i am very active dad in their life. we bothe tidy, She does all of the forward planning. All of it. she is a very organised person, I AM NOT. ill help tidy up, and im always doing what needs to be done, but when i see her organinsing uniforms the night before, fuck i just am not wired that way at all. From this i get a lot of shit "you dont do anything"... i mean, i know this is bullshit. tonight i got, " i organized and did everything for today, you just show up" this was said while she had been laying in bed the past 2 hours while i made th kids dinner, got them ready for bed and put them to bed. I know this is going on a bit, im trying to figure out if im the problem here. i dont show inititave when it comes to household duties that are not mine (washing/cleaaning/kids orgnaisation) because they are taken care of. Is this Me Not Leading? Field report. resisting my lead. My duaghter had been hot and sweatty in bed the last few nights when i have taken her to the toilet. she has blanket, flanelette sheets, long cotton nightie, long flanelette pants, socks. this happens the foirst part of the night, sometimes i just take her socks off. i put her to bed wife is in bed already i tell wife "she is pretty hot in there" she said "i usualy just take off her blanket" i go in she is particularly hot and sweaty. its 9pm, i take off her socks, and flanelette pants, leaving her with long cotton nightie, and underware and blankets/sheets. i tell wife later at 1030 pm when i come to bed, she said "did you take off her blanket?" "no i took off some clothes" "why would you just disregurd me what i said. i said pull the blanket off !!" i usually take her socks off, honey i got this, ill check on her in a fewhours" "she is naked in there, shell freeze, she wakes up cold in the morning" "ill check on her in few hours" "why wouldnt yo listen to me, why would you disreguard what i said. " "ive had enough of this, i keep saying it and your not listening" "Ill check on her in a few hours, i would like to go to sleep, if you want to talk about this we can in the morning "why would you just disregurd me what i said. i said pull the blanket off !!" "Ill check on her in a few hours" then a bit of controlled anger and it really shut it down well. she mumbled a bit of shit afterwards but i was able to go to sleep. shecked on her in a few hours, she was a little cool, i put her pants back on, lft the socks off, no problem. she brought this up in a seperate agrument the follwing day, about not jumping to attention the seccond she said to do something, i finished my conversion i was having first, then i came to where she needed me. i got the whole "completely disreguarding me" shit over and over. Can all of this shit be the PFP nothing being good enough phase or things get worse before they get better.
moby dick
2023-05-28 11:59:29 +0000 UTC
